Status
Checked out
Due 13-04-2024
Call number
Collection
Publication
New York: The Penguin Press (2015)
Description
"Lydia is dead. But they don't know this yet. So begins the story of this exquisite debut novel, about a Chinese American family living in 1970s small-town Ohio. Lydia is the favorite child of Marilyn and James Lee; their middle daughter, a girl who inherited her mother's bright blue eyes and her father's jet-black hair. Her parents are determined that Lydia will fulfill the dreams they were unable to pursue-in Marilyn's case that her daughter become a doctor rather than a homemaker, in James's case that Lydia be popular at school, a girl with a busy social life and the center of every party. When Lydia's body is found in the local lake, the delicate balancing act that has been keeping the Lee family together tumbles into chaos, forcing them to confront the long-kept secrets that have been slowly pulling them apart. James, consumed by guilt, sets out on a reckless path that may destroy his marriage. Marilyn, devastated and vengeful, is determined to find a responsible party, no matter what the cost. Lydia's older brother, Nathan, is certain that the neighborhood bad boy Jack is somehow involved. But it's the youngest of the family-Hannah-who observes far more than anyone realizes and who may be the only one who knows the truth about what happened. A profoundly moving story of family, history, and the meaning of home, Everything I Never Told You is both a gripping page-turner and a sensitive family portrait, exploring the divisions between cultures and the rifts within a family, and uncovering the ways in which mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, and husbands and wives struggle, all their lives, to understand one another"--… (more)
Media reviews
“Everything I Never Told You” is a beautifully crafted study of dysfunction and grief. Yes, it may miss a few notes, but the ones it does play will resonate with anyone who has ever had a family drama, never mind a gift.
Everything I Never Told You," Celeste Ng's excellent first novel about family, love and ambition, opens with a death.....In the end, Ng deftly pulls together the strands of this complex, multigenerational novel. "Everything I Never Told You" is an engaging work that casts a powerful light on the
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secrets that have kept an American family together — and that finally end up tearing it apart. Show Less
Celeste Ng recounts this tragically sad story with sympathy and style and, in its denouement, a real sense of redemption.
User reviews
LibraryThing member RidgewayGirl
This is a simple story about a quietly unhappy family that is clearly and straightforwardly told. It's also a nuanced, beautiful, understated and heart-wrenching read. At the center of the story and the center of the Lee family is Lydia, middle child but oldest daughter, who becomes the repository
It took me a lot longer to read this book than normal, because everyone loves each other and everyone is making each other unhappy. There's so much sadness that I had to push myself to keep reading. But Ng isn't writing a book about misery, but about family, and as the book wraps up, there are moments of grace that redeem the earlier chapters. Ng is sometimes heavy-handed with the symbolism, but the novel is nevertheless well worth reading.
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for both of her parents dreams, from her father's desire for her to fit in and have the social life he was denied as the only non-white child at a private school in early sixties, to her mother's thwarted dream of becoming a doctor. Lydia sees the fragility in her family and makes it her job to keep everyone happy. Lydia's brother, Nath, bears the sins of both not being the daughter his mother wants and in reminding his father too much of his own childhood. And Hannah, much younger than her siblings, is simply forgotten. It took me a lot longer to read this book than normal, because everyone loves each other and everyone is making each other unhappy. There's so much sadness that I had to push myself to keep reading. But Ng isn't writing a book about misery, but about family, and as the book wraps up, there are moments of grace that redeem the earlier chapters. Ng is sometimes heavy-handed with the symbolism, but the novel is nevertheless well worth reading.
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LibraryThing member Bookmarque
All through my school years in the 70s and 80s I had a friend who was Taiwanese. Our little circle of outcasts never thought much of it; we were the weird kids for different reasons than race, but I wonder how much of her weirdness (and she was a strange kid and turned into an even stranger adult)
The narrative is woven carefully to eliminate creating villains and victims, oppressed and oppressor or betrayer and betrayed. Instead there is a balance within each character and how they interact with each other. You feel sympathy, liking, loathing and disapproval pretty evenly and appropriately. Tension within the family is high when Lydia dies and it isn’t all due to her death, but that circumstance acts as a catalyst to blow up lot of situations that have been brewing quietly; corrosively. Marilyn is chafing in her narrow role as wife and mother; her dreams of becoming a doctor never realized. James is craving sameness over difference and embarks on an affair with his Chinese teaching assistant. Lydia is smothered by the unfulfilled dreams of both parents and resorts to cheating and lying. Hannah is invisible in her own family and is given no way to grieve for the sister she lost. Nath’s every achievement is overshadowed by his parents’ preference for Lydia, plus he’s an outcast in more than his race.
There are more undercurrents than that and as a result more incidents and action, but they’re carefully treated and the pace of the novel is consistent. It’s about being trapped and the ways that people break out. It’s about loss and grieving and how a family, already precariously placed, deals with it and each other. It’s about race and society and fitting in, or not fitting in. The ways in which we divide our humanity into us and them. There is emotion you can feel, but it’s not overdone or cheesy. Oh jeez this is damning this book with faint praise. If you’re looking for a quiet drama told with passion and subtlety, this is your book.
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was a response to racial tension or ostracism? I can’t remember any teasing or other negativity towards her, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t any. I also remember the day she told us her parents wouldn’t let her try for a scholarship to MIT because she was a girl and the state U was good enough for her. Her parents told her this and it staggered me. Her three brothers got to go to more prestigious schools even though 2 of them were academically her inferior. That’s part of what drew me to this novel, to shed some light into what she might have gone through, unbeknownst to us. Also because it got high praise for the writing and the story, which it deserves.The narrative is woven carefully to eliminate creating villains and victims, oppressed and oppressor or betrayer and betrayed. Instead there is a balance within each character and how they interact with each other. You feel sympathy, liking, loathing and disapproval pretty evenly and appropriately. Tension within the family is high when Lydia dies and it isn’t all due to her death, but that circumstance acts as a catalyst to blow up lot of situations that have been brewing quietly; corrosively. Marilyn is chafing in her narrow role as wife and mother; her dreams of becoming a doctor never realized. James is craving sameness over difference and embarks on an affair with his Chinese teaching assistant. Lydia is smothered by the unfulfilled dreams of both parents and resorts to cheating and lying. Hannah is invisible in her own family and is given no way to grieve for the sister she lost. Nath’s every achievement is overshadowed by his parents’ preference for Lydia, plus he’s an outcast in more than his race.
There are more undercurrents than that and as a result more incidents and action, but they’re carefully treated and the pace of the novel is consistent. It’s about being trapped and the ways that people break out. It’s about loss and grieving and how a family, already precariously placed, deals with it and each other. It’s about race and society and fitting in, or not fitting in. The ways in which we divide our humanity into us and them. There is emotion you can feel, but it’s not overdone or cheesy. Oh jeez this is damning this book with faint praise. If you’re looking for a quiet drama told with passion and subtlety, this is your book.
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LibraryThing member tuusannuuska
Nothing was wrong with this book, per se, but it didn't make much of an impact. It felt too much like a story I've heard dozens of times, and the writing made it feel distant. While I could understand what the characters were feeling, I couldn't really empathize or really care all that much.
