Status
Checked out
Due Aug 25, 2023
Publication
Harvest Books (2003), 301 pages
Description
There is little sugar but lots of spice in journalist Rachel Simmons's brave and brilliant book that skewers the stereotype of girls as the kinder, gentler gender. Odd Girl Out begins with the premise that girls are socialized to be sweet with a double bind: they must value friendships; but they must not express the anger that might destroy them. Lacking cultural permission to acknowledge conflict, girls develop what Simmons calls "a hidden culture of silent and indirect aggression." The author, who visited 30 schools and talked to 300 girls, catalogues chilling and heartbreaking acts of aggression, including the silent treatment, note-passing, glaring, gossiping, ganging up, fashion police, and being nice in private/mean in public. She decodes the vocabulary of these sneak attacks, explaining, for example, three ways to parse the meaning of "I'm fat." --- Amazon. When Odd girl out was first published, it ignit[ed] a long-overdue conversation about the hidden culture of female bullying. Today, the dirty looks, taunting notes, and social exclusion that plague girls' friendships have gained new momentum in cyberspace. Simmons gives girls, parents, and educators strategies for navigating social dynamics online, as well as classroom initiatives and step-by-step parental suggestions for dealing with conventional bullying.--p. [4] of cover.… (more)
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Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World by Rosalind Wiseman
User reviews
LibraryThing member linuxchic
I am about half way through this book and I think it is a MUST READ for both men and women. Every girl in the US (perhaps elsewhere) has been on at least one side or the other of a girl bully… usually most have been both. With as much progress as women have made, they are still suppressed from
This book is currently on sale in the bargain books section at Barnes and Noble. It is a national bestseller and is an American School Board Journal Notable Book in Education.
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expressing themselves. This book was the result of a research project by Rachel Simmons and is a necessary look at girlhood and the experiences that woman have had and the challenges they face from their peers. Every manager, supervisor, executive, teacher, principal, father, grandfather, husband, boyfriend, mother, grandmother, aunt, uncle, sister, woman, daughter and brother should read this book. It was easy for me to remember my days of being bullied but until I read this, I didn’t realize I had expressed aggressive behaviors of my own. I already knew I had to change some ways of looking at things with my daughters to help them from falling into the same trappings that plague women still today, I just didn’t realize how many until I read this. I was shocked at how many unhealthy feminine “ideals” and stereotypes were ingrained in me until I saw it from this vantage.This book is currently on sale in the bargain books section at Barnes and Noble. It is a national bestseller and is an American School Board Journal Notable Book in Education.
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LibraryThing member drpeff
confusing at times, especially when listing quotes from teenage girls. lots of quotes didn't make sense--i think that reflects that thought process of teenage girls. i enjoyed the subject matter & thought it was worthwhile thinking about it. i wish there was more discussion about bullies & how
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their mothers reacted to their behavior. Show Less
LibraryThing member maryh10000
I found this didn't apply to me at all, since I was never a member of any group in elementary or high school. However, it was a great description of what I saw happening to my sisters, especially the youngest one. It mystified me at the time how she could be friends with someone one week, enemies
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the next, and friends again the week after. Now I have an idea what may have been going on. Show Less
LibraryThing member eejjennings
Excellent explanation of the culture of girls in school. Every woman, the author explains, can remember a person who bullied them during middle school.
LibraryThing member the_hag
You know, this is actually a topic that is near and dear for my heart and it did have a lot of interesting examples and data...but like Fast Girls before it, this reads a lot like someone's research paper and doesn't really delve too far into the history of aggression (in boys or girls) beyond a
I don't want to indicate that book isn't worthwhile, it just didn't cover ME...I was an outcast all through grade school and high school and this book addressed the dynamics of cliques and triad friendships, but not really those few genuine girls who are ostracized not as a result of climbing the social ladder and that was a bit discouraging for me, as I hoped to gain some insight into why my school years were like that, and while I learned a lot of interesting things about the dynamics of girl friendships, there was nothing in this book that really applied to what happened to me, so this book like Fast Girls it's another book that provides a chunk of information, and I'll have to keep reading to fully grasp the subject and make more headway in working out those issues in my life that relate to my socialization issues from childhood.
Overall, I would recommend it, but it's not a one stop information source. This book, at best, only provides a partial explanation or source of information regarding aggression in girls and the largely ignored problem that goes on with girls (which starts WAY before high school). Read it, learn from it and read more...this is not where a reader should stop looking at this issue, it should be the start.
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barest basics that most people probably already know. Simmons also doesn't offer any statistics, she mentions repeatedly that there really isn't any research on this, but I felt like this was just a big book length article that focused on her own personal fascination with the topic and the scope of the book really doesn't go much beyond her own group of interviewees. I was also kind of annoyed by the great deal of repeated information, it's as if in the absence of statistical data to support her theory she just keeps saying the same thing over and over. I don't want to indicate that book isn't worthwhile, it just didn't cover ME...I was an outcast all through grade school and high school and this book addressed the dynamics of cliques and triad friendships, but not really those few genuine girls who are ostracized not as a result of climbing the social ladder and that was a bit discouraging for me, as I hoped to gain some insight into why my school years were like that, and while I learned a lot of interesting things about the dynamics of girl friendships, there was nothing in this book that really applied to what happened to me, so this book like Fast Girls it's another book that provides a chunk of information, and I'll have to keep reading to fully grasp the subject and make more headway in working out those issues in my life that relate to my socialization issues from childhood.
