Library's review
Dear Stupid Idiots,
A lot of you have been saying that I don’t know anything about REAL ninjas. But that’s a bunch of bull crap! You dummies don’t know anything. And maybe YOU should get a life. I bet a lot of you have never even seen a girl naked! You idiots believe that ninjas had some 'code
No thank you,
Robert Hamburger
Ever have an obsession when you were a kid? Something you loved so much that you couldn't stop talking about it to anyone and everyone? Multiply that by 100 and you get Robert Hamburger, the fictional author/protagonist of the book. While the book is primarily made up of the same material that is posted on the website, the true point of the book is hidden in it's footnotes. Through conversations with his babysitter/co-writer, dog, parents and psychologist, we follow Robert's story and delve into the psyche of a pretty messed up little kid. What a lot of people dont seem to get is that the book, like the site, isn't actually about Ninjas. It's not REALLY a ninja hand guide, or a history lesson. The point isnt to educate, the point is to tell the story of a troubled kid who buries himself in a ninja fantasy in order to escape his negligant parents, over-critical teachers and to compensate for his lack of friends. As a kid we all had times when we wished we could run away to the circus, or could go live in outer space, or whatever, because we felt like we couldn't indentify with anyone.. this book is simply the story of a kid going through that kind of period in his life. And for everyone that claims that the website and the book may cause kids to 'flip out and kill each other,' I believe that the book actually encourages the exact opposite. Robert is facsinated with killing and violence because it's what he wants to do to the people that have hurt him in his life, or he wants to find a ninja friend to do it... hell, we've seen children and young adults in this situation before a few years back, and we've seen the consequences of such pent up anger. This book is not an advocate of violence, but a warning as to what can happen when we try to force kids to abandon childish things, pump them full of medicine and 'discipline' in order to make them grow up fast, rather than encourage them to be silly, dream and savor every momment of their childhood. I for one did not expect this level of complexity in this book, but I was totally floored after finishing it. Comedy, especially parody, has always been the best forum for social commentary, and this book masters it. If you hate the site, or if you don't get it, spend the $10 and read the book and I'm pretty sure you'll change your opinion. This book is genius: and by genius, I mean totally sweet.
I bought this book after reading the hilarious 'Real Ultimate Power' website, and I expected to find an extension of the humourous made-up encyclopedia of ninja knowledge.
Indeed, the book does contain most of the website's content, and a wealth of new ninja-based content. However, there is a far deeper and darker story going on between the lines that gives the reader much more than they bargained for.
This is the story of an unhappy child. Nobody understands him, and he understands nobody. Feeling neglected by his disfunctional parents and shunned by his peers, Robert both hides and expresses himself within his own fantasy world. Ninjas are like his imaginary friends, his heroes, and his outlet for revenge fantasies.
As Robert descends further into his world, real life events are distorted and exaggerated, and eventually Robert comes to the conclusion that there is only one way out.
It is a surprisingly dark and serious book, but definitely with some hilarious moments, usually coming from Robert's unique way of describing and relating to characters and events. If you buy it looking for more of the insane ninja-related ramblings of the website, you won't be disappointed - but this book doesn't let you get away with just laughing at Robert's craziness.
Prepare to be taken down the slippery slope as Robert's grip on his life is eroded. There are moments where your laughter is stopped short when you realise what Robert is getting at, and the realisation that this isn't going to end well is a powerful one.
All in all, this is destined to be a cult classic. It might not get through to everyone, and it is doomed to be misunderstood by people who take it at face value, much the same as the website. This author has a lot of tricks up his sleeve, and not all of them will leave you feeling comfortable.
Darker than either 'The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 1/4' or 'The Catcher In The Rye', this book is a unique and deeply affecting insight into a disturbed young mind.
I don't typically bother with writing reviews, but there are so many utterly moronic people out there I can't believe it. To anybody out there who thought we should 'do research on the author of this book' and 'remember 9/11', please get a life. I remember 9/11 just fine, and that day really hurt and still does, but IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS BOOK, idiot. First of all, the articles on Robert's site ARE NOT REAL. I REPEAT: THEY ARE NOT REAL! Nice job on your research, dumba$$, you look like a complete fool. A simple giveaway would be clicking any of the links on the side of the 'MSN' article. All the links are DEAD and wouldn't go ANYWHERE related to Microsoft even if they weren't. Try looking at the links, moron.
