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Psychology. Self-Improvement. Sociology. Nonfiction. HTML:The tenth-anniversary edition of the game-changing #1 New York Times bestseller, featuring a new foreword. For over a decade, Brené Brown has found a special place in our hearts as a gifted mapmaker and a fellow traveler. She is both a social scientist and a kitchen-table friend whom you can always count on to tell the truth, make you laugh, and, on occasion, cry with you. And what’s now become a movement all started with The Gifts of Imperfection, which has sold more than two million copies in thirty-five different languages across the globe. What transforms this book from words on a page to effective daily practices are the ten guideposts to wholehearted living. The guideposts not only help us understand the practices that will allow us to change our lives and families, they also walk us through the unattainable and sabotaging expectations that get in the way. Brené writes, “This book is an invitation to join a wholehearted revolution. A small, quiet, grassroots movement that starts with each of us saying, ‘My story matters because I matter.’ Revolution might sound a little dramatic, but in this world, choosing authenticity and worthiness is an absolute act of resistance.”.… (more)
Original publication date
2010
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User reviews
LibraryThing member porch_reader
At work, I'm doing some research on authenticity. When are people willing to be fully authentic at work? What are the benefits to authenticity? What are the costs? I read Brown's book to inform my own research, but I ended up finding a lot of insights that are relevant for my own life as well.
Brown's work is based on a number of interviews that she has done with people who are living wholeheartedly. (She calls herself a story catcher!) From studying these people, she found that living authentically and wholeheartedly can make people feel vulnerable. It is sometimes the path to shame and fear, but it is also the path to joy and love and connection. The key is to cultivate a sense of worthiness. The first few chapters describe the process of living wholeheartedly generally, while the remaining chapters provide 10 guideposts - practices that support living authentically and forming authentic relationships.
I loved this book. Brown writes eloquently about embracing who you are and letting go of shame and fear. She draws not only from her research interviews, but from her personal experience as well. "Be yourself" may sound like simple advice, but Brown digs deep to explore the courage that it take to live authentically.
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Brown's work is based on a number of interviews that she has done with people who are living wholeheartedly. (She calls herself a story catcher!) From studying these people, she found that living authentically and wholeheartedly can make people feel vulnerable. It is sometimes the path to shame and fear, but it is also the path to joy and love and connection. The key is to cultivate a sense of worthiness. The first few chapters describe the process of living wholeheartedly generally, while the remaining chapters provide 10 guideposts - practices that support living authentically and forming authentic relationships.
I loved this book. Brown writes eloquently about embracing who you are and letting go of shame and fear. She draws not only from her research interviews, but from her personal experience as well. "Be yourself" may sound like simple advice, but Brown digs deep to explore the courage that it take to live authentically.
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LibraryThing member melmore
Though presented in the straight-forward, chatty manner of a self-help book, I found this work compelling and full of nuance. She's not really saying anything the Buddha didn't, but it's all true. I'm definitely going to be rereading this.
LibraryThing member GShuk
I liked the way she poked and prodded at what wholehearted living is. She does it in an entertaining way using many personal stories that you can relate to. Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. Her expertise as a researcher on shame, authenticity, and
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belonging gives her experiences more depth. This is not a how to guide and she raises as many questions as she answers. Highly recommend this audio and her Ted Talks. Show Less
LibraryThing member jerrikobly
In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown, a leading expert on shame, authenticity, and belonging, shares ten guideposts on the power of Wholehearted living—a way of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness.
Each day we face a barrage of images and messages from society and the media
In her ten guideposts, Brown engages our minds, hearts, and spirits as she explores how we can cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough," and to go to bed at night thinking, "Yes, I am sometimes afraid, but I am also brave. And, yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable, but that doesn't change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging."
Each day we face a barrage of images and messages from society and the media
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telling us who, what, and how we should be. We are led to believe that if we could only look perfect and lead perfect lives, we'd no longer feel inadequate. So most of us perform, please, and perfect, all the while thinking, "What if I can't keep all of these balls in the air? Why isn't everyone else working harder and living up to my expectations? What will people think if I fail or give up? When can I stop proving myself?"In her ten guideposts, Brown engages our minds, hearts, and spirits as she explores how we can cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough," and to go to bed at night thinking, "Yes, I am sometimes afraid, but I am also brave. And, yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable, but that doesn't change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging."
