The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

by Frederick Joseph

Hardcover, 2020

Status

Available

Call number

305.8

Publication

Candlewick (2020), 272 pages

Description

Human Rights. Politics. Sociology. Young Adult Nonfiction. HTML: Writing from the perspective of a friend, Frederick Joseph offers candid reflections on his own experiences with racism and conversations with prominent artists and activists about theirs�??creating an essential read for white people who are committed anti-racists and those newly come to the cause of racial justice. "We don't see color." "I didn't know Black people liked Star Wars!" "What hood are you from?" For Frederick Joseph, life as a transfer student in a largely white high school was full of wince-worthy moments that he often simply let go. As he grew older, however, he saw these as missed opportunities not only to stand up for himself, but to spread awareness to those white people who didn't see the negative impact they were having. Speaking directly to the reader, The Black Friend calls up race-related anecdotes from the author's past, weaving in his thoughts on why they were hurtful and how he might handle things differently now. Each chapter features the voice of at least one artist or activist, including Angie Thomas, author of The Hate U Give; April Reign, creator of #OscarsSoWhite; Jemele Hill, sports journalist and podcast host; and eleven others. Touching on everything from cultural appropriation to power dynamics, "reverse racism" to white privilege, microaggressions to the tragic results of overt racism, this book serves as conversation starter, tool kit, and invaluable window into the life of a former "token Black kid" who now presents himself as the friend many readers need. Backmatter includes an encyclopedia of racism, providing details on relevant historical events, terminology, and more.… (more)

User reviews

LibraryThing member mcelhra
You know how some people say, “I can’t be racist – I have a Black friend.”? Frederick Joseph wants to be that Black friend. And he sees the Black friend’s job as, “the person who is willing to speak the truth to the white people in their lives, to call them out when they do or say
Show More
something hurtful, ignorant or offensive.” His goal is to help readers go from people who are learning about race and racism to people who are actively working to solve the problems created by racism – in other words, anti-racists.

The Black Friend is written for young adults but it would be great for adults as well, especially for those who are just beginning the work of becoming an anti-racist. Each chapter covers a different general topic – affirmative action, cultural appropriation, colorblindness, etc. At the end of each chapter, he interviews a prominent person of color, like Angie Thomas, author of The Hate U Give and April Reign founder of the #OscarsSoWhite movement.

Joseph writes with a conversational tone and weaves in his personal story throughout the book. His journey to adulthood had some missteps and awkward moments so he doesn’t talk down to the reader. His sense of humor keeps the book entertaining as well as informative. He includes an Encyclopedia of Racism at the end with helpful information that everyone, especially teens, may not know, like what Brexit or the Tulsa Race Massacre is. Putting it at the end helps the body of the book flow more easily. There are a few other extras at the end, like a playlist and recommended reading.

I loved this book. I think it should be required reading for high school students. It’s a quick read but packed with information written in a way that is easily digestible for kids and adults as well. The only times I was reminded that I was reading a young adult book were when he would say things like he was so old he watched The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, as if the reader wouldn’t have heard of that show. Or that he’s so old he remembers when YouTube started. Um, I remember when the internet started!

Highly recommended.
Show Less
LibraryThing member SqueakyChu
This book started out with a heartbreaking preface. This is because all of the miseries of 2020 (including racism, white supremacy, pandemic) exploded before this book was published but after it was written. It is a letter to the author's eight-year-old brother to keep in case anything would happen
Show More
to the author in the future. With trepidation, I continued to read this book

I like this book because it contains much important information. However, it’s a bit chatty, making a lighter read than necessary. I missed many of the cultural references, especially in the world of arts, sports, and entertainment as I am older and hard of hearing so I'm not quite up-to-date in those areas. I'm aware this book was geared to a younger readership than myself. The material was not new to me, but all of it was important to reinforce.

This book is comprehensive and spot on with what it says. I’m not Black, but what was said to the author at various stages of his life can be described as cringe-worthy indeed.

The story about Karishma Patel, schoolmate of the author’s, who was embarrassed and traumatized by a school cafeteria incident not of her making, was not only heartbreaking, but too familiar. I don’t look back on school cafeteria days with favor myself.

I like that this book's narrative has bolded terms that can be referenced in the “The Encyclopedia of Racism” found at the end of the book. I found those explanations helpful although I was familiar with most of them.

I would recommend this book to anyone who hurts for the “other” and wants further insight into ways individuals who are not Black maybe even unintentionally continue to hurt our fellow man. The reader is left with food for thought.

The last chapter which encourages readers to be accomplices rather than allies had the biggest impact on me. There is more I can do personally to repair this world of injustice to people of color.

Last but not least, I loved the cover art which appeared to be a collage of the face and clothing of the author in front of a colorful background.
Show Less
LibraryThing member crowsb4bros
*I received an early reader copy of this book through librarything.*

This was a really insightful read. The tone is conversational and anecdotal and even comes with a section in the back that further explains concepts or phrases you might not know. It feels like the author is having a 1 on 1
Show More
conversation with you about the problematic things we might do and things that should be common knowledge, but just aren’t. I think people that will have an issue with this book are the same people committing micro-aggressions regularly. And tbh they should feel a little uncomfortable. Growth is always a little uncomfortable.
Show Less
LibraryThing member Carolee888
After I read the book, I was yearning to find our what other people thought. I am white and I wanted to know what the people of my race thought. For myself, this is the third anti-racist book that I have read. My reaction to it was that he was very gentle and I felt like a had a friend just by
Show More
reading it. He says that not all blacks are the same.