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However, the world building and themes were quite good. Maybe this is one of those cases where the issue isn't the book but the reader. Which isn't to say that this was by any means bad. Just, not the greatest either. Show Less
LibraryThing member chrisblocker
Initially, I thought Everything I Never Told You was going to be just another one of those complicated family dramas that have become so popular lately. You know, some sort of tragedy occurs, usually involving the death, kidnapping, or disappearance of a child, and the family dissolves. I've read
Everything I Never Told You did end up being another one of these family tragedies, but it was different. Toward the middle of the story, I sensed this one wouldn't disappoint me. And as I reached the end, I was thoroughly surprised. The way the author handled the story and its characters was beautiful and unique. Despite the tragedy and the consequences, I felt hope for these people I'd grown to care for. It was all orchestrated so brilliantly—one character wants to be seen, another doesn't, one wants one path, another a very different path—and when it comes together what you have is a giant web which lacks empathy and listening. It's so true to life. Everything I Never Told You serves as an excellent reminder of not only what is important in life, but how what's important for each of us can be so different.
I think it's significant that the character who meant the most to me in the end was the one who was almost nonexistent: Hannah. I almost forgot she was there until I was reminded of her existence, and that was a brilliant play by Ng as well.
Everything I Never Told You is a heartfelt debut, but it is also very intelligently written. It is a tightly woven novel and clearly shows its author's knowledge of the craft and dedication to the story.
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quite a few of these now, and I'm beginning to tire of them. There's nothing wrong with these stories, I'm just ready to move on.Everything I Never Told You did end up being another one of these family tragedies, but it was different. Toward the middle of the story, I sensed this one wouldn't disappoint me. And as I reached the end, I was thoroughly surprised. The way the author handled the story and its characters was beautiful and unique. Despite the tragedy and the consequences, I felt hope for these people I'd grown to care for. It was all orchestrated so brilliantly—one character wants to be seen, another doesn't, one wants one path, another a very different path—and when it comes together what you have is a giant web which lacks empathy and listening. It's so true to life. Everything I Never Told You serves as an excellent reminder of not only what is important in life, but how what's important for each of us can be so different.
I think it's significant that the character who meant the most to me in the end was the one who was almost nonexistent: Hannah. I almost forgot she was there until I was reminded of her existence, and that was a brilliant play by Ng as well.
Everything I Never Told You is a heartfelt debut, but it is also very intelligently written. It is a tightly woven novel and clearly shows its author's knowledge of the craft and dedication to the story.
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LibraryThing member EdGoldberg
For some reason our library has Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng EverythingINeverToldYouclassified as a mystery and, if you assume that you don’t know how sixteen year old Lydia died and want to find out, then it is a mystery. But really it’s not. It’s the story of longing and desire
It is in the late 1960s that Marilyn, a college junior, meets and falls in love with James Lee, her teaching assistant. After a brief relationship, Marilyn finds herself pregnant. She and James get married and her dreams of medical school are washed away. Her mother is a home ec teacher and her credo for success in life is keeping a happy home, cooking the right meals and having everything spic and span. Coming from a ‘proper’ Southern family, the thought of Marilyn’s marriage to a person of Chinese descent is abhorrent, or at least, improper.
By mid-1977, the Lees have three children, Nathan, off to Harvard in the Fall, Lydia, a high school junior and apple of her parents’ eyes and younger Hannah, all but forgotten, relegated to a bedroom in the attic. It is with shock, that the family wakes up on May 3 and Lydia is nowhere to be found. When she doesn’t turn up, the Lees call the police who, as we all know, say this happens all the time and Lydia will return soon. Two days go by and still no Lydia.
A neighbor mentions a lone row boat out in the middle of the nearby lake which prompts to police to drag the lake, unfortunately finding Lydia’s body in the process. The police ultimately rule the death a suicide but Marilyn ‘knows her daughter’ and she wouldn’t do such a thing.
Everything I Never Told You probes the secret lives and thoughts of Lydia, Nathan who is virtually ignored by his parents, Hannah who has found a way to be invisible, James, who grew up ‘different’ by being Chinese in a Caucasian world and always wanted to blend in and Marilyn, whose aspirations and dreams were shattered and vowed never to let that happen to Lydia. All of this is seen both in the aftermath of Lydia’s death and in the years preceding it as well.
More psychological introspection than mystery, Everything I Never Told You is just plain sad. In this age when teenage suicide is so prevalent, when the pressure on teens to succeed in school and in life is so strong, when I’m sure many parents’ unachieved dreams are hoisted on their children’s shoulders, this book is a strong supporter of let kids be kids for a while longer…they have their whole adult lives to be grown ups.
It’s funny (or sad) that not much has changed since 1977, only the pressure on kids today has multiplied geometrically. Everything I Never Told You is worth the journey.
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and fitting in vs. being different.It is in the late 1960s that Marilyn, a college junior, meets and falls in love with James Lee, her teaching assistant. After a brief relationship, Marilyn finds herself pregnant. She and James get married and her dreams of medical school are washed away. Her mother is a home ec teacher and her credo for success in life is keeping a happy home, cooking the right meals and having everything spic and span. Coming from a ‘proper’ Southern family, the thought of Marilyn’s marriage to a person of Chinese descent is abhorrent, or at least, improper.
By mid-1977, the Lees have three children, Nathan, off to Harvard in the Fall, Lydia, a high school junior and apple of her parents’ eyes and younger Hannah, all but forgotten, relegated to a bedroom in the attic. It is with shock, that the family wakes up on May 3 and Lydia is nowhere to be found. When she doesn’t turn up, the Lees call the police who, as we all know, say this happens all the time and Lydia will return soon. Two days go by and still no Lydia.
A neighbor mentions a lone row boat out in the middle of the nearby lake which prompts to police to drag the lake, unfortunately finding Lydia’s body in the process. The police ultimately rule the death a suicide but Marilyn ‘knows her daughter’ and she wouldn’t do such a thing.
Everything I Never Told You probes the secret lives and thoughts of Lydia, Nathan who is virtually ignored by his parents, Hannah who has found a way to be invisible, James, who grew up ‘different’ by being Chinese in a Caucasian world and always wanted to blend in and Marilyn, whose aspirations and dreams were shattered and vowed never to let that happen to Lydia. All of this is seen both in the aftermath of Lydia’s death and in the years preceding it as well.
More psychological introspection than mystery, Everything I Never Told You is just plain sad. In this age when teenage suicide is so prevalent, when the pressure on teens to succeed in school and in life is so strong, when I’m sure many parents’ unachieved dreams are hoisted on their children’s shoulders, this book is a strong supporter of let kids be kids for a while longer…they have their whole adult lives to be grown ups.
It’s funny (or sad) that not much has changed since 1977, only the pressure on kids today has multiplied geometrically. Everything I Never Told You is worth the journey.
Show Less
LibraryThing member Whisper1
A Chinese-American family struggle with the surprise death, perhaps suicide, of their beloved older daughter and the aftermath. This exceedingly well-written book deals with many difficult subjects.
The perception and reality of the 1970's culture not quite ready to accept inter cultural marriage,
Told from varying characters, we learn that all hope for what her parents wanted to achieve is placed squarely on Lydia's shoulders. She is the eldest child who science book by book, who through advanced physics classes, tough biology and math, is molded to become to female doctor her mother always wanted to be.