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LibraryThing member St.CroixSue
Brown, a persistent social/psychology researcher dug deep into the characteristics shared by people living a 'wholehearted' life. She investigates the roles that shame, vulnerability, and courage play in our lives and outlines 10 guideposts to assist us on the path to wholeheartedness. Excellent.
LibraryThing member mockturtle
Certainly some food for thought here. But like most books of this type, it's long on "here's what's wrong with you," and short on practical suggestions for how to fix it. Still, it makes a good start, and is a lot less smarmy and irritating in tone than some others along this line.
LibraryThing member LDVoorberg
Not quite what I expected or needed. It does not surprise me in the least that the author lives in Texas; it has that southern feel to it. I do like that it jumps right into the meat of the book without excessive preamble or backstory. Just enough background to know where the author comes from.
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Sometimes the definitions are a bit incessant, but when it neglected to offer a definition for play, I noticed and missed it. Just generally not my style, but it's not worthless, either. Show Less
LibraryThing member Honeysucklepie
Well, I want a small grant to buy this book for everyone in my book group. I am finding it perfect for convertitus and parenting fail.
Very relevant and digestible.
Very relevant and digestible.
LibraryThing member tandah
I'm currently doing the Brene Brown online course - which uses [The Gifts of Imperfection] as a reference guide. For me, it's a perfect way to read a personal development book, because I'm having this great experience of structured reading, contemplating, applying and learning.
What reading this
Perfect January reading.
What reading this
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book does is gently peel away layers of armour and give perspective between adapted behaviour and authenticity. Perfect January reading.
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LibraryThing member zoomball
I listened to the audio version. For me, the narrator was a bit too saccharine. There are some valuable constructs and suggestions for behavior change that I believe most would find positive. However there was a disconnect for me. Was this supposed to be a popular press book based on current
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academic research? Or was it supposed to be a first person diary/narrative of personal redemption? The latter interpretation on my part colors my ability to recommend it very highly. Show Less
LibraryThing member tjsjohanna
There were some ideas in this slim book that did resonate with me but generally speaking, I didn't relate to a lot of what this book covers. Ms. Brown writes from a place of encouraging others to let go of shame and the need to conform to what others think of us and instead be true to our own
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selves without letting shame shut down our actions. She suggests different things we can do to improve our lives - for instance being grateful and resilient and compassionate with our own selves. They were all good ideas - I just am not the target audience. Show Less
LibraryThing member pgchuis
I'm not giving this a star rating, because I'm not sure how to rate it really. I never read self-help books and this was lent to me by my life coach after I said I couldn't really get a grip on what Brene was saying in her TED talk, which I had just watched. So now I have read (and for the last
I find her style entertaining and encouraging. I like her distinction between guilt (over the things we do) and shame (over who we are), but then she spends the book talking about ways of managing the symptoms of shame. I know I come to this with pre-conceived beliefs, but I don't think shame can ever be managed, except by realizing that we are valuable because we are loved by God and that he chooses to love us regardless of anything we have done or been. References to God and church and spirituality are sprinkled throughout the book, but only really for example by way of an observation that people of faith are resilient. On a religious note, I disagree with her definition of hope.
On the plus side, I like her comments about setting boundaries and insisting on being kind to ourselves even if that sometimes seems like selfishness to others. I am also interested by the idea that the Greeks described the opposite of joy as fear, not sadness.
Whlie saying again that I don't think I am the target audience for this book, I found it circular in places and frustratingly difficult to pin down.
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third, skimmed) this book and I am still in the same place....I find her style entertaining and encouraging. I like her distinction between guilt (over the things we do) and shame (over who we are), but then she spends the book talking about ways of managing the symptoms of shame. I know I come to this with pre-conceived beliefs, but I don't think shame can ever be managed, except by realizing that we are valuable because we are loved by God and that he chooses to love us regardless of anything we have done or been. References to God and church and spirituality are sprinkled throughout the book, but only really for example by way of an observation that people of faith are resilient. On a religious note, I disagree with her definition of hope.
