Status
Available
Call number
Publication
Penguin Books Australia Ltd (2007), Edition: ISBN:978-0-143-20282-0, 304 pages
Description
"The mid-seventies and satin baggies and chunky platforms reigned supreme. Jethro Tull did battle with glam-rock for the airwaves. At an all-boys Catholic school in Melbourne, Timothy Conigrave fell wildly and sweetly in love with the captain of the football team. So began a relationship that was to last for 15 years, a love affair that weathered disapproval, separation and, ultimately death. Holding the Man recreates that relationship. With honesty and insight it explores the highs and lows of any partnership: the intimacy, constraints, temptations. And the strength of heart both men had to find when they tested positive to HIV. This is a book as refreshing and uplifting as it is moving; a funny and sad and celebratory account of growing up gay."--Provided by publisher.… (more)
User reviews
LibraryThing member mikerr
A charming coming-of-age / coming-out story that morphs into a tragic car wreck I could not look away from. This book is hard to describe. Frank, honest, excruciating, lovely, painful. powerful. This memoir has stayed with me long after I put it down.
LibraryThing member birdsam0610
After the boring repetitiveness of Under the Tuscan Sun, I’ve made it a mission to read a little bit of the book I plan to read on my commute so I’m not stuck reading something dreadful. So, last night I started reading Holding the Man. I finished it this afternoon.
I bought Holding the Man as
I found the initial chapters rather graphic in places (perhaps not suitable for public transport if you have people who read over your shoulder) but not offensive. I enjoyed the transcription of their lives, right down to recreated conversations. I found the description of the medical treatments very interesting (and nearly all factually correct, a rarity in today’s lack of fact checking world), especially in regards to how much HIV and AIDS treatments have progressed since John and Tim contracted the disease.
This may not be for the fainthearted as there are many sexual references, as well as a poignant farewell to John, but it’s definitely an eye opener and I’m glad I read it.
I bought Holding the Man as
Show More
one of the Popular Penguins series. I thought it was about AFL (Australian Rules football), given the title. I suppose you could say that it is, a little- Tim falls in love with the captain of the footy team at school, John. So begins a love affair that ends with John’s death.I found the initial chapters rather graphic in places (perhaps not suitable for public transport if you have people who read over your shoulder) but not offensive. I enjoyed the transcription of their lives, right down to recreated conversations. I found the description of the medical treatments very interesting (and nearly all factually correct, a rarity in today’s lack of fact checking world), especially in regards to how much HIV and AIDS treatments have progressed since John and Tim contracted the disease.
This may not be for the fainthearted as there are many sexual references, as well as a poignant farewell to John, but it’s definitely an eye opener and I’m glad I read it.
Show Less
LibraryThing member lesleynicol
This book remains in my "unfinished" list. I had to give up because of the descriptive gay sex. A pity, because I am sympathetic to the subject matter of gay partnerships and the tragedies of loss from Aids. I suppose it was written for yjr "gay " market, hence the sex scenes. Anyway I want to get
Show More
back to this book and finish it and I will skip the bits that are not interesting to me. PS I do not like too much description of hetro sexual sex either. Show Less
LibraryThing member pilgrimess
Holding the Man is a touching and poignant memoir about growing up in Melbourne in the 60s and 70s, about one man's early exploration of his sexuality, and about falling in love with the boy who would become his partner for life — although sadly a life tragically cut short by AIDS. Both John and
I feel this book has some strong elements and a few weaknesses. It is incredibly honest and frank about sex and masturbation and desire, especially in young people discovering who they are and what they're attracted to. It might not be everyone's cup of tea (in fact, if you struggle with this kind of candidness, you probably won't get past page 20 or so), but it's not really pornographic or titillating, just upfront. As someone with many gay friends who haven't all had easy experiences, I suspect the refreshing honesty in this book makes it easy to relate to. And when Tim was young and went through a brief stage of having a girlfriend, it took me right back to being 14 and having a "boyfriend" who later confided that he was gay; I guess I was a small part of him trying to figure that all out, similar to Tim.
