Status
Available
Publication
Voice (2007), Edition: First Edition, 384 pages
Description
Women are often told that it's too difficult to balance work and family, so if they don't really "have to" work, it's better for their families if they stay home. Not only is this untrue, journalist Bennetts says, but the arguments in favor of stay-at-home motherhood fail to consider the surprising benefits of work and the unexpected toll of giving it up. Combining work and family really is the best choice for most women, and it's eminently doable. Earning money and being successful make women feel great, and when women sacrifice their financial autonomy by quitting their jobs, they become vulnerable to divorce as well as the potential illness, death, or unemployment of their breadwinner husbands. But women who stop working sacrifice far more than financial security--Bennetts' research documents the steep toll when women forfeit the intellectual, emotional, psychological, and even medical benefits of self-sufficiency.--From publisher description.… (more)
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User reviews
LibraryThing member car_oline
I LOVE THIS BOOK!!! It is a must-read for all of the women in your lives - buy ten and give them as gifts.
It was less about family values and more about the down-and-dirty of the unspoken question...the reality nobody talks about: Can you afford to raise your kids without your hubby?
It was less about family values and more about the down-and-dirty of the unspoken question...the reality nobody talks about: Can you afford to raise your kids without your hubby?
LibraryThing member smbmom
Bennetts presents a valid argument for maintaining your income capacity.
LibraryThing member Deesirings
I didn't agree with the contents of this book as much as I expected to, having read some responses to it on various blogs.
My biggest criticism it that the book tried to address too many separate issues under the guise of always staying on the large topic of the financial risk of being a stay at
In many respects, this was in response to a particular class of stay at home moms, that is the highly educated, professional women who leave jobs as lawyers, executives, etc., because their husbands make so much money that having a second salary doesn't seem all that appealing compared to living a life of leisure and/or of raising kids.
Bennetts warns all women to not be financially dependent on a man. Fair enough. But wouldn't it be a better approach to encourage all women to be financially independent? This slight change in perspective would include women who are dependent on other women as well as all those who depend on men.
If financial independence from spouses is all Bennetts is concerned about, then much of this book is superfluous. The whole chapter on the non-financial benefits of work is irrelevant to this thesis. So perhaps the starting point should have been to persuade women that the benefits of paid labour outweigh the benefits of raising children while being off the job market. Only, Bennetts doesn't seem to praise the benefits of all work and any work. Though she does occasionally speak to the experiences of lower class women, her chapter on the rewards of work is focussed on the rewards of having a successful professional career (as opposed to spending 40 years working full-time at a low paying retail job, for example).
Moreover, if financial independence is the only point, why does Bennetts seem so dismissive of one woman who suggests that in really wealthy marriages, one solution might be for wives to have their own investment incomes rather than to count on paid labour?
One theme Bennetts returns to frequently is the importance of taking a long view of life and always remembering that the years a woman will spend as a mother to pre-school aged children constitute only a small time in the overall potential worklife of the average woman.
At one point, Bennetts retells an anecdote in which she counseled a good friend of hers not to down grade to part time work when her children were still young and she was so very, very tired all the time. Bennetts explains that this was because the financial cost of even a partial exit from paid labour for even a few years was a lot higher than the loss in salary during those years. And so she encourages women to keep full-time work even during their children's pre-school years and to just accept that they will be absolutely exhausted for that period of their lives and that they will not feel they are giving their all to either their children or their work.
But at another point, she retells the story of a woman who did exit the paid labour force for the years in which her children were youngest, but made sure to keep networking, to keep up with developments in her fields, and to take on a paid project in her field (she wrote an article or book). This tale seems to be recounted approvingly. So why would this be more OK than her friend wanting to work 3 days a week for a couple of years?
There are inconsistencies in Bennetts' approach in different chapters and anecdotes.
This book would have been a lot more convincing if it had focused exclusively on professional women and had urged them to plan any exits and entries from paid labour rather than just quitting their jobs without having a plan in mind for how long they wanted to be unemployed and how they would return to work when they wanted to. If Bennetts had limited herself to this particular segment of society, she could have written a much more convincing, on point account.
Moreover, Bennetts alludes to problems in the work force, especially in professional milieus, with employers expecting crazy hours out of their employees and creating family unfriendly work places in various different ways. Is it any wonder some women want to walk away from that when they can afford to? The problem isn't just women short sightedly choosing to leave the workforce, the problem in many instances is the work force itself. In some chapters, Bennetts seems to recognize that women will have to make compromises in the type of work they choose. For example, a lawyer who is getting ready to have children might want to work for a small suburban firm rather than an NYC giant. Bennetts gives the nod to such choices.
What I take from this book and agree with most is that any exit from the work force requires planning and should not be done whimsically and that it is important to keep the big picture and the long-term in mind when making choices about employment (or non-employment).
