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Available
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Collection
Description
Psychology. Sociology. Nonfiction. Self Help. HTML: "Narrating her own work, Murphy is certainly worthy of the listener's attention. She offers a sincere, passionate voice that is capable of delivering some hard truths about the current state of things while also showing the way toward a truly connected society." �?? AudioFile Magazine **This program is read by the author** When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you? At work, we're taught to lead the conversation. On social media, we shape our personal narratives. At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians. We're not listening. And no one is listening to us. Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it's making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here. In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we're not listening, what it's doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice, You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion. It's time to stop talking and start listening. "An essential book for our times." - Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone… (more)
User reviews
LibraryThing member Darcia
When was the last time you felt like someone truly listened to you? And when was the last time you gave someone your full attention?
Much of our world exists in a constant state of distraction, with phones in hands, laptops at coffee shops, and multitasking at work and at home. We shout our opinions
Kate Murphy has given us a gift with this book. The writing is conversational, as she shares facts alongside anecdotes. She shows us all the ways in which we don't listen, and then offers guidance on all the ways in which we could do better.
A person in my life told me, "I'm a great listener," as she interrupted me to talk about herself. Don't be that person. Within the pages of this book, Kate Murphy shows us just how much we're missing out on when we don't listen to one another.
I honestly wish everyone would read this book. The world would be a far better place if we all took the time to listen.
*I received an advance copy from the publisher.*
Much of our world exists in a constant state of distraction, with phones in hands, laptops at coffee shops, and multitasking at work and at home. We shout our opinions
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on social media and hit 'like' on the posts with which we agree. We hear each other, but we aren't listening. And because of this, we're lonelier than we've ever been.Kate Murphy has given us a gift with this book. The writing is conversational, as she shares facts alongside anecdotes. She shows us all the ways in which we don't listen, and then offers guidance on all the ways in which we could do better.
A person in my life told me, "I'm a great listener," as she interrupted me to talk about herself. Don't be that person. Within the pages of this book, Kate Murphy shows us just how much we're missing out on when we don't listen to one another.
I honestly wish everyone would read this book. The world would be a far better place if we all took the time to listen.
*I received an advance copy from the publisher.*
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LibraryThing member brangwinn
Could easily be the best book I’ll read in 2020. I read this advice book on a cruise and put the information I learned about listening skills right to work. Amazing how much better I listen when I am not thinking about what I am going to say, instead of listening to the other person, and basing
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the conversation on what they are sharing. There are lots of good examples given in the book. And it is short enough that you’ll soon be a better listener. Put down that smart phone and talk to someone. Show Less
LibraryThing member Beamis12
3.5. One might think a book on this subject would be full of information that is just a matter of common sense. Quite possibly might consider themselves already good listeners. They would most likely be wrong. So few actually know what active listening entails and even more so in this techie age,
The author explains how important listening is, to individual people, society as a whole. The role of listening in different career choices, where those who can listen reap the benefits. Even listening to ourselves, which depending on what we are saying can be a benefit. Of course, negative self talking is never a plus. I found this book to be informative and well worth reading, as well as pertinent I today's fast paced world.
"when you hear people's stories you tend to want to do right by them."
So true.
ARC from Edelweiss.
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where one wants to gather information as quickly as possible.The author explains how important listening is, to individual people, society as a whole. The role of listening in different career choices, where those who can listen reap the benefits. Even listening to ourselves, which depending on what we are saying can be a benefit. Of course, negative self talking is never a plus. I found this book to be informative and well worth reading, as well as pertinent I today's fast paced world.
"when you hear people's stories you tend to want to do right by them."
So true.
ARC from Edelweiss.
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LibraryThing member Sheila1957
Explains why we don't or do listen. Also gives us ideas and examples of how to listen better and why it is good to listen more and talk less. We will learn a lot more.
I liked the examples and ideas set out to shut us up so we listen more. I especially liked the conversations she shared. I am
I liked the examples and ideas set out to shut us up so we listen more. I especially liked the conversations she shared. I am
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trying to use some of her ideas to listen more. I have to overcome my self-centeredness and ego when in a conversation. Show Less
LibraryThing member amysan
This was a fascinating book. I think of myself as a good listener, but this book showed me many areas in which I can improve. I find myself recommending it often.
LibraryThing member pamelad
Chatty, anecdotal, short on evidence, disorganised. I was disappointed in this book, which was not nearly scientific enough for my liking. The author does not think that turn-taking in conversation is necessary, so I would not like to talk with her!
