We Are Not Ourselves: A Novel

by Matthew Thomas

Paperback, 2015

Status

Available

Genres

Description

"Born in 1941, Eileen Tumulty is raised by her Irish immigrant parents in Woodside, Queens, in an apartment where the mood swings between heartbreak and hilarity, depending on whether guests are over and how much alcohol has been consumed. Eileen can't help but dream of a calmer life, in a better neighborhood. When Eileen meets Ed Leary, a scientist whose bearing is nothing like those of the men she grew up with, she thinks she's found the perfect partner to deliver her to the cosmopolitan world she longs to inhabit. They marry, and Eileen quickly discovers Ed doesn't aspire to the same, ever bigger, stakes in the American Dream. Eileen encourages her husband to want more: a better job, better friends, a better house, but as years pass it becomes clear that his growing reluctance is part of a deeper psychological shift. An inescapable darkness enters their lives, and Eileen and Ed and their son Connell try desperately to hold together a semblance of the reality they have known, and to preserve, against long odds, an idea they have cherished of the future. Through the Learys, novelist Matthew Thomas charts the story of the American Century, particularly the promise of domestic bliss and economic prosperity that captured hearts and minds after WWII. The result is a powerfully affecting work of art; one that reminds us that life is more than a tally of victories and defeats, that we live to love and be loved, and that we should tell each other so before the moment slips away. Epic in scope, heroic in character, masterful in prose, We Are Not Ourselves is a testament to our greatest desires and our greatest frailties."--… (more)

User reviews

LibraryThing member bookchickdi

One of the books that was getting the most buzz at this year's Book Expo was Matthew Thomas' debut novel, We Are Not Ourselves. The 600 page tome delves into the life of Eileen Tumulty Leary, a girl born to Irish immigrants in 1941.

Her father, called Big Mike, was the man that all of the guys in

the neighborhood turned to for advice and a drink. Big Mike spent much of his time at the local bar, holding court and drinking whiskey. The Tumultys lived in a two bedroom apartment, sharing one bedroom with three single beds and the second bedroom belonged to Mr. Kehoe, a quiet boarder.

After Eileen's mother became pregnant and miscarried, she spent months in the hospital. Upon her return home, she was a different woman. She began to drink, and it was up to Eileen to care for not only her father, but now her mother as well. It was a big burden for a young girl.

Eileen knew the way out of her troubles was getting an education. She was smart and worked hard to become a nurse. Her goal was to get into the middle-class. She knew the key to this was marrying a man who shared her dreams. She wanted a man with her father's best qualities:
"She wanted to find a man who was like him, but who hadn't formed as hard an exterior; someone fate had tested, but who had retained a little more innocence. Someone who could rise above the grievances life had put before him. If her father had a weakness, that was it. There were other ways to be strong. She wasn't blind to them.
She wanted a man whose trunk was thick but whose bark was thin, who flowered beautifully, even if only for her."
Eileen found that man in Edwin Leary, a research scientist. After a rocky first blind date, they fell in love and married. Eileen felt sure that they were on their way to being solidly middle-class American. They both had good jobs, and buying a home wouldn't be far behind.

She believed that Ed would climb the ladder at work, and when he was offered a job working for a pharmaceutical company, making a lot more money, she was bewildered when he turned it down. Ed wanted to teach students at a local college. He also worked endlessly on his research, leaving Eileen and their young son Connell alone for long stretches of time.

It began to dawn on Eileen that maybe Ed didn't want the same things she did. She wanted to keep moving forward, he was content for things to stay the same. The eccentricities she had noticed while courting and thought romantic had "curdled into pathologies. What had been charmingly independent became fussy and self-defeating."

After years of this stasis, Eileen became determined to buy a home. Their neighborhood in Queens was becoming much more diverse, the Irish residents moving away. Eileen looked at homes in Bronxville, closer to her and Ed's work and a place where there was more space.

She found a dilapidated home that needed a great deal of work to make it livable, and after many arguments and Ed saying he was never leaving Queens, she insisted and they bought the house. Soon after, it became apparent that Ed's eccentricities and rages were more than personality quirks; there was something wrong.