By the same token, I say that we whites are not all the same too! If you think that you would like to have friendship, then good. We can both learn and appreicate each other. A lot of what he saud, I have thought about before and it opened up new areas for me think about. I have never met a rich white family like in the beginning of the book. But I have met rich white snobs in my junior high and high school and I would have never had accepted an invitation to dinner with them, I knew what they would do and say and do before I read it! I have to be very comfortable with the person that invites me to dinner before I accept. You never have can predict what will happen. Grilling on where you grew up, what your parents do for an occcupation and you may risk having them to try to save you. Been there and done that.

Besides knowlng more of what to not do and say, this book made me more conscious of the ways that I have been put down. I am not talking about physical safety, well, in ways when it comes to male/female relatuonships, I am. I was raised by highly educated not well off people who always shared with people who needed food or clothes than I did it. I was also overweight for most of my life and have been scorned by people who do not walk in my shoes who are blind to any reason why a person would be overweight. Well, I know pain but different kind of pain.

I cannot go backwards in time to when a white red headed man went on a speil on the smart Black people moved from the South and the dumb ones stayed there. He did use the term "Black", I cannot remember what he said but it made me mad. We only had one black girl in our classroom and she sat in front of me! I did not know how to speak up to him and I have felt bad about it ever since. I cried, and cried and sobbed. Give children the tools that they need to challenge racism! My crying was not to draw attention to myself, it was anger and not knowing what to say to that mean teacher.

I received an Avanced copy of this book from the publishers as a win from FirstReads. My thoughts and feelings expressed in this review are entirely my own.
Show Less
LibraryThing member rdg301library
As a 60+ retired white woman, I'm not the ideal reviewer for this nonfiction book. I'd really like to read the opinions of the target audience - white teens and young adults. That being said, the better parts of the book were some (not all) of the author's stories of his personal experiences. The
Show More
substitute teacher (starting on page 69) was especially cringe-worthy.
Show Less
LibraryThing member LoisCK
We White folk need to read all we can about our White Privilege and racism in the United States. There is much to learn. This book is a good primer in that regard. It lays out clearly the experience of Frederick Joseph as he grew up and encountered racism and learned to confront people displaying
Show More
racist behavior or spewing racist words. His stories hurt. Kudos to Mr. Joseph for sharing his pain, his intellect and offering to share his friendship with those of us who have to change in order to move forward toward an antiracist society.
Show Less
LibraryThing member emren
This is a book everyone should read. It's thought provoking and real. It's a must-read for today's world.
LibraryThing member froxgirl
Need a guidebook for helping your white family members figure out how to establish good relationships with Black people, and maybe even how to become an accomplice who takes action rather than an ally who apologies for other white people after the harm has been done? This is IT. There's so much
Show More
useful information here, in the form of personal stories and of commentary by fourteen Black thought leaders and creatives. Subjects covered are: the necessity of SEEING race, not denying it; recognizing racism, not ignoring it; the righteousness of affirmative action; "for us, by us"; what's in a name and in a hairstyle; and the never-ending "no, you can't use that word." Told with humor and grace, and despite Ron DeSantis, this book should be in EVERY school and public library.

Quotes: "To have someone judge you by getting to know you is a powerful and life-changing thing when you've never been treated that way."
Show Less
LibraryThing member fionaanne
When I was 13, the staff of the psychiatric ward where I spent some time were very fond of saying, "Sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to." Mr. Joseph begins his introduction with this timeworn cliche but claims that this is a Black people thing. It would have been the perfect
Show More
time to establish a sense of shared humanity (especially when writing for teenagers!) but the author drops the ball and never bothers to pick it up. Repeatedly, the author misses a teachable moment that seemed obvious to me. Racism and discrimination are framed as some kind of competition; although he deigns to mention the nonsense Muslims face these days, the author insists that to be a Black person is the worst thing in the world to be and I can't help but feel he has very little appreciation for how much privilege he has derived from his Y chromosome, nevermind from being healthy and able-bodied.

The writing itself is very sound and there were stories I enjoyed hearing but this book should have been written by someone who knows how to write for young people. (Lord knows there are plenty of talented Black YA authors out there.)

I received an ARC of this book free from Candlewick Press for review.
Show Less
LibraryThing member MillieHennessy
Another excellent book by Frederick Joseph! The subject matters (racism and white supremacy in America, intersectionality, the harm the patriarchy perpetuates) are heavy, but Joseph handles them with honesty, humor, and warmth, while still conveying how seriously we all need to do our part in our
Show More
daily lives to bring about change.

I do believe this book is geared towards teens/adults in their early 20s, but at 35, I didn't feel like the tone would be felt as condescending for younger readers, nor too juvenile for those of us who are older. Joseph has many little interjections throughout his book containing additional (and often funny) details about the story he's relaying, and suggested further research (a person or place to google, a musician to listen to, a movie to watch) and I think these make an already personal book, even more personal. The book is not all humor though - there are a lot of serious, heartbreaking, and anger-inducing stories here, that can't have been easy to open up about.

If you're past your teens, I highly suggest reading his other book, Patriarchy Blues, right before or after this. As in this book, Joseph opens up about so many of his own experiences that I think are incredibly beneficial to those who need help seeing and understanding the racism and microaggressions committed against people of color. I know it's Joseph's hope that readers will take in his experiences and learn and grow from what he's been gracious enough to share.

I'm really not doing his books justice - I think they're both very important and that as many people who can read them, should.
Show Less

Language

Original language

English

Original publication date

2020-12-01

Physical description

272 p.; 8.5 inches

ISBN

1536217018 / 9781536217018
Page: 3.1509 seconds