Status
Available
Call number
Collection
Publication
Hazelden (1986), Edition: 1st, 229 pages
Description
Self-Improvement. Nonfiction. HTML: Revised and Updated, with a New Chapter on Trauma and Anxiety, a List of Resources, and More Over 7 Million Copies Sold A cultural phenomenon that has helped heal millions of readers, this modern classic holds the key to understanding codependency and unlocking its hold on your life. As heard on Glennon Doyle's We Can Do Hard Things podcast. Melody Beattie's compassionate and insightful look into codependency�??the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another�??has guided millions of readers toward the understanding that they are powerless to change anyone but themselves and that caring for the self is where healing begins. Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one's self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent�??�??and you may find yourself in this book. With personal reflections, exercises, and instructive stories drawn from Beattie's own life and the lives of those she's counseled, Codependent No More helps you break old patterns and maintain healthy boundaries and offers a clear and achievable path to healing, hope, freedom, and happiness. This revised edition includes an all-new chapter on trauma and anxiety�??subjects Beattie has long felt necessary to address within the context of codependency�??making it even more relevant today than it was when it first entered the national conversation over… (more)
User reviews
LibraryThing member lunaverse
A good, basic, all-around self-help book. This one is a great start for anyone with unhealthy patterns and long strings of horrible relationships.
The original target audience for this book (and its concepts) were significant others of alcoholics. Yet many (including myself) have found the patterns
At the time I read this, I was just getting out of a bad marriage. I was terribly depressed to the point of being near-non-functional. This book gave me some basic building blocks for climbing that first step towards sanity. I learned I didn't have to be absorbed by someone else to be happy. I learned I needed to take care of myself first, then others.
With a little imagination, the basic dynamics detailed in this book can also be seen in social dynamics of larger groups. The unhealthy clinging, manipulations, and drama that lead to petty infighting (in smaller groups) and political dysfunction (on a societal scale).
The original target audience for this book (and its concepts) were significant others of alcoholics. Yet many (including myself) have found the patterns
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of a codependent apply to anyone with unhealthy attachments to others.At the time I read this, I was just getting out of a bad marriage. I was terribly depressed to the point of being near-non-functional. This book gave me some basic building blocks for climbing that first step towards sanity. I learned I didn't have to be absorbed by someone else to be happy. I learned I needed to take care of myself first, then others.
With a little imagination, the basic dynamics detailed in this book can also be seen in social dynamics of larger groups. The unhealthy clinging, manipulations, and drama that lead to petty infighting (in smaller groups) and political dysfunction (on a societal scale).
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LibraryThing member tjsjohanna
Although I haven't lived with an alcoholic, I found a lot of practical, kind advice about boundaries, taking care of oneself in healthy ways, and being willing to look at reality. I could see some ways in which I have acquired co-dependent habits and this was a clear guide to moving away from those
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patterns of behavior. Show Less
LibraryThing member khohman
I like this book, which does not make it easy to read. It is written clearly, and is straightforward, yet it is at times difficult to maintain focus. The stories are paramount, though none will identify will them all. Read it. Find the pearls.
A Very Personal Perspective: I finally launched (well,
"A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."
By page 37, I am interested when the author acknowledges that she is not an expert on codependence, and does not know for a fact if it is an illness. And as she offers to continue the "brief history", it is evident that she is passionate about what is and is not real with regard to this apparently self-destructive predisposition. As she goes on to describe codependence, I am struck by the thought that she is describing every compassionate human being that ever lived, every humanitarian that made a difference, and every individual who ever reached out a hand to a person in need. I am reminded of a quote that has personified me and haunted me for most of my adult life."your greatest strength can become your greatest weakness." And I am compelled to read on, for how can something so purely benevolent become something so utterly self-destructive? I know that I am looking for an answer, and yet it is unlikely that I will find one. For if I have learned anything in this world, it is that there are no silver bullets, no ultimate solutions to end human mistakes, discomfort and error, to end human suffering and stagnation, or to remove roadblocks to human progress. There are only conversations and possibilities. Ultimately, we must choose our conversations, opt to expand our thoughts, and fearlessly open up to the possibilities. And so I read on.