On the plus side, I like her comments about setting boundaries and insisting on being kind to ourselves even if that sometimes seems like selfishness to others. I am also interested by the idea that the Greeks described the opposite of joy as fear, not sadness.
Whlie saying again that I don't think I am the target audience for this book, I found it circular in places and frustratingly difficult to pin down.
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LibraryThing member AuntieClio
I'm still processing all the goodness that came from Brene Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection. I particularly like the chapter on intuition which had this definition:
Intuition is not a single way of knowing - it's our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways
Dr. Brown is not shy about relating how her research on people living a WholeHearted life showed her where the gaps in her own life were. She is honest and compassionate, and writes about applying those to our own lives.
Intuition is not a single way of knowing - it's our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways
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we've developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith, and reason. (p. 89)Dr. Brown is not shy about relating how her research on people living a WholeHearted life showed her where the gaps in her own life were. She is honest and compassionate, and writes about applying those to our own lives.
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LibraryThing member magnolia2
Excellent read. Written in a way that it involves the reader in the process.
LibraryThing member mirikayla
I loved her TED talk on shame, but almost immediately when I picked this up I lost interest again. It's a bit too... something for me.
LibraryThing member TrekkieChickReads
I initially picked up this book to read with a group of my closest girlfriends, I never having heard of Brené Brown or any of her books before. Brown’s writing style, raw authenticity, and openness drew me in right away and kept me hooked to her encouraging words to the very end.
The extended
Brown opens up the book explaining her own journey (her “breakdown spiritual awakening”), her research on shame, and what led her to writing this book. What I appreciate most about this book is that the information she shares is not only based on her own research but the research of others. From the very beginning she sets out asking you, as the reader, to answer several questions to get you thinking about your own story and any shame you may be experiencing.
What follows is ten guideposts to help shape and build up your life covering topics such as intuition, trusting faith, and the importance of laughter, song, and dance. At the end of each guidepost she also offers the acronym DIG deep – Get deliberate, get inspired, and get going and how each apply to the different guideposts. At no point in this book does she insist that her opinion is the correct one or pressure the reader into a set of tasks that have to be accomplished but offers it openly and encourages the reader to take and shape it to their own life and understanding.
I found this book so encouraging, uplifting, and highly recommend it to anyone no matter where you are in life.
The extended
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title says it all – this book is a guide to a living a wholehearted life but, even more so, learning to say: "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough."Brown opens up the book explaining her own journey (her “breakdown spiritual awakening”), her research on shame, and what led her to writing this book. What I appreciate most about this book is that the information she shares is not only based on her own research but the research of others. From the very beginning she sets out asking you, as the reader, to answer several questions to get you thinking about your own story and any shame you may be experiencing.
What follows is ten guideposts to help shape and build up your life covering topics such as intuition, trusting faith, and the importance of laughter, song, and dance. At the end of each guidepost she also offers the acronym DIG deep – Get deliberate, get inspired, and get going and how each apply to the different guideposts. At no point in this book does she insist that her opinion is the correct one or pressure the reader into a set of tasks that have to be accomplished but offers it openly and encourages the reader to take and shape it to their own life and understanding.
I found this book so encouraging, uplifting, and highly recommend it to anyone no matter where you are in life.
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LibraryThing member jpsnow
The overall message is that.we find more meaning and success in life when base our standard on the flow of the moment rather than some idealized self-image defined by the expectations of others. Ten guideposts (principles) elaborate on this concept. While it all resonates with me, I found myself
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wanting more substance to solidify it. The author's proof points rely on personal stories and more concepts, rather than the facts and figures my empirical mind looks for. This book won't stick with me, but it's worth a read for someone whom the title catches. Show Less
LibraryThing member leannn
If you're human, you need to read this book. There isn't anyone I know of who doesn't feel some sort of shame or fear. This book really tells you how to handle it.
LibraryThing member Karen.Helfrick
I can’t 👏recommend👏this👏book👏enough!