Determined to succeed as a female doctor, Marilyn excelled in the courses that years later her daughter is failing. On the right path, until she met her American Literature professor, James, Marilyn married and became pregnant. Later, supremely disappointed that she is now living the life of her mother with Betty Crocker cook books, a family and house, Marilyn ran away for a few months once again seeking a college degree. Though, she returned when she learned she was pregnant with the third child, her abandonment and return forever shaped the family as they do everything to keep her.
All energy and love is given to Lydia, while the other two children watch and hope that someday they too will be a favored child. Thus, when Lydia is missing, and found dead at the bottom on the town lake, the fragile family now falls completely apart.
There never was time or commitment to the other children, but now it becomes apparent as through loneliness and grief, they long for acceptance and understanding.
Multifaceted and layered, the author does an incredible job of character study, and of handling the torn fabric that very much needs to be sewed together again.
Highly recommended.
Four Stars!
The perception and reality of the 1970's culture not quite ready to accept inter cultural marriage,
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and the intense need of the Chinese father to over embrace the American way of life while watching those around him deride and judge, is but one of the items tackled in Everything I Never Told You.Told from varying characters, we learn that all hope for what her parents wanted to achieve is placed squarely on Lydia's shoulders. She is the eldest child who science book by book, who through advanced physics classes, tough biology and math, is molded to become to female doctor her mother always wanted to be.
Determined to succeed as a female doctor, Marilyn excelled in the courses that years later her daughter is failing. On the right path, until she met her American Literature professor, James, Marilyn married and became pregnant. Later, supremely disappointed that she is now living the life of her mother with Betty Crocker cook books, a family and house, Marilyn ran away for a few months once again seeking a college degree. Though, she returned when she learned she was pregnant with the third child, her abandonment and return forever shaped the family as they do everything to keep her.
All energy and love is given to Lydia, while the other two children watch and hope that someday they too will be a favored child. Thus, when Lydia is missing, and found dead at the bottom on the town lake, the fragile family now falls completely apart.
There never was time or commitment to the other children, but now it becomes apparent as through loneliness and grief, they long for acceptance and understanding.
Multifaceted and layered, the author does an incredible job of character study, and of handling the torn fabric that very much needs to be sewed together again.
Highly recommended.
Four Stars!
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LibraryThing member MarthaJeanne
Re: Author's note. She should have checked earlier editions of Betty Crocker. I have the 1950 edition, and the patriarchal notes Ng quotes aren't there. I'm relieved as this is the one I grew up with, and I thought I would have noticed them.
Somehow the issue of the wrong Betty Crocker cookbook is a
Somehow the issue of the wrong Betty Crocker cookbook is a
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sign of the problems with this book. Everyone thinks they know what is going on, but they have started from wrong assumptions and therefore they overreact to things that aren't really so. It's not a bad book, just somehow unbalanced. Show Less
LibraryThing member mojomomma
This was a great read, especially if you are a Jodi Picoult fan. To me, this title had the family tension and dynamic often seen in Picoult. Marilyn falls in love with James, a Chinese-American graduate student and they marry when she becomes pregnant, so she leaves school and her dreams of medical
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school before her senior year. Several years later, she leaves her family to finish her degree and pursue her dream, only to realize she is pregnant again with her third child. All of her academic hopes and dreams are piled upon the middle child, Lydia. Lydia complies because she is terrified of her mother abandoning her and older brother Nathan again if she doesn't. Ten years later, Lydia is failing her classes, hates school, and is fearful of her older brother leaving for college. When she is spurned by her love interest who is more interested in her brother than her, she decides to prove her independence by swimming to shore in the local lake. She, however, never learned to swim and the consequences profoundly impact her family. Show Less
LibraryThing member carebear10712
Most of the story held my attention, but I hated the characters. I liked Nathan, and only Nathan, until he hit Jack at the end of the novel. It seemed out of character. Marilyn, James and Lydia were awful. I couldn't find one redeemable quality about any of them. I understand that a big part of the
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story was how people who spend their lives together don't necessarily know each other but this was ridiculous. I couldn't believe the way James and Marilyn treated their children, all of them, including Marilyn leaving for a summer, only coming back when she found out she was pregnant. I hated the ending, too. It's not one I would recommend. Show Less
LibraryThing member varwenea
“…how hard it would be to inherit their parent’s dreams. How suffocating to be so loved…”
16-year-old Lydia of the Lee family in 1970’s small town Ohio is found dead in the lake near their home. What happened?
This revealing sociological tale explores the lives of the five Lee family
This is an emotional story, a bit slow at times, but delivers. Depending on the reader, there maybe be triggering moments. Be warned. I admit I do not like James or Marilyn; I wanted to slap the both of them. But that doesn’t mean their characters were not believable. It’s the 1970’s, it’s a small town, and they are the results of their upbringing. Now their children inherit their emotional sufferings. I hate to admit how much I understood each child and the conundrum that they each faced. As I turned the pages, I wondered if the reader needs to have a certain mindset to appreciate the characters in this book, some pains in the past or the present. I had put the book down several times, as the characters bothered me enough. Daggers, expectations, abandonment. At the end of the book, the beginnings of healing emerge. Does anyone really heal from this? I also hated how sex is used in the book; those bits, I did not believe. The timeline jumped between present and the past, which worked well in this case. The prose was straight-forward, at times elegant, but not powerful.
No quotes – I’ll close by saying I want to hug Hannah very, very much.
16-year-old Lydia of the Lee family in 1970’s small town Ohio is found dead in the lake near their home. What happened?
This revealing sociological tale explores the lives of the five Lee family
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members. James is Chinese, the father who grew up poor and friendless amidst a preparatory academy where he attended for free because his father is the janitor and his mother worked in the cafeteria. Marilyn is blond and blue eyes Caucasian, the mother who was once the brightest in all her classes with hopes of becoming a doctor, that is until she fell in love with the nerdy yet intriguing James. Older brother Nath is a replica of James, filled with smarts and the social awkwardness that embarrassed James, reminding himself of his own distressful youth. Lydia, the middle child, inexplicably inherited Marilyn’s blue eyes was smart yet burdened, the layers of complexities to be revealed throughout the book. Lastly, Hannah, the invisible youngest child spends her time observing, rarely speaks unless spoken to. This is an emotional story, a bit slow at times, but delivers. Depending on the reader, there maybe be triggering moments. Be warned. I admit I do not like James or Marilyn; I wanted to slap the both of them. But that doesn’t mean their characters were not believable. It’s the 1970’s, it’s a small town, and they are the results of their upbringing. Now their children inherit their emotional sufferings. I hate to admit how much I understood each child and the conundrum that they each faced. As I turned the pages, I wondered if the reader needs to have a certain mindset to appreciate the characters in this book, some pains in the past or the present. I had put the book down several times, as the characters bothered me enough. Daggers, expectations, abandonment. At the end of the book, the beginnings of healing emerge. Does anyone really heal from this? I also hated how sex is used in the book; those bits, I did not believe. The timeline jumped between present and the past, which worked well in this case. The prose was straight-forward, at times elegant, but not powerful.
No quotes – I’ll close by saying I want to hug Hannah very, very much.
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LibraryThing member gpangel
Everything I Knew Told Your by Celeste Ng is a 2015 Penguin Books publication.
As I began this book, my mind was a clean slate, with absolutely no preconceived ideas about it, so I was really surprised by it, and stunned by my emotional response to it. Once I started it, I literally did not move
One of the main topics addressed here is the interracial marriage between a white woman, Marilyn, and an American Chinese man, James, who marry in the late 1950's, at a time when such an occurrence was very rare.
