Status
Available
Collection
Publication
Knopf (2021), Edition: 1st Edition, 80 pages
Description
Notes on Grief is an exquisite work of meditation, remembrance, and hope, written in the wake of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's beloved father's death in the summer of 2020. As the COVID-19 pandemic raged around the world, and kept Adichie and her family members separated from one another, her father succumbed unexpectedly to complications of kidney failure. Expanding on her original New Yorker piece, Adichie shares how this loss shook her to her core. She writes about being one of the millions of people grieving this year; about the familial and cultural dimensions of grief and also about the loneliness and anger that are unavoidable in it. With signature precision of language, and glittering, devastating detail on the page--and never without touches of rich, honest humor--Adichie weaves together her own experience of her father's death with threads of his life story, from his remarkable survival during the Biafran war, through a long career as a statistics professor, into the days of the pandemic in which he'd stay connected with his children and grandchildren over video chat from the family home in Abba, Nigeria. In the compact format of We Should All Be Feminists and Dear Ijeawele, Adichie delivers a gem of a book--a book that fundamentally connects us to one another as it probes one of the most universal human experiences. Notes on Grief is a book for this moment--a work readers will treasure and share now more than ever--and yet will prove durable and timeless, an indispensable addition to Adichie's canon.… (more)
Media reviews
Notes on Grief [...] is both emotional and austere, a work of dignity and of unravelling.
User reviews
LibraryThing member kidzdoc
On June 10, 2020 James Nwoye Adichie, the father of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, died in the family’s ancestral village of Abba in Nigeria at the age of 88 from complications of chronic kidney disease. Chimamanda was living in the United States at the time, and due to the COVID-19 pandemic she and
”My four-year-old daughter says I scared her. She gets down on her knees to demonstrate, her small clenched fist rising and falling, and her mimicry makes me see myself as I was: utterly unraveling, screaming and pounding the floor.”
In the wake of her father’s death Chimamanda is irrational and inconsolable, as she is unable to accept this loss and becomes deeply angered by visitors who come to pay their respects, she derives no comfort from friends and well wishers, and she even finds one of her own written statements about grief in one of her books to be a painful remembrance. Her inability to be at her father’s bedside due to travel restrictions caused by the pandemic only add to the surreal nature of her father’s death, as he appeared to be peacefully sleeping when she saw him shortly after he died.
In an effort to grasp this staggering loss Chimamanda writes about her father, who was the second person and the first Nigerian to earn a PhD in statistics from the University of California, Berkeley, a highly respected professor and administrator at the University of Nigeria, but most importantly a humble man who was dedicated to his family and was Chimamanda’s greatest supporter and closest friend.
'Notes on Grief' is a powerful view into an anguished soul from an immensely talented writer, who unforgettably captures the grief of unexpected death and personal loss, which is amplified by our difficulty or inability to spend the final days of our loved ones during the COVID-19 pandemic, making their deaths more difficult to accept and more painful to experience. Tragically, as this book was being published in March her mother, Grace Ifeoma, a beloved administrator at the University of Nigeria who was the school’s first female Registrar, died suddenly in Abba. “How does a heart break twice?” asked Chimamanda after learning this news. Unfortunately that question has been on the lips and in the minds of many thousands of other people across the world who have lost multiple family members and beloved friends during this modern day plague.
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five of her six siblings were only able to see their parents on weekly Zoom calls set up by the one brother who lived nearby and was able to visit them in person. She had seen and spoken to him the day before, and other than seeming to be tired she was not alarmed or concerned by his appearance, and when she received a call from her brother the following day to inform her of her beloved father’s death her world fell apart:”My four-year-old daughter says I scared her. She gets down on her knees to demonstrate, her small clenched fist rising and falling, and her mimicry makes me see myself as I was: utterly unraveling, screaming and pounding the floor.”