Overall, I would recommend it, but it's not a one stop information source. This book, at best, only provides a partial explanation or source of information regarding aggression in girls and the largely ignored problem that goes on with girls (which starts WAY before high school). Read it, learn from it and read more...this is not where a reader should stop looking at this issue, it should be the start.
Show Less
LibraryThing member touchthesky
An incredible look into the hidden aggression of girls. Very thought provoking and even made me question my own methods of dealing with anger or "hidden" aggressions towards friends.
Simmons asks questions and hunts for answers where many have been to afraid to venture. She travels across the United
Her findings are fascinating and, at times, unbelievable. I would definitely recommended this to any parent who has daughters, seeing that Simmons gives explanations of how to help young girls deal with the emotional and traumatic loss of friendships. Though, many write it off as "a phase," our young girls need help and guidance so they know how to appropriate react in aggressive situations.
As an aspiring educator, "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls" opened my eyes to be come a better observer for when I have my own classroom. Even though hidden aggression is impossible to pin-point, Simmons gives serious warning signs and tips for teachers to decode a potential treat in the classroom. Girl bullying doesn't just affect one person, it affects all involved.
Simmons asks questions and hunts for answers where many have been to afraid to venture. She travels across the United
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States and interviews parents, teachers, school administrators and hundreds of pre-teen and teenage girls.Her findings are fascinating and, at times, unbelievable. I would definitely recommended this to any parent who has daughters, seeing that Simmons gives explanations of how to help young girls deal with the emotional and traumatic loss of friendships. Though, many write it off as "a phase," our young girls need help and guidance so they know how to appropriate react in aggressive situations.
As an aspiring educator, "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls" opened my eyes to be come a better observer for when I have my own classroom. Even though hidden aggression is impossible to pin-point, Simmons gives serious warning signs and tips for teachers to decode a potential treat in the classroom. Girl bullying doesn't just affect one person, it affects all involved.
Show Less
LibraryThing member khager
I think this will be an excellent book for book clubs. It's about the ways that girls bully each other--with words and glares instead of fists--and how that's because we're trained that it's not nice to be angry or aggressive and so our negative feelings have to go somewhere.
I think pretty much
One of the things that really struck me with this is a sort of throwaway comment that compared the way girls treat each other with the movie The Sixth Sense, where there are all these things going on that adults just don't see. (It's not a perfect metaphor, but I'm sure you follow.)
This is such a good (and sad!) book. Recommended for anyone who has kids. :)
I think pretty much
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everyone who was ever a girl in elementary, middle or high school knows exactly what it's like to get picked on, whether it was once or every day for a year. I was bullied all through middle school, and it was awful, the worst two years of my life.One of the things that really struck me with this is a sort of throwaway comment that compared the way girls treat each other with the movie The Sixth Sense, where there are all these things going on that adults just don't see. (It's not a perfect metaphor, but I'm sure you follow.)
This is such a good (and sad!) book. Recommended for anyone who has kids. :)
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LibraryThing member jlcarroll
If you were Queen Bee on the playground, head cheerleader with all the right friends or simply the most popular girl in your class, this book is for you. If girls on power trips manipulated you through fear - or isolated you because you would not be manipulated - this book is for you. If your
Although I did not experience the depth of pain described by some in Rachel Simmon's book, old hurts resurfaced, including those that affect my friendships with women even today. And, I am grateful for the opportunity to take a hard look at them. The author goes beyond "girls can be mean" to give us language that describes bullying, girl-style. By helping us define what it is, she also empowers us to address these alternative aggressions and effect change among schools, parents and our own, often vulnerable children.
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girlhood memories are tainted by secretly (or openly) abusive female "friends," this book is for you. If you're a parent raising a daughter, this book is for you. Although I did not experience the depth of pain described by some in Rachel Simmon's book, old hurts resurfaced, including those that affect my friendships with women even today. And, I am grateful for the opportunity to take a hard look at them. The author goes beyond "girls can be mean" to give us language that describes bullying, girl-style. By helping us define what it is, she also empowers us to address these alternative aggressions and effect change among schools, parents and our own, often vulnerable children.
Show Less
LibraryThing member shelleyraec
I read the first edition of Odd Girl Out about five years ago when my oldest daughter was in grade 4/5 and there were some real problems regarding bullying and power struggles amongst the girls in her year. While my daughter was not a direct target, nor a bully, it was a stressful time for her as
I chose to read this revised edition because my oldest daughter is now fifteen and as an avid (ie constant) user of Facebook, MSN and various online social communities. Additionally my youngest daughter is now eight and an awareness of online social communities is beginning to creep into her consciousness. As such I was particularly interested in Simmons inclusion of the dynamics of cyber-bullying and how I might be able to help my daughters navigate this social arena.