If there are actually kids out there hurting themselves and/or other people because of this, then HEY PARENTS, I have an IDEA: DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN! I'm the father of a very active 5 year old boy. He's a pretty hyped up little soldier, but I'll be damned if he ever hurts someone. He'd be punished and that would be the end of that - and he KNOWS that so he keeps his cool most of the time. Kids are not in control, parents are. Somewhere along the way in this screwed up world parents lost sight of that. If your kids are out of control, it's your own damned fault, not Robert Hamburger's. Nice try using whoever you can as a scapegoat, though. Who said his site or book were for kids anyway?
Anyway, I digress. The website rules, the book is HILARIOUS. If you have ANY sense of humour at ALL, pick it up! All you people claiming this is a disgrace to Ninjitsu or whatever, just loosen up, for crying out loud. I respect your love of the arts, but this is just a funny little website/book that brings humour into our lives. Relax, have some fun. If you go to the website and find it's not your type of humour, then that's cool, but don't go around b**ching about it to everyone else. Just go on your way and find something else that makes you laugh, ok? Heaven forbid the rest of us should find some humour in a stupid little book about ninjas that flip out all the time.
Alright everyone, sorry for going on so long, but I had to show my support! Get the book! Have FUN!!! =)
Contents
Last will and testimony
Introduction-Why I wrote a book about ninjas and stuff
Getting started-Why ninjas?
Part I Who are these guys and what's their problem?
Section overview
The pump-up part: Some of mine and Francine's favorite movie scripts-Ninja, please; Ninja babe; The ultimate battle
If you don't believe that ninjas exist, you're a moron: The proof
Basic facts about these guys
Questions that kids in the neighborhood ask me
The official ninja code of honor
Fighting styles
Some frigg'n badass ninja weapons
Skills non-ninjas only dream of having
Top eleven reasons why ninjas kill people
Japan (where ninjas basically came from)
Who would win? Ninjas vs. anybody
Somenice things: A nice poem
Part II The REAL history of injas
Section overview
Timeline of ninja history (through time and space)
History of holidays
The future (according to ninjas)
A Shakespearian play: The choice
A ninja's letter to Santa
Santa's reply
Plato's allegory of the hole, probably by Plato
Famous ninjas in history
The classifieds
The history of yoga
Historical letters from a ninja pupil
The most controversial case EVER
Intermission (snack break/mini-pump)
Part III Ninjas everyday
Section overview
Spotting ninjas and the REAL ultimate ninja test
Super powers
Ninja fantasies
The ninja's biggest weakness: Super-scary ghost stories-The gurgle; The playaz; Le big party
A sensitive ninja's journal
How ninja's learn: Senseis and training camps
Testimonials about ninjas by like-minded kids
Ninja mind control
Testimonials of ninja victims
My dinner with a ninja: A hot babe talks about a hot night
Romance and ninjas-The smear; Dirty laundry; Mercedes
How to tell a ninja is trying to kill you or trying to hang out with you?
Dealing with ninjas on a personal level
Part IV: Welcome to my dojo!
Sectin overview
Pump-up part II More movie scripts that make me and Francine bite each other hard-The King's gold/babes; The pirate dance (blood brothers in the Japanese version); Little tiny hippo
Do you have the ninja spirit?