LibraryThing member kmjessica
I think this is the most interesting book I've read in a long while. I myself know I am not a good listener at times. That is why I wanted to read this book. It was a very fascinating read. I learned a lot. I loved how the author interviewed and quoted many people and seamed to me she researched a
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lot before writing this book. It really made me think a lot and I had many ah ha moments while reading this. to quote the book," its possible, with awareness and patience, to develop your skill as a listener and do it extremely well". That is what I plan to get out of this book. I believe I will think about everything I read in this book for a long long while. Loved it! Show Less
LibraryThing member brianinbuffalo
As a part-time communications professor on several college campuses for the past 34 years, I devour books that deal with any form of communication. I’ve been particularly attuned to works that focus on critical listening skills. There are many college courses that focus on public speaking. Some
The author aptly notes that even from an early age, we are conditioned to tune out listening. When your mom sternly proclaims, “Listen to me, young man,” or when the coach hollers “Listen up“, our cues automatically tell us that something bad or bossy will immediately follow — spurring us to tune out. Studies show that most people are not good listeners. And the author repeatedly reminds us that strong listening takes practice — similar to any sport or other acquired skill.
Murphy serves up a nice menu of common sense strategies for improving listening skills. The best type of listening involves interpretation and interplay with a talker. Nodding doesn’t do the trick. “Alexa can listen to you,” but this proves unfulfilling, she notes. Active listening is the answer — listening that prevents us from taking all those mental side-trips during conversations.
The first half-dozen chapters might include a bit too much science and psychology for folks yearning for more of a self-help guide. Had I authored or edited this work, I might have frontloaded more anecdotal information in the earliest chapters. Murphy dives into the weeds a bit too far as she stresses the importance of critical listening in order to get to know the person behind the face and not judging people based on stereotypes. It’s an important theme, but it seems to go on a bit too long.
Still, I’m nitpicking. Much of Murphy’s information is insightful. Some of it will even make it into my journalism and public speaking courses. She skillfully outlines the differences between support responses in our conversations and shift responses (she describes the latter as “conversational narcissism.”) She points out that more than half of the meaning we gather in conversations comes from visual cues. And when we try to communicate via email or texts, as much as 90% of the verbal and vocal cues will be lost (no wonder so many emails end up being misconstrued.)
Good listening, Murphy notes, involves avoiding the temptation to approach conversations as a mission to “fix, advise or distract.”
The book even serves up some surprising “wow factors,” including research that suggests which ear we favor as we process information could shape how we interpret the message. Who knew that right-handed people have a left ear that is more geared to emotion?
There are sections in the book that are bit repetitive and even borderline preachy. But in the end, “You’re Not Listening” is a book that has the potential to help many people become better communicators.
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colleges even require students to take public speaking courses. Given the fact that most of us spend far more time listening than talking (a few of my “gabby” friends being the exceptions), why haven’t more educational institutions placed a greater emphasis on cultivating strong listening skills? The author aptly notes that even from an early age, we are conditioned to tune out listening. When your mom sternly proclaims, “Listen to me, young man,” or when the coach hollers “Listen up“, our cues automatically tell us that something bad or bossy will immediately follow — spurring us to tune out. Studies show that most people are not good listeners. And the author repeatedly reminds us that strong listening takes practice — similar to any sport or other acquired skill.
Murphy serves up a nice menu of common sense strategies for improving listening skills. The best type of listening involves interpretation and interplay with a talker. Nodding doesn’t do the trick. “Alexa can listen to you,” but this proves unfulfilling, she notes. Active listening is the answer — listening that prevents us from taking all those mental side-trips during conversations.
The first half-dozen chapters might include a bit too much science and psychology for folks yearning for more of a self-help guide. Had I authored or edited this work, I might have frontloaded more anecdotal information in the earliest chapters. Murphy dives into the weeds a bit too far as she stresses the importance of critical listening in order to get to know the person behind the face and not judging people based on stereotypes. It’s an important theme, but it seems to go on a bit too long.
Still, I’m nitpicking. Much of Murphy’s information is insightful. Some of it will even make it into my journalism and public speaking courses. She skillfully outlines the differences between support responses in our conversations and shift responses (she describes the latter as “conversational narcissism.”) She points out that more than half of the meaning we gather in conversations comes from visual cues. And when we try to communicate via email or texts, as much as 90% of the verbal and vocal cues will be lost (no wonder so many emails end up being misconstrued.)
Good listening, Murphy notes, involves avoiding the temptation to approach conversations as a mission to “fix, advise or distract.”
The book even serves up some surprising “wow factors,” including research that suggests which ear we favor as we process information could shape how we interpret the message. Who knew that right-handed people have a left ear that is more geared to emotion?
There are sections in the book that are bit repetitive and even borderline preachy. But in the end, “You’re Not Listening” is a book that has the potential to help many people become better communicators.
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LibraryThing member tymfos
Murphy reflects on how rarely people really listen to one another, and the cost of this lack of listening in terms of personal and business relationships, as well as the societal costs. What does it mean to really listen? Why bother? This was a very interesting book.