I’ve recommended it to truly every single person I have spoken to in this 15 day time period. Great advise for those searching for self-confidence or their “best self”. I literally read paragraphs of this to coworkers. Please. Please read this
I’ve recommended it to truly every single person I have spoken to in this 15 day time period. Great advise for those searching for self-confidence or their “best self”. I literally read paragraphs of this to coworkers. Please. Please read this
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book. If you’re reading the review, You’re clearly open to self help. This is something for everyone, with wit and examples. Go. Get it now. Show Less
LibraryThing member MH_at_home
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are is the third book that I’ve read by Brené Brown. I was not disappointed. This book offers as set of guideposts toward Wholehearted leaving, which involves “engaging in our lives from a place of
She writes with a tone of wonderment of the discoveries that emerged from her research, and acknowledges that some of her findings were surprising or difficult for her to wrap her head around. She explains things well, clearly defining the concepts she’s writing about, and uses effective examples. She writes about her “2007 Breakdown Spiritual Awakening” and how it helped her to change perspective. She makes no attempt to hide her own fallibility, vulnerability, and imperfection.
Brown describes compassion as a relationship between equals. She explains that being able to set boundaries is important to effectively practice compassion, even though we may not tend to associate the two concepts. She adds that we should hold people accountable for their behaviour, and in doing so separate the person from the behaviour. She also writes about the importance of self-compassion, something particularly important for those of us struggling with mental illness.
In this book Brown talked a lot about authenticity, which comes from living Wholeheartedly. She described several elements in the choice to be authentic: becoming courageous enough to be imperfect; having compassion for the strengths and struggles all of us have; and nurturing the belonging that arises from believing we’re enough. She cautions that depression and anxiety may result when we trade in authenticity for safety. This really resonated for me, as safety has become something that I grasp onto as tightly as possible wherever I can find it.
Throughout the book the author made a number of statements that really stood out for me. She wrote that “when we don’t give ourselves permission to be free, we rarely tolerate that freedom in others.” Something particularly eye-opening for me was her observation that: “We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” True that.
There were also findings from her research that were somewhat surprising to me. She found that spirituality (not necessarily religion) was a key component of resilience. I’ve never been a religious person, nor have I ever been particularly spiritual, but this is some food for thought. She also concluded that we can’t love others more than we love ourselves, and a sense of worthiness is essential for love and belonging.
Based on her research she constructed definitions for the key terms used in the book, definitions that go much deeper than a standard dictionary definition. A couple of examples:
Intuition: “our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways we’ve developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith, and reason.”
Connection: “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
I really enjoyed this book. I have a bit of a pet peeve around arbitrary capitalization (e.g. “Wholehearted”), but aside from that I have no complaints. Another Brené Brown classic. If you’re not familiar with her, I encourage you to check out her TED Talks.
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worthiness”. The guideposts include cultivating self-compassion, cultivating a resilient spirit, cultivating calm and stillness, and finding meaningful work.She writes with a tone of wonderment of the discoveries that emerged from her research, and acknowledges that some of her findings were surprising or difficult for her to wrap her head around. She explains things well, clearly defining the concepts she’s writing about, and uses effective examples. She writes about her “2007 Breakdown Spiritual Awakening” and how it helped her to change perspective. She makes no attempt to hide her own fallibility, vulnerability, and imperfection.
Brown describes compassion as a relationship between equals. She explains that being able to set boundaries is important to effectively practice compassion, even though we may not tend to associate the two concepts. She adds that we should hold people accountable for their behaviour, and in doing so separate the person from the behaviour. She also writes about the importance of self-compassion, something particularly important for those of us struggling with mental illness.
In this book Brown talked a lot about authenticity, which comes from living Wholeheartedly. She described several elements in the choice to be authentic: becoming courageous enough to be imperfect; having compassion for the strengths and struggles all of us have; and nurturing the belonging that arises from believing we’re enough. She cautions that depression and anxiety may result when we trade in authenticity for safety. This really resonated for me, as safety has become something that I grasp onto as tightly as possible wherever I can find it.
Throughout the book the author made a number of statements that really stood out for me. She wrote that “when we don’t give ourselves permission to be free, we rarely tolerate that freedom in others.” Something particularly eye-opening for me was her observation that: “We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” True that.
There were also findings from her research that were somewhat surprising to me. She found that spirituality (not necessarily religion) was a key component of resilience. I’ve never been a religious person, nor have I ever been particularly spiritual, but this is some food for thought. She also concluded that we can’t love others more than we love ourselves, and a sense of worthiness is essential for love and belonging.