Becoming ninja
Porking
Joining a ninja clan
The cool-down part
Ninja kicks-try them now
How to make your own ninja suit out of stuff
Make your own badass waepons-Ninja stars; Boner; Ninja sword
When ninjas die
How to commit seppuku wiht a frisbee
Little tiny hippo (continued)
Appendix and exhibits
Bringing everything together: The official ninja game
Exhibit A: History paper on ritalin
Exhipt B: History paper off ritalin
Exhibit C: Popular girl's note
Exhibit D: A one hundred-word essay
Exhibit E: IRS reply letter to Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger
Ninja map
Glossary
Quiz
Disclaimer
About the author
About the artist
A lot of you have been saying that I don’t know anything about REAL ninjas. But that’s a bunch of bull crap! You dummies don’t know anything. And maybe YOU should get a life. I bet a lot of you have never even seen a girl naked! You idiots believe that ninjas had some 'code
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of honor.' Yeah right! If by 'code of honor,' you mean 'code to flip out and go nuts for absolutely no reason at all even if it means that people might think you are totally insane or sweet,' then you are right. But if you mean a 'code to be nice and speak nicely while sharing and not cutting off heads,' then you’re the biggest idiot ever!!!!!! So if you have any brains, you will shut up and get a life. So go shut up, you stupid idiot.No thank you,
Robert Hamburger
Ever have an obsession when you were a kid? Something you loved so much that you couldn't stop talking about it to anyone and everyone? Multiply that by 100 and you get Robert Hamburger, the fictional author/protagonist of the book. While the book is primarily made up of the same material that is posted on the website, the true point of the book is hidden in it's footnotes. Through conversations with his babysitter/co-writer, dog, parents and psychologist, we follow Robert's story and delve into the psyche of a pretty messed up little kid. What a lot of people dont seem to get is that the book, like the site, isn't actually about Ninjas. It's not REALLY a ninja hand guide, or a history lesson. The point isnt to educate, the point is to tell the story of a troubled kid who buries himself in a ninja fantasy in order to escape his negligant parents, over-critical teachers and to compensate for his lack of friends. As a kid we all had times when we wished we could run away to the circus, or could go live in outer space, or whatever, because we felt like we couldn't indentify with anyone.. this book is simply the story of a kid going through that kind of period in his life. And for everyone that claims that the website and the book may cause kids to 'flip out and kill each other,' I believe that the book actually encourages the exact opposite. Robert is facsinated with killing and violence because it's what he wants to do to the people that have hurt him in his life, or he wants to find a ninja friend to do it... hell, we've seen children and young adults in this situation before a few years back, and we've seen the consequences of such pent up anger. This book is not an advocate of violence, but a warning as to what can happen when we try to force kids to abandon childish things, pump them full of medicine and 'discipline' in order to make them grow up fast, rather than encourage them to be silly, dream and savor every momment of their childhood. I for one did not expect this level of complexity in this book, but I was totally floored after finishing it. Comedy, especially parody, has always been the best forum for social commentary, and this book masters it. If you hate the site, or if you don't get it, spend the $10 and read the book and I'm pretty sure you'll change your opinion. This book is genius: and by genius, I mean totally sweet.
I bought this book after reading the hilarious 'Real Ultimate Power' website, and I expected to find an extension of the humourous made-up encyclopedia of ninja knowledge.
Indeed, the book does contain most of the website's content, and a wealth of new ninja-based content. However, there is a far deeper and darker story going on between the lines that gives the reader much more than they bargained for.
This is the story of an unhappy child. Nobody understands him, and he understands nobody. Feeling neglected by his disfunctional parents and shunned by his peers, Robert both hides and expresses himself within his own fantasy world. Ninjas are like his imaginary friends, his heroes, and his outlet for revenge fantasies.
As Robert descends further into his world, real life events are distorted and exaggerated, and eventually Robert comes to the conclusion that there is only one way out.
It is a surprisingly dark and serious book, but definitely with some hilarious moments, usually coming from Robert's unique way of describing and relating to characters and events. If you buy it looking for more of the insane ninja-related ramblings of the website, you won't be disappointed - but this book doesn't let you get away with just laughing at Robert's craziness.
Prepare to be taken down the slippery slope as Robert's grip on his life is eroded. There are moments where your laughter is stopped short when you realise what Robert is getting at, and the realisation that this isn't going to end well is a powerful one.
All in all, this is destined to be a cult classic. It might not get through to everyone, and it is doomed to be misunderstood by people who take it at face value, much the same as the website. This author has a lot of tricks up his sleeve, and not all of them will leave you feeling comfortable.
Darker than either 'The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 1/4' or 'The Catcher In The Rye', this book is a unique and deeply affecting insight into a disturbed young mind.
I don't typically bother with writing reviews, but there are so many utterly moronic people out there I can't believe it. To anybody out there who thought we should 'do research on the author of this book' and 'remember 9/11', please get a life. I remember 9/11 just fine, and that day really hurt and still does, but IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS BOOK, idiot. First of all, the articles on Robert's site ARE NOT REAL. I REPEAT: THEY ARE NOT REAL! Nice job on your research, dumba$$, you look like a complete fool. A simple giveaway would be clicking any of the links on the side of the 'MSN' article. All the links are DEAD and wouldn't go ANYWHERE related to Microsoft even if they weren't. Try looking at the links, moron.
