Not Becoming My Mother: and Other Things She Taught Me Along the Way

by Ruth Reichl

Hardcover, 2009

Status

Available

Publication

Penguin Press (2009), Edition: 1st, 128 pages

Description

Chronicles the mother-daughter relationship of culinary author Ruth Reichl, now editor-in-chief of Gourmet magazine, and her late mother, Miriam. Miriam Brudno, who bowed to societal and familial pressure to become a wife and a mother over pursuing a fulfilling career, cheered her daughter on and pointed out that Ruth had an obligation, both to herself and to her mother, to use her life well.

User reviews

LibraryThing member etxgardener
Ruth Reichl is know for being a cook, a restaurant revieer for the New York Times and the editor of Gourmet magazine. For those who have read her books, she is also known for having a mother who at best could be called eccentric and at worst a mental case. In this book, Reichl, after her mother's
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death, finds a box full of her mothers journals and letters and starts reading. This takes Reichl on a journey of discovery. She finds that her mother was a deeply disappointed woman who strove her whole life to please everyone but herself. Her mother's main goal was to make sure that Reichl didn't inherit her fate, and in her wild and crazy behavior during Reichl's childhood mad Reichl determined to be different from her mother.

At the end of this small & wonderful book, Reichl has made peace with her mother & has the grace to thank her.
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LibraryThing member DBiere
Interesting & a very quick read.
LibraryThing member LesaHolstine
In Not Becoming My Mother, Ruth Reichl tells some familiar stories of her mother. But, she also writes a love letter to the woman who raised her and allowed her to make her own path in life. And, she sends a thank you letter to those women who, trapped in their generation, gave those of us who are
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their daughters and granddaughters, the chance to lead our lives. It's a book that might open our eyes, and allow us to say thank you to our own mothers. So, thank you, Ruth Reichl.
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LibraryThing member bobbieharv
A slim book, in both senses of the word. She's a wonderful writer, and it was interesting to learn more about her mother, but the book was more a short story than a book and so slightly unsatisfying.
LibraryThing member idiotgirl
Audiobook. A good book. Reichl goes back and uncovers her mother's life from her letters. Comes to know a woman she didn't really know when she was alive. Well done and compelling. An interesting mother/ daughter point. Her mother taught her, did everything she could do, to ensure that she didn't
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become her mother. I had a mother who invented herself (went to college and became a school teacher when no one in her time and place really did) because she didn't want to be her mother. The variations on this theme are endless. A book I'd recommend.
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LibraryThing member debnance
Reichl has always had a peculiar relationship with her mother, a love-hate, an adore-loate, a respect-revolt relationship. Her mother, Miriam, longed to be a doctor, but her parents refused, saying if she became a doctor she’d never fulfill the only real purpose a woman should have in life: to
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find a husband. So Miriam complied and got a degree she didn’t want, married a man she didn’t love, gave up a career she desired, and had children she never wanted. Reichl uses her mother’s letters and journals to tell her mother’s story, a cautionary tale for Ruth, of course, but also for women everywhere.
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LibraryThing member booklady2031
I was disappointed in this memoir. I felt that it lacked substance. I wanted to get to know the author's mother, who sounded like an interesting person to know, but this book merely scratched the surface.
LibraryThing member karenlisa
Not becoming My Mother By Ruth Reichl. Every daughter should read this. Given the opportunity to explore a box of old letters and diary like excerpts, Ruth Reichl pieces together a new, different mother. Ruth Reichl is an accomplished memoirist, writer, editor, cook and businesswoman. Her previous
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writings delve into her life from early childhood through today and are wonderfully entertaining and heartfelt. This book, a small novelette, focus's on Ruth's mother. An important, influential person in her life but one that she did not fully understand until a box of letters and diary entries are found. These writings detail for Ruth more about her mother than she ever knew and help her piece together some of the mystery that was their family and her mother's character in general. Every daughter (really, sons too!) should relate to the feeling that unexpectedly is revealed, at some point in your life, that your mother is a "person." That you are a part of her life but that her life existed before you and will after you move out on your own into adulthood. That a mother's desires, dreams, regrets and fears are real. They are not less important or life changing than your own. They need to be respected, understood, for better or for worse. The author finds this out after her mother's death. The reader may wonder what would have happened had she learned these things sooner or perhaps, take the time to learn from the experience and call your mother.
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LibraryThing member honeydew69862004
Not Becoming My Mother is a great book. It is a quick read and an eye opener. It really makes you think about if your mother was happy while you were going up. With the age gap it is probably closer to one of my mothers siblings than my own mother but it still makes me wonder. It also makes me
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think of my own life of being a young mother of two and right now being a stay at home mom. Definitly a book I think all women should read.
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LibraryThing member RefPenny
Having read some of Ruth's other books, with the stories of the terrible things her mother did, I thought this book would be exceedingly funny. Instead it was quite sad. Miriam, a woman of intelligence, was born into the wrong time period and struggled, unsuccessfully, against its strictures. She
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was determined that her daughter wouldn’t suffer the same fate.
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LibraryThing member michigantrumpet
Ruth Reichl is an author, and former New York Times restaurant critic and editor of the now defunct Gourmet magazine. Over the course of her memoirs, starting with Tender at the Bone, Reichl has told many stories about her mother. Miriam was a poor housekeeper, enthusiastic yet spectacularly awful
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cook and prone to whirlwind starts to projects only to see them fizzle without completion. Her guests sometimes suffered food poisoning as a result of her disregard to the effects of mold and bizarre food combinations.

