Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships

by David Schnarch Ph.D.

Paperback, 1998

Status

Available

Call number

616.89156

Publication

Holt Paperbacks (1998), Edition: Reprint, 432 pages

Description

Has sex with your partner become routine or unfulfilling? Can you say just what you want in bed or let your partner really see you during an orgasm? Spicing up your love life involves more than mood music and clever techniques. Every sexual exchange, from kissing to daring erotic behaviors, is a picture of your entire relationship--a reflection of how you and your partner feel about yourselves, and each other, outside the bedroom.As renowned sex and marital therapist David Schnarch reveals in this revolutionary book, keeping passion and intimacy alive requires facing the anxiety of defining yourself while getting closer to your partner. Sexual encounters provide perfect opportunities to do this and to develop the strength to love deeply.Mixing humor and compassion, Schnarch describes couples' explicit sexual encounters and dramatic therapy sessions to demonstrate how they found personal, marital, and sexual fulfillment far greater than they ever dreamed possible. He goes beyond simply curing sexual dysfunctions to help people achieve their sexual potential. In this invigorating look at adult sex, he seeks to bring out the best in each of us.… (more)

User reviews

LibraryThing member MiserableLibrarian
From the back cover: “One of the most daring and pioneering books ever written on human sexuality … David Schnarch’s uplifting message that the greatest sexual pleasure and emotional fulfillment in a person’s lifetime are possible in the middle and later years.” Differentiation, hugging
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til relaxed, and holding onto yourself are a few of the themes developed in this practical, readable book on relationships, laced with stories from Schnarch’s own practice.
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LibraryThing member kmstock
An excellent book about differentiation, interdependence and trying to stay close but not co-dependent. They say marriage is a people-growing machine, and this gives some clues about how to do a people-growing marriage.
LibraryThing member Arctic-Stranger
As a former pastor and current chaplain, I marry a lot of people, and I have been married for 27, almost 28 years. I have read tons of junk on marriage and family, and some things on sexuality. This is head and shoulders the best.

I refer to Schnarch more than any other figure in my work as a
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therapist with couples, and I have found his work personally enriching. His basic concept is to stand firm with what you want out of the relationship, being grounded enough in yourself that you are truly relate the other without being enmeshed, ie losing yourself in the other.

What I like about this book is that it is both theoretical and practical. It works. Not all the time, but more than most books. I would recommend it to people getting married, and they were usually blown away by it.

If you like the theory behind his ideas, I recommend going deeper with The Sexual Crucible, but it is more for professionals, and not the lay reader.

The Passionate Marriage, on the other hand, can be read, enjoyed and and put to use by any intelligent person who wants to work on their marriage.
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LibraryThing member mermind
This book summarizes many concepts that are helpful to understanding marriage and intimacy. The case studies are interesting and varied. After awhile however, I began to feel that his couples therapy might have worked to improve his client's sex lives by adding the element of voyeurism (the
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therapist's voyeurism) to the sexual dynamic. Although I liked the book, I ended up disliking the writer. Perhaps I am just prudish(though I don't think so). The book is sometimes sexually graphic.
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LibraryThing member anderlawlor
After reading some of this book I began evaluating various love songs and romantic comedies as "differentiated" or "undifferentiated." Guess which one's better? If you don't know, I guess you have to read the book!
LibraryThing member ChristinasBookshelf
Quotes I loved from this book:

"When we believe that hormones run the show, we send kids the unconscious message that we don't really expect them to control their crotch while they have zits on their face. We give kids a double message: we'd like you to delay first intercourse, but we think it's
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impossible and you'll be giving up the best sex you'll ever have."

"Low sexual desire is almost always considered a problem. (I've found it often reflects good judgment: healthy people don't want sex when it's not worth wanting.)"

"Expecting your partner to sacrifice for you in the name of love KILLS marriage, sex, intimacy, and love."

"We often feel afraid to say things that might affect our marriage, and in our fear we withhold information. Then we look with disrespect upon our partner, who we assume couldn't handle what we fear to say! The best sex and intimacy in marriage often come out of mutual respect. Respect is a bond of the highest order."

I highly, highly recommend this book. It has been a paradigm changer for how I think about relationships and sex. I couldn't read more than a few pages at a time when I normally fly through books because it prompted so much thought and processing of what I read. This book cuts straight through the fluff and gets to the details of why and how to fix a relationship. I think that this might be the best book I have ever read about committed relationships and sexuality, and I have read a lot on this subject.
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Language

Original language

English

Original publication date

1997

Physical description

8.77 inches

ISBN

0805058265 / 9780805058260
Page: 0.3149 seconds