If there are actually kids out there hurting themselves and/or other people because of this, then HEY PARENTS, I have an IDEA: DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN! I'm the father of a very active 5 year old boy. He's a pretty hyped up little soldier, but I'll be damned if he ever hurts someone. He'd be punished and that would be the end of that - and he KNOWS that so he keeps his cool most of the time. Kids are not in control, parents are. Somewhere along the way in this screwed up world parents lost sight of that. If your kids are out of control, it's your own damned fault, not Robert Hamburger's. Nice try using whoever you can as a scapegoat, though. Who said his site or book were for kids anyway?
Anyway, I digress. The website rules, the book is HILARIOUS. If you have ANY sense of humour at ALL, pick it up! All you people claiming this is a disgrace to Ninjitsu or whatever, just loosen up, for crying out loud. I respect your love of the arts, but this is just a funny little website/book that brings humour into our lives. Relax, have some fun. If you go to the website and find it's not your type of humour, then that's cool, but don't go around b**ching about it to everyone else. Just go on your way and find something else that makes you laugh, ok? Heaven forbid the rest of us should find some humour in a stupid little book about ninjas that flip out all the time.
Alright everyone, sorry for going on so long, but I had to show my support! Get the book! Have FUN!!! =)
Contents
Last will and testimony
Introduction-Why I wrote a book about ninjas and stuff
Getting started-Why ninjas?
Part I Who are these guys and what's their problem?
Section overview
The pump-up part: Some of mine and Francine's favorite movie scripts-Ninja, please; Ninja babe; The ultimate battle
If you don't believe that ninjas exist, you're a moron: The proof
Basic facts about these guys
Questions that kids in the neighborhood ask me
The official ninja code of honor
Fighting styles
Some frigg'n badass ninja weapons
Skills non-ninjas only dream of having
Top eleven reasons why ninjas kill people
Japan (where ninjas basically came from)
Who would win? Ninjas vs. anybody
Somenice things: A nice poem
Part II The REAL history of injas
Section overview
Timeline of ninja history (through time and space)
History of holidays
The future (according to ninjas)
A Shakespearian play: The choice
A ninja's letter to Santa
Santa's reply
Plato's allegory of the hole, probably by Plato
Famous ninjas in history
The classifieds
The history of yoga
Historical letters from a ninja pupil
The most controversial case EVER
Intermission (snack break/mini-pump)
Part III Ninjas everyday
Section overview
Spotting ninjas and the REAL ultimate ninja test
Super powers
Ninja fantasies
The ninja's biggest weakness: Super-scary ghost stories-The gurgle; The playaz; Le big party
A sensitive ninja's journal
How ninja's learn: Senseis and training camps
Testimonials about ninjas by like-minded kids
Ninja mind control
Testimonials of ninja victims
My dinner with a ninja: A hot babe talks about a hot night
Romance and ninjas-The smear; Dirty laundry; Mercedes
How to tell a ninja is trying to kill you or trying to hang out with you?
Dealing with ninjas on a personal level
Part IV: Welcome to my dojo!
Sectin overview
Pump-up part II More movie scripts that make me and Francine bite each other hard-The King's gold/babes; The pirate dance (blood brothers in the Japanese version); Little tiny hippo
Do you have the ninja spirit?
Becoming ninja
Porking
Joining a ninja clan
The cool-down part
Ninja kicks-try them now
How to make your own ninja suit out of stuff
Make your own badass waepons-Ninja stars; Boner; Ninja sword
When ninjas die
How to commit seppuku wiht a frisbee
Little tiny hippo (continued)
Appendix and exhibits
Bringing everything together: The official ninja game
Exhibit A: History paper on ritalin
Exhipt B: History paper off ritalin
Exhibit C: Popular girl's note
Exhibit D: A one hundred-word essay
Exhibit E: IRS reply letter to Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger
Ninja map
Glossary
Quiz
Disclaimer
About the author
About the artist
Show Less
Genres
ISBN
080652569X / 9780806525693
Publication
Citadel Press Books Kensington Publishing Corp. 850 Third Avenue New York, NY 10022