In the wake of her father’s death Chimamanda is irrational and inconsolable, as she is unable to accept this loss and becomes deeply angered by visitors who come to pay their respects, she derives no comfort from friends and well wishers, and she even finds one of her own written statements about grief in one of her books to be a painful remembrance. Her inability to be at her father’s bedside due to travel restrictions caused by the pandemic only add to the surreal nature of her father’s death, as he appeared to be peacefully sleeping when she saw him shortly after he died.
In an effort to grasp this staggering loss Chimamanda writes about her father, who was the second person and the first Nigerian to earn a PhD in statistics from the University of California, Berkeley, a highly respected professor and administrator at the University of Nigeria, but most importantly a humble man who was dedicated to his family and was Chimamanda’s greatest supporter and closest friend.
'Notes on Grief' is a powerful view into an anguished soul from an immensely talented writer, who unforgettably captures the grief of unexpected death and personal loss, which is amplified by our difficulty or inability to spend the final days of our loved ones during the COVID-19 pandemic, making their deaths more difficult to accept and more painful to experience. Tragically, as this book was being published in March her mother, Grace Ifeoma, a beloved administrator at the University of Nigeria who was the school’s first female Registrar, died suddenly in Abba. “How does a heart break twice?” asked Chimamanda after learning this news. Unfortunately that question has been on the lips and in the minds of many thousands of other people across the world who have lost multiple family members and beloved friends during this modern day plague.
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LibraryThing member hemlokgang
Have you ever grieved the loss of a loved one? Are you grieving now? Do you know someone who is grieving? The marvelous writer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, generously shares her very personal experience of grieving her own father. If you are fortunate enough to listen to the author's audio narration,
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it is a bonus to listen to her rich articulation of her own words. So much of what she says resonates with my own experience of grief. The waves of sadness, the anger, the feeling that no one says the right thing, because there is no right thing to say. I particularly was touched by her thought that grief "opens the door to doubt". Indeed, the unthinkable can come to pass. Comforting, enlightening, and universal! Wonderful essay! Show Less
LibraryThing member Narshkite
I received this book in a Goodreads Giveaway. As always, this did not affect my review.
This is a gorgeous essay. In 80 short pages Adiche tells us about ugly grief. She provides a chronicle of the body blow of trying to say goodbye to a beloved person and of doing so from thousands of miles away
In my later teenage years, I began to see him, to see how alike we were in our curiosity and our homebody-ness, and to talk to him, and to adore him. How exquisitely he paid attention, how present he was, how well he listened. If you told him something he remembered. His humour, already dry, crisped deliciously as he aged
Isn't that amazing, evocative, beautiful? In a few brief sentences, we see the father he was, we envy her for having had him, and we understand how world changing his loss must have been. Also, as someone who just loves great writing, "crisped deliciously" rocked my world.
I said that receiving this book free had no impact on my review, and I am pretty sure that is true, that even if I had paid the $16 list price I would have felt just as grateful to have had the chance to immerse myself in this book. That said, it is notable that this is a tiny book. The 80 pages are physically small, perhaps 7x5, the line spacing is substantial, the font generous and the margins large -- I would estimate this is perhaps 30 normal pages long. I am not a super fast reader, perhaps on the upper end of typical, and I read it in 4 subway rides, which is less than 2 hours. $16 is a lot for that. Still, it was a really good 2 hours.
This is a gorgeous essay. In 80 short pages Adiche tells us about ugly grief. She provides a chronicle of the body blow of trying to say goodbye to a beloved person and of doing so from thousands of miles away
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during Covid lockdowns/travel bans. Most importantly she tells us about how to parent and how to live through her brief memories of her luminous father, a man of pure decency and intellect, worthy of honor, down to his smallest molecules. This is a tall order for any author given any number of pages, but Adiche, the most adroit of writers, does so in the number of words it takes most writers to describe a mundane dinner party. Her observations are razor sharp. She said this about her father:In my later teenage years, I began to see him, to see how alike we were in our curiosity and our homebody-ness, and to talk to him, and to adore him. How exquisitely he paid attention, how present he was, how well he listened. If you told him something he remembered. His humour, already dry, crisped deliciously as he aged
Isn't that amazing, evocative, beautiful? In a few brief sentences, we see the father he was, we envy her for having had him, and we understand how world changing his loss must have been. Also, as someone who just loves great writing, "crisped deliciously" rocked my world.