While this is a huge theme in the story and it is referred to often, I also picked up on the unhappiness I am sure many women like Marilyn felt in this time frame. Marilyn was smart, very smart, and wanted to be a doctor, (not a nurse), in a time when this too was very rare. Determined to have her cake and eat it to, she married the man she was in love with and started a family, but her career never materialized as planned. Marilyn eventually accepts her dream is never going to come to fruition and so it is her oldest daughter, Lydia, who must make up for this failing.
So, when Lydia disappears her parents are absolutely destroyed, and long buried feelings of resentment bubble to the surface and expose the cracks in this seemingly well adjusted and happy family.
It is hard to pinpoint who is the saddest character in the story. Lydia of course was a character that really struck a cord with me on a personal level. I know that pressure to live up to expectations you have no way of achieving, no matter how hard you work at it. Sometimes, we are are not born with the talents our parents possess and when you are supposed to live out their dream, failure to measure up is simply unacceptable.
Nath's character is hard to relate to at times. He's a guy, so his emotions are often masked in anger and bitterness. He desperately wants his father to support him and show pride in his son's rather impressive achievements, an area in which James failed utterly. Therefore, when Nath sees himself gaining an edge on Lydia, he turns away from her in hopes of finally getting a nod of approval from his father.
Then there is Hannah, the youngest child, who observes the family from afar and sees things more clearly than anyone else, but is often baffled by the actions of her family members. My heart ached for this poor neglected child who settled for crumbs thrown her way, but was just flat out lost in the shuffle, and perhaps Marilyn resented Hannah too, since Hannah's entry into the world effectively killed Marilyn's last ditch effort to finish school and achieve her career goals.
Then there is Marilyn whose character is both over the top and sad, a woman unfulfilled, terrified of ending up like her mother, while she is trapped in the same role of being a housewife and mom, she becomes so obsessed in her determination to save Lydia from this fate, she creates a toxic family atmosphere that is unhealthy for everyone and it ultimately backfires on her in a most awful, gut wrenching way.
James is just too passive. He never stands up to Marilyn, they never talk about things, he doesn't stand up for his children and I really couldn't understand what Marilyn saw in him. I was not impressed with him in any way until the very end when he appears to have a life altering epiphany that saves them all from total ruin.
So, the race issue is of course running in the background because it can't be ignored. The children born into an interracial marriage were thought to have special difficulty finding where they fit in. It was hard to make friends, to be involved in social activities and a plethora of other issues. James was of course particularly sensitive to race issues, and Nath also took racism to heart, but it is not a topic discussed within the family and Marilyn never makes an issue of it until her daughter dies.
However, I am not convinced in any way that being in an interracial family was at the root of Lydia's issues, but it was easier to place the blame on race than to take a long hard look at themselves. Outsiders, not knowing the general make up within the family were quick to hypothesize, but ultimately I felt it was more Marilyn's tunnel vision that led Lydia to her grave.
This story is sad, emotional, but utterly absorbing, and beautifully written. My heart went out to all the characters in the book, some of whom I felt more keenly for than others, but I still wanted them to come out in tact, even if they will never be completely whole again. The Lee's will soldier on, believing in second chances, and learning from their past mistakes, will do right by those still living, and in doing so, will honor the memory of Lydia. This is a very thought provoking and compelling read, a cautionary tale, ending with a message of hope and the promise of better days to come. 5 stars
As I began this book, my mind was a clean slate, with absolutely no preconceived ideas about it, so I was really surprised by it, and stunned by my emotional response to it. Once I started it, I literally did not move
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from the couch until I had turned the last page. One of the main topics addressed here is the interracial marriage between a white woman, Marilyn, and an American Chinese man, James, who marry in the late 1950's, at a time when such an occurrence was very rare.
While this is a huge theme in the story and it is referred to often, I also picked up on the unhappiness I am sure many women like Marilyn felt in this time frame. Marilyn was smart, very smart, and wanted to be a doctor, (not a nurse), in a time when this too was very rare. Determined to have her cake and eat it to, she married the man she was in love with and started a family, but her career never materialized as planned. Marilyn eventually accepts her dream is never going to come to fruition and so it is her oldest daughter, Lydia, who must make up for this failing.
So, when Lydia disappears her parents are absolutely destroyed, and long buried feelings of resentment bubble to the surface and expose the cracks in this seemingly well adjusted and happy family.
It is hard to pinpoint who is the saddest character in the story. Lydia of course was a character that really struck a cord with me on a personal level. I know that pressure to live up to expectations you have no way of achieving, no matter how hard you work at it. Sometimes, we are are not born with the talents our parents possess and when you are supposed to live out their dream, failure to measure up is simply unacceptable.
Nath's character is hard to relate to at times. He's a guy, so his emotions are often masked in anger and bitterness. He desperately wants his father to support him and show pride in his son's rather impressive achievements, an area in which James failed utterly. Therefore, when Nath sees himself gaining an edge on Lydia, he turns away from her in hopes of finally getting a nod of approval from his father.
Then there is Hannah, the youngest child, who observes the family from afar and sees things more clearly than anyone else, but is often baffled by the actions of her family members. My heart ached for this poor neglected child who settled for crumbs thrown her way, but was just flat out lost in the shuffle, and perhaps Marilyn resented Hannah too, since Hannah's entry into the world effectively killed Marilyn's last ditch effort to finish school and achieve her career goals.
Then there is Marilyn whose character is both over the top and sad, a woman unfulfilled, terrified of ending up like her mother, while she is trapped in the same role of being a housewife and mom, she becomes so obsessed in her determination to save Lydia from this fate, she creates a toxic family atmosphere that is unhealthy for everyone and it ultimately backfires on her in a most awful, gut wrenching way.
James is just too passive. He never stands up to Marilyn, they never talk about things, he doesn't stand up for his children and I really couldn't understand what Marilyn saw in him. I was not impressed with him in any way until the very end when he appears to have a life altering epiphany that saves them all from total ruin.
So, the race issue is of course running in the background because it can't be ignored. The children born into an interracial marriage were thought to have special difficulty finding where they fit in. It was hard to make friends, to be involved in social activities and a plethora of other issues. James was of course particularly sensitive to race issues, and Nath also took racism to heart, but it is not a topic discussed within the family and Marilyn never makes an issue of it until her daughter dies.
However, I am not convinced in any way that being in an interracial family was at the root of Lydia's issues, but it was easier to place the blame on race than to take a long hard look at themselves. Outsiders, not knowing the general make up within the family were quick to hypothesize, but ultimately I felt it was more Marilyn's tunnel vision that led Lydia to her grave.
This story is sad, emotional, but utterly absorbing, and beautifully written. My heart went out to all the characters in the book, some of whom I felt more keenly for than others, but I still wanted them to come out in tact, even if they will never be completely whole again. The Lee's will soldier on, believing in second chances, and learning from their past mistakes, will do right by those still living, and in doing so, will honor the memory of Lydia. This is a very thought provoking and compelling read, a cautionary tale, ending with a message of hope and the promise of better days to come. 5 stars
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LibraryThing member quirkylibrarian
Messed up family comes to terms with the death of their oldest and most beloved daughter. Well crafted. maddeningly horrible parents are hard to sympathize with, but the true issue with the neighbor boy was really well done.
