Status
Available
Publication
Harper Paperbacks (2012), Edition: Reprint, 272 pages
Description
The author explores her own conflicting feelings as a mother as she protects her offspring and probes the roots and tendrils of the girlie-girl movement and concludes that parents who think through their values early on and set reasonable limits, encourage dialogue and skepticism, and are canny about the consumer culture can combat the 24/7 "media machine" aimed at girls and hold off the focus on beauty, materialism, and the color pink somewhat.
Media reviews
Booklist
Orenstein skillfully integrates extensive research that demonstrates the pitfalls of "the girlie-girl culture's emphasis on beauty and play-sexiness," which can increase girls' vulnerability to depression, distorted body images and eating disorders, and sexual risks. It's the personal anecdotes,
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though, which are delivered with wry, self-deprecating, highly quotable humor, that offer the greatest invitation to parents to consider their daughters' worlds and how they can help to shape a healthier, soul-nurturing environment Show Less
User reviews
LibraryThing member Nickelini
This was an absolutely fascinating read. Orenstein looks at how predatory marketing influences ideas of gender in North American middle class girls. Just some of the topics she examines are the Disney Princess line ($4 Billion in product sold between 2000 & 2009), Barbie, Hannah Montana, and
"...a cog in the round-the-clock, all pervasive media machine aimed at our daughters--and at us--from womb to tomb; one that, again and again, presents femininity as performance,sexuality as performance, identity as performance, and each of those traits as available for a price. It tells girls that how you look is more important than how you feel. more than that, it tells them that how you look is how you feel, as well as who you are."
My daughters are 11 and 14, so we're beyond the princess stage, which they didn't have much use for anyway (and I'll take some of the credit for that). I think Orenstein could have been firmer in stating that adults can refuse to buy into this pink princess culture and be more active in redirecting their children's focus. But other wise, I really enjoyed exploring the princess industry along with her.
Recommended for: anyone who is interested in consumerism and marketing and their influence on culture, and especially their influence on girls. Those looking for a parenting book with lots of tips and pat solutions will probably be disappointed.
Why I Read This Now: it just looked too appealing to let sit on the shelf any longer. I admit that I am rather anti-Disney, so I was hoping that she'd really blast them (which she didn't).
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Twilight. The book is heavy on insightful observations and light on firm recommendations, but I thought she concluded well when she says all these various products are"...a cog in the round-the-clock, all pervasive media machine aimed at our daughters--and at us--from womb to tomb; one that, again and again, presents femininity as performance,sexuality as performance, identity as performance, and each of those traits as available for a price. It tells girls that how you look is more important than how you feel. more than that, it tells them that how you look is how you feel, as well as who you are."
My daughters are 11 and 14, so we're beyond the princess stage, which they didn't have much use for anyway (and I'll take some of the credit for that). I think Orenstein could have been firmer in stating that adults can refuse to buy into this pink princess culture and be more active in redirecting their children's focus. But other wise, I really enjoyed exploring the princess industry along with her.
Recommended for: anyone who is interested in consumerism and marketing and their influence on culture, and especially their influence on girls. Those looking for a parenting book with lots of tips and pat solutions will probably be disappointed.
Why I Read This Now: it just looked too appealing to let sit on the shelf any longer. I admit that I am rather anti-Disney, so I was hoping that she'd really blast them (which she didn't).
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LibraryThing member Oreillynsf
I absolutely loved this book. I don't have a daughter, but I've often wondered about the effects that the earlier-and-earlier sexualization has on kids. Both genders, but far more pervasive for girls. Now I always thought the that "problem" began with Mylie Cyrus et al, but Orenstein takes the
A book reviewer has called it the princess industrial complex, and i have to say that the phrase gave me a laugh the first time I read it. But then Orenstein discusses its impact on childrne in her life and it becomes clear that the effects are anything but funny.
One of the things I most appreciated about the book was that Orenstein didn't view all the princessing of children as inherently evil in parts -- it's the totality of it -- 28,000 products from Disney alone -- that makes the effects on children disturbing.
Her foray into the pageant world brought forth a really interesting observation. That the process of "helpless feminization" and sexualization of kids doesn't happen overnight. Rather, it's gradual. A new incursion is made by a product line or Mylie Cyrus modeling nude under the age of 18, and while parents may be horrifed at that, it gradually makes us immune to the more subtle expressions of sexuality that seem more moderate. Moderate today, but think about how many mothers would have allowed their daughters to go outside in navel-baring crop tops with bad girl across the chest. At 7. In 1970.
She also points out that the revulsion many feel over pageant Moms is really only disturbance at the degree of sexualization. Most Moms and Dads tolerate at least some of it in their kids, and the age gets earlier and earlier.
Orenstein points out that the solution isn't legislation or hanging the marketing guy at Disney in effigy. It is in parents doing a reality chaeck on themselves on their kids, and it spending the time and energy to inculcate values and self esteem in girls.
And BTW, Billy Raye Cyrus should be ashamed of himself for pimping his daughter for the sake of her career. And his meal ticket. At least the old mullet wasn't harming anyone.
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phenom back even farther, to the onslaught of pink frills and princess fantasy that is now marketed to kids as young as one. A book reviewer has called it the princess industrial complex, and i have to say that the phrase gave me a laugh the first time I read it. But then Orenstein discusses its impact on childrne in her life and it becomes clear that the effects are anything but funny.
One of the things I most appreciated about the book was that Orenstein didn't view all the princessing of children as inherently evil in parts -- it's the totality of it -- 28,000 products from Disney alone -- that makes the effects on children disturbing.
Her foray into the pageant world brought forth a really interesting observation. That the process of "helpless feminization" and sexualization of kids doesn't happen overnight. Rather, it's gradual. A new incursion is made by a product line or Mylie Cyrus modeling nude under the age of 18, and while parents may be horrifed at that, it gradually makes us immune to the more subtle expressions of sexuality that seem more moderate. Moderate today, but think about how many mothers would have allowed their daughters to go outside in navel-baring crop tops with bad girl across the chest. At 7. In 1970.
She also points out that the revulsion many feel over pageant Moms is really only disturbance at the degree of sexualization. Most Moms and Dads tolerate at least some of it in their kids, and the age gets earlier and earlier.
