She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders

by Jennifer Finney Boylan

Paperback, 2013

Status

Checked out

Publication

Broadway Books (2013), Edition: 2 Reprint, 352 pages

Description

Biography & Autobiography. Family & Relationships. LGBTQIA+ (Nonfiction.) Nonfiction. HTML:The bestselling, seminal work of trans literature: a story of love, sex, selfhood, and understanding from Jennifer Finney Boylan   When she changed genders, she changed the world.  It was the groundbreaking publication of Sheâ??s Not There in 2003 that jump-started the transgender revolution. By turns hilarious and deeply moving, Boylan â?? a cast member on I Am Cait; an advisor to the television series Transparent, and a contributing opinion writer for the New York Times â?? explores the territory that lies between men and women, examines changing friendships, and rejoices in the redeeming power of love and family.    Sheâ??s Not There was one of the first works to present trans experience from the perspective of a literary novelist, opening a door to new understanding of love, sex, gender, and identity.  Boylan inspired readers to ask the same questions she asked herself:  What is it that makes usâ??-ourselves?  What does it mean to be a man, or a woman?  How much could my husband, or wife, changeâ??and still be recognizable as the one I love?   Boylanâ??s humorous, wise voice helped make Sheâ??s Not There the first bestselling work by a transgender Americanâ??and transformed Boylan into a national spokeswoman for LGBTQ people, their families, and the people that love them.  This updated and revised edition also includes a new epilogue from Jennyâ??s wife Grace; it also contains the original afterward by her friend, novelist and Pulitzer Prize winner Richard Russo.   â??Love will prevail,â?ť said Boylanâ??s conservative mother, as she learned about her daughterâ??s identity. Sheâ??s Not There is the story that helped bring about a worl… (more)

User reviews

LibraryThing member lorax
I really wanted to like this book, but found myself disappointed. Perhaps people who have never thought about issues of gender, or who don't know any transgendered people, might get something out of it, but I found it superficial and, frankly, boring. In part, I found that the memoir ended just
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when it was getting interesting, after Boylan finally came to terms with herself and transitioned fully to being female -- I would have wanted to read more about how her wife and sons dealt with the transition, how she was regarded at work, and so forth. Instead the book just ended. It may sound callous, but being transgendered does not, in itself, make someone interesting enough for me to want to read a memoir, and Boylan doesn't give me any more reason to be interested.
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LibraryThing member Matke
James Boylan lives for most of his life believing he's in the wrong body. He wishes, hopes, prays, that this isn't so, and that his difficulties will resolved by giving and receiving enough love.

Well, they are, but not in the way he anticipates. After years of marriage and two sons , he finally
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tells his wife what he thinks. Amazingly enough, his wife, his sons, his best friend, and most of his colleagues support him in his choices, and he goes on to work through the enormous difficulties involved in such a change.

The first third of this book is hilarious. I laughed so hard I cried, and there's none of the snideness or ugliness that could have been used here. The rest of the book is much more sober, but still has light-hearted moments, and the entire work is suffused with love, gentleness, and clearly-portrayed gratitude for those who support Jennifer as she becomes the woman she is clearly meant to be.

If you think this topic is just too weird, or if you're put off by the thought of "the other", give yourself a chance to grow with this marvelous book.

Higly recommended.
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LibraryThing member karenmerguerian
I began liking the book very much, although most of it is really very sad, especially the reflections on what should have been a happy childhood and youth except for the author's confusion about gender identity. There's a poignant balance in the writing between humor and despair. As Boylan (what an
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appropriate name! Like "boy" but diminutive and feminized somehow) proceeds to the point of recognizing the need to transform physically into a woman, the tone becomes less sad and more funny, and the balance disappears.
Unfortunately, as clouds lift for Boylan, they darken for Boylan's wife Grace, who is left without her husband and lover when Boylan changes gender. Boylan, relieved and fulfilled in her new female incarnation, is incapable of conveying Grace's sense of loss as convincingly as she did her own, earlier despair. The book's darker shadows fade, events and emotions no longer fall into deep relief, and a true sense of empathy for Grace fails to emerge in the writing. Still this book is recommended if you are interested in learning about transgendered people.
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LibraryThing member piemouth
Reminded I have this books because I just read an interesting essay of hers comparing JRR Tolkien and Henry Darger. Continuing my effort to understand transsexuality, if I can. So far she has reminded me of a Elton John song I adore but had forgotten, "Come Down in Time".
I'm at the point where
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she's aware she's trans but unable to go forward with change because it would hurt so many people. That makes so much sense to me, and I'm thinking a lot about my own gender issues.
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LibraryThing member seasonsoflove
That rare book that manages to be educational and entertaining, while making you think and making you feel, [She's Not There], simply put, shows readers not only what it means to be transsexual, but what it means to be human.
LibraryThing member lauralkeet
Jennifer Finney Boylan is an English professor currently at Barnard College in New York City and, before that, at Colby College in Maine where Jennifer was initially known as James. She’s Not There describes Boylan’s journey from James to Jenny. It is refreshingly candid, and equal parts
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humorous and moving.