LibraryThing member debnance
A good book, for me, is both revelatory and redemptive. This book is both.
It’s quite awful, horrifying, really, in the same way that We Need to Talk About Kevin was awful and horrifying to me as a parent. We want to think that we are trying our best as parents. We want to think that we aren’t
A very powerful book.
It’s quite awful, horrifying, really, in the same way that We Need to Talk About Kevin was awful and horrifying to me as a parent. We want to think that we are trying our best as parents. We want to think that we aren’t
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going to make those terrible mistakes our own parents made with us. And we don’t; we simply make different ones. A very powerful book.
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LibraryThing member Beamis12
From the opening sentence, I could tell this was going to be a somewhat difficult read. In the fifties, mixed marriages were frowned on, not just black and white, but in this case Chinese and white. Marilyn had long wanted to be a doctor at a time when woman were expect4d to marry, keep house, have
A story about expectations, about fitting in or not, being different from your classmates, a look at racial and gender prejudice, and a sensitive look at a family in crisis. As James and Marilyn foster their hopes and dreams on their daughter Lydia, they are blind to what is really happening in their family. After her death, they search for answers and quietly truths and secrets are revealed. The reader hears the thoughts and feelings of each member of the family and what they find is emotionally shattering. They must now, as a family, pick up the pieces and start again.
In the face of tragedy it is natural to dwell on what is lost, instead of looking forward to what is left. This is the decision this family must make, and the author did a fantastic job of showing us that what led them here and how they can move forward. A well written, poignant and stirring novel by a debut author. A quiet story told with grace and wisdom.
ARC from publisher.
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children and not much else. Then she meets James, A Chinese professor and finds out she is having his child, her plans change and they marry.A story about expectations, about fitting in or not, being different from your classmates, a look at racial and gender prejudice, and a sensitive look at a family in crisis. As James and Marilyn foster their hopes and dreams on their daughter Lydia, they are blind to what is really happening in their family. After her death, they search for answers and quietly truths and secrets are revealed. The reader hears the thoughts and feelings of each member of the family and what they find is emotionally shattering. They must now, as a family, pick up the pieces and start again.
In the face of tragedy it is natural to dwell on what is lost, instead of looking forward to what is left. This is the decision this family must make, and the author did a fantastic job of showing us that what led them here and how they can move forward. A well written, poignant and stirring novel by a debut author. A quiet story told with grace and wisdom.
ARC from publisher.
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LibraryThing member ozzer
The sudden death of favored daughter, Lydia, precipitates family crises that expose longstanding unresolved issues within the Lee family. Her parents have manipulated Lydia to be a surrogate for what they perceive as their own failings in life--Marilyn wanted to have a career as a physician and, as
Ng's focus is on the family dynamics and she handles this exceedingly well, deftly using flashbacks to develop the backstories of the family members while justifying their current behaviors. Hannah is probably the only exception. She has such a minor role in the family and novel as to be somewhat of a cipher. Ng also seems a little clumsy with foreshadowing Lydia's death with her not wanting to learn to swim and the incident of Nathan pushing her into the lake. However, this is understandable as she points out in a recent interview that hearing about a similar incident was her original motivation for writing the novel.
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a Chinese-American, James wanted to fit in better with his peers. Lydia tries to accommodate her parents' wishes but in so doing, suppresses her own life, desires and human development. Bestowing abundant opportunities on their children by Asian-American parents is not uncommon in our society and this theme is developed elegantly by Ng. However, it is not clear why Lydia has become her parents' focus at the expense of her siblings--Nathan and Hannah. Nathan has his problems but seems to cope well enough. Hannah, on the other hand, is almost totally ignored and isolated. One feels that this may have consequences at some point later in her life. Lydia's disastrous response to parental pressure also seems a little extreme, but works well as a set piece in the novel.Ng's focus is on the family dynamics and she handles this exceedingly well, deftly using flashbacks to develop the backstories of the family members while justifying their current behaviors. Hannah is probably the only exception. She has such a minor role in the family and novel as to be somewhat of a cipher. Ng also seems a little clumsy with foreshadowing Lydia's death with her not wanting to learn to swim and the incident of Nathan pushing her into the lake. However, this is understandable as she points out in a recent interview that hearing about a similar incident was her original motivation for writing the novel.
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LibraryThing member viviennestrauss
Such a good read - loved the development of the characters and having the story told from all the different perspectives. This author illustrates well all the pain that results from miscommunication - both intentional and not.
LibraryThing member Karen59
Gorgeous book that beautifully explores the impact of race, class and gender on a multiracial family. I think it is hard to write a story that can compellingly and equally focus on how difference, prejudice and racism impacts the individual, family and passes down internationally. Shame, secrets
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and silence destroy Lydia, a high school student due to her parents projections and own trauma. Show Less
LibraryThing member shazjhb
Excellent book. liked the characters and the story line. It is a sign of a good book when you care about most of the characters.
LibraryThing member sleahey
We know from the beginning that teenager Lydia has died, and the rest of this novel explores the intense reactions of her family to her death as they wrestle with what could have possibly led to her drowning. As we become privy to the thoughts and feelings of the father, mother, sister, and
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brother, it becomes clear that this is a family of secrets, facades, and disappointments. I found that the resolution was unsatisfying and difficult to believe. Show Less
LibraryThing member whitreidtan
First lines are important. They can be the reason someone buys a book, or puts it back on the shelf. Great first lines live on in our collective cultural consciousness. We all know "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." or "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man
The Lee family lives in a small community in Ohio in the 1970s. Father James is a professor at the local college. He's Chinese-American and has always hoped that his children will fit into their community better than he ever did. Mother Marilyn is a blue-eyed blonde who met James when he was at Harvard and she was at Radcliffe. She dreamed of becoming a doctor but had to shelve her dreams when she got pregnant. They have three children. Nath, is a high school senior getting ready to go off to college; Lydia, at sixteen, is the family favorite; and Hannah, is a serious, quiet child they often forget they have. On the morning that the novel opens, the family doesn't yet know that Lydia's body will be pulled from the lake by their home in a few short days; they just know she's not at the breakfast table on time. Even after they know that the special blue-eyed child who was the light of her parents' lives has died, there is the question of how she could possibly have died. As each person in the family comes to terms with Lydia's death and with their own idea of how, the family cracks and then breaks.
Each character in the novel narrates his or her own sections, allowing the reader to understand each character's feelings toward Lydia and the way that she impacted each of their lives. Although they are a family, in many ways they are related individuals more than any kind of unit. Each of them stands alone within the family structure, seeing things from their own perspective only. And each of them reacts to their grief differently. Lydia's death highlights all of this but it is not the genesis for it. The family has been non-communicative for a long time, allowing the pressure of expectations, the local racism, and the high cost of personal dreams imposed on someone else to cloak the unqualified love and support that a family should provide.
The novel is not really a mystery, although there is the question of just how Lydia died and what might be being hidden about the night she disappeared. Instead it is a psychological domestic drama with the pain of the present woven skillfully with the history of the family from its very beginnings. The writing is smooth and understated and the pacing is slow but never ponderous. There is a long, slow build to the truth of Lydia's death. In the end, I wanted to cry for Lydia and, in fact, for each member of her family for the pressures and the expectations and the failures they each faced both before and after her death, as spouses, as parents, as siblings. And if the novel is disturbingly sad in tone over all, there is a haunting and perfect beauty to the end.