Orenstein points out that the solution isn't legislation or hanging the marketing guy at Disney in effigy. It is in parents doing a reality chaeck on themselves on their kids, and it spending the time and energy to inculcate values and self esteem in girls.
And BTW, Billy Raye Cyrus should be ashamed of himself for pimping his daughter for the sake of her career. And his meal ticket. At least the old mullet wasn't harming anyone.
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LibraryThing member Devil_llama
This book on the "pink" wars and the trend toward princess culture in childhood, as well as gender based expectations is not a sermon or a lecture; it is a conversation. The author has an easy style, interlaced with a lot of humor, and the personal anecdotes, while not presented as evidence, help
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add a personal touch. In fact, it is usually the events with her own daughter (the anecdotes) that act as the stimulus to research more completely. The author does not dismiss the reality of gender differences, but she tries to demonstrate the affect that emphasizing the differences creates in young women, and the pervasiveness of messages that girls are supposed to be "hot" or "sexy". The most horrifying chapter was probably the one on beauty pageants for little girls, though the author goes out of her way not to condemn the parents (perhaps bending over a bit too far at times). A must-read for anyone who interacts with females of any age. Show Less
LibraryThing member rkreish
I loved the first half of the book, but the second half felt tacked on, and her solutions in the last chapter felt lightweight compared to the anger in the first few chapters.
LibraryThing member lycomayflower
Does much what it says on the tin, though comes to few conclusions (aside from "our role is not to keep the world at bay but to prepare our daughters so they can thrive within it," which I suspect is good advice about raising daughters in our media-saturated and increasingly girlie-girl culture,
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though perhaps a bit self-evident as well). Orenstein hits on many interesting aspects of the new girl culture, ranging from the American Girl and Disney Princess lines to junior beauty pageants and the influences of advertising and the internet. What results is an interesting and well-written discussion of the topic, despite the lack of definitive conclusions. And that lack isn't necessarily a flaw, as I think the issue of gender identity and pop culture is one that is so tangled that any conclusions that could be reached in one 200-page book would be automatically suspect. Recommended if you're interested in the discussion but (as others who have reviewed the book have said) don't expect a parenting how-to or advice book. Show Less
LibraryThing member the1stdaughter
Pink, princesses, disney, pageants, tiaras, and on and on. All of these things and more come into play at a very young age for girls growing up in today’s society. Often the introduction of these items seems to come organically without any outside intervention and other times it’s entirely
Before I get into the meat of my review I need to say up front that this book was not at all what I was expecting. In many ways I was completely disappointed at the lack of helpful tools and overwhelmed by the sometimes contradictory information & statistics. Being the parent of a young daughter who has recently acquired a love of all the things author Peggy Orenstein finds wrong in the world currently (ie. pink everything & most of all Disney Princesses) I was on the lookout for helpful ways in which to counter balance this influence. Something to encourage her to become a young woman that is tolerant and accepting of others as well as comfortable with her own self-image. What I ended up with was more frustration than answers.
Both my husband and I are the first born in families where there was only one gender of children. His was a family of four boys and mine a family of three girls. Because of my situation I became quite a bit of a tomboy and helped my Dad with whatever he was doing around the house or outside. I learned to work on cars and fix stereo equipment, but was also a classically trained flutist. Even with the influence of two younger, very girly, sisters and a mom who was always dressed beautifully I never fully became a “girly girl”. Despite or perhaps because of my lack of “girliness” I still suffered from bouts of anorexia and depression as a teen, but even these experiences shaped me into a strong confident woman. Why? Primarily because of my parents and their never ending open line of communication while growing up. This leads me to my own daughter & son (who funnily enough chose pink as his favorite color until just recently) and how I can encourage & support them even when our tastes are varied, which was the primary reasoning behind picking up Cinderella Ate My Daughter.
It’s obvious to anyone who reads even a few chapters of Cinderella Ate My Daughter that Orenstein has done her homework. From spending her days monitoring the interactions between pre-schoolers to visiting the mecca of the doll world, the American Girl Place, to thoroughly researching both sides of pageants and even interviewing the man behind the marketing genius that is the Disney Princesses. For me personally I found most of this information to not only be too much but also something I was already aware of. What I didn’t appreciate was the near constant contradictions I found. Yes, it bothers me to know that the Disney Princesses were intentionally placed on marketing & packaging materials in such a way that they never “look” at each other. But what also bothered me more was that the author, who was bothered by that situation was also bothered while observing pre-schoolers who naturally separated into gender specific groups without any encouragement from adults. So it was wrong that the Disney Princesses were never allowed to seek the camaraderie & support of the other princesses, but it was also wrong that girls played and enjoyed the company of other girls? It was situations like this that left me confused and baffled at what exactly it was that the author was trying to accomplish. Instead of feeling as though I was learning from the shared experience of a fellow mother seeking solutions to help her children be the best people they can be I felt like she was more interested in carrying out her personal vendetta against all things pink, princess and girly.
In what I hoped would be a book filled with ways to counter balance the role today’s media & marketing plays into the ways our daughters grow up I found near constant negativity without many solutions. Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein is perfect for readers not familiar with today’s popular girl-driven marketing trends because it’s filled with statistics and observations of not only the author herself but many professionals. Unfortunately for me it was of little help. Yes, I hope to encourage both of my children to be strong independent thinkers that are not only tolerant but accepting of others. What I also hope to teach them is that no matter what they choose I support them in whatever their passions may be by not privately (or publicly as in this case) disparaging their decisions. There is no definitive statistic that can prove a young girl or boy who grow up loving pink and only pink will be completely depressed and disillusioned as an adult, but unfortunately that’s the opinion I gathered from the author. Oddly enough my favorite quote and perhaps my personal hope is one found on the last page:
“…our role is not to keep the world at bay but to prepare our daughters so they can thrive within it.” (p. 192 Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein)
Originally reviewed and copyrighted at my site There's A Book.
