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Family & Relationships. Christian Nonfiction. Religion & Spirituality. Nonfiction. HTML: Discover the single greatest secret to a successful marriage! Touted as a classic among marriage books, Love & Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other and how they can deal with conflict quickly, easily and biblically. A New York Times best-seller with over 2.1 million copies sold. Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It's the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find. While both men and women deserve both love and respect, in the midst of conflict the driving need for a woman is love and the driving need for a man is respect. When either of these needs isn't met, things get crazy. Based on over three decades of counseling, as well as scientific and biblical research, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife, Sarah, have taken the Love and Respect message across America and are changing the way couples talk to, think about, and treat each other. If you want to feel peace, closeness, value, and to experience marriage the way God intended, this book will help you get there. Love and Respect is for anyone: those in marital crisis, the happily married, engaged couples, pastors and counselors, and small groups. This dynamic and life-changing message is impacting the world, resulting in the healing and restoration of countless relationships. What readers are saying about Love & Respect: "I've been married 35 years and have not heard this taught." "This is the key that I have been missing." "You connected all the dots for me." "As a counselor, I have never been so excited about any material." "You're on to something huge here." Partner Love & Respect with the Love & Respect Workbook for Couples, Individuals, and Groups for an added experience. Love & Respect is also available in Spanish, Amor y Respeto..… (more)
User reviews
A few concerns about standard Evangelical theology, but those are not sufficient to hinder the power of this excellent book. Greatly recommended.
The statement alone causes shock in this society, that has been
The truth has been in the Bible the whole time. Women are instructed to respect and honor their husbands while husbands are to love their wives. Eggerichs painstakingly shows how showing a man more respect can even bring more love into a marriage.
I recommend it highly to all married couples, but more than anything else, build your relationship on Christ and it will succeed.
Eggerichs' argues that most of us get stuck on the 'crazy cycle'. That's where a wife doesn't unconditionally respect her husband and/or a husband doesn't unconditionally respect his wife. The book then gives tips for husbands on how to love and wives on how to respect. As a man about to be married I really felt the things he outlined for the women about how to respect a man really hit home. This is called the 'energizing cycle'. Finally he finishes the book with the 'reward cycle' where he tells us that because of who God is we must unconditionally love or respect our spouse not because of who they are or what they've done but because of who God is, what he's done and how he tells us to live. This is a great way to finish the book. At the end their are some appendixes to help you live out the things he talks about.
The book is based largely on Ephesians 5 and deals with issues of love, respect and submission and mutual submission very well and in a way that makes good sense. If Ellisa and I can live out the principles in this book as we start our married life, then I'm convinced we will be in for a great marriage centred more fully on Jesus.
Anyone who is married or going to be married should read this book and I will be giving it and recommending it to all my friends and peers and youth who are thinking about or planning to or are married.
Dr. Eggerichs mainly focuses on the woman’s need for love and the man’s corresponding need for respect. He says that there is a “Crazy Cycle” where when men feel disrespected, they withdraw their love from the relationship and when women feel unloved, they withdraw their respect from the relationship. In relationships where this cycle has been raging, it is difficult to find someone willing to break the cycle because he or she finds it hard to believe that if the husband is more loving toward his wife, she will respond with less criticism and more respect. Similarly, if the wife is more respectful toward her husband, he will respond with more loving behavior.
Dr. Eggerichs calls this the “Energizing Cycle” and he supports it with very specific behaviors each gender must use. He says women need C-O-U-P-L-E, while husbands need C-H-A-I-R-S. Yes, these are acronyms for spelling love to the wife and respect to the husband. All of what he says appears to be in line with what I believe is true of the majority of men and women in relationships.
The final section of his book is more for Christians as he describes the “Rewarded Cycle.” This is where he instructs couples that their reward for loving their wives and respecting their husbands is in heaven and a person really does it to serve God.
As a highly spiritual but non-religious person, I found the book to be very helpful and I think it is a great book for both men and women who are looking for some common sense ideas about improving their relationship.
I find the ideas in this book are Christian based, and also very practical. I like that the author gives real-life examples from their own marriage, that the reader can relate to and laugh about. It’s definitely a book to get if you’re looking to improve or save your marriage. It will give you fresh insights into the needs & wants of your mate.
In reading about how this book came about I comprehended what makes this book so impacting. It was birthed from the illumination in Scripture! In 1998, Dr. Eggerichs was studying the Bible and he saw the “love and respect” principle in Ephesians 5:33 where it says, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”. Dr Eggerichs puts it like this “Without love, she (the wife) reacts without respect. Without respects, he (the husband) reacts without love. While we previously were told that love was the answers for all issues (both male and female), the inclusion of respect will help marriages to be solid and Biblically sound. This book is for both sides of the marriage.