A Very Personal Perspective: I finally launched (well,
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compared to the tentative perusal I previously managed) into Codependent No More today. The initial pages of conversations with codependents are as expected in that they are generally about partners of alcoholics. Not only do I not identify with this, but despite my intellectual understanding of the fact that it isn't about the alcoholism, I dread each story. When you see nothing in common with the stories, it is difficult to find motivation to continue. By page 32, I am most thoroughly disenchanted with the conversations, although the "brief history" of the concept and naming of codependence is mildly interesting, based on the minimal description. And then on page 36, the author inks a single sentence definition of codependency. And I begin to pay attention."A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."
By page 37, I am interested when the author acknowledges that she is not an expert on codependence, and does not know for a fact if it is an illness. And as she offers to continue the "brief history", it is evident that she is passionate about what is and is not real with regard to this apparently self-destructive predisposition. As she goes on to describe codependence, I am struck by the thought that she is describing every compassionate human being that ever lived, every humanitarian that made a difference, and every individual who ever reached out a hand to a person in need. I am reminded of a quote that has personified me and haunted me for most of my adult life."your greatest strength can become your greatest weakness." And I am compelled to read on, for how can something so purely benevolent become something so utterly self-destructive? I know that I am looking for an answer, and yet it is unlikely that I will find one. For if I have learned anything in this world, it is that there are no silver bullets, no ultimate solutions to end human mistakes, discomfort and error, to end human suffering and stagnation, or to remove roadblocks to human progress. There are only conversations and possibilities. Ultimately, we must choose our conversations, opt to expand our thoughts, and fearlessly open up to the possibilities. And so I read on.
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LibraryThing member peonygoat
Good. She has lots of practical ideas besides having a lot of heart.
LibraryThing member aannttiiiittnnaa
Very helpful, sound advice. Includes anecdotes from recovering codependents, to highlight that we are not alone in our struggles with relationship issues.
LibraryThing member lsknightsr1
I would totally recommend this book to anyone who is a child of an alcoholic or has a parent with drug addiction issues. If you believe that a book can literally change your life, this book is for you. I read this at my mother's request when I was a teenager, and have read it several times since.
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It was probably the sole reason I am where I'm at today. I read this book and it was like a light came on in my world. I could finally see that there were other people out there like me who had the same feelings of insecurity and doubt. It showed me a better way to live. Show Less
LibraryThing member laurie_library
This is one of those books that I need to re-read every so often. There is a great deal of information I can use...I just need to be willing to take the time and review it.
LibraryThing member MonicaLynn
I like this book and feel that it will be like a bible to me during my trying times. I feel it is a good reference and go to and was very helpful to my situation and the possiblity of handling future situations for me. I enjoy the storyies she includes and can relate to some, not all of them.
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However everyone goes through things in their life differently. The way she has written this book I think most anyone going through this would benefit from reading. This was recommended to me by my thereapist and I am truly glad she recommended it. Show Less
LibraryThing member tbdunamis
Since its inception in 1979, the word codependency has come to be a condition that effects more people than many may realize. The author attempts to define and demonstrate the characteristics of this condition, and how one may attempt to cope with it.
LibraryThing member PrisonLib
This book will help you to stop your dependency on other people. It explains how to deal with frustrations and ruined hopes, how to stop blaming others for your own misery, and finally it teaches you how to be happy and appreciate your own freedom. The writer is talking about her own life
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experience going into emotional details that probably known to you. The book gives strength to be responsible for your own life. I have not read anything better on the dependency topic. It is a highly recommended book by substance abuse professionals. Show Less
LibraryThing member EffixiousSundown
very helpful, straight to the point, clearly describes disease,self diagnoises,help ful, inspirational, motivational,
LibraryThing member Egaro
RMIT 362.2923b369C
Why I am afraid to tell you who I am? John Powell
How to be an assertive (not aggressive) woman in life, love and on the job. Jean Baer Carlton General Collection (158 B141
Why I am afraid to tell you who I am? John Powell
How to be an assertive (not aggressive) woman in life, love and on the job. Jean Baer Carlton General Collection (158 B141
LibraryThing member saresmoore
The message of this book is important. Anyone can become codependent and it is a good tool to be able to recognize the signs and symptoms in oneself and to move forward in healthy relationship dynamics. Beattie's rambling writing style is not my favorite. The body of the work could benefit from
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some headings and bullet points. I recommend (at least for skimming) if there are any hints of codependency in one's personal relationships, workplace dynamics, family, or friend groups. Show Less
LibraryThing member jefware
How to untangle yourself from your own needs in a relationship and start being nice to yourself.