My biggest criticism it that the book tried to address too many separate issues under the guise of always staying on the large topic of the financial risk of being a stay at
Show More
home mom.In many respects, this was in response to a particular class of stay at home moms, that is the highly educated, professional women who leave jobs as lawyers, executives, etc., because their husbands make so much money that having a second salary doesn't seem all that appealing compared to living a life of leisure and/or of raising kids.
Bennetts warns all women to not be financially dependent on a man. Fair enough. But wouldn't it be a better approach to encourage all women to be financially independent? This slight change in perspective would include women who are dependent on other women as well as all those who depend on men.
If financial independence from spouses is all Bennetts is concerned about, then much of this book is superfluous. The whole chapter on the non-financial benefits of work is irrelevant to this thesis. So perhaps the starting point should have been to persuade women that the benefits of paid labour outweigh the benefits of raising children while being off the job market. Only, Bennetts doesn't seem to praise the benefits of all work and any work. Though she does occasionally speak to the experiences of lower class women, her chapter on the rewards of work is focussed on the rewards of having a successful professional career (as opposed to spending 40 years working full-time at a low paying retail job, for example).
Moreover, if financial independence is the only point, why does Bennetts seem so dismissive of one woman who suggests that in really wealthy marriages, one solution might be for wives to have their own investment incomes rather than to count on paid labour?
One theme Bennetts returns to frequently is the importance of taking a long view of life and always remembering that the years a woman will spend as a mother to pre-school aged children constitute only a small time in the overall potential worklife of the average woman.
At one point, Bennetts retells an anecdote in which she counseled a good friend of hers not to down grade to part time work when her children were still young and she was so very, very tired all the time. Bennetts explains that this was because the financial cost of even a partial exit from paid labour for even a few years was a lot higher than the loss in salary during those years. And so she encourages women to keep full-time work even during their children's pre-school years and to just accept that they will be absolutely exhausted for that period of their lives and that they will not feel they are giving their all to either their children or their work.
But at another point, she retells the story of a woman who did exit the paid labour force for the years in which her children were youngest, but made sure to keep networking, to keep up with developments in her fields, and to take on a paid project in her field (she wrote an article or book). This tale seems to be recounted approvingly. So why would this be more OK than her friend wanting to work 3 days a week for a couple of years?
There are inconsistencies in Bennetts' approach in different chapters and anecdotes.
This book would have been a lot more convincing if it had focused exclusively on professional women and had urged them to plan any exits and entries from paid labour rather than just quitting their jobs without having a plan in mind for how long they wanted to be unemployed and how they would return to work when they wanted to. If Bennetts had limited herself to this particular segment of society, she could have written a much more convincing, on point account.
Moreover, Bennetts alludes to problems in the work force, especially in professional milieus, with employers expecting crazy hours out of their employees and creating family unfriendly work places in various different ways. Is it any wonder some women want to walk away from that when they can afford to? The problem isn't just women short sightedly choosing to leave the workforce, the problem in many instances is the work force itself. In some chapters, Bennetts seems to recognize that women will have to make compromises in the type of work they choose. For example, a lawyer who is getting ready to have children might want to work for a small suburban firm rather than an NYC giant. Bennetts gives the nod to such choices.
What I take from this book and agree with most is that any exit from the work force requires planning and should not be done whimsically and that it is important to keep the big picture and the long-term in mind when making choices about employment (or non-employment).
Show Less
LibraryThing member chellerystick
Bennetts argues that women must plan for the high odds that they will need to work for wages to support themselves at some point in their lives, due to the chances not only of divorce but also unemployment, death, or illness. Studies show that taking time out of the workforce makes it very
The audiobook was well-read and easy to follow. The author does repeat herself a bit in places, but it was probably especially noticeable because I listened to the whole book on a four-hour drive. I really appreciated all of the real women's stories she quotes in the book. I wish she could have spent more time unpacking the cultural and class assumptions that go into the "Mommy Wars," and also that she could have given more policy and employer suggestions, but that is more than enough of a topic for a whole other book.
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difficult to get hired back into the workforce. Furthermore, the early childhood years that many women cite as the time period they would like to have with their children only lasts a fraction of most women's adult lives. Therefore, Bennetts recommends that professional women not leave the full-time labor force but rather "muddle through" those difficult few years. If they do leave or cut back for a few years, she recommends becoming visibly accomplished in their fields before having children, and to stay current and active after cutting back, including professionally-relevant volunteer work (not just things like bake sales). She also notes that women who work are happier and more satisfied with their marriages. I want to recommend this book as food for thought to all of my women friends who are thinking of having children.The audiobook was well-read and easy to follow. The author does repeat herself a bit in places, but it was probably especially noticeable because I listened to the whole book on a four-hour drive. I really appreciated all of the real women's stories she quotes in the book. I wish she could have spent more time unpacking the cultural and class assumptions that go into the "Mommy Wars," and also that she could have given more policy and employer suggestions, but that is more than enough of a topic for a whole other book.
Show Less
LibraryThing member Lilac_Lily01
I avoided this book for a while, thinking it was just another voice in the "mommy wars". Just another book trying to convince the reader that working mothers are better for their children.
