Status
Available
Publication
Grand Central Publishing (2013), Edition: Reprint, 256 pages
Description
Biography & Autobiography. Nonfiction. Humor (Nonfiction.) HTML: You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning..… (more)
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User reviews
LibraryThing member BeckyJG
Chelsea Handler is a foul-mouthed, drunken, egotistical, politically incorrect slut. She's also hilarious. This "collection of one-night stands" delves into Chelsea's exploits as she, um, dates a male stripper, wakes up in bed with a midget with an outsized penis, acts as a beard--named Beulah--at
Think Sarah Vowell meets Sarah Silverman. Think David Sedaris before he got off the meth. However you think of it, you'll laugh your ass off (even if you're sometimes a little ashamed of yourself for doing so) as you read these essays.
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her gay friend Nathan's prep school reunion, and gets drunk in more situations than you can shake a swizzle stick at. Think Sarah Vowell meets Sarah Silverman. Think David Sedaris before he got off the meth. However you think of it, you'll laugh your ass off (even if you're sometimes a little ashamed of yourself for doing so) as you read these essays.
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LibraryThing member CaraLPeacock
That Chelsea Handler... she's a crazy and funny lady. I cannot believe all of the ridiculous situations she gets into. I enjoyed this funny and fast read.
LibraryThing member shanyn
After reading my last book (Anybody Out There), I was looking for a good comedy to pick up my mood. Luckily, I had requested this book a few weeks earlier via inter-library loan and was able to pick it up a few days ago - and I ended up finishing it in about a day. Many had suggested Chelsea
Each story pulled me in, with enough introduction and background to build up a great short story (sometimes I can't stand short story type books because they feel like they jump around a lot), and had continuity through the characters so that it was hard for me to stop reading in between story changes. The best thing of all, which I didn't expect, was that Chelsea seemed to learn some lessons in the end - as the pages were dwindling, I kind of expected it to end with a "well, what do you expect when you have one-night stands?" or some other similar quip. After the end, I am encouraged to read her other book (Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea), which my sister loaned me. Looking for a humor pick-me-up? Try this one out.
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Handler to me after I expressed interest in Laurie Notaro and Jen Lancaster, so I thought I would try it - my library didn't have it, so it probably prevented me from reading it as quickly as I would have had it been accessible.Each story pulled me in, with enough introduction and background to build up a great short story (sometimes I can't stand short story type books because they feel like they jump around a lot), and had continuity through the characters so that it was hard for me to stop reading in between story changes. The best thing of all, which I didn't expect, was that Chelsea seemed to learn some lessons in the end - as the pages were dwindling, I kind of expected it to end with a "well, what do you expect when you have one-night stands?" or some other similar quip. After the end, I am encouraged to read her other book (Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea), which my sister loaned me. Looking for a humor pick-me-up? Try this one out.
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LibraryThing member jdy
Very fun, very funny. Definitly will read more by her!
LibraryThing member bookwormteri
Amusing, but more at Chelsea's expense than anything. Although I found her stories humorous, I found that I didn't like her very much. Still worth reading.
LibraryThing member ThatsFresh
I read this book a while ago, right when it came out. I don’t really know what I was thinking when I bought it. I think I was reading a lot of fluff back then, and this caught my eye. I’d seen Chelsea on several programs and I knew she was funny (and still do, though what I’ve seen on
Looking back, this book that was probably a very, very easy paycheck for Chelsea, actually turned out to be funny, though extremely fluffy. I finished it in 2 days, and the only thing I’ve taken from it is the back story of the “midget wearing a chips & salsa sombrero”, whom I’ve heard Chelsea mention the on TV a million times since. By reading this book, now I can tell myself, “I remember her telling of that story. She was drunk at the time.” But I’m sure anyone could’ve guessed that.
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“Girls Behaving Badly” is a little slapstickish). Looking back, this book that was probably a very, very easy paycheck for Chelsea, actually turned out to be funny, though extremely fluffy. I finished it in 2 days, and the only thing I’ve taken from it is the back story of the “midget wearing a chips & salsa sombrero”, whom I’ve heard Chelsea mention the on TV a million times since. By reading this book, now I can tell myself, “I remember her telling of that story. She was drunk at the time.” But I’m sure anyone could’ve guessed that.