Another strength is in the portrayal of the gay community at the time AIDS and HIV first appeared, and how friendship groups supported one another through what must have been a very scary time. Meanwhile the media stirred up fear and panic and prejudice, but for those personally affected by illness and losing loved ones, it's clear that many took comfort and strength from the relationships they'd built in their communities and support networks. It was just really touching to read about how many people loved this beautiful couple.
Ultimately what stops me giving the book 4 or 5 stars is the writing; in the hands of a better writer I think the prose could have been a lot more polished, less bland, less "then this happened, then this happened, etc." But perhaps I'm being unfair — the book was finished not long before Tim himself died, so perhaps it was a race against time to tell his story. As other people have commented, Tim doesn't always seem like he would have been the nicest partner to John: sometimes insensitive, occasionally too honest, not that easy to live with. On the other hand, that's probably all of us, at least some of the time. In spite of whatever failings Tim may have had, this is a worthwhile and important story that I hope remains widely read.
Show More
Tim tested positive at a time when the disease was only just beginning to be understood. John passed away in January 1992, and Tim a couple of years later.I feel this book has some strong elements and a few weaknesses. It is incredibly honest and frank about sex and masturbation and desire, especially in young people discovering who they are and what they're attracted to. It might not be everyone's cup of tea (in fact, if you struggle with this kind of candidness, you probably won't get past page 20 or so), but it's not really pornographic or titillating, just upfront. As someone with many gay friends who haven't all had easy experiences, I suspect the refreshing honesty in this book makes it easy to relate to. And when Tim was young and went through a brief stage of having a girlfriend, it took me right back to being 14 and having a "boyfriend" who later confided that he was gay; I guess I was a small part of him trying to figure that all out, similar to Tim.
Another strength is in the portrayal of the gay community at the time AIDS and HIV first appeared, and how friendship groups supported one another through what must have been a very scary time. Meanwhile the media stirred up fear and panic and prejudice, but for those personally affected by illness and losing loved ones, it's clear that many took comfort and strength from the relationships they'd built in their communities and support networks. It was just really touching to read about how many people loved this beautiful couple.
Ultimately what stops me giving the book 4 or 5 stars is the writing; in the hands of a better writer I think the prose could have been a lot more polished, less bland, less "then this happened, then this happened, etc." But perhaps I'm being unfair — the book was finished not long before Tim himself died, so perhaps it was a race against time to tell his story. As other people have commented, Tim doesn't always seem like he would have been the nicest partner to John: sometimes insensitive, occasionally too honest, not that easy to live with. On the other hand, that's probably all of us, at least some of the time. In spite of whatever failings Tim may have had, this is a worthwhile and important story that I hope remains widely read.
Show Less
LibraryThing member scaredda
This books keeps you up, as the emotional flows from beginning through the end. Passion and love go around a story of a lifetime love that will get your feelings.
LibraryThing member Kiddboyblue
This book is devastatingly beautiful, and was very difficult to get through on several levels.
This book served as a coming of age story, memoir, and love story all in one. What made the memoir so powerful, to me, was that Conigrave wrote so openly and honestly, and did not shy away from shining a
At the heart of the memoir though, is his love story with John Caleo, the man he would meet in high school and be with for 15 years. A love story, that ultimately ends in tragedy.
The last third of the book was the most difficult part for me, as Conigrave continues to lay everything bare, including all the un-pretty and grousome details of both his and John's battle wtih AIDS as well as John's eventual battle with cancer. He does not sugar coat, or leave out many of the details that are difficult to read about or imagine. This level of brutal openness made me have to put the book down often because while I appreciate his candidness in terms of telling his story, it tore at my heart and I found it draining me and depressing me. This, in itself, makes this a powerful read. It elicited physical and emotional responses from me.
Still, while this was difficult read, Conigrave was able to write a memoir that while clouded in sadness, felt somehow positive and uplifting, even in the final chapters. Through the sadness Conigrave expresses while watching the love of his life die, there is still a sense of beauty, as you are allowed witness to a man so in love, against all odds, and how beautiful love can be no matter the sexuality.
At its core, this was not only Conigrave's memoir, but Caleo's as well. What a beautiful love story, that touches on so many issues gay men faced and still face.
