How to Win Friends & Influence People

by Dale Carnegie

1982

Status

Checked out

Publication

Pocket (1982), Edition: Revised Edition, 276 pages

Description

Business. Psychology. Nonfiction. Self Help. HTML:Updated for today's readers, Dale Carnegie's timeless bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic that has improved and transformed the professional and personal and lives of millions. One of the best-known motivational guides in history, Dale Carnegie's groundbreaking book has sold tens of millions of copies, been translated into almost every known language, and has helped countless people succeed. Originally published during the depths of the Great Depressionâ??and equally valuable during booming economies or hard timesâ??Carnegie's rock-solid, time-tested advice has carried countless people up the ladder of success in their professional and personal lives. How to Win Friends and Influence People teaches you: -How to communicate effectively -How to make people like you -How to increase your ability to get things done -How to get others to see your side -How to become a more effective leader -How to successfully navigate almost any social situation -And so much more! Achieve your maximum potential with this updated version of a classicâ??a must-read for the 21st… (more)

User reviews

LibraryThing member melydia
In general, I do not read self-help books. I find them preachy and uninspiring. This book, however, was highly recommended by a blogger whose post convinced me to give it a shot. I'm glad I did. Though the principles are probably common sense (motivate through praise rather than criticism, listen
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without interrupting, smile, make the other person feel important, etc.), I believe it did me some good to hear them all laid out in such a straightforward manner. Everybody else on the planet is just as self-absorbed as I am, and they care far more about what they want than what I want. Each chapter began with a principle, described it a little in general, then listed anecdote after anecdote about the principle in action. Most telling to me was the repeated assurance that these techniques only work if the feeling behind them in genuine, not manipulative. People can see through flattery.

This book was first published in 1936, and we certainly have not become a more genteel society since then. I wonder what Carnegie would think of the internet and its trolls. For much of the book I could imagine people hearing the advice and thinking, "Yes! This is how other people should treat me!" But of course that's not the point. The point is that if you treat other people this way, you will benefit. Sometimes this will be through convincing people to come around to your way of thinking, but more often just by spreading good will. Had this book been written a few decades later, I'm sure karma would have been mentioned more than once.

Though a couple of the techniques described might come off as passive-aggressive today, by and large it's a good resource - a good reminder for how to deal with other people, to give and receive criticism gracefully, and generally improve your attitude. I hereby recommend it to everyone on the planet. In return, I will attempt to practice its principles in my own life more often. I can't promise I'll always be successful - three decades of acerbity do not disappear overnight, after all - but I can try.
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LibraryThing member KendraRenee
Wow. I'm glad I found this book, and I plan on reading it again and again, as suggested in the author's introduction, because it IS hard to remember everything after just one read. Even so, the few things I've already made use of in my own life have already yielded great results. In particular,
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navigating a tenuous relationship with my mom has become that much easier. Understanding that conversations are more about what the OTHER person wants, is so revelatory! It really is true, so true..
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LibraryThing member ForeverMasterless
I can't believe how many negative reviews I saw here after reading this--most of them with the same complaints. This book is 'amoral,' 'manipulative,' 'heartless,' etc. Did we read the same book? This is definitely not a book for con men like many seem to think. Since when did trying to sell a
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product become evil? This book isn't some magic key, it doesn't work on everyone all the time no matter what. But it is a good general guideline to follow, because by doing so you give others what they want, and maybe they'll give you what you want in return. Maybe. Not definitely but maybe. You are simply increasing your chances by giving them small things that everyone wants but are in low supply because nobody else seems to give them.

I guess I'm morally bankrupt as well, because I just don't see the problem. Nowhere is this more evident than the fact that, even knowing everything this book says, I would have no problem if someone used these "tricks" on me, because it's not telling you to do bad things, it's telling you to good things. If someone wants something from me, why shouldn't they be nice to me, make me feel important, encourage me to talk about myself, avoid criticizing me outright, let me save face when I mess up, etc? Why shouldn't they do their best to talk about things in terms of what I want and explaining how helping them will help me? It's not like I can't still say no, but let's be honest, I'm definitely more likely to say yes than if they were "sincere" and "themselves" and didn't do a damn thing to make me feel good.

I don't care how fake these things come across, it would still be better than not doing them, because at least it shows an effort and consideration towards me. It's not just, "listen to what I want and give it to me and we're not even going to pretend that I view you as anything more than a means to an end." Sure, that would be more "real" but it's not more pleasant. There's nothing wrong with pretending. We all know most girls don't really like giving blowjobs, but you still want them to pretend that they love it while it's happening, don't you?