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LibraryThing member mmardis
OK, not exactly a book for a school library or public library teen collection, but I did read it, I did love it, and I did laugh out loud more than once. I recommend this title to my students, just not to *their* students :)
LibraryThing member sacrain
Oh. My. God. This book made me laugh out loud, blush and cover the page while I was reading on the train, and cry just a little. Chelsea is hilarious, and she writes just as she speaks. The little people fascination is a little disturbing, but I also felt that it was educational as well.
If you need
If you need
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a good book to jump start your summer, or anything else, this is the one. Not recommended to share with your parents or fellow congregants. Show Less
LibraryThing member bigorangemichael
I hope for the sake of the innocent and guilty that the names in this kiss and tell book were changed. Actually that should be more like--have sex with and tell, but that's beside the point.
Chelesa Handler's memoir of memorable one-night stands is both as racy as you'd expect and not nearly as
That said, there are times when Handler works too hard to set up punchlines. I'd say this is a limitation of the work being a printed one, but since I listened to the audio version that doesn't necessarily apply.
Be warned--if you're easily offended, don't read this one.
Chelesa Handler's memoir of memorable one-night stands is both as racy as you'd expect and not nearly as
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racy as you'd like to think. Handler's humor is self-deprecating and the fact that she finds such an assortment of one-night stands is an intersting one. The book could definitely be an advertisement for Alcoholic's Anonymous since many of these stories revolve around decisions made while under the influence. Handler details stories about various men--some good, some bad and details their eccecentries and short-comings (pun fully intended). That said, there are times when Handler works too hard to set up punchlines. I'd say this is a limitation of the work being a printed one, but since I listened to the audio version that doesn't necessarily apply.
Be warned--if you're easily offended, don't read this one.
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LibraryThing member jmcilree
One of those books you know the author is laughing way more than you. Possibly these mildly amusing vignettes are funnier heard in person. Writing is prosaic, but functional.
LibraryThing member steenface
At times, the antics reeked of the likes of Tucker Max --- not necessarily a bad thing as both Chelsea and Tucker have their moments of hilarity --- but what can you expect from a "collection of one-night stands"? All in all, a good quick read.
LibraryThing member Meggo
It is a mistake to read this book as a serious collection of stories, I think. If you do so, you will find the author to be a deeply unlikable person - alcoholic, shallow, vaccuous and self-centered to an extreme rarely seen in nature. However it becomes apparent over time that Handler is (or
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claims to be) a comedian, and this changes the book from biography to satire. If you read the book from this perspective, the work changes from unpleasant to merely tedious. Not recommended. Show Less
LibraryThing member agirlandherbooks
A hilarious account of Chelsea Handler's sexual adventures -- I suspect a lot of literary exaggeration, but still quite funny and enjoyable. The girl gets around.
LibraryThing member jenn_stringer
Mainly makes light of uncomfortable and even dangerous situations....I guess I am more conservative than I thought regarding sex and relationships.
LibraryThing member Jadesbooks
It's always great when a book can make me laugh out loud - and this one did. I'm not sure that this is one that I will buy for my friends, but I will read her other books.
LibraryThing member cestovatela
Chelsea Handler has a lot of sex and she likes to tell people about it, preferably in the form of neatly packaged, humorous anecdotes. This is both good and bad. On the good side, she is genuinely funny, so this book makes a nice escape if you've been reading heavier literature. On the down side,
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the constant joking can wear thin. I bought this hoping for something more like a good episode of Sex and The City -- entertaining, partly comedic, but also somewhat honest and thought-provoking. Except for the last essay, Handler's book doesn't really deliver on that. It is a fun poolside read though. Show Less
LibraryThing member Jacey25
A collection of one night stands with no emotion and no heart told by a very unlike person who flips the coin on the men and aquires them for her sexual needs instead- not nearly as witty or liberated as it believes itself to be. A total miss; don't waste your money.
LibraryThing member fullhouse751
Well written and fun to read. I expected a few more 'one-night' stands to be presented, but then those shortened stories don't always make for good reads. Its interesting to get a little perspective on how females think about relationships, sex, dating, etc... For instance, she calls something a
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'one-night' stand that turns into a relationship. Hmm.... not really then is it? But then again, if it was good, then why not go back for more? And as far as the book goes, it was good, and I want more... Show Less
LibraryThing member constantreader08
My fiance and I take turns reading a chapter, or two, to each other in bed. Hilarious book!
LibraryThing member whitreidtan
I needed a light and quick read one day, having spent a lot of time in depressing and heavy reads, some of which were wonderful but still rough. So when I ran across a review of this book, I remembered it was on my tbr stacks and decided that it would be the perfect antidote to hugely depressing.