This was read by the author. My
This was read by the author. My
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frequent multitasking as I listened to this book confirmed a lot of what the author said. She even mentioned that studies show people usually do something else while listening to audio books, and pointed to that fact as bolstering her argument about people not paying full attention to what's being said. Show Less
LibraryThing member Briars_Reviews
You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters by Kate Murphy is an excellent self help book all about the constructs of becoming a better, active listener.
This book felt like a professionally written essay - the kind I would be required to read for my degree. It's thoughtful, has
It's straight to the point with descriptions, explanations and examples. It's not witty or funny, it's a really well written take on good and bad listeners. It might not be insanely helpful to you though - it doesn't give you a step by step guide on how to listen to your partner/friend/parent/boss better. It explains why we don't listen well and why it's important to listen. If you want to learn exactly how to listen better it might be better to go to a therapist or social worker.
This book is super interesting though! I enjoyed reading it and understanding why people don't listen. Obviously there's a lot going on in people's lives, but we don't always remember that! Distractions, relationships, the environment - everything effects us.
Overall, this book is helpful and can give you a lot of learning opportunities.
Three out of five stars.
I received a free copy of this book from Goodreads First Reads.
This book felt like a professionally written essay - the kind I would be required to read for my degree. It's thoughtful, has
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lots of great references and gives tips on how to be a better listener. It's a book all about psychology and people, so readers need to understand that going in. There's a lot of in depth thought and conversation going on in this book, so it's not necessarily the easiest book to read. It can be rather... boring... Oh dear, yeah, I said that scary word.It's straight to the point with descriptions, explanations and examples. It's not witty or funny, it's a really well written take on good and bad listeners. It might not be insanely helpful to you though - it doesn't give you a step by step guide on how to listen to your partner/friend/parent/boss better. It explains why we don't listen well and why it's important to listen. If you want to learn exactly how to listen better it might be better to go to a therapist or social worker.
This book is super interesting though! I enjoyed reading it and understanding why people don't listen. Obviously there's a lot going on in people's lives, but we don't always remember that! Distractions, relationships, the environment - everything effects us.
Overall, this book is helpful and can give you a lot of learning opportunities.
Three out of five stars.
I received a free copy of this book from Goodreads First Reads.
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LibraryThing member scottjpearson
Listening is an often-overlooked skill in today’s society heavily geared around marketing and self-expression. It involves asking probing questions and interpreting each word, expression, and pause that a speaker makes. It’s critical for jobs in journalism, intelligence, leadership, and social
For source material, Murphy interviewed hundreds of people from all walks of life along with interviewing experts from several academic disciplines, like neuroscience, business, and the social sciences. Her compiled product represents a comprehensive work that illuminates almost every life sector of this fundamental human trait. It applies equally to many disparate activities, such as organizational leadership, spying, and interrogation.
The contrast with the world of social media is stark. The communications revolution of the Internet has facilitated a huge growth in an individual’s ability to broadcast oneself widely. However, as research notes, society’s collective ability to listen and to learn has probably diminished. We lack appropriate self-discipline to expand our attention spans. This book offers a specific path to improve. The self-help does not consist of trite adages but instead explores the deep science of an all-too-human art form.
This book’s genre and audience are difficult to place. While applying to many sectors, it broadly reaches to a general audience. There’s hardly a part of modern life – say, politics, religion, or neighborly relations – that could not benefit from better human relationships. Better relationships start with listening to each other. Effective leadership anywhere is impossible without good ears and appropriate, targeted responses. (It helps to listen to this book about listening in an audiobook format, too!) Through personal insights and scientific research, Murphy lights a path to overcome social obstacles to solving big problems.
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work. In this book, journalist Kate Murphy explores how listening works and how you can make better use of its science.For source material, Murphy interviewed hundreds of people from all walks of life along with interviewing experts from several academic disciplines, like neuroscience, business, and the social sciences. Her compiled product represents a comprehensive work that illuminates almost every life sector of this fundamental human trait. It applies equally to many disparate activities, such as organizational leadership, spying, and interrogation.
The contrast with the world of social media is stark. The communications revolution of the Internet has facilitated a huge growth in an individual’s ability to broadcast oneself widely. However, as research notes, society’s collective ability to listen and to learn has probably diminished. We lack appropriate self-discipline to expand our attention spans. This book offers a specific path to improve. The self-help does not consist of trite adages but instead explores the deep science of an all-too-human art form.
This book’s genre and audience are difficult to place. While applying to many sectors, it broadly reaches to a general audience. There’s hardly a part of modern life – say, politics, religion, or neighborly relations – that could not benefit from better human relationships. Better relationships start with listening to each other. Effective leadership anywhere is impossible without good ears and appropriate, targeted responses. (It helps to listen to this book about listening in an audiobook format, too!) Through personal insights and scientific research, Murphy lights a path to overcome social obstacles to solving big problems.
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LibraryThing member BibliophageOnCoffee
I guess I'll be working on my listening skills in 2022.
Original language
English
Original publication date
2020-01
ISBN
978125077978