A quiet novel, this is an amazingly fast read because you cannot fail to want to keep turning pages and find out what happened to Lydia. Ng does a lovely job rendering the suspicious racism of the time and the way in which grief destroys people individually. She manages to make the reader feel sorry for parents who were so obliviously self-absorbed with their own problems that they could only live vicariously through their daughter and who are gutted by the truth of her loss, which is no small task and her depiction of Nath and Hannah as surviving siblings is heartbreaking. This is a novel you will think about, with characters you will pity, long after you close the cover.
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in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife" or "Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again." These all snag the reader into the text immediately and set their scenes beautifully. Celeste Ng's lovely and painful novel, Everything I Never Told You, has its own intriguing and horrifying first line: "Lydia is dead." And there's no way from that first moment that the reader can think of anything but finding out everything that leads up to that opening moment. The Lee family lives in a small community in Ohio in the 1970s. Father James is a professor at the local college. He's Chinese-American and has always hoped that his children will fit into their community better than he ever did. Mother Marilyn is a blue-eyed blonde who met James when he was at Harvard and she was at Radcliffe. She dreamed of becoming a doctor but had to shelve her dreams when she got pregnant. They have three children. Nath, is a high school senior getting ready to go off to college; Lydia, at sixteen, is the family favorite; and Hannah, is a serious, quiet child they often forget they have. On the morning that the novel opens, the family doesn't yet know that Lydia's body will be pulled from the lake by their home in a few short days; they just know she's not at the breakfast table on time. Even after they know that the special blue-eyed child who was the light of her parents' lives has died, there is the question of how she could possibly have died. As each person in the family comes to terms with Lydia's death and with their own idea of how, the family cracks and then breaks.
Each character in the novel narrates his or her own sections, allowing the reader to understand each character's feelings toward Lydia and the way that she impacted each of their lives. Although they are a family, in many ways they are related individuals more than any kind of unit. Each of them stands alone within the family structure, seeing things from their own perspective only. And each of them reacts to their grief differently. Lydia's death highlights all of this but it is not the genesis for it. The family has been non-communicative for a long time, allowing the pressure of expectations, the local racism, and the high cost of personal dreams imposed on someone else to cloak the unqualified love and support that a family should provide.
The novel is not really a mystery, although there is the question of just how Lydia died and what might be being hidden about the night she disappeared. Instead it is a psychological domestic drama with the pain of the present woven skillfully with the history of the family from its very beginnings. The writing is smooth and understated and the pacing is slow but never ponderous. There is a long, slow build to the truth of Lydia's death. In the end, I wanted to cry for Lydia and, in fact, for each member of her family for the pressures and the expectations and the failures they each faced both before and after her death, as spouses, as parents, as siblings. And if the novel is disturbingly sad in tone over all, there is a haunting and perfect beauty to the end.
A quiet novel, this is an amazingly fast read because you cannot fail to want to keep turning pages and find out what happened to Lydia. Ng does a lovely job rendering the suspicious racism of the time and the way in which grief destroys people individually. She manages to make the reader feel sorry for parents who were so obliviously self-absorbed with their own problems that they could only live vicariously through their daughter and who are gutted by the truth of her loss, which is no small task and her depiction of Nath and Hannah as surviving siblings is heartbreaking. This is a novel you will think about, with characters you will pity, long after you close the cover.
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LibraryThing member susiesharp
Below you will find my random/rambling thoughts as I listened to this book. I liked and disliked this book or should I say I liked the book and completely disliked the characters. The parents in this book are unemotional distance people who should never have had children, they are not abusive in
Everyone grieves differently and it is sad that they are all grieving separately instead of as a family, to be there for each other but I don't think they were there for each other before Lydia's death so I feel like her death multiplied this separateness tenfold.
It just seems like Marilyn could have enrolled in a school right from home instead of sneaking out signing up for classes and getting an apartment. I guess I just don't understand this woman at all.
Do these two people (James & Marilyn) even know each other at all it feels like their whole relationship is superficial it doesn't go deep enough to tell each other what they want from life, what their lives are really like or anything about their true selves and they passed this on to their children so they are just as closed off as the parents are.
James & Marilyn started out fighting the stereotypes then ended up being the stereotypes I am hoping this family becomes something amazing and breaks out of those roles but I am scared this is going to be a depressing book all the way through.
Poor Nath and Hannah to be that ignored by your parents must be heartbreaking.
How could you forget your own child so much that you forget to set a place for them at the table?? Really??
It didn’t seem like James even cared that Nath got into Harvard. Then when Lydia ruined his moment it made me very mad.
The way this family relates to each other is so heartbreaking they are so separate in so many ways.
And even Lydia making up friends pretending to be on the phone talking, all 3 of these children are so lonely and starved for love it’s so sad.
Wow the way James treats Nath is horrible I understand he is grieving but wow.
For this family to get certain news from the authorities is going to tear them apart even further.
But James is so not handling this at all but I also get the feeling that James would have cheated and said the things to his mistress even if Lydia hadn’t died.
I think it was awful that Nath had to be the one to tell Marilyn where James was especially after what James had said to Marilyn. I don’t think she knew, I honestly don’t think she could comprehend him having a mistress when he didn’t have any friends.
I find it a bit I don’t know disconcerting that there is only one other oriental in the whole town and she is who James is having an affair with I don’t know it’s a little too unbelievable. Someone had mentioned to me that I need to remember what year this is but this is the late 70’s and things had changed a lot in the last 18 or so years since they have been together. And that James didn’t have the balls to come out of the bedroom what a louse!
That Hannah and Nath were right there watching as her parents fight over the affair was tough; it just goes to show how little these parents thought about their children. And that James said if we had never met and she had never been born I wanted to yell Hey jackass you have 2 other children too!
She left first, come on James, that was a long time ago. Oh these two are so screwed up! But it goes to show that they never communicated when Marilyn came back they never talked about it and so all these years James is still hurt by Marilyn leaving. They never discussed why she left, maybe if they had a conversation about the reasons Marilyn left all those years ago maybe everything would be different just maybe James would have supported her decision I don’t know maybe not but maybe…
I think that Nath leaving for college was so hard for Lydia because she felt he was the only one she had, but poor Hannah always gets lost in the shuffle. Then when Hannah tries to bond with Lydia it all goes wrong, oh this family makes me so very sad. I feel so bad for Hannah she just wants some love and affection and every time she tries she gets slapped down figuratively and literally.
Oh my gosh when Jack comes clean to Lydia, if anyone can understand feeling like an outsider it’s him she should have stayed his friend they could have been true friends. I think if Lydia would have had it in her to understand Jack things would have been different.
How sad just when Lydia was finally thinking on her own without the grudges and hatred. But was it an accident? She stepped out of the boat into the water it sounds like she meant to do it to me.
I hope this means Hannah will finally get some love and not just be a cardboard cutout of Lydia in her parents eyes.
There is this little bit of a coming together but I don’t think this family ever learned to communicate with each other, too many years have passed and these behaviors are ingrained now. I wonder how Nath & Hannah were with their families in the future.
Ooof this book is like a gut punch but so beautifully written that you need to continue on. I honestly am not sure how to rate this book because there was no redemption, one can only hope that this family got better that they cherished the children they had left and started communicating with each other but I’m afraid I this did not happen.
Cassandra Campbell’s narration is very well done as always.