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based on the media & friends our children interact with on a daily basis. As a parent of a newly “crowned” princess of her own, Peggy Orenstein navigates the murky waters that nearly every parent of a daughter will encounter at one time or another in their child’s life. Before I get into the meat of my review I need to say up front that this book was not at all what I was expecting. In many ways I was completely disappointed at the lack of helpful tools and overwhelmed by the sometimes contradictory information & statistics. Being the parent of a young daughter who has recently acquired a love of all the things author Peggy Orenstein finds wrong in the world currently (ie. pink everything & most of all Disney Princesses) I was on the lookout for helpful ways in which to counter balance this influence. Something to encourage her to become a young woman that is tolerant and accepting of others as well as comfortable with her own self-image. What I ended up with was more frustration than answers.
Both my husband and I are the first born in families where there was only one gender of children. His was a family of four boys and mine a family of three girls. Because of my situation I became quite a bit of a tomboy and helped my Dad with whatever he was doing around the house or outside. I learned to work on cars and fix stereo equipment, but was also a classically trained flutist. Even with the influence of two younger, very girly, sisters and a mom who was always dressed beautifully I never fully became a “girly girl”. Despite or perhaps because of my lack of “girliness” I still suffered from bouts of anorexia and depression as a teen, but even these experiences shaped me into a strong confident woman. Why? Primarily because of my parents and their never ending open line of communication while growing up. This leads me to my own daughter & son (who funnily enough chose pink as his favorite color until just recently) and how I can encourage & support them even when our tastes are varied, which was the primary reasoning behind picking up Cinderella Ate My Daughter.
It’s obvious to anyone who reads even a few chapters of Cinderella Ate My Daughter that Orenstein has done her homework. From spending her days monitoring the interactions between pre-schoolers to visiting the mecca of the doll world, the American Girl Place, to thoroughly researching both sides of pageants and even interviewing the man behind the marketing genius that is the Disney Princesses. For me personally I found most of this information to not only be too much but also something I was already aware of. What I didn’t appreciate was the near constant contradictions I found. Yes, it bothers me to know that the Disney Princesses were intentionally placed on marketing & packaging materials in such a way that they never “look” at each other. But what also bothered me more was that the author, who was bothered by that situation was also bothered while observing pre-schoolers who naturally separated into gender specific groups without any encouragement from adults. So it was wrong that the Disney Princesses were never allowed to seek the camaraderie & support of the other princesses, but it was also wrong that girls played and enjoyed the company of other girls? It was situations like this that left me confused and baffled at what exactly it was that the author was trying to accomplish. Instead of feeling as though I was learning from the shared experience of a fellow mother seeking solutions to help her children be the best people they can be I felt like she was more interested in carrying out her personal vendetta against all things pink, princess and girly.
In what I hoped would be a book filled with ways to counter balance the role today’s media & marketing plays into the ways our daughters grow up I found near constant negativity without many solutions. Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein is perfect for readers not familiar with today’s popular girl-driven marketing trends because it’s filled with statistics and observations of not only the author herself but many professionals. Unfortunately for me it was of little help. Yes, I hope to encourage both of my children to be strong independent thinkers that are not only tolerant but accepting of others. What I also hope to teach them is that no matter what they choose I support them in whatever their passions may be by not privately (or publicly as in this case) disparaging their decisions. There is no definitive statistic that can prove a young girl or boy who grow up loving pink and only pink will be completely depressed and disillusioned as an adult, but unfortunately that’s the opinion I gathered from the author. Oddly enough my favorite quote and perhaps my personal hope is one found on the last page:
“…our role is not to keep the world at bay but to prepare our daughters so they can thrive within it.” (p. 192 Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein)
Originally reviewed and copyrighted at my site There's A Book.
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LibraryThing member steadfastreader
This is an important book. It makes feminism (a term which the author, cleverly, uses as little as possible) accessible to mainstream moms and attempts to instill the importance that feminism still has, even to our children today.
You don't have to agree with all of her assertions, at time she gets
Worth the read.
Note: Last 30% of the book is bibliography, so it's an even quicker read than it looks.
You don't have to agree with all of her assertions, at time she gets
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pretty preachy. But I think that regardless, this is an accessible book for all parents of female children and the ultimate moral of the story is the great evil is not pink, princesses, or high-heel shoes, the underlying evil is rampant, voracious mainstream consumerism turning our daughter's innocence and sexuality into a commodity. Worth the read.
Note: Last 30% of the book is bibliography, so it's an even quicker read than it looks.
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LibraryThing member marcejewels
From my blog
I thought this was an interesting read. I have a 4 year old daughter that is all about pink. At night after I read a story to her I pull out my Kindle and read with the kindle light, well the ironic funniest comment she made while reading this book was. "Mommy when I get older I am
This book was much more than the pink phase girls go through. It was the pink vs blue, the girl toys vs boy toys, female celebrities, girly girl vs tomboy, the Princesses of course and the dolls, American Girl, Barbie, Bratz, Spice Girls etc., sexy in young girls, toddler pageants and Facebook, the overall social media which was my favourite chapter.
Social media scares me for sure and I agree young children are techie so they are on it at young ages. I can let my 4 year old be on the computer alone, nickjr.com owns her and 'gives me quiet time' ;-) The thought of texting, online associates that she will call friends, all the life that I will no nothing about scares me.
As Parents we make decisions every day that will affect our children, that is our responsibility as a parent. Even though the Princess movies and others are for children, we should still be watching them to see if we agree with the morals, every one's values are different. I believe we have to respond to questions, there is the style - "no they don't watch or do it home so they don't know" but as Peggy found out, that is the biggest myth or thought.
I remember once, my daughter was pretending and said 'is my butt big' if I hadn't watched Chipmunks with her I would have gasped and thought what the hell. Oh ya, Chipmunks are funny but they can be rude but they are also irresistible. Peggy discussed the uproar over Beyonce's song, Single Ladies, put a ring on it, lol, but guess what, it is right out of the Chipmunks movie, hahahahaha.
Did you know pink and blue is a 'new' concept? A favourite quote When nursery colors were introduced, pink was actually considered the more masculine hue, a pastel version of red, which was associate with strength. Blue, with its intimations of the Virgin Mary, constancy, and faithfulness, symbolized femininity. Peggy makes the conclusion that maybe that is why Cinderella is in Blue.