Carnegie feels the same way, clearly, because he offers examples where his principles "worked" on him and he doesn't say it like he was hoodwinked. He counts it as a good thing. Someone did him a favor by treating him this way and he gave more consideration to what they wanted in return than he would someone who didn't do these things, because duh.

That's not manipulation, that's mutual benefit. That's saying, "hey, we both know we're only talking to each other right now because I want to make a business transaction with you, but I took the time to learn who you are as a human being and listen to your accomplishments/problems/interests. I took into consideration what you want and tried to align it as best I could with what I want for our mutual gain. I saw things from your point of view. Wouldn't you rather be in business with someone who can see things from your point of view instead of someone who doesn't even try because it's 'incincere'?"
The answer is a resounding yes.

Haters gonna hate.
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LibraryThing member sjh4255
Fantastic book which shows you the basis of how to lead an effective team as well as to ensure the most effective communication and business relationships to get greater results. Biggest lesson in this book is to be the better person, avoid the arguments, and stay positive.. points taken! Even
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though the book is quite dated in some of the examples, now more than ever these lessons should be used... Some downsides to the book... some of the examples they tried to pass off as actual events, they were far too perfect... also, the last chapters on marriage... these were very dated... overall a good read, and should be required reading for anyone dealing with people whether they be customers or internal peers.
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LibraryThing member GHugh23
A must read for learning the art of building relationships and people skills. Those with bipolar disorder/ADD many times have difficulty making and keeping relationships. Dale Carnegie gives us many tips on what makes people tick. This book contains vital information for not only making friends,
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but keeping them.
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LibraryThing member szarka
I'd always assumed that this was a cynical book about manipulating people to serve one's own ends. Having read it, I still think that's true on some level: Carnegie's outlook does seem to be founded on the assumption that people are weak, self-deluded creatures who have to be coddled rather than
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dealt with in an open and straightforward way. But, at the same time, Carnegie's overall outlook does seem to be positive and genuinely caring. On balance, How to Win Friends and Influence People seems to be full of sound, practical advice; perhaps what one makes of it depends on one's own character. [2007-3-1]
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LibraryThing member Stensvaag
Seems corny to say this, but this classic is very well written and has some excellent insights into human nature.
LibraryThing member brianinbuffalo
A treasure trove of helpful advice for helping people to achieve success.
LibraryThing member soylentgreen23
My first impression upon finishing this book? That it now - to me at least - seems so redundant. I have been on a few training courses for salesmanship over the years, and it is amazing how much each one references Carnegie's work (though without supplying the credit).

Also, one wonders how big an
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influence Carnegie's writing style has had on others in the field, such as Malcolm Gladwell. Carnegie repeats statements for effect - a hangover of public speaking, surely - and echoes his most critical points throughout the book. As a discerning reader, this strikes me as just a little patronising, and I felt precisely the same way when reading Gladwell.

For all that, though, this is a quite amazing book - more amazing when it was written, but groundbreaking for certain.
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LibraryThing member ashishg
Great practical guidelines for each of us in developing human relations.
LibraryThing member Victorya
a must read for anyone wanting to improve relationships, both for personal and business life.
LibraryThing member artg
My dreams include people. I like solitary activities like reading, playing piano, and jogging, but I don't dream of them. So people are really important to me deep down, but I'm more comfortable avoiding the uncertainty of interacting.

When I had this insight about my dreams I started reaching out
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more and see that this is indeed what I want -- more contact and bonding. At about the same time I read an essay by Paul Graham, an intelligent programmer and entrepreneur that I respect. He recommended "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and sure enough it is a fabulous book which really cannot be summarized because its heart is the personal stories that he tells about famous people such as Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt or about students in his many seminars.

To give the flavor, Part One has three fundamental techniques of handling people. Chapter One starts with examples of murderers and other criminals who do not accept criticism for these awful acts and try to justify them. His point is that criticism is not accepted even for the most serious offenses, let alone for lesser transgressions. He says "Criticism is futile because it puts a man on the defensive, and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a man's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment." Toward the end of the chapter he says, "Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than cricism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness."

Chapter Two of Part One shows how people desire a feeling of importance, and concludes with the recommendation to "Give honest, sincere appreciation." Chapter Three raises the question "Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want. So the only way on earth to influence the other fellow is to talk about what he wants and show him how to get it."

The interesting anecdotes make the reading easy. The book has six parts and each part has several principles(37 in all) that could be listed to provide a one-page reminder of how to win friends and influence people. Carnegie taught mostly sales representatives and managers, but the principles generally apply. They concentrate on the other person, developing the reader's ability to interact that facilitates contact and bonding and opens up the happiness and joy that results.