4 Stars
Thanks you to the FordAudiobookClub for the opportunity to listen to this book.
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the broad sense of the word but they have no idea who their children are and have no idea how to show that they love them let alone care about them. See my final thoughts at the end.Everyone grieves differently and it is sad that they are all grieving separately instead of as a family, to be there for each other but I don't think they were there for each other before Lydia's death so I feel like her death multiplied this separateness tenfold.
It just seems like Marilyn could have enrolled in a school right from home instead of sneaking out signing up for classes and getting an apartment. I guess I just don't understand this woman at all.
Do these two people (James & Marilyn) even know each other at all it feels like their whole relationship is superficial it doesn't go deep enough to tell each other what they want from life, what their lives are really like or anything about their true selves and they passed this on to their children so they are just as closed off as the parents are.
James & Marilyn started out fighting the stereotypes then ended up being the stereotypes I am hoping this family becomes something amazing and breaks out of those roles but I am scared this is going to be a depressing book all the way through.
Poor Nath and Hannah to be that ignored by your parents must be heartbreaking.
How could you forget your own child so much that you forget to set a place for them at the table?? Really??
It didn’t seem like James even cared that Nath got into Harvard. Then when Lydia ruined his moment it made me very mad.
The way this family relates to each other is so heartbreaking they are so separate in so many ways.
And even Lydia making up friends pretending to be on the phone talking, all 3 of these children are so lonely and starved for love it’s so sad.
Wow the way James treats Nath is horrible I understand he is grieving but wow.
For this family to get certain news from the authorities is going to tear them apart even further.
But James is so not handling this at all but I also get the feeling that James would have cheated and said the things to his mistress even if Lydia hadn’t died.
I think it was awful that Nath had to be the one to tell Marilyn where James was especially after what James had said to Marilyn. I don’t think she knew, I honestly don’t think she could comprehend him having a mistress when he didn’t have any friends.
I find it a bit I don’t know disconcerting that there is only one other oriental in the whole town and she is who James is having an affair with I don’t know it’s a little too unbelievable. Someone had mentioned to me that I need to remember what year this is but this is the late 70’s and things had changed a lot in the last 18 or so years since they have been together. And that James didn’t have the balls to come out of the bedroom what a louse!
That Hannah and Nath were right there watching as her parents fight over the affair was tough; it just goes to show how little these parents thought about their children. And that James said if we had never met and she had never been born I wanted to yell Hey jackass you have 2 other children too!
She left first, come on James, that was a long time ago. Oh these two are so screwed up! But it goes to show that they never communicated when Marilyn came back they never talked about it and so all these years James is still hurt by Marilyn leaving. They never discussed why she left, maybe if they had a conversation about the reasons Marilyn left all those years ago maybe everything would be different just maybe James would have supported her decision I don’t know maybe not but maybe…
I think that Nath leaving for college was so hard for Lydia because she felt he was the only one she had, but poor Hannah always gets lost in the shuffle. Then when Hannah tries to bond with Lydia it all goes wrong, oh this family makes me so very sad. I feel so bad for Hannah she just wants some love and affection and every time she tries she gets slapped down figuratively and literally.
Oh my gosh when Jack comes clean to Lydia, if anyone can understand feeling like an outsider it’s him she should have stayed his friend they could have been true friends. I think if Lydia would have had it in her to understand Jack things would have been different.
How sad just when Lydia was finally thinking on her own without the grudges and hatred. But was it an accident? She stepped out of the boat into the water it sounds like she meant to do it to me.
I hope this means Hannah will finally get some love and not just be a cardboard cutout of Lydia in her parents eyes.
There is this little bit of a coming together but I don’t think this family ever learned to communicate with each other, too many years have passed and these behaviors are ingrained now. I wonder how Nath & Hannah were with their families in the future.
Ooof this book is like a gut punch but so beautifully written that you need to continue on. I honestly am not sure how to rate this book because there was no redemption, one can only hope that this family got better that they cherished the children they had left and started communicating with each other but I’m afraid I this did not happen.
Cassandra Campbell’s narration is very well done as always.
4 Stars
Thanks you to the FordAudiobookClub for the opportunity to listen to this book.
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LibraryThing member willendorf
NP Library. Wonderful book about a family tragedy -the death of a daughter - in a family with an Asian-American father and Caucasian mother. About the pain of feeling different and the prejudice the different encounter and internalize. Painfully personal;made me cry because I related to it deeply
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as a child "left behind" after a death.. Show Less
LibraryThing member Randall.Hansen
Powerful novel about a teen's death and a family trying to come to grips with her death; the author does an amazing job of telling the back story of a mixed race family (set in the 70s in Ohio)... a story of a family that on the outside looked normal and happy, but inside, all members of the family
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were exploding with emotions that no one knew because they never actually really talked to each other. Insightful and beautifully written. Show Less
LibraryThing member thewanderingjew
The narrator of the book examines each character, bringing them to life, exposing their secrets and the family dynamics of their relationships with each other. It is a sad book about the Lee family, and from the get-go it has a tragic persona. In 1957, James Lee, an American of Chinese background,
James was retiring and kept to himself. He was weary of the slights he had often been subjected to because of how he looked, because of his background, because he was different. Chinese people were not a common sight where he was brought up or where he chose to eventually work. James truly had one wish, to blend in and belong. Because his parents worked in janitorial and kitchen services at a prestigious school, James was allowed to take the test to get in, and he passed. He was bright, and he received a superb education there and then in Harvard.
Before she went to college, Marilyn attended the neighborhood high school where her mother taught. In my day, the course she taught used to be called Home Economics. It was a class that taught young girls how to become successful young women, how to fit into society. This meant learning how to cook, sew and clean in order to keep a proper home for a husband and family. Marilyn wanted to be a doctor, not a hausfrau. Marilyn, unlike James, wanted to stand out and be unique. Both James and Marilyn resented their parents because of their ambitions for them and because of what they did for a living. Marilyn detested everything her mother stood for, and James was ashamed of his parent’s duties in his school, which along with his looks brought undue attention to him.
The book concerns itself with the racial discrimination of the times and also the discrimination of women in the work place. It is about the travails of being different and trying to fit in, it is about the place of women in society. It is about a time when women attended college and university to earn their MRS, to marry someone of a good, comfortable background, hopefully someone with a better pedigree than their own. That was the only way women moved up in the world in the middle of the 20th century.
After her wedding, Marilyn never saw her mother again. She was not pleased with her interracial marriage. Marilyn and James tried to ignore their differences and hoped the world would, as well. The book takes place in a time when interracial relationships were not only frowned upon, they were forbidden by law. It was not until 1967, that a Supreme Court decision ruled anti-miscegenation laws unconstitutional.
The novel begins with 16 year old Lydia Lee’s disappearance. She is the middle child much loved by her parents and, at times, much resented by her other siblings because she receives the bulk of the attention, the bulk of the encouragement; their parent’s enthusiasm is actually smothering her, drowning her in unwanted attention and expectations that she is unable to fulfill, but it is the parent’s behavior pattern that makes her siblings feel decidedly left out. Most of the attention foisted upon Lydia is unwanted, but still, both her siblings look on, wistfully or angrily, wishing the attention was theirs.