A few quotes I loved, made me think and want to share:
I thought, maybe I should see princess mania as a sign of progress, an indication that girls could celebrate their predilection for pink without compromising strength or ambition; that at long last they could "have it all": be feminist and feminine, pretty and powerful; earn independence and male approval. Then again, maybe I should just lighten up and not read so much into it - to mangel Freud, maybe sometimes a princess is just a princess.
It tells girls that how you look is more important than how you feel. More than that, it tells them that how you look is how you feel, as well as who you are.
Overall, this was an enjoyable read. I would recommend to moms and women that consider themselves girly girls. I am a girly girl and my daughter is fully into the pink phase, wants to wear a skirt but I have to put leggings or shorts under because she will be climbing, jumping in the sand right with the boys.
The main thing missing for me was Peggy giving examples specific to her daughter, I did wish it could have been more memoir than just non fiction. This would have made it more real in a sense. I think everyone that reads this will choose a different favourite chapter, they were pretty good.
I thought this was an interesting read. I have a 4 year old daughter that is all about pink. At night after I read a story to her I pull out my Kindle and read with the kindle light, well the ironic funniest comment she made while reading this book was. "Mommy when I get older I am
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going to get a Kindle too but mine is going to be pink with a pink light." It took everything in me to not laugh. I think PeggyO may have been appalled, lol.This book was much more than the pink phase girls go through. It was the pink vs blue, the girl toys vs boy toys, female celebrities, girly girl vs tomboy, the Princesses of course and the dolls, American Girl, Barbie, Bratz, Spice Girls etc., sexy in young girls, toddler pageants and Facebook, the overall social media which was my favourite chapter.
Social media scares me for sure and I agree young children are techie so they are on it at young ages. I can let my 4 year old be on the computer alone, nickjr.com owns her and 'gives me quiet time' ;-) The thought of texting, online associates that she will call friends, all the life that I will no nothing about scares me.
As Parents we make decisions every day that will affect our children, that is our responsibility as a parent. Even though the Princess movies and others are for children, we should still be watching them to see if we agree with the morals, every one's values are different. I believe we have to respond to questions, there is the style - "no they don't watch or do it home so they don't know" but as Peggy found out, that is the biggest myth or thought.
I remember once, my daughter was pretending and said 'is my butt big' if I hadn't watched Chipmunks with her I would have gasped and thought what the hell. Oh ya, Chipmunks are funny but they can be rude but they are also irresistible. Peggy discussed the uproar over Beyonce's song, Single Ladies, put a ring on it, lol, but guess what, it is right out of the Chipmunks movie, hahahahaha.
Did you know pink and blue is a 'new' concept? A favourite quote When nursery colors were introduced, pink was actually considered the more masculine hue, a pastel version of red, which was associate with strength. Blue, with its intimations of the Virgin Mary, constancy, and faithfulness, symbolized femininity. Peggy makes the conclusion that maybe that is why Cinderella is in Blue.
A few quotes I loved, made me think and want to share:
I thought, maybe I should see princess mania as a sign of progress, an indication that girls could celebrate their predilection for pink without compromising strength or ambition; that at long last they could "have it all": be feminist and feminine, pretty and powerful; earn independence and male approval. Then again, maybe I should just lighten up and not read so much into it - to mangel Freud, maybe sometimes a princess is just a princess.
It tells girls that how you look is more important than how you feel. More than that, it tells them that how you look is how you feel, as well as who you are.
Overall, this was an enjoyable read. I would recommend to moms and women that consider themselves girly girls. I am a girly girl and my daughter is fully into the pink phase, wants to wear a skirt but I have to put leggings or shorts under because she will be climbing, jumping in the sand right with the boys.
The main thing missing for me was Peggy giving examples specific to her daughter, I did wish it could have been more memoir than just non fiction. This would have made it more real in a sense. I think everyone that reads this will choose a different favourite chapter, they were pretty good.
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LibraryThing member abbylibrarian
This is a readable and fascinating book about girlie-girl culture and one woman's attempts to keep her daughter from falling headfirst into the stereotype abyss. Topics range from Disney Princess to American Girl to Twilight to Miley Cyress and more. Peggy Orenstein has written and talked about
I'd recommend this to anyone raising a daughter or anyone who works with kids (especially if you sigh a little inside every time a girl asks you for "princess books!").
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adolescent girl culture for many years, but this book is a foray into pop culture for the preschool through tween girl set, inspired by her experiences with her own daughter. She writes with a conversational, humorous tone that I found very appealing.I'd recommend this to anyone raising a daughter or anyone who works with kids (especially if you sigh a little inside every time a girl asks you for "princess books!").
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LibraryThing member bettyandboo
As a mother of a 9 year old girl, I admit that I have always been more than a little uncomfortable with the whole Disney Princess phenomenon, which exploded onto the pink-tinged scene just in time to coincide with my Betty's entrance into the Disney marketplace world.
We may have never taken our
And who can forget the year (2008) that we refer to as the "Hannah Christmas" because almost every item that Santa or the grandparents brought bared the likeness of one Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana (so much so that The Husband claimed we all should have just handed over our ATM cards to Billy Ray himself.)
So, yeah. Disney has succeeded bigtime in capturing our daughter's interest and a good part of our disposable income.
And, as Peggy Orenstein writes in Cinderella Ate My Daughter, a lot of other people's too.
"The first Princess items, released with no marketing plan, no focus groups, no advertising, sold as if blessed by a fairy godmother. Within a year, sales had soared to $300 million. By 2009, they were at $4 billion. Four billion dollars! There are more than twenty-six thousand Disney Princess items on the market, a number which, particularly when you exclude cigarette, liquor, cars, and antidepressants, is staggering." (pg. 14) "Of course, girls are not buying the 24/7 princess culture all on their own. So the question is not only why they like it (which is fairly obvious) but what it offers their parents." (pg. 22)
Yes, what indeed?
That's just one of the psychological factors that Orenstein explores in this book that is a must-read for any parent or relative or teacher of young girls. I found this absolutely fascinating ... and it makes so much sense when put like this:
"[P]rincesses are, by definition, special, elevated creatures. And don't we all feel our girls are extraordinary, unique, and beautiful? Don't we want them to share that belief for as long as possible, to think that - just by their existence, by birthright - they are the chosen ones? Wouldn't we like their lives to be forever charmed, infused with magic and sparkle? I know I want that for my daughter.