This book was first published in 1936. My copy is an 86th printing of the paperback edition published in 1968.
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LibraryThing member frakendolly
I bought the book and never read it. Then got an audio copy and listened while I walked. Some of the examples are quaint and a bit hokey but human nature never changes so the principles still apply. I wished I read/listened to this years ago.
LibraryThing member markdeo
I respect Mr. Carnegie tremendously. This book is a classic. Provides a great foundation for developing people skills and positive influence. The techniques are insightful and are very practical. This book will motivate you. Provides great tips for dealing with people, such as smiling and staying
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away from criticism. This book will really help with your speaking skills. Highly recommend reading for any business owner or entrepreneur.
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LibraryThing member Kaz2
This book is the bestseller in many country with How to stop worrying and start living.In this book,it is written relationship with the other people.I think it's useful in every situation.But English level is high with" How to stop worrying and start living" You need to read many times.
LibraryThing member Audacity88
Here is the philosophical idea that underlies How to Win Friends and Influence People:

You know, it’s such a peculiar thing--our idea of mankind in general. We all have a sort of vague, glowing picture when we say that, something solemn, big and important. But actually all we know of it is the
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people we meet in our lifetime. Look at them. Do you know any you’d feel big and solemn about? There’s nothing but housewives haggling at pushcarts, drooling brats who write dirty words on the sidewalks, and drunken debutantes. Or their spiritual equivalent. As a matter of fact, one can feel some respect for people when they suffer. They have a certain dignity. But have you ever looked at them when they’re enjoying themselves? That’s when you see the truth. Look at those who spend the money they’ve slaved for--at amusement parks and side shows. Look at those who’re rich and have the whole world open to them. Observe what they pick out for enjoyment. Watch them in the smarter speak-easies. That’s your mankind in general. I don’t want to touch them.

And here is its conclusion, put two different ways:

It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.

A man’s career concerns all society. The question of where you could be most useful to your fellow men comes first. It’s not what you can get out of society, it’s what you can give.


Only the middle quotation is actually from the book. The other two are from The Fountainhead. They are spoken by the character Ellsworth Toohey, and represent Ayn Rand's mockery of the belief that men are creatures whose highest function is to serve other men.

Friends cannot be "won", nor people influenced (in anything more than the most shallow ways), by an exploitation of their flaws. Mankind are better than that.
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LibraryThing member KevlarRelic
Loved it. Fantastic. Really had the ring of truth for me, and I was able to immediately apply the things I learned. And they worked. This book got me started on a self-help book binge that has led me to some interesting discoveries. Read it.
LibraryThing member dst2diva
Excellent book when you want to deal with people on a regular basis. I have used some of the tips in my every day life and they work like a charm. Especially the speaking to everyone advice!
LibraryThing member ennui2342
A fairly typical self-help tome. Nicely written for easy consumption with an endless stream of practical examples. Suffers a little from too many rules which at times are raced through, leading at the end to a sense of difficulty in holding the advice in mind.However, the author intends it to be an
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ongoing learning exercise rather than enlightenment after a single read.
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LibraryThing member personman
I had to read this one for my job at Trinity Transportation.
LibraryThing member Dapperlibrarian
Classic in it's field, informative for idea about networking
LibraryThing member tony_landis
Great tips, will reread to review. A bit repetitious toward the end but the first half is solid.
LibraryThing member hermit
Written for a 1930's American audience we get to read what is basically Mr. Carnegie memoir of his personal journey as he matured in his business life. This work that has stood the test of time well. Mr. Carnegie believed in becoming a better person, or perhaps businessman, and felt in order to do
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so one should follow the lessons he learned and presents in this book. Regardless of what you read in this book I feel that in the long run it is always the people with integrity and are principled that will have the best long term interpersonal experiences.

Basically the book is written with a few principles about handling people by avoiding the negative and unpleasant, appreciating the other person, and making the other person eager to accomplish some goal of their own. Mr. Carnegie felt that if you provide positive feedback to the person that person will respond positively to you. His manipulative component is to then help the other person to link what you want to share with them with something they want. Because of this manipulative aspect you can see this is in fact a book on management and sales. This a must read for all who work in sales or management; the original targeted audience.
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LibraryThing member indrawarman
from this book we learn many of self control and understanding others
LibraryThing member gra29
The techniques appear simplistic. I have used them with success. One must remeber to find the middle ground so that it does appear insincere.

Language

Original language

English

Original publication date

1936

Physical description

276 p.

ISBN

067146311X / 9780671463113

Barcode

1601325
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