This is a family that seems to be getting along from the outside, looking in, but inside, they are falling apart, deteriorating, heading for disaster. They are all dishonest with each other. They lie and steal from each other and sneak around trying to find their own place, trying to belong. It is ironic since both parents have experienced the same need, the need to find a place in which they would be comfortable. No one in the family seems to really know how to talk to each other, and they do not really see each other as they truly are. They do not see each other’s pain or their sadness and hardly share in their happiness either, but rather, they see each other as the person they want them to become, and they see only their own self-interest in the process. They simply do not communicate, but rather, they hide what troubles them. They present the public face that would make them and those around them the happiest, at least on the surface. Their interior private face is conflicted and confused. James and Marilyn are both trying to escape their pasts, and because of this, they impose their desires upon their children. They are trying to live vicariously through them, trying to resurrect their own lives through their children’s experiences. The story is driven by immaturity, secrets, misconceptions and misinterpretations. Self-pity abounds, although sometimes it feels justified! Lydia’s life and death drives the story off the cliff and forces them all to come to grips with their demons.
James and Marilyn brought their pasts into their marriage without realizing it, and it altered the way they behaved. Neither Marilyn nor James recognized the pain in their children’s eyes or the emotional distress they experienced because they were different. They believed if they ignored their differences and worked hard to fit in, they wouldn’t be hurt by them. They didn’t recognize that some people were not going to let their children in, anymore than their differences and different needs were acceptable as they grew up. Unrealistically, they pretended they were living in a more perfect world.
The book examines alternate lifestyles, sexual freedom, interracial relationships, dysfunctional families and people who act hatefully toward those they don’t accept, those they think are beneath them. The frustration caused by racial tension, the lack of equal rights for all and an inability to deal with the problems in the real world when no one is listening, is exposed in this well written first novel.
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is teaching a course on the history of cowboys. Marilyn is a Caucasian student in his lecture class and she is smitten with him. She soon drops the course to pursue him.James was retiring and kept to himself. He was weary of the slights he had often been subjected to because of how he looked, because of his background, because he was different. Chinese people were not a common sight where he was brought up or where he chose to eventually work. James truly had one wish, to blend in and belong. Because his parents worked in janitorial and kitchen services at a prestigious school, James was allowed to take the test to get in, and he passed. He was bright, and he received a superb education there and then in Harvard.
Before she went to college, Marilyn attended the neighborhood high school where her mother taught. In my day, the course she taught used to be called Home Economics. It was a class that taught young girls how to become successful young women, how to fit into society. This meant learning how to cook, sew and clean in order to keep a proper home for a husband and family. Marilyn wanted to be a doctor, not a hausfrau. Marilyn, unlike James, wanted to stand out and be unique. Both James and Marilyn resented their parents because of their ambitions for them and because of what they did for a living. Marilyn detested everything her mother stood for, and James was ashamed of his parent’s duties in his school, which along with his looks brought undue attention to him.
The book concerns itself with the racial discrimination of the times and also the discrimination of women in the work place. It is about the travails of being different and trying to fit in, it is about the place of women in society. It is about a time when women attended college and university to earn their MRS, to marry someone of a good, comfortable background, hopefully someone with a better pedigree than their own. That was the only way women moved up in the world in the middle of the 20th century.
After her wedding, Marilyn never saw her mother again. She was not pleased with her interracial marriage. Marilyn and James tried to ignore their differences and hoped the world would, as well. The book takes place in a time when interracial relationships were not only frowned upon, they were forbidden by law. It was not until 1967, that a Supreme Court decision ruled anti-miscegenation laws unconstitutional.
The novel begins with 16 year old Lydia Lee’s disappearance. She is the middle child much loved by her parents and, at times, much resented by her other siblings because she receives the bulk of the attention, the bulk of the encouragement; their parent’s enthusiasm is actually smothering her, drowning her in unwanted attention and expectations that she is unable to fulfill, but it is the parent’s behavior pattern that makes her siblings feel decidedly left out. Most of the attention foisted upon Lydia is unwanted, but still, both her siblings look on, wistfully or angrily, wishing the attention was theirs.
This is a family that seems to be getting along from the outside, looking in, but inside, they are falling apart, deteriorating, heading for disaster. They are all dishonest with each other. They lie and steal from each other and sneak around trying to find their own place, trying to belong. It is ironic since both parents have experienced the same need, the need to find a place in which they would be comfortable. No one in the family seems to really know how to talk to each other, and they do not really see each other as they truly are. They do not see each other’s pain or their sadness and hardly share in their happiness either, but rather, they see each other as the person they want them to become, and they see only their own self-interest in the process. They simply do not communicate, but rather, they hide what troubles them. They present the public face that would make them and those around them the happiest, at least on the surface. Their interior private face is conflicted and confused. James and Marilyn are both trying to escape their pasts, and because of this, they impose their desires upon their children. They are trying to live vicariously through them, trying to resurrect their own lives through their children’s experiences. The story is driven by immaturity, secrets, misconceptions and misinterpretations. Self-pity abounds, although sometimes it feels justified! Lydia’s life and death drives the story off the cliff and forces them all to come to grips with their demons.
James and Marilyn brought their pasts into their marriage without realizing it, and it altered the way they behaved. Neither Marilyn nor James recognized the pain in their children’s eyes or the emotional distress they experienced because they were different. They believed if they ignored their differences and worked hard to fit in, they wouldn’t be hurt by them. They didn’t recognize that some people were not going to let their children in, anymore than their differences and different needs were acceptable as they grew up. Unrealistically, they pretended they were living in a more perfect world.
The book examines alternate lifestyles, sexual freedom, interracial relationships, dysfunctional families and people who act hatefully toward those they don’t accept, those they think are beneath them. The frustration caused by racial tension, the lack of equal rights for all and an inability to deal with the problems in the real world when no one is listening, is exposed in this well written first novel.
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LibraryThing member booklovers2
Everything I never told you is about a family of mixed race trying to fit in an all white community - early 70's - People were not politically correct, racism was accepted as a way of life. The biggest problem in this book is the parents pressure for the kids to fulfill the dreams they had when
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they were teenagers. It was somewhat interesting, Of course you are told at the beginning of the book that the oldest daughter, Lydia is missing and dead so no surprise there - the story unravels all the family secrets. I listened to this on audio and the narrator was pretty boring. Overall sad, but unfortunately I found it boring. Show Less
Awards
Dublin Literary Award (Longlist — 2016)
The Morning News Tournament of Books (Short List — 2015)
Crime Writers' Association Awards (Shortlist — 2015)
Alex Award (2015)
Ohioana Book Award (Finalist — Fiction — 2015)
Asian/Pacific American Award for Literature (Winner — Adult Fiction — 2015)
Maine Readers' Choice Award (Longlist — 2015)
VCU Cabell First Novelist Award (Winner — Finalist — 2015)
Massachusetts Book Award (Must-Read (Longlist) — Fiction — 2015)
Friends of American Writers Award (First Place — Adult Literature — 2015)
Booklist Editor's Choice: Adult Books (Fiction — 2014)
NPR: Books We Love (2014)
San Francisco Chronicle Best Book of the Year (Fiction — 2014)
Los Angeles Public Library Best of the Year (Fiction — 2014)
Lariat Adult Fiction Reading List (Selection — 2015)
Language
Original language
English
Original publication date
2014
Physical description
304 p.; 4.92 inches
ISBN
0349134286 / 9780349134284
UPC
783324909630
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DDC/MDS
| 813.6 |