Ed was diagnosed with early Alzheimer's. Their world changed overnight and everything Eileen had worked and hoped for was gone. Their place in middle-class America was in jeopardy. Ed had to hide his condition from his employer in order to make it to retirement in 18 months where he would made $1400 more per month than if he left his job now.

Eileen had to make sure she kept her job for ten more years to get to retirement. She saw a lawyer friend who advised her to divorce Ed in order to keep her assets separate, and then Ed would be eligible for Medicaid. What an indictment of the American healthcare system that this is the best option.

Eileen is determined to care for Ed at home, and that becomes increasingly difficult. She hires a man to care for him during the day while she works, and comes home to care for him at night.

We Are Not Ourselves tells not only Eileen's story, but it is ours too. We want what Eileen wants: love, family, satisfying work, a home of our own, our part of the American dream. We are willing to work hard for it, but along the way things happen that can derail our lives. How we deal with the bumps along the road, big and small, will define us.

I loved this beautiful, sad, heartbreaking novel. Eileen is not a perfect woman; her inability to show affection for her son caused both of them much pain. But when the chips were down, Eileen showed her true colors. She did what most us do: step up, soldier on, and do the best we can, even if that sometimes wasn't enough.

There were so many things that made my heart hurt here. When Eileen's mother is on her deathbed after years of sobriety, she tells Eileen that she wishes she hadn't stopped drinking. She would have given everything she had a way for another drink. That just killed me.

Eileen's relationship with her son was a heartbreaker too. Connell couldn't step up when she needed him to, and he was willing to throw away everything Eileen and Ed had worked for and hoped for him. Eileen's rage and disappointment is palpable on the page.

We Are Not Ourselves is the kind of book that you savor as you're reading, devouring it all and occasionally closing the book to contemplate the beautiful language and story. And when I finished it, I wanted to open it again and start re-reading it, wanting to experience it again and yet regretting that I will never read this stunning book for the first time again. But I know this will be a book I turn to again and again.

Frequently books that have such hype can't possibly live up to the expectations. Do not fear, We Are Not Ourselves not only does that, but exceeds it.

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LibraryThing member pdebolt

This remarkable debut novel chronicles sixty years in the life of Eileen Tumulty. Eileen is the only child of Irish immigrants living in a tiny apartment. At an early age, Eileen assumes a mantle of responsibility for her mother due to the haze of alcoholism that surrounds the family. Eileen is

determined to find a way out of this lifestyle, and this determination is characteristic of her throughout the book. When she meets and marries Ed Leary, a respected research scientist and teacher, she believes that she has found someone who shares her dreams of a better life. When their son, Connell, is born, Eileen's intensity about improving their place in the world escalates even more while Ed is content with what they already have. When Ed's early descent into a disease from which there is no return occurs, Eileen's determination and resilience are tested beyond any imaginings.

Matthew Thomas writes with a poignancy and clarity that define his style and impact this book. These are characters who are doing their best in life-altering situations, and the details of their life are vivid and heartbreaking. I regretted when this novel ended due to the strong connection with the characters who came alive on its pages. Matthew Thomas is a gifted writer and this is a story I will long remember.

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LibraryThing member c.archer

This was a real emotional challenge. It is a massive book that covers many years in the life of a family, from the 40's through 2011. The characters are real and transparent.
The bulk of the book deals with the experiences of each of family that develop their characters, and motivate and shape their

personalities and responses to each other. They are complex individuals who form a family that is both flawed yet committed.
Another key focus is the love story between Eileen and Ed. They make all the usual mistakes and fail in so many ways to understand and appreciate each other, yet their love story is both poignant and eternal. For me it was one of the most beautiful parts of the book. Eileen's dedication to Ed proves extraordinary, but it was actually painful to see how it plays out. It tugged at my heart, as did the relationship between Connell and both of his parents.
The feelings that this book brought out in me were similar to those I experienced while watching several of my favorite movies: "Ordinary People", "Kramer vs. Kramer", and "Steel Magnolias". If you found any connection to these movies, you will also enjoy "We Are Not Ourselves". Rather than action, mystery or humor, this book focuses on a family and its dynamics. It is quite beautiful, and will certainly leave a lasting impression on me.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read and review this book.

