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I Am Not Myself These Days follows a glittering journey through Manhattan's dark underbelly-a shocking and surreal world where alter egos reign and subsist (barely) on dark wit and chemicals...a tragic romantic comedy where one begins by rooting for the survival of the relationship and ends by hoping someone simply survives. Kilmer-Purcell is a terrifically gifted new literary voice who straddles the divide between absurdity and normalcy, and stitches them together with surprising humor and lonely poignancy. As Booklist raved, I Am Not Myself These Days is "as tart and funny as a No l Coward play, for Kilmer-Purcell is especially good at dialogue, and, as in Coward's best plays, under the comedy lies the sad truth that even at our best, we are all weak, fallible fools. Again and again in this rich, adventure-filled book, Kilmer-Purcell illustrates the truth of Blake's proverb, 'The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.'"… (more)
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Kilmer-Purcell doesn't shy away from the details of his life as an over-the-top drag queen in New York City, nor does he soften the story of his tumultuous relationship with his male escort lover or of that lover's drug abuse that ultimately tore them apart. He treats his subjects with a self-deprecating humor that lies over his vulnerability like a dusting of powdered sugar, avoiding both maudlin sentimentality and denial. In the narrative, the author dulls his pain and his fragility with alcohol, but he does so without any pretense of self control or toughness. When he meets and falls in love with Jack, he finds both redemption and destruction, and in the dizzying rise and then subsequent disintegration of their relationship, the author discovers unknown wells of strength and compassion. He does so without bitterness or judgment, ultimately telling a story of love found and never subsequently lost.
Like John Irving at his best, Josh Kilmer-Purcell brings eccentric characters from an unfamiliar world and makes them not just sympathetic, but real and even familiar. He shows that hearts love and break for everyone, and in sharing his funny, sad and ultimately beautiful story, he allows our hearts to do the same. A very highly recommended read.
I Am Not Myself These Days is Josh Kilmer-Purcell's memoir about his days as one of New York City's most popular drag queens, and about his relationship with Jack, a BDSM male prostitute. Josh meets Jack at a club and is instantly drawn to his quiet self-possession. As
I Am Not Myself These Days could have definitely gone the way of a bad Jerry Springer TV episode. However, Kilmer-Purcell is an excellent writer and manages to mix humor and pathos equally well. I just hope that he's not a one-trick pony - the story Kilmer-Purcell tells in this novel is so very over-the-top that it would seem to be difficult to follow it up.
My Thoughts: Kilmer-Purcell seems to have lived enough lives to fill many memoirs. Although it was hard to reconcile the Josh in this book (alcoholic ad man by day and drag queen by night) with the bumbling but persevering gentleman farmer of his second memoir, his wickedly sense of humor and self-depreciation was instantly familiar. Frankly, I’m impressed that Josh survived the days chronicled in this book long enough to transform himself into one of the Beekman Boys. Although this memoir is often really funny and fascinating in a “let’s see how the other more flamboyant half” lives sort of way, it is also filled self-destructive behavior that I found both compelling and horrifying. (I must warn you that this book isn’t for everyone. If graphic descriptions of gay sex, S&M, or drug use offends your sensibilities, steer clear!) Although Jack and Josh don’t live anything near a conventional lifestyle, their love affair feels doomed in a tragic Romeo and Juliet sort of way. And just because the heart being broken belongs to a 6-foot drag queen who keeps live goldfish in his corset doesn’t make this story any less affecting, emotional or touching.
Josh Kilmer-Purcell just moved to New York and spends his nights in
While there are a lot of funny moments when drag queens, hookers and clients meet, the main issue of the book remains the too many vodka’s of Josh and Josh’s abuse of other substances like crack. So either one of them is always intoxicated. And instead of good dialogues there are a lot of monologues of Josh but hardly any insights concerning Jack. He remains to be the mysterious prostitute.
It’s a shame that this book happens to be mainly a narration of mishaps and embarrassing moments instead of the development of a relationship that probably will end unhappily. Kilmer has his moments and shows great insight in the human nature, whether this nature is hidden in drag of in jeans, but he fails the reader in convincing me that his characters are more than just stereotypes. So, no recommendations for this book. And it won’t get a special place in my bookshelf.
Jack is a male escort for
The two become a pair and this is Josh's memoir of their time together in New York. Both want to be a 'normal' couple but are pulled by their respective careers and addictions. Josh's is the spotlight and vodka. Jack's is the money and crack. Told in a more humourous perspective than depressive, there are many laughs to enjoy along the way.
Definitely an 'adult' read, none the less a good read.
Ultimately, this is his story of a love that was doomed from the start. Josh, a gorgeous, alcoholic, self-destructive drag queen and Jack, a crack addicted prostitute get together and begin down a long dark tunnel that could end so many ways. Watch the train wreck happen and love them both anyway.
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