The Way We Never Were: American Families And The Nostalgia Trap

by Stephanie Coontz

Paperback, 1993

Status

Available

Publication

Basic Books (1993), Edition: Reprint, Paperback, 432 pages

Description

Acclaimed historian Stephanie Coontz provides a myth-shattering examination of two centuries of the American family, sweeping away misconceptions about the past that cloud current debates about domestic life.

Media reviews

Publisher's Weekly
The golden age of the American family never existed, assets Coontz (The Social Origins of Private Life) in a wonderfully perceptive, myth-debunking report.... Viewing modern domestic problems as symptoms of a much larger socioeconomic crisis, she demonstrates that no single type of household has
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every protected Americans from social disruption or poverty. An important contribution to the current debate on family values.
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User reviews

LibraryThing member donitamblyn
We Americans have long cherished certain images of ourselves, many of which fall under the heading, "This is How Life Should Be Lived." The problem is not that these images don't exist outside the US--many have never really existed for us!

Here's just one example. "Always stand on your own two feet"
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(ie., the Horatio Alger-like reliance on self alone). The book cites Senator Phil Gramm, co-author of the Gramm-Rudman-Hollings amendment and famous for his opposition to "government handouts": Born to a father living on veterans disability pension, Gramm attended a publicly-funded university on a grant from the War Orphans Act. His graduate work was financed by the National Defense Education Act, and his first job was at a federal land-grant institution (Texas A&M University). His later work in slashing federal assistance programs for low-income Americans seems illogical to say the least--and, the book suggests, could only have met with success because of this national reverence for "standing on your own two feet."

Many aspects of our self-image as Americans are wonderful and true: Ours is a unique nation, borne of remarkable minds at a remarkable time in history, bringing admirable ideals into reality. This book suggests that we should keep our eyes open to creeping incursions into our self-image. Patriotic pride, justifiable though it may be, is a double-edged sword. "Know thyself," the Delphic Oracle said. This is as true today as it ever was.
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LibraryThing member Othemts
If there's one thing that's great about this book is that it dismantles the myth that middle class white people "pulled themselves up by their bootstraps" to get where they are now. The GI Bill, highway system, low-interest mortgages and much more government aid helped build the middle class after
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World War II. Of course there's much more in this book about the mythology of the Golden Age of America's past and that makes it all the better still. A great book and recommended reading for all Americans.
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LibraryThing member Joles
Not only was this book informative but it was fun to read. It is amazing what we will force ourself to believe based on movies, television (and even books) about a time period. Fiction works of the time really have younger generations seeing things much differently than they happened. Some deem
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this "romanticism" of an era or place. This book tries to lead us away from our misconceptions.
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LibraryThing member wealhtheowwylfing
Coontz presents the historical facts of American family life and political and economic movements in hopes of demonstrating that the families of the past were not so idyllic and the families of the present are not so dysfunctional as they are often portrayed. She argues that historical
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mythologizing about family life distracts us from constructively examining how best to serve families and communities. She points out that drug abuse was more widespread a hundred years ago, alcohol consumption was three times higher, and prostitution and serious sexually transmitted infections were more prevalent. The US has had the highest homicide rates in the industrial world for 150 years, and we had sadistic lynch mobs and teen murderers long before violent video games or gay people could be blamed. The 1950s was an extremely atypical economic period, with higher job security , more affordable housing, and less income inequality...but these were not due to 1950s family practices but rather the time's economic and political support systems for families. Families have rarely been economically or socially self-sufficient; families have relied upon governmental assistance from the frontier times and beyond. By correcting these sorts of historical distortions, Coontz frees us up to learn the actual lessons of the past: that children can thrive in a wide variety of caregiving arrangements, that racist and sexist assumptions harm our families and children, and that poverty and economic insecurity have a huge impact on personal and family dysfunction. Coontz ends her introduction with this:

"As long as our view of family change is refracted through the lens of nostalgia for the past, we will not be able to see a way forward. But by learning how complex and multifaceted the experience of family life has been in the past, along with the trade-offs, reversals, and diverse outcomes that have accompanied change, we may be able to develop a greater tolerance for the ambiguities of contemporary family life, rather than longing for a past that was never as idyllic or uncomplicated as we sometimes imagine...Only when we have a realistic idea of how families have and have not worked in the past can we make informed decisions about how to support families in the present and improve our future."


I thought the book was well argued and drew upon a good variety of sources. She cites well and often. Truthfully, I want to own this book so I can return to it often.
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LibraryThing member anndouglas
This book makes the case that maybe -- just maybe -- Ward and June had the odd argument when The Beaver wasn't looking. (Obviously, I'm oversimplifying, but that's the main idea. It's an extremely well-researched and thought-provoking book.)
LibraryThing member Lindoula
This should be required reading!
LibraryThing member sparemethecensor
Impeccably researched and truly illuminating. The updated edition is worth upgrading to, too.
LibraryThing member megacool24
The way we never were is a dense book about family structures throughout American history backed up by substantial sociological, family science, and economic research. The main thesis is that family structures change in response to macroeconomic trends, rather than causing these trends (i.e. a
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"break down" of family values can't be blamed for increased rates of poverty, rather, increased poverty precipitates families forming different arrangements to adapt to economic pressures). If you read the book, definitely read the 2016 edition because the prologue and epilogue provide updates on economic and sociological trends since the book was first published in the 90s and are in fact, probably the most important parts of the book. Also, despite the listed pagination, the book is really only about 400 pages of text, with almost another 200 of notes and bibliography.
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Original publication date

1992

Physical description

432 p.; 5.5 x 0.75 inches

ISBN

0465090974 / 9780465090976

Local notes

History

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