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LibraryThing member loosha

This poignant complex character driven story kept my eyes wide open for its entire 600 pages. Eileen struggles since her lonely childhood to rise above her unenviable situation. The right husband seems to be the key and she chooses carefully, but Ed turns out to have a different kind of ambition

than she. In spite of this, she finds a house to move into with Ed and their bullied son Connell, a house that suits here desires from the outside, but is crumbling at its bones.
When Ed is found to be a victim of early onset Alzheimer's the book takes on a more somber tone, the sufferer and the carers finding ways to deal with each other. Beautifully written and right on the mark, anyone who had dealt with cognitive deterioration will find this really difficult to read but even harder to put down.

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LibraryThing member thewanderingjew

We Are Not Ourselves, Matthew Thomas, author,
Although the illness of Ed Leary is at the heart of this story because he morphs into someone who is no longer himself, the tale is really Eileen Tumulty’s. It explores her early childhood and takes the reader right up to her old age. She was brought

up in a middle class neighborhood. Her dad was the neighborhood go-to guy. He held court and offered advice in the local bar after his workday ended and before he went home for dinner, which was always at the same assigned hour, served by her mother. He was content with his narrow life although his wife was not, and she eventually became an alcoholic. It was Eileen who took control and sent her mom to AA. This was to be Eileen’s persona as she grew up. She took charge and made things happen, often at the expense of others; although she was considerate, she seemed most interested in her own happiness first. She had the ability to move on with her life and not look back. She only dealt with those things that she could cope with comfortably, and she looked away from everything else as if it never happened. She worked when she had to, in order to get a good education, and eventually became a nurse. While pursuing a Master’s Degree, she met Ed Leary, ironically, a research scientist with expertise in the workings of the brain. He, like her father, was content with a mediocre kind of life, tending to the needs of others before himself. He refused promotions in favor of teaching those less fortunate and remained working at the Community College until circumstances forced him to leave.
Ed and Eileen married and had one child, Connell. Connell, like his mom, seemed to serve his own needs first, but also like his dad, enjoyed assisting others. They seemed like a good, upwardly mobile family, but they were really not on the move. Time passed, they moved from one home to another because of Eileen’s persistence, but basically, Ed remained where he was, never accepting advancement, and so he never grew. When misfortune struck, Eileen did take control once again, although, she really had no choice. She tried her best to cope with the situation she faced, but sometimes put her own needs before the needs of those most in need of her support. She was not always where she should be, by choice, but still she was in charge and made demands and compromises when necessary, especially after Ed’s unfortunate diagnosis.
The author dissects the family’s decline as the devastating disease that had no cure and no remission became an enormous burden to bear. The story carefully examines the varying reactions of those close to the family and the family members as Ed’s disease developed further and further until it was hard to recognize him as the man he once was. He deteriorated physically, mentally and emotionally. Through the narrative the author explores the issues that must be faced by the family members in order to cope with the new financial and emotional needs of both the victim and those that serve them.
Eileen does the best she can, but in the end wonders if her best was really the best she could have done. Guilt haunts Eileen and her son Connell. He was just a teenager, about to graduate High School when his father became ill, and it is only a few years later that the toll it takes on him is obvious.
The carefully drawn picture of Ed’s steady downward progression and Eileen’s desperate reactions, sometimes inappropriate and unexpected, gave the most meaning to the story. However, there seemed to be several long-winded and excessive descriptions that went on and on. The extra dialogue went off tangentially, lending nothing further to the story. Because of the excessive wordiness, after awhile, the story felt like one long eulogy whose purpose was to over involve and overwhelm the reader emotionally in much the same way as the narrator of the audio book seemed overwhelmed portraying the character totally on the basis of feelings and leaving out any intellectual interpretation. Perhaps, I would have liked Eileen more if the narrator’s tone hadn’t been so cloying. The reader sometimes over emoted in inappropriate moments, which almost mocked what she was describing rather than lending it the appropriate gravitas that it required. I also read the print copy for clarification of some points, and I think the print copy was superior.
The best part of the book is its exploration of Alzheimer’s Disease and how it effects others, besides the victim. It points out that the ability to communicate may not be the problem, rather it is the lack of communication that is at the heart of most of life’s crises. The guilt and shame that often follow in the wake of illness and death is most often misplaced. The book attempts to do too much. There is too much philosophy, too much emotion, too much description. Nothing is really left to think about because the author attempts to provide all of the answers.
In the end, the lack of communication between those that could and those that couldn’t, created chaos and misunderstandings, failures of purpose and moments of misconduct. Sometimes it necessitated starting life over again.