In the past, Reichl has told these stories with great humor. However, the recent discovery of a box full of her mother's papers led to a re-assessment of Miriam and Reichl's deeper understanding of her mother's many quirks and failings. Reichl comes to see her mother as a woman of talent, thwarted from following her dreams and pushed into marriage. In the afterword, she invites her readers to move from the specific to the the universal in examining how American society has approached child-rearing, homemaking and professional life, particularly as to mid-20th century women.

This is a slim book and easy to read. It will be of special interest to those who have read Ms. Reichl's earlier works, as well as anyone who has struggled to understand parent/child relationships. It is not a book tailored for 'foodies.' I had the opportunity to hear Ms. Reichl speak about the genesis of this book. I was moved by the emotion which she still brings to her re-evaluation of her mother and Reichl's gratitude for the sacrifices she failed to see at the time, but recognizes now. Perhaps none of us can truly appreciate our parents except through adult eyes.
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LibraryThing member AnneliM
A continuation of the dialogue with the author's dead mother
LibraryThing member SumLacuna
Touching little book. Less a memoir than a very personal meditation on the author's mother, the impact of attitudes towards women just after WW2, and the legacy handed down to her. Doesn't read like the author's other books (which I love). But a quick, enjoyable read nevertheless. And really got me
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thinking about the lives of my grandmother's generation.
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LibraryThing member Doey
Not sure who the intented audience for this book is. She seems like a pretty self agrandizing person. In the end, I found little sympathy for the author, but great sympathy for her mother who had t put up with such a child. What sort of self-absorbed person wouldn't realize that she had a pretty
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good mother all along. Reichel would have been fortunate to have been her mother instead of running away from her all her life. Getting to that conclusion in the book was tedious, boring and the writing was not uplifiting or inspiring. I could write a better book than this on the back of an envelope.
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LibraryThing member countrylife
Sifting through a box of her mother's papers, Ms. Reichl's remembers her growing up years and what her mother taught her. The bottom line: don't settle for what I settled for.

And so today, when people ask, “Why do you work so hard?” I think of my mother, who was not allowed to do it, and say,
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“Because I can.” . . . In her own oblique way Mom passed on all the knowledge she had gleaned, giving me the tools I needed not to become her.