The strength of Odd Girl Out is that it illustrates the experience of female bullying in a personal manner, with girls sharing their circumstances in their own words. I, like most women, recognised many of the methods girls use to control their social world. With hindsight, the daily drama of school seem mostly petty and irrelevant but I do still remember the intensity of the emotion that surrounded playground machinations – the agony of being dumped by a best friend, the desire to be popular, and like most I have been both a victim and perpetrator (though largely an unwitting one)of the type of bullying and aggression Simmons examines. Odd Girl Out is a reminder of the seriousness with which girls interact with their peers.
The new chapter that addresses cyber bullying/drama is interesting and I think is full of useful information, especially for parents who are not familiar with technology. I am a net-savvy parent who uses social media and have discussed the issues with my daughter but I know she doesn’t see the consequences of a casual status update or online flirting the same way as I do, which is highlighted by the stories shared in this chapter. Later on in the book, Simmons discusses strategies for managing media in the lives of girls in practical ways, this chapter is particularly useful and as I am trying to walk the line between keeping an eye on my teenager’s online activities without invading her social privacy too much, I found it informative and encouraging.
The focus of Odd Girl Out tends to be on girls aged 11-13 and in particular those whose experiences are at the extremes of the issue but nevertheless I think it has relevance for those involved in any setting where girls aged 8 to 16 interact. Simmons grounds the research, giving the experiences of young girls, and the lasting effects, credibility and for a parent (or educator) I think it can provide a vocabulary for discussion and investigation.
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two girls in particular aggressively manipulated the social hierarchy, girls switched alliances almost daily and the school seemed at a complete loss at how to deal with it. To help my daughter cope with the upheaval I read a number of books on the subject including Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls and Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence, both of which I also would recommend to parents and educators of girls.I chose to read this revised edition because my oldest daughter is now fifteen and as an avid (ie constant) user of Facebook, MSN and various online social communities. Additionally my youngest daughter is now eight and an awareness of online social communities is beginning to creep into her consciousness. As such I was particularly interested in Simmons inclusion of the dynamics of cyber-bullying and how I might be able to help my daughters navigate this social arena.
The strength of Odd Girl Out is that it illustrates the experience of female bullying in a personal manner, with girls sharing their circumstances in their own words. I, like most women, recognised many of the methods girls use to control their social world. With hindsight, the daily drama of school seem mostly petty and irrelevant but I do still remember the intensity of the emotion that surrounded playground machinations – the agony of being dumped by a best friend, the desire to be popular, and like most I have been both a victim and perpetrator (though largely an unwitting one)of the type of bullying and aggression Simmons examines. Odd Girl Out is a reminder of the seriousness with which girls interact with their peers.
The new chapter that addresses cyber bullying/drama is interesting and I think is full of useful information, especially for parents who are not familiar with technology. I am a net-savvy parent who uses social media and have discussed the issues with my daughter but I know she doesn’t see the consequences of a casual status update or online flirting the same way as I do, which is highlighted by the stories shared in this chapter. Later on in the book, Simmons discusses strategies for managing media in the lives of girls in practical ways, this chapter is particularly useful and as I am trying to walk the line between keeping an eye on my teenager’s online activities without invading her social privacy too much, I found it informative and encouraging.
The focus of Odd Girl Out tends to be on girls aged 11-13 and in particular those whose experiences are at the extremes of the issue but nevertheless I think it has relevance for those involved in any setting where girls aged 8 to 16 interact. Simmons grounds the research, giving the experiences of young girls, and the lasting effects, credibility and for a parent (or educator) I think it can provide a vocabulary for discussion and investigation.
Show Less
LibraryThing member Daniel.Estes
There are two main starting points here about how young women deal with conflict: (1) It is socially unacceptable for them to act out aggressively, and (2) girls (compared to boys) typically fear social isolation above all else. Put these two together and girls will almost certainly trip up trying
This hidden culture of aggression is real and very damaging though I still think the line between bullying and normal youth socializing is unclear.
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to navigate the contradictory scenarios they encounter. As long as young women aren't given a proper environment to create healthy friendships, the result will be a near-invisible struggle for power and bullying. Author Rachel Simmons makes her point early in the book and then proceeds through case study after case study which, while intriguing, only slightly adds to her thesis. The book feels overlong because of this.This hidden culture of aggression is real and very damaging though I still think the line between bullying and normal youth socializing is unclear.
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LibraryThing member amaraduende
I didn't read this cover to cover, I just read pieces of it. It's on a valuable topic that I think has been ignored or trivialized, and I'd recommend it to anyone raising a girl, or who was a girl, or who knows a girl. :)
LibraryThing member Marlene-NL
This book did open my eyes and not in a positive way. To be honest I was kind of shocked but the author is right about lots of things. Especially how girls use each other and how they do not want to confront others.
Very interesting read.
Very interesting read.
LibraryThing member Hil07
An absolute must-read for anyone who has or works with kids. Simmons's research into the how and why of the "mean girl" phenomenon will open your eyes to what's really going on in our schools and in girls' lives--and what we can do about it.
Language
Original language
English
Original publication date
2002
Physical description
301 p.; 5.31 inches
ISBN
0156027348 / 9780156027342