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LibraryThing member m.belljackson

Powerful story, though too frequently slow moving and repetitive with Big Mike Tumulty the only character I liked and who disappeared too early...
Eileen, with her unmanageable and unrelenting materialism and domination of her son, and her son, with his passive refusal to move into his own strength,

did not command any loyalty. I wound up skipping a lot of predictable parts.

And, why not give dying Grandma the final whiskey SHE craved???

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LibraryThing member chrisblocker

This is one of those books. You know the type. Highly praised with considerable hype. Epic and beautiful in many ways. Wonderfully rendered, but perhaps not tightly edited. We Are Not Ourselves seems to be many stories in one, and I'm not convinced this approach was in the best interest of the

novel. At times, it even felt like other stories I'd read. Here it feels like Brooklyn. Here A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. And here, The Corrections (of Brooklyn?). Perhaps it is a result of feeling too much like so many other stories that We Are Not Ourselves doesn't stand out to me for its own merits. It's a fine story—nothing wrong here at all save perhaps need for a tighter storyline—but it's not one that will stick with me long. In fact, ask me now for a summary of the story and I promise my response will be shorter than this review.

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LibraryThing member jmchshannon

Eileen and Ed are a perfect example of the attraction of opposites. Eileen is a force of nature. Determined, committed, and stubborn, she knows what she wants and does not stop until she achieves it. Ed is the yin to her yang. Where she is forceful, he is unassuming. Where she is aspiring to

greater heights, he keeps her grounded to reality. Together, they form a lovely example of marriage, its compromises, its hills and valleys, and the work that goes into a long-lasting relationship.

When things do start going downhill though, for reasons that readers will glean much sooner than Eileen is willing to face the truth, what follows is nothing but heartache, the kind that tears through one’s gut and rips one apart. What befalls Ed is such an ugly disease, and everything he does to prevent the inevitable is devastating once one knows what is happening.

That this all occurs while their son is still young and impressionable is one of the more tragic elements of the story, in a story that is almost too difficult to read at times. Connor must deal with watching his father’s very slow and humiliating decline in addition to facing the pressures of adolescence. His struggles will leave no one surprised, but that makes them no less difficult to watch unfold.

For readers who know of someone who is currently suffering from the same disease as Ed or has watched a loved one decline in the same fashion, We Are Not Ourselves is a very difficult story to read. Mr. Thomas captures the suffering of all involved, the guilt of those left behind, and the simple unfairness of a disease that takes a loved one away so cruelly. He even takes it one step further by showing just how the simple act of watching a parent suffer through the disease can impact a child’s actions and decisions. In many ways, We Are Not Ourselves raises awareness of the silent suffering of patients and families, and one can only hope that readers will hear the message and do anything they can to help find a cure or a preventative measure for this ruthless disease.

It is worth noting that my father-in-law is suffering from a similar fate as Ed. While he is not as young as Ed, much of what Eileen and Connor experience is almost exactly the same as what my mother-in-law faces on a daily basis and has for the last five years. To say that We Are Not Ourselves affected me personally is an understatement. There were times that I could not read any further that a few pages. As it was, I could only read this story in short bursts. Everything about it is so raw and so powerful that it put me into an emotional tailspin. I mentioned the novel to my husband but quickly decided that this was one book I would not let him read. He is living through the novel as it is; there is no need to make him experience it in print as well. My response to the story was so visceral that I would caution any reader with firsthand experience with a dementia disease on reading We Are Not Ourselves. Sometimes, especially with such diseases, there is such a thing as too much.