Short, somewhat repetitive, but a sweet memoir. (2.7 stars)
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LibraryThing member stephaniechase
Reichl is a born storyteller, and I have always enjoyed the "Mim Tales" she shared about her mother. In this short book, Reichl shares with us the other side of her mother, about a woman who struggled to be happy and did all she could to not have her daughter lead the same kind of life. Two
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generations removed from the women's movement, it is always interesting to me to see just how different choices were for women in the past.
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LibraryThing member janiereader
Culinary author Ruth Reichl, now editor-in-chief of Gourmet magazine, writes the story of her relationship with her mother, who at the time was a stay at home Mom as most moms were. Writing on the dilemma that many of the age lives with, finding a fulfilling life in the home. It's a problem that
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young women today can not even imagine. Now the conundrum is how to balance house, home, children, and career. Thought provoking for those beyond the Baby Boomer Age.
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LibraryThing member Denise701
Ruth Reichl's memoir of her mother would be a good companion to James McBride's memoir The Color of Water and Diane Keaton's new memoir, too. In it, she asserts that her mother, Miriam, consciously and subconsciously did much to discourage Ruth from following in her footsteps. What Miriam wanted
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most of all was to be a career woman--she wanted to be a doctor but her own parents told her that she would never marry if she did. And marriage at that time, the '50s and '60s, was all important to women. It's just that Miriam was not suited to it. And so she was a "failure" and a disaster at domestic duties, and her life in many ways was a search for some work to do that would be rewarding and fulfilling. Reichl's book is not a "feel good" book excusing her mother for her inability to be June Cleaver. But it is a book in which the author acknowledges the desert that the life of the housewife was to some women who had many gifts and few outlets for their talents. It's not an easy book to read, but those of us who had mothers who we knew would have made great nurses, doctors, business people, etc. and for one reason or another were not able to find their way into those careers will find themselves understanding their mothers much better.
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LibraryThing member purlewe
I listened to this on the way home yesterday. 1.5 hrs of interesting listening. I will say it is nice to hear it in the author's own voice.. and sometimes I could not tell if her voice was cracking b'c she was tired or b'c it was still affecting her years later.

It is a poignant novel. One she says
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she wished she had written long ago. But I think the passage of time probably has softened her stance as well as not having to confront her mother at this time.

Sue said that it sounded like alot of misery thru the book, but it ends on a hopeful note for both her mother and herself. So many people have family members with mental illness who do not end things with a hopeful note.
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LibraryThing member periwinklejane
I love Reichl's writing, it's as rich and rewarding as a chocolate truffle. Having read her other memoirs, and from the title, I expected more stories about her crazy mother. Instead, Reichl writes about the frustration and oppression that made her mother (and others of her generation) so very
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unhappy. Most women born in the early part of the 20th century weren't allowed to follow dreams of a career. Ms. Reichl's mother wanted to be a doctor, but did what was expected of her and became a wife and mother.
The book is a lovely tribute to that generation of women.
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LibraryThing member KristySP
A lovely meditation on the expectations placed on women over the years to sacrifice their own interests and ambition in order to get married and raise a family. Ruth Reichl examines her own mother's frustration and the effect it had on her decisions. Great companion read to her trilogy of memoirs,
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which I also loved.
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LibraryThing member Pferdina
Although I enjoyed this book well enough, I wish it was longer and deeper. I felt that Reichl just barely touched the surface of her mother's life. The book is very short, and took me less than one hour to read.
LibraryThing member nbattag
This is a lovely account about a woman describing her mother's life by reading her mother's letters after she died. The author comes to understand and appreciate her mother in a way that wasn't possible through observations when she was alive. It is a short book that can be read in one sitting or a
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few hours spread apart.
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LibraryThing member BookConcierge
5***** and a ❤

Reichl’s mother Miriam was an indifferent housekeeper and a terrible cook – guests at her dinner parties were known to wind up in the hospital having their stomachs pumped due to poisoning. She was an educated, intelligent woman in a society that expected women to marry and stay
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at home. So when she was nearing thirty Miriam submitted to expectations and settled for conformity. She hated it, and lived much of her life in a desperately unhappy state. Miriam poured her frustrations, dreams, hopes and disappointments into diaries, letters and jotted notes on the backs of grocery receipts, all of which she kept in a gift box, tied with twine and hidden away in a basement corner. She never wrote the story of her life, but Reichl has used those notes to write her mother’s story.

What a wonderful tribute to a mother’s love and lasting gift to her child. Miriam was unhappy in her life, but she tried to instill in her daughter the notion that she did not have to live her life in any way but the way she, herself, chose. She gave Ruthy the permission, and encouragement, to pursue her own dreams. To “NOT” become her mother.

Ruth Reichl narrates the audio book herself and she is magnificent. She conveys humor and compassion, frustration and pride, and above all a great love for her mother who helped make her what she is – and is NOT – today.
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LibraryThing member yvonne.sevignykaiser
Really enjoyed this story of the author's mother told from notes and journals that she found after her mother's death. You receive an even better picture and understanding of her mother that she was not able to give in her first book Tender at the Bone.

Original language

English

Original publication date

2009

Physical description

128 p.; 5 inches

ISBN

1594202168 / 9781594202162

Local notes

autobiography
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