This book served as a coming of age story, memoir, and love story all in one. What made the memoir so powerful, to me, was that Conigrave wrote so openly and honestly, and did not shy away from shining a
Show More
light on his own flaws, infidelities, or unpopular thoughts during the course of his life discussed. Rather then painting himself a saint or a perfect partner, he wrote openly about the man he was, and the man he loved.At the heart of the memoir though, is his love story with John Caleo, the man he would meet in high school and be with for 15 years. A love story, that ultimately ends in tragedy.
The last third of the book was the most difficult part for me, as Conigrave continues to lay everything bare, including all the un-pretty and grousome details of both his and John's battle wtih AIDS as well as John's eventual battle with cancer. He does not sugar coat, or leave out many of the details that are difficult to read about or imagine. This level of brutal openness made me have to put the book down often because while I appreciate his candidness in terms of telling his story, it tore at my heart and I found it draining me and depressing me. This, in itself, makes this a powerful read. It elicited physical and emotional responses from me.
Still, while this was difficult read, Conigrave was able to write a memoir that while clouded in sadness, felt somehow positive and uplifting, even in the final chapters. Through the sadness Conigrave expresses while watching the love of his life die, there is still a sense of beauty, as you are allowed witness to a man so in love, against all odds, and how beautiful love can be no matter the sexuality.
At its core, this was not only Conigrave's memoir, but Caleo's as well. What a beautiful love story, that touches on so many issues gay men faced and still face.
Show Less
LibraryThing member dono421846
Having watched the movie twice, I felt a desire to read the original book. Although the movie is strong, the book is infinitely better. The full details make for a more compelling, realistic narrative of a relationship between two men. They can be envied for having found one another at the age of
The road they traveled in as their AIDS progressed sounded too familiar. I especially appreciated how they spent no time seeking to blame one another for infecting the other. At least through Tim's eyes, John's love was pure and true almost since the moment they first met, for the next fifteen years. The reader will shed tears for the sad tragedy of their deaths, but some of those tears will be regret that they will probably never have experienced a bond as unquestioned as this.
Show More
fifteen, and although they endured growing pains, spent their final years where they belonged--together. The road they traveled in as their AIDS progressed sounded too familiar. I especially appreciated how they spent no time seeking to blame one another for infecting the other. At least through Tim's eyes, John's love was pure and true almost since the moment they first met, for the next fifteen years. The reader will shed tears for the sad tragedy of their deaths, but some of those tears will be regret that they will probably never have experienced a bond as unquestioned as this.
Show Less
LibraryThing member robfwalter
This book is very hard to write about without spoiling the story, so I'll stick to general comments as I think the reading experience may be greatly enhanced by not knowing what's coming next. Having said that, I just finished reading this book for the third time and each time I am totally lost in
What struck me as I read it this time was that the flaws in the prose are almost its strength. The urgency and passion with which it is written are totally justified and, in fact, readers would have every reason to be suspicious if such a memoir were written in a careful, polished, controlled style. Adolescent lust can't be conveyed by subtle allusions and delicate imagery; it better communicated by short sentences, repetition and rapid changes of subject. The same goes for the rest of the content.
Similarly, the unreliability of the narrator is never a failing in a memoir.
This is one of my favourite books of all time. A classic of gay literature and a classic of Australian literature. John will always have a place in my heart as the gorgeous, athletic boy who is in everyone's adolescent fantasy and who actually turned out to be gay.
Show More
the narrative, each time my emotions are totally engaged, and each time I find something new.What struck me as I read it this time was that the flaws in the prose are almost its strength. The urgency and passion with which it is written are totally justified and, in fact, readers would have every reason to be suspicious if such a memoir were written in a careful, polished, controlled style. Adolescent lust can't be conveyed by subtle allusions and delicate imagery; it better communicated by short sentences, repetition and rapid changes of subject. The same goes for the rest of the content.
Similarly, the unreliability of the narrator is never a failing in a memoir.
This is one of my favourite books of all time. A classic of gay literature and a classic of Australian literature. John will always have a place in my heart as the gorgeous, athletic boy who is in everyone's adolescent fantasy and who actually turned out to be gay.
Show Less
LibraryThing member ChristopherDempsey
The only book I've read twice and cried both times.
Subjects
Language
Original language
English
Original publication date
1995
ISBN
0140257845 / 9780140257847