We Are Not Ourselves is intense and uninhibited and beautiful. Eileen suffers so much throughout her life but maintains a majestic dignity through it all. Yet, she is nothing special. She is every woman, and every woman is Eileen. Her bond with Ed is special, which makes the end so much more difficult to bear. Mr. Thomas gets everything correct about such diseases, and the picture he paints is every bit as ugly as real life can get. As the baby boomer generation ages, more and more families will experience a similar story to Eileen’s and Ed’s and will understand just how insightful We Are Not Ourselves truly is.

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LibraryThing member mcelhra

We Are Not Ourselves is an epic novel, following Eileen Tumulty from childhood to her golden years. When her son Connell is born, the book follows his life as well. Eileen grows up the daughter of Irish immigrant parents and dreams of a better life. When she meets and marries Ed, she thinks her

dreams will come true. He’s a very intelligent scientist who could go far in his field. Unfortunately for Eileen, he loves teaching at a small college and has no desire to advance and make more money. Later, Eileen wants to move from her neighborhood where she’s lived all her life because people of other races and ethnicities are moving in and that makes her uncomfortable.

Then something happens that forces Eileen’s focus from her dreams. (If you don’t want that something spoiled for you be wary of other reviews!) Her priorities are forced to become different. She wants Connell’s help but he wants nothing more than to get away from his family so that he doesn’t have to deal with their problems.

This book is beautifully written and doesn’t pull any punches. The story is told in alternating third person from Eileen and Connell’s points of view. they They’re multidimensional and have thoughts that make you upset with them and thoughts that make you sympathize with them.

We Are Not Ourselves is over 600 pages, which I was not aware of when I chose it. I was nervous that I would be wasting a huge amount of time reading such a long book. I had nothing to worry about. Even after 600+ pages, I was sad when it ended. I could have read even more about the Leary family. It’s well worth the investment of your time to read. Highly recommended.

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LibraryThing member Copperskye

I don’t like reviewing a book I didn’t finish, but since it’s an early reviewer book, review I must. I managed to get through 181 pages of this 640 page tome before finally deciding to release myself from it. I found it to be overly long, tedious, and repetitive. Eye-rollingly so. I didn't

care about the characters or what happened to them. Perhaps the remaining 459 pages improve, but I’ll never know.

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LibraryThing member aslan7

I am an Irish American from New York, and I thought I would resonate with the characters in this book, but I did not. Of course, that's not the sum and substance of a novel - whether you can see yourself or your people in it, but it seemed that much was made of that quality of this particular book.

Eileen did not remind me of the strong Irish women in my family, nor did Ed of the studious, introverted men. The relationship between Eileen and Ed was not believable to me, and the one between Connell and his mother was also hard to credit. While the settings were familiar, the people were not. I read the first three hundred pages convinced that I would not be able to give this book a good review.

But during the second half of the book the story got more engaging. Following the course of Ed's disease as well as Eileen and Connell's reaction to it, I felt a deepening of the characters and a believability about them. There are some lovely reflections in that part of the book that seem much more heartfelt than the parts in the first half. The interjection of Bethany and Rachael created an interesting tension in the story.

In sum, I have to say that this book would profit by being shorter and tighter. If I had not been reading it as an early reviewer I would not have persevered beyond the first 100 pages.

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LibraryThing member kcshankd

I really warmed to this novel as I read it - though it took a while. Reminds me very much of _Revolutionary Road_, but with a larger, generational scope. I was left especially effected by how many loose ends were left - the angst, the decaying father, the financial woes- that were never resolved

but only muddled through. This is not a comforting story, but an honest one.