From a very young age, Boylan was certain of her gender identity but hoped the “problem” would disappear if she found the right partner. The right partner did indeed come along; marriage to Deirdre (known as Grace in the book) and two children followed. But Jenny was still James, struggling with gender identity every single day. The decision to come out to Grace and begin gender transition was both inevitable and unimaginably painful. Likewise, coming out to best friend, Colby colleague, and well-known author Richard Russo.

Transition is a lengthy process involving therapy and medication, and surgery if desired. Boylan was incredibly fortunate to have a healthy marriage and Russo’s deeply loyal friendship, but even those strong relationships faced challenges as the parties reckoned with the changes happening to their loved one. Jenny’s account of her transition concludes with a very moving afterword by Russo and, in this tenth anniversary edition, more recent updates from Jenny and Grace.

As a society, we have come a long way since Jenny’s transition in 2002, and yet gender transition is still an area that is not widely understood and accepted. I highly recommend this book to anyone wanting to learn more.
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LibraryThing member lycomayflower
I like creative nonfiction and I enjoy the essay as a form, but I'm often impatient with book-length memoirs--perhaps because real lives are not stories and getting them into the guise of narrative often comes off as artifice rather than artful. She's Not There works partly because the part of her
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life Boylan relates is story-like in the sense that it has a story arc with a natural beginning, middle, and end (or, at least, stopping point). But that's really a minor consideration with this book I think; what makes it so compelling is Boylan's skillful prose, her apparent honesty on the page, and her ability to evoke in the reader an awareness of one's own deeply (and, perhaps unconsciously) held notions and prejudices about gender and identity. Recommended.
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LibraryThing member beccabgood1
This is a fabulous, fascinating memoir of a transgender individual. Jennifer Finney Boylan was born as James, and she writes beautifully, with humor, intelligence, and sensitivity, about her experiences growing up, trying to build a successful life as a man, and eventually accepting her identity as
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a woman. The pain involved for her and her family is addressed honestly but not overdone. Note that I think this must be the very best case scenario of a transgender individual deciding on a sex change after being married and having children. Grace, James's wife, was incredibly supportive of his need to change, and they continued living together for a time even after the sex change was complete. (I read the book a few years ago and don't remember exactly, but I believe they did eventually live in different homes, although neither one was in a new relationship at the end of the memoir.)

The impact of this memoir is enormous (at least it was for me). I had always philosophically accepted the idea that some people were born with messed-up gender, and thought they should be allowed to change that gender if that's what they needed to do to find peace in their lives. However, I was very uncomfortable when I actually met transgender individuals. This book helped me take a big step in going beyond theoretical acceptance to actual comfort. Jenny Boylan is so clearly an "ordinary" person, with individual likes and dislikes, talents and quirks. Getting to know her this way is something I would recommend to everyone I know.
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LibraryThing member booksandwine
This was a decent memoir about a man who wants to become a woman, and so explores the ideas of gender and sexuality and what it is like to be transsexual. It's interesting to read about certain issues people have and I can't imagine having to go through my life believing I had been born the wrong
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gender and to be stigmatized the way Boylan was. Boylan was lucky though, her family and friends supported her and it seemed she didn't have to deal with cruel insults like "he-she" and the like.
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LibraryThing member shannonkearns
i really enjoyed this book. beautifully written, both heartbreaking and funny. well done.
LibraryThing member gillis.sarah
This was probably the first book I ever read that focused on gender and the idea of identifying as transgendered, which is really interesting because by now I've read lots of books and articles on the topic. Jennifer Finney Boylan wrote this book about her transition from male to female, but also
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about her life before her transition, and how she lived with the knowledge that she wanted to transition for quite a long time before coming out to anyone. This book reminds me a bit of the movie 'Normal', because the stories of the main characters are similar, but the communities they live in and the reactions of their families are a bit different.
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LibraryThing member irishkitsune
This is one of my absolute favorite books on the subject of transsexualism. It is a sort of autobiography concerning the life of a transwoman as she attempts to first suppress and then finally release her true identity. It reads much like a novel, so if you're looking for an easy, non-scientific
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glimpse into the life, thoughts, and feelings of a transgendered person, this is a good book with which to start.
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LibraryThing member astrologerjenny
The author writes about her transexuality: about coming out to her family and friends and managing the gender transition. Jennifer Finney Boylan is a novelist, and an astute observer. She's good at letting us know how living (and being perceived)as a woman feels very different from living (and
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being perceived) as a man. The book is light, funny, and yet very telling.
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LibraryThing member EmScape
Jennifer tells the story of how she transitioned from James Boylan to her true self and the effect that had on her family and friends. At times heartbreaking, always humorous and extremely well written, this book is essential for those interested in gender studies.
LibraryThing member 2wonderY
I'm neutral about this one. I'm reading up on transgender, and I was not bored with this story, but it didn't affect me in any positive way either. Well, I guess the struggle with spousal issues was valuable.
LibraryThing member tealightful
Interesting-esque story, really dry and boring author. Plus, I've seen this author on numerous documentaries and medical show interviews. Couldn't dredge through the book.
LibraryThing member KRaySaulis
I was lucky enough to meet Jennifer the day I bought this book, and she's as witty as her writing is. Beautiful book, beautiful story.
LibraryThing member memccauley6
If you have a friend who “comes out” as a transgender person, I would recommend this book as a resource to understand a bit of how they are feeling, or how you can be supportive. However, as a memoir, I thought it fell short.

