Status
Available
Collection
Publication
HarperCollins Publishers (1999), 368 pages
Description
Dr. William Glasser offers a new psychology that, if practiced, could reverse our widespread inability to get along with one another, an inability that is the source of almost all unhappiness. For progress in human relationships, he explains that we must give up the punishing, relationship–destroying external control psychology. For example, if you are in an unhappy relationship right now, he proposes that one or both of you could be using external control psychology on the other. He goes further. And suggests that misery is always related to a current unsatisfying relationship. Contrary to what you may believe, your troubles are always now, never in the past. No one can change what happened yesterday.
User reviews
LibraryThing member steffanyac
I think everyone in America could benefit from this book! It was very well-written and easy to understand.
LibraryThing member JoyMakepeace
I love this book. It sure does challenge other psychology theorists. Thinking outside of the square.
LibraryThing member csweder
Choice Theory as created by Glasser is really extraordinary. Basically humans choose everything that we do, we are in control directly or indirectly of everything.
Hold up there, then why are so many people depressed and miserable, you ask? Well, a person would not intentionally choose to be
Here's the deal--humans all have different levels of these needs, and we need to be sure that the people in our lives (ie: romantic relationships) have similar needs as we do...or else it might lead to problems. (Can you imagine the relationship where Person A has a low need for Freedom, but a very high need for Love....being with Person B who has a very high need for Freedom and an average need for Love? Recipe for fighting? I think so...) There is no 'right' amount needed (although he speculates that sociopaths may have a far too low need for love) by anyone, but matching up with others may prove useful.
Here's the other big part of choice theory (formerly known as control theory): you can ONLY control your OWN behavior...not the behavior of others. Let that sink in a bit. You can't make other people do what you want them to do. The girl striving to get married can't force her boyfriend to propose any more than the parent (or teacher) can force the child to do school work. We can hope they will do it, but in the end you have to decide if you want to nag and guilt people into doing what you want them to, or if you want to maintain the strong relationship with the person.
Excellent book and a great way to think about human relationships. I'd say you should read it too.
Hold up there, then why are so many people depressed and miserable, you ask? Well, a person would not intentionally choose to be
Show More
miserable, but they may choose behaviors and thoughts that make them so. See, the way Glasser puts it (as I understand it) is to say that humans have 5 needs: 1) Love and belonging, 2) Power 3) Survival 4) Freedom 5) Fun (I did not place them in any order). And we behave in ways to meet those needs. So, perhaps my need for love is lower than my need for freedom, I may jeopardize relationships with people in order to maintain freedom (which could at times also make me loney and unhappy). I may have such a strong need for love and belonging that I allow myself to be in an abusive relationship--as long as the abuser meets that need (the honeymoon period after violence where the abused is told he/she is loved and that the abuse will never happen again).Here's the deal--humans all have different levels of these needs, and we need to be sure that the people in our lives (ie: romantic relationships) have similar needs as we do...or else it might lead to problems. (Can you imagine the relationship where Person A has a low need for Freedom, but a very high need for Love....being with Person B who has a very high need for Freedom and an average need for Love? Recipe for fighting? I think so...) There is no 'right' amount needed (although he speculates that sociopaths may have a far too low need for love) by anyone, but matching up with others may prove useful.
Here's the other big part of choice theory (formerly known as control theory): you can ONLY control your OWN behavior...not the behavior of others. Let that sink in a bit. You can't make other people do what you want them to do. The girl striving to get married can't force her boyfriend to propose any more than the parent (or teacher) can force the child to do school work. We can hope they will do it, but in the end you have to decide if you want to nag and guilt people into doing what you want them to, or if you want to maintain the strong relationship with the person.
Excellent book and a great way to think about human relationships. I'd say you should read it too.
Show Less
LibraryThing member csweder
Choice Theory as created by Glasser is really extraordinary. Basically humans choose everything that we do, we are in control directly or indirectly of everything.
Hold up there, then why are so many people depressed and miserable, you ask? Well, a person would not intentionally choose to be
Here's the deal--humans all have different levels of these needs, and we need to be sure that the people in our lives (ie: romantic relationships) have similar needs as we do...or else it might lead to problems. (Can you imagine the relationship where Person A has a low need for Freedom, but a very high need for Love....being with Person B who has a very high need for Freedom and an average need for Love? Recipe for fighting? I think so...) There is no 'right' amount needed (although he speculates that sociopaths may have a far too low need for love) by anyone, but matching up with others may prove useful.
Here's the other big part of choice theory (formerly known as control theory): you can ONLY control your OWN behavior...not the behavior of others. Let that sink in a bit. You can't make other people do what you want them to do. The girl striving to get married can't force her boyfriend to propose any more than the parent (or teacher) can force the child to do school work. We can hope they will do it, but in the end you have to decide if you want to nag and guilt people into doing what you want them to, or if you want to maintain the strong relationship with the person.
Excellent book and a great way to think about human relationships. I'd say you should read it too.
Hold up there, then why are so many people depressed and miserable, you ask? Well, a person would not intentionally choose to be
Show More
miserable, but they may choose behaviors and thoughts that make them so. See, the way Glasser puts it (as I understand it) is to say that humans have 5 needs: 1) Love and belonging, 2) Power 3) Survival 4) Freedom 5) Fun (I did not place them in any order). And we behave in ways to meet those needs. So, perhaps my need for love is lower than my need for freedom, I may jeopardize relationships with people in order to maintain freedom (which could at times also make me loney and unhappy). I may have such a strong need for love and belonging that I allow myself to be in an abusive relationship--as long as the abuser meets that need (the honeymoon period after violence where the abused is told he/she is loved and that the abuse will never happen again).Here's the deal--humans all have different levels of these needs, and we need to be sure that the people in our lives (ie: romantic relationships) have similar needs as we do...or else it might lead to problems. (Can you imagine the relationship where Person A has a low need for Freedom, but a very high need for Love....being with Person B who has a very high need for Freedom and an average need for Love? Recipe for fighting? I think so...) There is no 'right' amount needed (although he speculates that sociopaths may have a far too low need for love) by anyone, but matching up with others may prove useful.
Here's the other big part of choice theory (formerly known as control theory): you can ONLY control your OWN behavior...not the behavior of others. Let that sink in a bit. You can't make other people do what you want them to do. The girl striving to get married can't force her boyfriend to propose any more than the parent (or teacher) can force the child to do school work. We can hope they will do it, but in the end you have to decide if you want to nag and guilt people into doing what you want them to, or if you want to maintain the strong relationship with the person.
Excellent book and a great way to think about human relationships. I'd say you should read it too.
Show Less
Subjects
Language
Original language
English
Physical description
368 p.; 8 inches
ISBN
0060930144 / 9780060930141