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LibraryThing member jeff1124

We Are Not Ourselves is the story of Eileen Tumulty. The daughter of Irish immigrants, Eileen grows up with distant parents in a tiny apartment. Her father is a great guy, a friend to all. He's full of advice and helps people to better themselves. He wants no better for himself. He spends all the

money he makes at the local bar. Eileen's mother becomes an alcoholic. Eileen spends more time taking care of her, than her mother ever spent taking care of her.
Eileen longs for a better life. She wants her own home, she wants friends and respectability. She wants nice things. Her husband is a scientist who is just interested in science. He does not worry about making impressions and does not care to live in a nicer house. He loves his family and lives for his son and his work.
Things start to change and this book ultimately comes to be about family and diversity and how they cope with a devastating, life changing issue. The story takes place beginning in the 40's and goes into the early part of the turn of the century. It is a long, slow book that builds and tells an incredible story that will stick with you for a long time. It is, at times, very difficult to read. The story is so well told, and you care so much about the characters, that you hurt and struggle and cry right along with them as they face all of the issues of a long, eventful life. I would highly recommend this book, but please, set aside plenty of time, because this a book to be savored and contemplated.

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LibraryThing member kgriffith

Featuring believable, well-developed characters who carry us through decades of life, Matthew Thomas's We Are Not Ourselves is an impressive debut novel. While it is not a swift read at 600+ pages, readers will be drawn into the lives of main character Eileen and her family, from her dysfunctional

childhood to the late years of her marriage, surely identifying with one or more of the situations presented throughout.

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LibraryThing member Kimaoverstreet

Don't be intimidated by the thickness of Matthew Thomas' We Are Not Ourselves. It is very readable, and when you're done, odds are you'll wish it was even longer so you could spend a bit more time with Eileen Leary.

In a plain, straightforward yet poignant style I would compare to Alice

McDermott's, readers catch glimpses of Eileen's life. Thomas treats his characters with a quiet sort of dignity. They are not perfect. Not all of them are even likable, but they all seem unequivocally real. Not perfect. Not good. Not bad, just human.

The story was different than I expected based on the blurbs I'd read. To help others with the "Should I read it?" question, I'll try to help with clarification, rather than recapitulating the plot, which one can undoubtedly find elsewhere.

What this novel is about:
-Families, generational differences
-The American dream, treated realistically
-It is character driven, but has a good story too. I was tempted to peek at the last page a few times as I read.

It is not:
-An epic historical novel
-The modern sort of whiny, over emotional relationship novel that literary critics seem to love
-An epic historical family saga
-a book just for women. Thomas does write very well about a female protagonist, but ultimately it is just a human story.

I have already recommended this novel to several friends and will continue to do so. It would make for a great book club discussion.

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LibraryThing member nbmars

This is a very accomplished book that reminded me of Death of A Salesman in its subject matter, tone, universalism, and perceptive look at the American middle class in the changing world of the latter half of the 20th century.

For six decades, we follow the life of Eileen Tumulty Leary and her

Irish-American family. The saga begins in Queens, New York, but as the neighborhood becomes increasingly global in nature, it feels threatening and less prestigious to Eileen. She aspires to move with her husband Ed and son Connell to the more affluent neighborhood of Bronxville, "surrounded by people who looked like her family.”

Like Willy Loman, Eileen is fixated on external markers of success, with a warped understanding of internal value. In fact, a major theme of the book is about how we judge ourselves and judge others - ranging from guilt and self-castigation over unexpressed thoughts to an assessment of worth founded on what sort of car we drive or clothes we wear or even the way we smell.

Ed, eccentric and nerdy, has no interest in accumulating wealth; rather, he is dedicated to continuing his research on rats in a second-rate college. Moreover, he has the quixotic idea (as Eileen would identify it) that what counted in life was not “victories and defeats” but “to love and be loved.”

In spite of Ed’s recalcitrance, Eileen doesn’t give up,and keeps pushing herself, Ed, and Connell, even if she has to scale back her aspirations. When Ed is stricken by early-onset Alzheimer’s Disease, Eileen transfers her relentless dedication to the care and preservation of her husband, and to a fierce determination that Connell succeed in the way she never could.

It is up to Connell then, as the story draws to a close, to decide whether he will pursue the dreams of his mother or honor the lessons from his father. And always, hanging over him, is the frightening specter of genetic possibilities; early-onset Alzheimer’s disease runs in families, and is incurable.