The book’s first section deals with what Eggerichs calls, “The Crazy Cycle.” The “crazy cycle” deals primarily with communication. Simply put, men and women communicate differently. And not only do they communicate differently, they decipher and interpret differently. When a spouse makes a statement that they innocently believe conveys their true feelings, the other spouse interprets it incorrectly and then responds to that misinterpretation. Thus, the “crazy cycle” begins. But those are symptoms of the greater issue at hand: men desire to be respected and wives desire to be loved. The messages often undermine and are based these two foundational expressions.
This is where Eggerichs masterfully provides extremely practical insights and advice, and he does so with the use of acronyms. The essential truth is that if you work through the acronym, you end up at a place where your wife will know that you do honor and cherish her! The book closes with some thoughts on the rewards of living the suggestions out. I’m reminded of the importance of taking to heart what matters to God, and marriage matters to God – period.
I wish I could give a book six stars because this one absolutely earned it! I found that this one book answered 95% of the questions I had in regards to how to best communicate and honour my husband. Although many marriage books give
Here are my four best take-aways from the book:
1. The core of great marital communication through love and respect is Biblically based "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Eph 5:33. When God gives wisdom, you know you can’t go wrong!
2. Dr.Eggerich’s defines the ‘Crazy Cycle’: without love she reacts, without respect he reacts…..repeat, repeat….He gives amazing tips for how to get off the crazy cycle and truly communicate in a way that makes sense to your partner.
3. He explains that men and women hear and see with respective blue and pink glasses and hearing aids. What a woman says from a pink position will be interpreted very differently by her blue husband. The two genders do not process communication the same way and often feelings get hurt. He explains how to understand what your pink or blue spouse needs to hear and the way they need to hear it.
4. The author gives in depth insights into how your spouse is reassured of your love through the clever acronyms of COUPLE and CHAIRS. If you’ve ever wondered what your spouse needs from you in order to have a full "love tank", the answers are right here and they are guaranteed not what you have been taught in any other book.
If you want to create more connection, more friendship, and more understanding in your marriage then this is the book for you.
I've read tons of reviews on this book before choosing to get it anyway. And for those who've used another's review to question their beliefs and ability to even give an opinion on the book is appalling. I don't believe they are even trying to give the respect that this book taught. This book needed to have less derogatory descriptions of women and more depth on actual causes to these actions by BOTH men and women as opposed to being so fully lopsided. It needs more options of to do's for people to apply rather than scenarios of things gone wrong. It boasted to tell of the love women need and the respect men deserve and it failed to deliver this.
I've read tons of reviews on this book before choosing to get it anyway. And for those who've used another's review to question their beliefs and ability to even give an opinion on the book is appalling. I don't believe they are even trying to give the respect that this book taught. This book needed to have less derogatory descriptions of women and more depth on actual causes to these actions by BOTH men and women as opposed to being so fully lopsided. It needs more options of to do's for people to apply rather than scenarios of things gone wrong. It boasted to tell of the love women need and the respect men deserve and it failed to deliver this.
Eggerichs outlines the "crazy cycle," where the husband is (unwittingly) unloving to his wife,
Husbands don't need love, writes Eggerichs, they need respect. Wives need love, to feel cherished. It is, unfortunately, hard for men to love others and hard for women to express respect. Eggerichs links this thought with Ephesians 5:22-33.
My wife and I read this together and I'm glad that we did, it helped us see how we'd been hurting and misunderstanding one another. I'd recommend the book and wish we'd read it years ago; it's practical. Assuming you know what your wife really meant when she said something is a fatal error for many men in marriage. Eggerichs helped me correct some long-standing misgivings.
The book is fairly quick read but could be a whole lot shorter, probably a 10-page essay. Most of it is filled with anecdotes from the couples Eggerichs has counseled or received letters from. The details of the book-- husbands figuring out how to better express love, and wives convincing their husbands that they respect them-- are the hard part for every couple.
I give the book 3.5 stars out of 5, even though I recommend it. My wife had issues with a couple of pages and his line of thought, the book was perhaps harder to read for her than for me. He opens the book with what I'll call the "respect bomb" which seems tough on women (but it seems the response he ultimately gets is positive). But I think there is definitely something to what he's saying.
This book was given to me several years ago by a couple who used it in their marriage prep and found it immeasurably helpful, and I've already started using it in the limited counseling that I do. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who works with married couples or anyone whose marriage has become lackluster, who really thought marriage was going to be more than the constant bickering that tears them down each day.