When I did finally get around to reading "The Feminine Mistake" I was captured by the compassionate tone of
Her goal was to educate women on the importance of supporting oneself financially. And she does so without pointing fingers at stay-at-home moms for the choices they have made. Instead she outlines the consequences of either choice, staying at home or working while raising children.
The author makes it clear that the odds are stacked against women, that choose financial dependency. Women live longer than men and there is a 50% divorce rate. The chance that a women might end up alone, without a partner to take care of her financially, are high.
One of the statistics in the book points out that "Motherhood is now the single best indicator that a women's live will end in financial collapse"
That one really brought it home for me. There is just no good enough reason to gamble with your life like that. With or without children, women have to take care of themselves financially.
When I did finally get around to reading "The Feminine Mistake" I was captured by the compassionate tone of
Show More
Leslie Bennetts. And I realized, the focus of her book isn't solely what's best for the children, but more importantly, what's best for the mothers (Children automatically benefit when the mother is happy and balanced). Her goal was to educate women on the importance of supporting oneself financially. And she does so without pointing fingers at stay-at-home moms for the choices they have made. Instead she outlines the consequences of either choice, staying at home or working while raising children.
The author makes it clear that the odds are stacked against women, that choose financial dependency. Women live longer than men and there is a 50% divorce rate. The chance that a women might end up alone, without a partner to take care of her financially, are high.
One of the statistics in the book points out that "Motherhood is now the single best indicator that a women's live will end in financial collapse"
That one really brought it home for me. There is just no good enough reason to gamble with your life like that. With or without children, women have to take care of themselves financially.
Show Less
LibraryThing member laughingwoman6
I was raised by a single mother. I married young and had two children. My husband and I struggled a lot financially, mostly because we were still in school when our son was born. He worked hard for about three years while I finished my degree in nursing. It was the smartest thing I ever did,
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finishing school and working while my children were small. My husband died at age 34 of cancer and I found myself alone with two young children. I loved this book because everything Leslie Bennetts says in it is true. I think being raised by a single mother taught me early that nothing is forever. I have a great career as a registered nurse, I've been working for 21 years and I have raised my kids. They are now adults and while I know I've made a lot of mistakes I am proud of them and proud of myself. I bless my late husband for the sacrifices he made to put me through school. If he hadn't I don't know what I would have done, he was insured but it wouldn't have lasted long enough to finish raising my children. This is a fantastic book a compassionate and thoughtful look at what happens to women who choose to be financially dependant on their husbands or partners. Show Less
LibraryThing member Devil_llama
Shoudl be required reading for every high school girl...and her family. All too many articles are published lauding the "opt out" revolution, without looking at the flip side. This book looks at that flip side. It would be nearly ideal, except for the fact that almost everything the author
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discusses is in relationship to highly educated, professional women who work in high-powered legal or professional fields. It would have been a better book if she would have given a bit more attention to the women that make up the vast majority of working women in this country: those who are struggling in a low paying job, or are doing pink collar work, or even middle level professionals like school teachers. Still, it's a nice start. Show Less
LibraryThing member DiamondDog
Really recommend this to all women - SAHM or Working Moms, it doesn't matter.
LibraryThing member julierh
I highly recommend this book to women in general, but especially to mothers and prospective mothers. Bennetts presents a well-researched/documented argument persuading women to nurture their careers along with their children once they become mothers. In exploring the recent trend of impressively
She examines some social and historical reasons, including how the conservative media portray working moms as selfish and clamor for a return to more traditional gender roles. She argues that female dependency has very strong roots in western culture and there is a lot of pressure on women to stay at home.
Bennetts cautions about the various risks to women. At the same time, she details the many advantages to maintaining a career, discussing the financial freedom and the security that come from employment but also the less tangible rewards, such as intellectual stimulation, continuing to face challenges as you move further ahead in your career, earning respect and accolades from colleagues and bosses, the pleasure of lifelong learning, and acting as a role model for your children, among other things.
Overall it is a fascinating read and very important contribution.
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educated, highly accomplished young women sacrificing their careers to become stay-at-home mothers, she ponders the question: Why, when the future is unpredictable and women can so easily lose their husbands' income to divorce, disability, and death, are so many young women choosing to cheerfully hope for the best and voluntarily become dependent on their husbands? She examines some social and historical reasons, including how the conservative media portray working moms as selfish and clamor for a return to more traditional gender roles. She argues that female dependency has very strong roots in western culture and there is a lot of pressure on women to stay at home.
Bennetts cautions about the various risks to women. At the same time, she details the many advantages to maintaining a career, discussing the financial freedom and the security that come from employment but also the less tangible rewards, such as intellectual stimulation, continuing to face challenges as you move further ahead in your career, earning respect and accolades from colleagues and bosses, the pleasure of lifelong learning, and acting as a role model for your children, among other things.
Overall it is a fascinating read and very important contribution.
Show Less
Subjects
Language
Original language
English
Physical description
384 p.; 6.13 inches
ISBN
1401303064 / 9781401303068