Short story essays chronicling Chelsea's love affairs with men of all shapes and colors, some of these stories are hysterical; some are less so but overall, this is a light, fluffy entertainment. I couldn't stop myself from laughing over the tale of the dog who showed up gnoshing on skidmarked underwear just as Chelsea was making a clean getaway. It was both disgusting and side-splittingly funny. She is definitely no holds barred in discussing her own sexuality but she can be a bit nasty when she takes on other people: the subjects of her failed and consummated one night stands as well as her roommate. The mean-spiritedness takes away some of the entertainment value and certainly no one would argue this book is anything but designed for entertainment value.
It did for me what I was looking to have it do but I would be wary in recommending it to anyone with a reasonably sophisticated sense of humor (not me) or to someone looking for an in depth look at what Handler's choices mean or even to someone who prefers to have a person show growth before the end of the book. Hilarious, low-brow humor leavened with not much else, this is decent for chuckles and a superficial skim of a life I've never led.
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And it was.Short story essays chronicling Chelsea's love affairs with men of all shapes and colors, some of these stories are hysterical; some are less so but overall, this is a light, fluffy entertainment. I couldn't stop myself from laughing over the tale of the dog who showed up gnoshing on skidmarked underwear just as Chelsea was making a clean getaway. It was both disgusting and side-splittingly funny. She is definitely no holds barred in discussing her own sexuality but she can be a bit nasty when she takes on other people: the subjects of her failed and consummated one night stands as well as her roommate. The mean-spiritedness takes away some of the entertainment value and certainly no one would argue this book is anything but designed for entertainment value.
It did for me what I was looking to have it do but I would be wary in recommending it to anyone with a reasonably sophisticated sense of humor (not me) or to someone looking for an in depth look at what Handler's choices mean or even to someone who prefers to have a person show growth before the end of the book. Hilarious, low-brow humor leavened with not much else, this is decent for chuckles and a superficial skim of a life I've never led.
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LibraryThing member wispywillow
I'm glad she grew up a little bit, because it gets a little old reading these books that are supposed to be hilarious, but all they are are chapter after chapter of drinking and otherwise being a spoiled little girl. (I find Laurie Notaro's writing to be very similar, though I've been told she
I am NOT a prude, but I don't really see what is so hilarious about being a grown woman and climbing into your parents' house through the window, or by calling a little person not only a "midget" (which is derogatory, btw) but also referring to him as "it," or calling someone Dumb Dumb just because she isn't spreading her legs for every man in sight.
I knew this book would be about sex from the title, obviously, and a friend recommended it to me. But it was a LOT more shallow than I expected.
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grows up in other books, too.)I am NOT a prude, but I don't really see what is so hilarious about being a grown woman and climbing into your parents' house through the window, or by calling a little person not only a "midget" (which is derogatory, btw) but also referring to him as "it," or calling someone Dumb Dumb just because she isn't spreading her legs for every man in sight.
I knew this book would be about sex from the title, obviously, and a friend recommended it to me. But it was a LOT more shallow than I expected.
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LibraryThing member FireandIce
I really wanted to like this book, but I just didn't find it all that funny. Perhaps I was spoiled by the absolute hilarity of Tucker Max's I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. Perhaps Handler just isn't funny. Whatever the case may be, I don't think I'll be reading anything else by this author.
LibraryThing member MarcusH
I think that Chelsea Handler is funny. I wanted a mindless, fun book to read after my semester of reading English Composition I essays. I got the mindless part when I picked this book, just not the fun that I was hoping for. Some of the stories are funny (surprising her parents mid-coitus, sneaking
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a boyfriend home only to have him run out the front door to avoid her dad in the morning); most of the stories, however, made me wonder why I was reading the book (describing a issue involving a lack of toilet paper, feeling frustrated when a potential partner is too coked up to perform). I guess I just wasn't in the mood to laugh at stories like this. I did realize prior to reading the book that I am probably not in the intended demographic for the book, but I'd still say stay away from this one. Show Less
LibraryThing member twothumbsdown
I love Chelsea Handler and this book made me love her even more.
LibraryThing member hadden
Rather tedious book. Just the same scene repeated over and over.
Subjects
Language
Original language
English
Original publication date
2005
Physical description
256 p.; 4.25 inches
ISBN
1455549215 / 9781455549214