Discussion: The theme of the title is played out in several ways in this story. Most obviously, with the onset of Alzheimer’s Disease, Ed Leary becomes someone else. Like Gregor Samsa in Kafka’s The Metamorphosis (a story Ed’s son Connell teaches to his students), Ed’s thought processes gradually get truncated and more bizarre, and he becomes increasingly burdensome to his family. But Ed’s family never stops loving him, even as he becomes less and less like himself. In fact, both Eileen and Connell insist on thinking of Ed as he used to be, rather than the shell of himself he has become.

But there are other, less obvious, manifestations of not being “ourselves,” from the adoption of social conventions, to the facades put on for social interactions, and even to the “Potemkin Village” of a house that Eileen finally buys - beautiful on the outside, but falling apart in its bones.

Evaluation: This is a moving - often heart-breaking, and well-crafted story with a scope and thematic depth that make it seem like the kind of book taught in schools, or at least, that should be taught in schools. It goes without saying that this would make an excellent choice for book clubs. Highly recommended.

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LibraryThing member phlegmmy

I had a tough time with this book, even though I had high hopes for it when I read the synopsis of it here. I really like the beginning, that delved into Eileen Tumulty's early life and her relationship with her parents, but lost interest in the middle when there was so much detail about the

minutia in her life, so much so that I almost gave up on it as I was almost at the point of not caring about the characters. When it took so long for Eileen, as a nurse, to not realize there was something physically amiss with her husband I wanted to shake her. That middle part of the book just seemed to drag for me, seemed overly long. Luckily the last part of the book redeemed itself and I found it a little more compelling and started to feel more for the characters and what was happening to them. All in all, not a bad book, but for me, just a 3 star book.

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LibraryThing member hairball

This is one of those books that will be/is being described as "sweeping, multigenerational" and epic, and it's receiving really good reviews. However, We Are Not Ourselves left me a little cold, and I'm not quite sure why. I was absorbed enough in the story, but I also really wanted it to end--even

though I like a good Irish immigrant story as much as the next person. I think I found the main character, Eileen, unpleasant. Going into the book, I thought the focus might shift to other characters, giving the length and scope; some chapters did feature other characters, but these weren't regular occurrences, and I would have liked more of them, or not to be teased.

This book isn't really "multigenerational." It's all about Eileen. Sure, the plot takes in her parents, and her child, but with the exception of a couple of chapters at the end of the book to tie up that child's fate (more or less), it's about a single person's life. And that person is pretty unhappy with her life. And after spending 600 pages with her, regardless of how good the writing, I felt pretty down, too.

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LibraryThing member mountie9

The Good Stuff

Beautifully written. Author definitely has talent
Obviously the author has some experience with those affected by Alzheimers and gives the reader some insight in how it affects those with the disease and their family and friends
Incredible character development. You can tell he

obviously took the time to give each and every character a unique voice
I thoroughly enjoyed the early part of the story that dealt with Eileen and her parents
Raw and honest - plenty of damaged characters
Opening chapter intrigued me

The Not so Good Stuff

Honestly I just felt no connection to any of the characters
Not a badly written book in any way, just not my type of story, it left me feeling depressed
Could have used some editing in terms of length - could have been a tighter more intriguing story with some scenes left out
Didn't like the racist overtones - yes it gave some more insight into Eileen's character, but in the long run felt forced and slightly disturbing

Favorite Quotes/Passages

"There were no adults present, so they were exposed to each other without buffering - boys used to being at the top of their class, each now merely one of many."

"Ed laughed and asked the doctor if he was married. The doctor nodded.

"Then it won't surprise you to hear that my wife has been calling the shots as long as we've been married," Ed said, and the Doctor chuckled in husbandly sympathy."

"Watch that low-class language," she snarled, and then she softened her tone. "Oh, hell, 'shit' is right."

3 Dewey's

I received this from Simon and Schuster in exchange for an honest review - sorry for the delay guys - I got kids, they come first ; )

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LibraryThing member honkcronk

Eileen Leary is the main character of this story. She is of Irish ancestry with parents that were far from perfect but each loved her. The author tells the story of her life and family relationships. There are times she was the best person and other times, it was easy to dislike her. Her life is

not perfect nor are her family members. The author exposes the family as only a novelist can do.