Or do I? Among other things, princesses tend to be rather isolated in their singularity. Navigating the new world of friendships is what preschool is all about, yet the DPs, you will recall, won't even look at one another ....Princesses may confide in a sympathetic mouse or teacup, but, at least among the best-known stories, they do not have girlfriends. God forbid Snow White should give Sleeping Beauty a little support." (pg. 22-23)
That's the truth. They don't ever look at each other, and that (as Orenstein says) is downright freaky and creepy. You can see how this sets the stage for how mean little girls can be to one another. (Orenstein gets into that into a later chapter.)
"Let's review: princesses avoid female bonding. Their goals are to be saved by a prince, get married ... and be taken care of for the rest of their lives. Their values drive largely from their appearance. They are rabid materialists. They might affect your daughter's interest in math. And yet ... parents cannot resist them. Princesses seem to have tapped into our unspoken, unrational wishes. They may also assuage our fears: Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty may be sources of comfort, of stability in a rapidly changing world. Our daughters will shortly be tweeting and Facebooking and doing things that have yet to be invented, things that are beyond our ken. Princesses are uncomplicated, classic, something solid that we can understand and share with them, even if they are a bit problematic. They provide a way to play with our girls that is similar to how we played, a common language of childhood fun. That certainly fits into what Disney found in a survey of preschool girls' mothers: rather than 'beautiful,' the women more strongly associate princesses with 'creating fantasy,' 'inspiring,' 'compassionate.'
And 'safe.' ... By safe, I would wager that they mean that being a Princess fends off premature sexualization, or what parents often refer to as the pressure 'to grow up too soon.' .... Children's wide-eyed excitement over the products we buy them pierces through our own boredom as consumers and as adults, reconnecting us to our childhoods: it makes us feel again. The problem is that our very dependence on our children's joy erodes over time, they become jaded as we are by new purchases - perhaps more so." (pg. 23-24)
(Jiminy Crickets, I could quote this whole damn book. It's that good.)
To be sure, Orenstein packs a lot into these 192 pages. She not only takes on the Princesses, but the American Girls too. You'd think they would be better (I did) because they are educational at least, but they've got their issues too, mainly in the form of all the accoutrements that come along with them (for a price).
"Therein lies the paradox of American Girl: the books preach against materialism, but you could blow the college fund on the gear." (pg. 30-31). "It is a peculiar inversion: the simplicity of American Girl is expensive, while the finery of Princess comes cheap. In the end, though, the appeal to parents is the same: both lines tacitly promise to keep girls "young" and safe from sexualization. Yet they also introduce them to a consumer culture that will ultimately encourage the opposite - one in which Matter and Disney (the parent companies, respectively, of the two brands) play a major role. Both Princess and American Girl promote shopping as the path to intimacy between mothers and daughters; as an expression, even for five-year-olds, of female identity." (pg. 32)
It's that identity that is at the heart of what Orenstein is trying to convey (and succeeds in doing) in Cinderella Ate My Daughter. She delves into the world of child beauty pageants, the pages of the original versions of fairy tales, and into the online worlds of inhabited by thousands of kids starting with the games found on Nick.com and Disney and moving into the virtual and social networking worlds where 3.7 million teens are logging on each month. "In short order - a matter of a few years - social networking and virtual worlds have transformed how young people, male as well as female, conceptualize both their selves and their relationships." (pg. 165)
It's hard to walk away from Cinderella Ate My Daughter feeling ... well, empowered. Enlightened, yes, but there aren't many answers as to what to do about the proliferation of the Princesses and how they are just the beginning of this slippery slope that we're on. The answer isn't to ban all this altogether (particularly the online stuff, because there are obviously many benefits to this Internet thing - and as someone who logs way more online hours than I probably should, I'd be a little hypocritical if I said there wasn't.) And this stuff isn't going away - not a chance, not when it is making upwards of $4 billion dollars a year.
Instead, it's what we all know - having an awareness of the messages and psychology behind all of this and how it can and does affect our girls. And sometimes, from the most unexpected sources, there are good messages to be found. Like take today, for example. I finished Cinderella Ate My Daughter last night and was in the car with both kids heading home from the library today when The Cheetah Girls came on Radio Disney. The song? "Cinderella."
I groaned ... but kept it on, willing myself to listen to the words.
And I was rather pleasantly surprised.
"I don't wanna be like Cinderella
Sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar
Waiting for somebody to come and set me free.
Come and set me free.
I don't wanna be like someone waiting for a handsome prince to come and save me."
I cranked up the radio to make sure the message was heard loud and clear.
"Don't wanna depend on no one else.
I'd rather rescue myself.
Someday I'm gonna find someone who wants my soul, heart and mind.
Who's not afraid to show that he loves me.
Somebody who will understand I'm happy just the way I am.
Don't need nobody taking care of me.
I will be there, I will be there for him just as strong as he will be there for me.
When I give myself then it has got to be an equal thing.
I don't wanna be like Cinderella, sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar ...."
Yes, indeed. Sing it, my Cheetah girlfriend. As loud as you possibly can.
We may have never taken our
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kids to the Magic Kingdom (no character breakfasts with princesses and mermaids for us, thanks) but we certainly haven't escaped all things Disney in this house. Betty has been Jasmine twice for Halloween, as well as Ariel and Dora and Hannah. We have the Disney Princess Wii game. She's read (and owned) every single Disney book. Even though she's outgrown her, Betty still brushes her hair at her Dora the Explorer vanity table.And who can forget the year (2008) that we refer to as the "Hannah Christmas" because almost every item that Santa or the grandparents brought bared the likeness of one Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana (so much so that The Husband claimed we all should have just handed over our ATM cards to Billy Ray himself.)
So, yeah. Disney has succeeded bigtime in capturing our daughter's interest and a good part of our disposable income.
And, as Peggy Orenstein writes in Cinderella Ate My Daughter, a lot of other people's too.