I said that receiving this book free had no impact on my review, and I am pretty sure that is true, that even if I had paid the $16 list price I would have felt just as grateful to have had the chance to immerse myself in this book. That said, it is notable that this is a tiny book. The 80 pages are physically small, perhaps 7x5, the line spacing is substantial, the font generous and the margins large -- I would estimate this is perhaps 30 normal pages long. I am not a super fast reader, perhaps on the upper end of typical, and I read it in 4 subway rides, which is less than 2 hours. $16 is a lot for that. Still, it was a really good 2 hours.
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LibraryThing member Beth.Clarke
A beautiful reflection of her grief, Adichie shares memories of her 88-yr-old father. It's a story of her going through the early stages of grief during the COVID pandemic. Honest and beautiful.
LibraryThing member steve02476
Sad, sweet, beautifully written essay by an adult daughter who lost her beloved elderly father.
LibraryThing member amanda4242
The death of a loved one is a universal experience, even if the manifestation of grief is unique for each person. I do not judge Adichie for being crippled by grief at the sudden loss of her beloved father; I do judge the book she decided to publish, and I do not have a high opinion of it.
On the
On a side note, the only other book I've read of Adichie's is We Should All Be Feminists, so I was greatly surprised when in Notes on Grief she patronizingly tells her mother she should not engage in certain traditional mourning rituals without bothering to ask her mother if she wishes to observe them. Surely telling women what they should do based on your preconceived notions is the antithesis of feminism?
I would have given the book a lower rating if Adichie had not included memories of her father: it sounds like he was a truly amazing man, and I can understand how his death would leave a gaping wound in those who love him.
On the
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page, Adichie's grief is so all-consuming that it leaves no room for others' grief. Indeed, she resents and dismisses the expressions of mourning from those around her. Her words alienated me rather than sparking empathy; there is no room for the reader in her pain.On a side note, the only other book I've read of Adichie's is We Should All Be Feminists, so I was greatly surprised when in Notes on Grief she patronizingly tells her mother she should not engage in certain traditional mourning rituals without bothering to ask her mother if she wishes to observe them. Surely telling women what they should do based on your preconceived notions is the antithesis of feminism?
I would have given the book a lower rating if Adichie had not included memories of her father: it sounds like he was a truly amazing man, and I can understand how his death would leave a gaping wound in those who love him.
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LibraryThing member dinahmine
If there is one thing I’ve learned in the five weeks since I lost my beloved cat of 19 years, it is that grief is a unique experience for each person. And yet, my darling girl also died suddenly from a complication of kidney disease (also with a specialist appointment scheduled for shortly
I can’t count the number of times I laughed aloud - in shock and horror - at how EXACTLY Adichie’s thoughts match my own journal entries. It’s incredible, terrible, striking - how well her thoughts and feelings mirror my thoughts and feelings. I know her grief well, I am living in it now.
Notes on Grief is highly recommended to anyone who has lost a loved one suddenly, especially when that loved one was living with what was thought to be a well-managed condition. You won’t find useful advice for healing here (it’s not that type of memoir) but it will show you quite clearly that no matter what you are feeling, you are not alone.
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after), so I cannot help but draw comparisons between my story and Adichie’s. I can’t count the number of times I laughed aloud - in shock and horror - at how EXACTLY Adichie’s thoughts match my own journal entries. It’s incredible, terrible, striking - how well her thoughts and feelings mirror my thoughts and feelings. I know her grief well, I am living in it now.
Notes on Grief is highly recommended to anyone who has lost a loved one suddenly, especially when that loved one was living with what was thought to be a well-managed condition. You won’t find useful advice for healing here (it’s not that type of memoir) but it will show you quite clearly that no matter what you are feeling, you are not alone.
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Awards
BookTube Prize (Octofinalist — Nonfiction — 2022)
Language
Original language
English