The author’s best friend remarks at one point that she had always
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held something back in her writing, and I exclaimed aloud “Yes! That’s exactly what I’m feeling.” In the first part of the book, the vignettes from her life as a man are choppy and disjointed and I felt like she was describing something that happened to someone else, a long time ago (and in a way, that is exactly what she is describing, but it doesn’t make it any easier to read) The latter part of the book, where she describes her “coming out”, including pasted-in e-mails felt *too* personal, I was squirming and thinking that I shouldn’t be reading this.

Oh, and I get the title, it’s from a song that is mentioned several times in the book, but it’s off-putting, and the cover art is awful. I hope a future edition will have a different picture
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LibraryThing member SeriousGrace
You could start off by simply stating She's Not There is the true story of a person changing. You could leave it at that and it would be the absolute truth. But in She's Not There Jennifer Finney Boylan is funny, smart, candid, and above all else, deeply moving when telling her from-he-to-she
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story. From an early age, Boylan knew the boy body he was born into wasn't his true self. He found satisfaction significant into his mother's closet and not just trying on the clothes, but spending significant time in them. Despite all attempts to "cure" himself, Boylan truly felt whole and happy as a girl. She's Not There follows Boylan on a bittersweet journey to say goodbye to Jim and hello to Jenny.
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LibraryThing member LynnB
I enjoyed reading this book about Jennifer Boylan's transition from male to female. While still a man, then-James Boylan had married a woman. He loved her very much and believed his desire to be female was behind him. When that proved untrue, now-Jennifer and her wife , along with their two
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children, faced an uncertain future with few guidelines. I found the story of their relationship to be especially powerful, as was the way Jennifer's long-time best friend, while supportive, nonetheless struggled with the transition.

The book is honest, often funny, and gave what was, at least to me, a new perspective on being transgender.
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LibraryThing member beasleysMom
A fascinating, funny and powerful memoir of the transition from male to female. Very thought provoking.
LibraryThing member lynnlib
Once upon a time, there was a little girl named James—so the story begins, but this is not a fairytale and, in real life, there are no “happily ever afters.” James Boylan knew from an early age that she was not a boy; she was unable to reconcile her inner self with her male body. Boylan
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speaks of a time when she was quite young, watching her mother iron her father’s shirt. When Boylan’s mother tells the then James that she will one day wear such a shirt, Boylan is confused, “I didn’t understand what she was getting at. She never wore shirts like that. Why would I ever be wearing shirts like my father’s?” (17). In She’s Not There a Life in Two Genders, Jennifer Finney Boylan allows the reader a glimpse of her passage from being born James to becoming Jennifer. Boylan conveys her emotional journey, with humor, in a way that allows the reader to understand the situation and accept this very unusual circumstance as if it were a normal situation.
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LibraryThing member centersexculture
Added to collection March 2013; gift of T.McCarthy
SH: Transsexuals--United States; Gender Identity--United States; Novelists, American--20th century--Biography; DC21: 813'.54

Very informative first person account of a transsexual woman candidly telling her experience with lots of shedding life
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wisdom along the way. Finney Boylan's work is filled with great quotes:

'Not anybody, but the person I became. I think we are who we are because consciously, or unconsciously, we choose ourselves.'

This book is a great book for people who would like to learn about the lives of transsexuals in a dignified light.
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Language

Original language

English

Original publication date

2003

Physical description

352 p.; 5.18 inches

ISBN

0385346972 / 9780385346979
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