"The first Princess items, released with no marketing plan, no focus groups, no advertising, sold as if blessed by a fairy godmother. Within a year, sales had soared to $300 million. By 2009, they were at $4 billion. Four billion dollars! There are more than twenty-six thousand Disney Princess items on the market, a number which, particularly when you exclude cigarette, liquor, cars, and antidepressants, is staggering." (pg. 14) "Of course, girls are not buying the 24/7 princess culture all on their own. So the question is not only why they like it (which is fairly obvious) but what it offers their parents." (pg. 22)
Yes, what indeed?
That's just one of the psychological factors that Orenstein explores in this book that is a must-read for any parent or relative or teacher of young girls. I found this absolutely fascinating ... and it makes so much sense when put like this:
"[P]rincesses are, by definition, special, elevated creatures. And don't we all feel our girls are extraordinary, unique, and beautiful? Don't we want them to share that belief for as long as possible, to think that - just by their existence, by birthright - they are the chosen ones? Wouldn't we like their lives to be forever charmed, infused with magic and sparkle? I know I want that for my daughter.
Or do I? Among other things, princesses tend to be rather isolated in their singularity. Navigating the new world of friendships is what preschool is all about, yet the DPs, you will recall, won't even look at one another ....Princesses may confide in a sympathetic mouse or teacup, but, at least among the best-known stories, they do not have girlfriends. God forbid Snow White should give Sleeping Beauty a little support." (pg. 22-23)
That's the truth. They don't ever look at each other, and that (as Orenstein says) is downright freaky and creepy. You can see how this sets the stage for how mean little girls can be to one another. (Orenstein gets into that into a later chapter.)
"Let's review: princesses avoid female bonding. Their goals are to be saved by a prince, get married ... and be taken care of for the rest of their lives. Their values drive largely from their appearance. They are rabid materialists. They might affect your daughter's interest in math. And yet ... parents cannot resist them. Princesses seem to have tapped into our unspoken, unrational wishes. They may also assuage our fears: Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty may be sources of comfort, of stability in a rapidly changing world. Our daughters will shortly be tweeting and Facebooking and doing things that have yet to be invented, things that are beyond our ken. Princesses are uncomplicated, classic, something solid that we can understand and share with them, even if they are a bit problematic. They provide a way to play with our girls that is similar to how we played, a common language of childhood fun. That certainly fits into what Disney found in a survey of preschool girls' mothers: rather than 'beautiful,' the women more strongly associate princesses with 'creating fantasy,' 'inspiring,' 'compassionate.'
And 'safe.' ... By safe, I would wager that they mean that being a Princess fends off premature sexualization, or what parents often refer to as the pressure 'to grow up too soon.' .... Children's wide-eyed excitement over the products we buy them pierces through our own boredom as consumers and as adults, reconnecting us to our childhoods: it makes us feel again. The problem is that our very dependence on our children's joy erodes over time, they become jaded as we are by new purchases - perhaps more so." (pg. 23-24)
(Jiminy Crickets, I could quote this whole damn book. It's that good.)
To be sure, Orenstein packs a lot into these 192 pages. She not only takes on the Princesses, but the American Girls too. You'd think they would be better (I did) because they are educational at least, but they've got their issues too, mainly in the form of all the accoutrements that come along with them (for a price).
"Therein lies the paradox of American Girl: the books preach against materialism, but you could blow the college fund on the gear." (pg. 30-31). "It is a peculiar inversion: the simplicity of American Girl is expensive, while the finery of Princess comes cheap. In the end, though, the appeal to parents is the same: both lines tacitly promise to keep girls "young" and safe from sexualization. Yet they also introduce them to a consumer culture that will ultimately encourage the opposite - one in which Matter and Disney (the parent companies, respectively, of the two brands) play a major role. Both Princess and American Girl promote shopping as the path to intimacy between mothers and daughters; as an expression, even for five-year-olds, of female identity." (pg. 32)
It's that identity that is at the heart of what Orenstein is trying to convey (and succeeds in doing) in Cinderella Ate My Daughter. She delves into the world of child beauty pageants, the pages of the original versions of fairy tales, and into the online worlds of inhabited by thousands of kids starting with the games found on Nick.com and Disney and moving into the virtual and social networking worlds where 3.7 million teens are logging on each month. "In short order - a matter of a few years - social networking and virtual worlds have transformed how young people, male as well as female, conceptualize both their selves and their relationships." (pg. 165)
It's hard to walk away from Cinderella Ate My Daughter feeling ... well, empowered. Enlightened, yes, but there aren't many answers as to what to do about the proliferation of the Princesses and how they are just the beginning of this slippery slope that we're on. The answer isn't to ban all this altogether (particularly the online stuff, because there are obviously many benefits to this Internet thing - and as someone who logs way more online hours than I probably should, I'd be a little hypocritical if I said there wasn't.) And this stuff isn't going away - not a chance, not when it is making upwards of $4 billion dollars a year.
Instead, it's what we all know - having an awareness of the messages and psychology behind all of this and how it can and does affect our girls. And sometimes, from the most unexpected sources, there are good messages to be found. Like take today, for example. I finished Cinderella Ate My Daughter last night and was in the car with both kids heading home from the library today when The Cheetah Girls came on Radio Disney. The song? "Cinderella."
I groaned ... but kept it on, willing myself to listen to the words.
And I was rather pleasantly surprised.
"I don't wanna be like Cinderella
Sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar
Waiting for somebody to come and set me free.
Come and set me free.
I don't wanna be like someone waiting for a handsome prince to come and save me."
I cranked up the radio to make sure the message was heard loud and clear.
"Don't wanna depend on no one else.
I'd rather rescue myself.
Someday I'm gonna find someone who wants my soul, heart and mind.
Who's not afraid to show that he loves me.
Somebody who will understand I'm happy just the way I am.
Don't need nobody taking care of me.
I will be there, I will be there for him just as strong as he will be there for me.
When I give myself then it has got to be an equal thing.
I don't wanna be like Cinderella, sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar ...."
Yes, indeed. Sing it, my Cheetah girlfriend. As loud as you possibly can.