Based on her research she constructed definitions for the key terms used in the book, definitions that go much deeper than a standard dictionary definition. A couple of examples:
Intuition: “our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways we’ve developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith, and reason.”
Connection: “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
I really enjoyed this book. I have a bit of a pet peeve around arbitrary capitalization (e.g. “Wholehearted”), but aside from that I have no complaints. Another Brené Brown classic. If you’re not familiar with her, I encourage you to check out her TED Talks.
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LibraryThing member SusanGeiss
This is an incredibly, eye opening book that will lead readers to in depth self evaluation and empowerment!
How much of our lives are spent becoming and acting as others want us to?
For me, this was a detriment to my personal growth and self esteem. To finally be able to recognize this pattern and to
Highly recommended for everyone!
How much of our lives are spent becoming and acting as others want us to?
For me, this was a detriment to my personal growth and self esteem. To finally be able to recognize this pattern and to
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work towards removing it from my life is life altering in such a positive fashion.Highly recommended for everyone!
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LibraryThing member pmtracy
This book is about wholehearted living; simply being authentic and living life to the fullest. A wholehearted life means loving yourself. This finding even threw the author, a renowned researcher in the field of shame and vulnerability, for a loop as she thought her "doing everything right"
The book is full of personal stories and findings from Brown's research. It's difficult to summarize the entire book but some of the most interesting observations include:
* Courage requires that we let go of what others think.
* The basis of compassion is an acceptance of others.
* A belief in self-worth is essential for love and belonging.
* "Fitting in" requires that you do what's needed to be accepted where belonging requires you to be who you really are.
* When in a state of shame, you need to share your story so it loses its power.
* Use your courage to share with someone (connect) and to show compassion in a situation.
The author provides a method for battling through vulnerable moments. Instead of pushing through and enduring when we're stuck, she proposes we DIG deep. Be deliberate, inspired and get going. She goes into detail about specific traits she found in truly authentic people and how we can focus our energy to build a more courageous and self-accepting attitude. These guideposts include: authenticity, self-compassion, resilience, gratitude/joy, intuition/faith, creativity, rest/play, calm/stillness, meaningful work and laughter/song/dance.
Brown's writing is extremely approachable and she makes a nebulous topic concrete and simple.
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attitude was the right way to live. Our vulnerabilities prevent us from being completely whole and only by building a sense of worthiness through courage, compassion and connection can we hope to achieve a wholehearted life.The book is full of personal stories and findings from Brown's research. It's difficult to summarize the entire book but some of the most interesting observations include:
* Courage requires that we let go of what others think.
* The basis of compassion is an acceptance of others.
* A belief in self-worth is essential for love and belonging.
* "Fitting in" requires that you do what's needed to be accepted where belonging requires you to be who you really are.
* When in a state of shame, you need to share your story so it loses its power.
* Use your courage to share with someone (connect) and to show compassion in a situation.
The author provides a method for battling through vulnerable moments. Instead of pushing through and enduring when we're stuck, she proposes we DIG deep. Be deliberate, inspired and get going. She goes into detail about specific traits she found in truly authentic people and how we can focus our energy to build a more courageous and self-accepting attitude. These guideposts include: authenticity, self-compassion, resilience, gratitude/joy, intuition/faith, creativity, rest/play, calm/stillness, meaningful work and laughter/song/dance.
Brown's writing is extremely approachable and she makes a nebulous topic concrete and simple.
Show Less
LibraryThing member obtusata
Didn't mean to reread this, but this explains why so much of it sounded familiar.
LibraryThing member witchyrichy
Brene Brown was a new discovery. While I was reading The Gifts of Imperfection, I also listened to an episode of her podcast with Tim Ferriss and Dax Shepard. Her energy is amazing, and her message is personal but rooted in research. Let go of all the baggage, the priorities given to you by others,
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the expectations inherited from culture. She is a gifted storyteller with a strong, certain voice. She describes her own journey but also provides tools for strengthening your own sense of self. She is self-deprecating but not in the "humble brag" kind of way. Show Less
LibraryThing member ms_rowse
She's just the best.
Will most likely be rereading this constantly until I've completely internalized her message.
Will most likely be rereading this constantly until I've completely internalized her message.