Status
Available
Call number
Collection
Publication
Harmony (2000), Edition: 1, 271 pages
Description
Family & Relationships. Nonfiction. Just as Masters and Johnson were pioneers in the study of human sexuality, so Dr. John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage. As a professor of psychology at the University of Washington and the founder and director of the Seattle Marital and Family Institute, he has studied the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over the course of many years. His findings, and his heavily attended workshops, have already turned around thousands of faltering marriages. This book is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward in their approach, yet profound in their effect, these principles teach partners new and startling strategies for making their marriage work. Gottman helps couples focus on each other, on paying attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Being thoughtful about ordinary matters provides spouses with a solid foundation for resolving conflict when it does occur and finding strategies for living with those issues that cannot be resolved. Including questionnaires, exercises, and quizzes in a supplemental PDF, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.… (more)
User reviews
LibraryThing member MarkBaumann
Although I am a divorce lawyer, I consider myself more successful if my client gets back together and fires me. For any client interested in giving it another try, I always recommend this book first. It’s simple, research based, and there are work books and videos to help.
If you are considering a
If you are considering a
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marriage counselor, they better know Gottman’s extensive works well. Show Less
LibraryThing member LTW
Gottman debunks many myths about divorce (primary among them that affairs are at the root of most splits). He also reveals surprising facts about couples who stay together. They do engage in screaming matches. And they certainly don't resolve every problem. "Take Allan and Betty," he writes. "When
Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage. His profiles of troubled couples rescued from the brink of divorce (including that of Rory, the out-of-touch doctor) and those of still-happy couples who reinvigorate their relationships are equally enlightening. --Erica Jorgensen
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Allan gets annoyed at Betty, he turns on ESPN. When Betty is upset with him, she heads for the mall. Then they regroup and go on as if nothing's happened. Never in forty-five years of marriage have they sat down to have a 'dialogue' about their relationship." While this may sound like a couple in trouble, Gottman found that they pass the love-lab tests and say honestly that "they are both very satisfied with their relationship and they love each other deeply."Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage. His profiles of troubled couples rescued from the brink of divorce (including that of Rory, the out-of-touch doctor) and those of still-happy couples who reinvigorate their relationships are equally enlightening. --Erica Jorgensen
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LibraryThing member tjsjohanna
There is so much in this book - it's a great workbook for improving marriage - lots of questions to ask, things to think about, exercises to do. This is a book you would have to own, not just check out of the library. For couples who want to be closer, or resolve conflicts, this is a great book to
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get you started on that path. Show Less
LibraryThing member missjoni
Everyone who is married or even thinking about being married should have this book.
LibraryThing member colehoo
Straight talk from the greatest American researcher on marriage. Dr. Gottman brings both experience and science to bear on what separates great relationships from poor ones. It also includes a number of great exercises for you and your partner.
LibraryThing member MeditationesMartini
I guess I deserve what I get for buying a book that promises to save my marriage when saving my marriage is most assuredly not what I'm trying to do, but all the obvious stuff about getting along and not having contempt for one another that's in here seems to presume that everyone has a lot more
Ah, but why am I yelling at you, John Gottman. You're not even real.
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good faith and is also just a lot more bumblingly terrible at conducting human relationships than I actually believe to be the case. Like, not that we have bad faith, per se, but it's just not as goddamn simple as "Ohhhhhh, no contempt! Eureka!" I think the detailed lists of questions to ask your "partner" or whatever and exercises to build bonds (providing you opportunities to "make a bid," in Gottman parlance, for your opposite number's affection) are fine and all, though the sad catch-22 of broken-down relationships is that the more you need to do stuff to shore up your bond, the less willingness to do so you probably have--but then also in addition to that, they are certainly not exercises made for people with small children, because who's got the time.Ah, but why am I yelling at you, John Gottman. You're not even real.
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LibraryThing member GShuk
Lots of great advice, however I would not recommend the audio. There are many lists and they read through all of them.
LibraryThing member Salsabrarian
Whether you are newlywed, long married, or just about 7 years like I am, this is a hugely useful book for looking closely at your marriage and seeing how it can work better for the both of you, and assuring what you're doing right. I think this would be helpful too for singles who hope someday to
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be married, and get a head start on how to establish a successful marriage. I like that the information provided is research-based as well. Show Less
LibraryThing member SeriousGrace
I was hoping to be struck by lightning with this book. My marriage is pretty solid but I could always use improving in the relationship department (who couldn't?). So I was a little worried when the first piece of advice sounded something like this, and I'm paraphrasing: if you can accommodate each
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other's "crazy" side and handle it with caring, affection and respect, your marriage can thrive. Talk about a duh moment. Of course ANY relationship is going to benefit from caring, affection and respect. The advice gets better and as a result I do see my relationship differently. If I had had more time with the book I would have tried some of the quizzes and exercises. Maybe next time. Show Less
LibraryThing member nicholasjjordan
Both helpful now and helpful as a set of resources to return to in the future, as it is very practically oriented towards structuring questions, reflection, and conversation in helpful ways.
LibraryThing member Joy_Bush
Left off on page 202 but wanted it off my currently reading shelf.
I do highly recommend this book for anyone who is married before you have problems, or if you are starting to have problems.
I do highly recommend this book for anyone who is married before you have problems, or if you are starting to have problems.
LibraryThing member luzestrella
The first 2 or 3 chapters contain the findings of the "Lovelap." which is what I consider somewhat new information on marriage.
Also helpful is the activities proposed for couples to practice.
And then...the rest of the book says the same thing other marriage books says.
I don't know why I expected
Also helpful is the activities proposed for couples to practice.
And then...the rest of the book says the same thing other marriage books says.
I don't know why I expected
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something different. That's on me I guess. Show Less
LibraryThing member AngelaLam
I picked up this book when I read an excerpt about a long-married couple who swept all of their major problems under a rug and never discussed their relationship. I was curious to discover how they could be considered "happily married" when they broke all the rules of communication and compromise.
What I discovered through reading this book is irreconcilable differences exist in EVERY marriage, even happy ones!
Mr. Gottman shows how to live with irreconcilable differences in seven simple steps. Of course, simple does not necessarily mean easy!
If you're in a romantic relationship and wondering if it's possible to learn how to live with a messy partner when you're neat, or how to live with a compulsive shopper when you're a saver, or how to live with a partner who must socialize every night when you just want to stay home and curl up with a good book, then this is a MUST READ. You'll gain valuable insight and practical advice on the nature of true love and what it takes to live "happily ever after."
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What I discovered through reading this book is irreconcilable differences exist in EVERY marriage, even happy ones!
Mr. Gottman shows how to live with irreconcilable differences in seven simple steps. Of course, simple does not necessarily mean easy!
If you're in a romantic relationship and wondering if it's possible to learn how to live with a messy partner when you're neat, or how to live with a compulsive shopper when you're a saver, or how to live with a partner who must socialize every night when you just want to stay home and curl up with a good book, then this is a MUST READ. You'll gain valuable insight and practical advice on the nature of true love and what it takes to live "happily ever after."
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Language
Original language
English
Original publication date
1999
Physical description
288 p.; 5.15 inches
ISBN
0609805797 / 9780609805794