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LibraryThing member Anbarrineau
The potential responsibility of having children and the complications that go along with it are especially concerning to me when I considering what happens if I were to have a girl. Being a girl today is exceedingly complicated the world is coming at you from every direction with advertisements and
Orenstein manages to approach the topic in a conversational manner including research and articles that make me want to disengage or stop reading. The science and the facts flow into the narrative of Orenstein's experience raising her own daughter. The question I had in reading the book was whether or not there was a way to raise a well adjusted daughter who had self-respect and a healthy self-identity that allowed her to function in a role other than damsel in distress. I believe this book answers that question, but additionally raising more questions. It is additionally disparaging to consider the issue of raising a boy and wanting them to be equal parts masculine and gentle/caring. Perhaps that will be the sequel.
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expectations about what kind of interests you should have even what color you should like. For a parent I imagine that to be one more nightmare on top of all the other worries. Orenstein manages to approach the topic in a conversational manner including research and articles that make me want to disengage or stop reading. The science and the facts flow into the narrative of Orenstein's experience raising her own daughter. The question I had in reading the book was whether or not there was a way to raise a well adjusted daughter who had self-respect and a healthy self-identity that allowed her to function in a role other than damsel in distress. I believe this book answers that question, but additionally raising more questions. It is additionally disparaging to consider the issue of raising a boy and wanting them to be equal parts masculine and gentle/caring. Perhaps that will be the sequel.
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LibraryThing member etxgardener
This is the best-selling book (derived from an article in the New York Times Magazine about the dark side of consumer marketing to girls. While this book was only published in 2011, much of it seems old hat. Maybe that's because we can congratulate the author for exposing the predatory power of
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pink marketing, or the plethora of books and articles that have appeared on this subject in the past year. Whatever it is, the book just seemed like old news to me and, while I do think the subject is important, not that interesting. I'm glad this is one that I checked out of the library & not something I invested $15.00 on. Show Less
LibraryThing member eenerd
Somewhat scary look into what it is like raising very young girls nowadays, given the constant barrage by media and the 24/7 access to technology. A sobering look into the impacts of these things as well as the things we as parents do and project onto our kids. Thought provoking and very readable.
LibraryThing member kageeh
I thought it was bad when my three daughters were young but it's even worse today. It's not so much the princesses and pink but the clothing. It's almost impossible to buy decent clothes for girls by the time they grow out of diapers. For most girls, however, most simply love dolls and princesses,
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no matter how much the parents try to steer them away. Other girls, three of my granddaughters, for example, just naturally shun everything to do with Disney and dolls. My own daughters, in fact, never played with dolls and hated ballet; I wondered if they were really mine. For all of Orenstein's protestations, girls will not necessarily march to the rhythm of their mothers, no matter how loudly they play the music. Orenstein is an excellent writer, by the way, and I hope to hear more from her. Show Less
LibraryThing member LizPhoto
I've been waiting to read "Cinderella Ate My Daughter" for a while now it was not exactly what I had expected. Some of the one-liners and personal stories were funny but the lack of scientific research and gender study research made the book seem more suited for a magazine article or. I understand
The whole give me this now and I can’t go outside without looking completely perfect attitude is really disturbing. I can’t run to the grocery store or Walgreen’s without seeing people dressed to the nines, while I am in jeans and no makeup, not sure if it’s a southern belle things or like that all over but I hate it. The way you dress does not make you a better person than me, especially when your five year old is wearing Juicy Couture and carrying a Coach bag. I think it’s nonsense and the whole princess culture does not help it at all.
“CAMD” showed how much the media and consumerism is geared specifically to a certain age and gender bringing out that give me that now attitude, especially if I am girl it has to be pink and sparkly. It also shows how the media wants our kids to grow up so fast that they can choose their own toys, clothes, etc…. I mean what could be better than a six year old wearing so much makeup that she outshines Tammy Fay Baker and dresses in less clothes than Tia Tequila? When I have kids I want them to be raised with a solid background and have enough imagination that they can play with anything like a simple rock and make it anything they want it to be. I don’t want my kids to be totally obsessed with princesses and Pokemon but I want to give them the chance to figure it out on their own and with guidance from me.
I know that I kinda of went on rage/tangent about this whole thing but I have really strong feelings on the whole subject. Sorry it wasn’t more of a review on the book.
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that “CAMD” is not a research book and covering the topic in a lighter manner makes it available to a wider audience. Just a little side note – If anyone is interested in this topic you need to check out the photography work by Lauren Greenfield especially her book “Girl Culture” and “Fast Forward.”The whole give me this now and I can’t go outside without looking completely perfect attitude is really disturbing. I can’t run to the grocery store or Walgreen’s without seeing people dressed to the nines, while I am in jeans and no makeup, not sure if it’s a southern belle things or like that all over but I hate it. The way you dress does not make you a better person than me, especially when your five year old is wearing Juicy Couture and carrying a Coach bag. I think it’s nonsense and the whole princess culture does not help it at all.
“CAMD” showed how much the media and consumerism is geared specifically to a certain age and gender bringing out that give me that now attitude, especially if I am girl it has to be pink and sparkly. It also shows how the media wants our kids to grow up so fast that they can choose their own toys, clothes, etc…. I mean what could be better than a six year old wearing so much makeup that she outshines Tammy Fay Baker and dresses in less clothes than Tia Tequila? When I have kids I want them to be raised with a solid background and have enough imagination that they can play with anything like a simple rock and make it anything they want it to be. I don’t want my kids to be totally obsessed with princesses and Pokemon but I want to give them the chance to figure it out on their own and with guidance from me.
I know that I kinda of went on rage/tangent about this whole thing but I have really strong feelings on the whole subject. Sorry it wasn’t more of a review on the book.
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LibraryThing member marti.booker
I'm sorry, Peggy, but this book is too drenched in your own fears, worries, and prejudices (Did you have to link Britney Spears's possible diagnosis as bipolar to her media statements about her sexuality? Do you have ANY compassion for the mentally ill? Thought not.)
I have to close with my
I have to close with my
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standard advice. Raise your daughter to adulthood, then write a book about the struggle. If you've only made it to elementary school, you're still in the minor leagues. Show Less
LibraryThing member lilysea
Missed opportunity to A) deeply question the beauty standards of our culture. Rather than asking why our concept of beauty is so narrow, she just sort of went with that concept as factual. B) challenge cultural assumptions about gender. "Girls need to feel like girls" she says. But what the hell is
Meh.