Much of the book revolves around some problems that come a bit later in Eileen's life. It is hard to review this book without giving away the plot as most of the characters evolve with their life situations.

There is much to love about this book and I found it to be a very good read. It was a little bit long, but maybe shortening it would cut into the character depictions.

I found the subject (the plot I am not discussing) to be painful. For most people, it would be an education, but my family has gone through this... so reading the book causes me to think more about what happened to my family and how I acted. I would say the book causes me to rethink some of my life decisions.

This is great when a book can do this for the reader.

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LibraryThing member kitkeller

This is a family saga, starting with Eileen Tumulty who is anxious to shed the drag she feels from her Irish roots. I struggled with the long-delayed realization on her part as Edmund's decline becomes more and more obvious. The story is rich in locations and descriptions (for a native New Yorker).

It's a long, long book, but I still didn't want it to end.

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LibraryThing member oldblack

I found this to be a really good book. Long, but well worth persevering though all 620 pages and carrying the 940 grams on my back during my 11 km runs to work each day. In fact, I thought the last 100 pages or so were the best. I have to declare a vested interest: much of the book is about

relating to a person who has Alzheimer's disease, and big chunk of my current life is also spent relating to someone with Alzheimer's. But it's a lot more than just a book about Alzheimer's. It's a story about American culture and family life in the late 20th century. It's especially about father-son relationships, the role of work in a person's life, marriage, Catholicism, racism, and much more. It's Thomas's first novel - he's going to be hard pressed to come up with a second book anywhere near as good as this.

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LibraryThing member Jonri

I was really looking forward to this book and was a bit disappointed.

Part of the problem may be that I am familiar with some of the things the novel describes and got annoyed by some of the errors. For example, early on the mom's description of Regis, the high school her son attends, is realistic.

She is annoyed when someone says that if she had a son, she too would send him to Regis. Eileen says that you don't "send your son to Regis," you pray he gets in. That's true. But later, her son says he is going to go to a posh school in Manhattan on scholarship.

As every Catholic in the archdiocese of New York knows, Regis is free to all attendees. Nobody who actually attends it would say he goes there "on scholarship." Nor would anyone who attends it ever describe it as posh. Describing Regis as posh makes as much sense as describing Stuyvesant or Bronx Science, the public school equivalents, as posh. It's a point of pride among Regians that the school is free; you can't talk to any current student or alum about it for more than 2 minutes without being told that.

Later the son gets involved in speech and debate..well..actually Lincoln-Douglas debate. Again, there are errors in the character's discussion of it.

Now, I realize that there are probably not a heck of a lot of readers who are from NYC who had a kid who participated in L-D debate (though not at Regis). However, I am one and so the errors were annoying.

But apart from that...I just didn't think the book was that good. For me, there were two main problems: (1) The book didn't seem to be able to decide whether the mother or the son was the main character and (2) when the mother was the main character, the way she felt about things wasn't convincing. There are very few contemporary male authors who do a good job describing women's feelings and I won't be adding Thomas to the list.

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LibraryThing member cuicocha

Over 620 pages seemed a trifle long...some editing would not have hurt the flow of the narrative. Primary and supporting characters were believable and fleshed out adequately. Overall, the story was both engrossing and satisfying at the conclusion.

This is an impressive first novel for Matthew

Thomas, and I am looking forward to his next offering.

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LibraryThing member kcapelli

I was very excited to receive an ARC of this novel through Library Thing’s Early Reviewers group, so I was actually surprised to find myself putting it aside- twice- to read other books. The writing was wonderful, but I just couldn’t keep reading about Eileen Tumulty. She reminded me of a great

aunt I had- not my favorite person. When I finally decided to push through, about a third of the way through the book, Bam! I was hooked and finished it in two days. The summary of the novel is below, and I am going to let you go with that, because I had mixed feelings about the start of the book. Instead, let me tell you about the book as a whole. It was a wonderful, thought provoking story that will stay with me a long time. Without giving away too much, it shows you how amazing life can be. Hopefully, I will have many years to enjoy this author’s works.

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