Not a bad introduction to the ideas but "I always thought that A, but then my friend said her daughter B" is hardly a deep analysis or real test of anything
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a girl and how does it feel to be one? C) Look at race and the complications of being anything other than white when the beauty standard is white. This was a near-miss, because she talked to her "Black friend" and she has a BIRACIAL DAUGHTER, hello? But then again, Asian/white is not such a far cry from the white beauty standard--especially in Berkeley, so I guess that wasn't of concern and perhaps most of all D) analyze the class issues inherent in who buys what. She tosses off a couple of tasteful brands of toys she likes better than Disney princesses, she mentions that she likes American Girl dolls better and that they are better "quality", she suggests that as with the increase of organic food availability we can consume our way to better toy availability without noting that organic food is only available in certain neighborhoods at a certain price point. I can buy Habba and Plan and American Girl all I want now. My upper-crust "tasteful" consumption ain't gonna stop Disney. If indeed stopping Disney is the goal.Meh.
Not a bad introduction to the ideas but "I always thought that A, but then my friend said her daughter B" is hardly a deep analysis or real test of anything
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LibraryThing member tundra
This book was an interesting read. There is a lot of information about the disney princess craze of the last 10 years (which I was totally unaware of) as well as some related topics that were interesting, especially if I ever have a daughter. I don't think the author said enough concluding remarks,
If you read this because you have a daughter you're afraid is princess crazed, this book does not have any special amazing solutions.
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and the general message was basic common sense, "be moderate."If you read this because you have a daughter you're afraid is princess crazed, this book does not have any special amazing solutions.
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LibraryThing member tiamatq
I enjoyed the hell out of this book (not quite sure what I mean by that, but it's true). It's been a great discussion topic between friends, co-workers, and family. The chapters go quickly and I thought the subject matter was fascinating. I've seen other reviewers complain that Orenstein doesn't
Really, this book was fascinating and educational. I loved it!
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offer advice on how to help your daughter (and even your son) to recognize and cope with the girlie-girl culture. After reading the book, I don't know that she could give a simple set of instructions for us to follow with success; the emphasis of the book is that we can't remove our children or ourselves completely from this culture. And even if we could (thinking back to the example of the genderless child), certain behaviors will assert themselves regardless. What Orenstein does do is explain her own parenting, which she recognizes as flawed. She struggles with giving in to her daughter, with the permeation of girlie-girl culture (pink, sparkly, princess-y, and sexy-without-being-sexy), and with accepting being feminine without that being a negative. She also finds ways to encourage her daughter to really think about the princess stories and the way girls are represented. You won't find a list of instructions for raising your daughter, but you'll see Orenstein's methods as a parent and the successes and failures she has with her daughter.Really, this book was fascinating and educational. I loved it!
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LibraryThing member Brainannex
Anyone with Feminist Studies 101 is not going to find a whole lot of new territory but there are some good statistics to be found here. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of solutions to be found. A good starter book but not the definitive text.
LibraryThing member ms_rowse
I wish I had read this six months ago because I would have made it part of my Pop Culture Studies curriculum. Orenstein explores the many facets of girl culture and how difficult it can be for mothers (I'm I'm adding in aunts, teachers, etc.) to help girls navigate that culture.
Most disturbing to
Loved this book, and will probably read it again and teach from it next year.
Most disturbing to
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me was Orenstein's revelation (something I think I knew but hadn't really articulated) that girls often do not really know what they want outside of "feeling pretty" or performing hyper-sexualized actions. Loved this book, and will probably read it again and teach from it next year.
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LibraryThing member Helcura
I found this book really depressing, which is not to say it is not good nor that it is not worth reading. It's just hard to be reminded that so much effort put into social change by so many people for so many years can be undone in a flash by clever marketers.
This book is a bit of an
The author has some suggestions, but truthfully, unrestrained capitalism and massive marketing to children of stereotyped gender roles simply to make more money are factors that are really difficult to combat on an individual level.
If there is one lesson I came away with from this book, it is that we have farther to go than I had hoped and that we cannot step back from the struggle to ensure women are perceived as human beings just as men are.
Worth reading.
This book is a bit of an
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upper-middle-class feminist book, as the time and effort to worry about these issues is a consequence of privilege. Unfortunately that makes it even more depressing - if a sincere, honest , upper-middle-class mom can't manage to derail the marketing forces that treat girls as objects and encourage them to think of themselves as having value only in how men perceive them, how is someone who has to work two jobs to keep the kids fed going to manage?The author has some suggestions, but truthfully, unrestrained capitalism and massive marketing to children of stereotyped gender roles simply to make more money are factors that are really difficult to combat on an individual level.
If there is one lesson I came away with from this book, it is that we have farther to go than I had hoped and that we cannot step back from the struggle to ensure women are perceived as human beings just as men are.
Worth reading.
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LibraryThing member spoko
I regret that I can't really give a coherent review of this book, because I read it in fits and starts over a period of about two years. But I don't remember having many real issues with it, and I do have a general sense of gaining some insight through Orenstein's quest for her own understanding.
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So I'm going to say it was good and, with some regret about the vagueness, leave it at that. Show Less
LibraryThing member Daumari
Recommended to me by the sister of a friend (or rather, recommended for my brother and I read it while he put it off) because of the Sarkeesian uproar. The author, who has previously written on girl culture at the adolescent level, finds herself face-to-face with girlie-girl culture after the birth
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of her daughter. She then examines the rise of princesses/pinkification/sparkles/etc. that has grown over the last 20 years or so. Makes it very apparent that navigating the fluff'nstuff is hard for today's mom- give in to what your child wants, or avoid princesses at the risk of marking 'feminine' as 'bad'? Show Less
LibraryThing member sarahlh
I got four pages into it before despising everything I read, realizing that Orenstein is not my cup of tea. I doubt I will be checking out her other works either.
Language
Original language
English
Original publication date
2011
Physical description
272 p.; 5.31 inches
ISBN
0061711535 / 9780061711534
Local notes
relationships
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