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This one-of-a-kind book shares intimate personal stories of porn performers "coming out" to family, friends, partners, lovers, and community. The contributors represent a wide range of races, ethnicities, and genders. They include Joanna Angel, Annie Sprinkle, Betty Blac, Nina Hartley, Candida Royalle, Conner Habib, Dale Cooper, Christopher Zeischegg, Cindy Gallop, Drew DeVeaux, Erika Lust, Gala Vanting, Casey Calvert, Lorelei Lee, Stoya, Ignacio Rivera AKA Papí Coxxx, and many others. Jiz Lee is a genderqueer performer who, fascinated by the radical potential of sex, love, and art, has worked in over two hundred projects within indie, queer, and mainstream adult genres, written on gender and porn in The Feminist Porn Book, and taught queer sex workshops.… (more)
User reviews
Not that it's mostly a book about problems! Some essays are, and some focus much more on the positive effects sex work has had for many of the participants. Since the mainstream story about sex work tends to be condescending- the workers must be trafficked, or drug addicts, or broken abuse survivors- it's especially important to hear the voices of sex workers happy and comfortable in their work.
(I will mention, though, that if this is the ONLY book one reads about the modern porn industry, one will likely have an overly rosy view thereof. While I don't think anyone was lying, I do know- from knowing workers myself- that this sunny view is not all there is, particularly as one gets into more "mainstream" porn rather than the queer and alternative porn that many of the essayists make.)
I read this because I have a personal friendship with one of the essayists, and have admired the work of several others in attempting to bring to our culture a saner view of sex and sexuality.
The premise was supposed to be people who work in the pornography industry (performers, directors, those on the
Some of the essayists didn't stick closely to the theme, and just wrote about their feelings about sex work in general, or wanted to complain about their parents, etc. Other essays were completely fascinating, hilarious or sad.
For the most part, I felt the best essays came from older people, such as Candida Royale, who are looking back on a lifetime of sex work. A notable exception was Casey Calvert's essay about how she desperately wanted to make porn before she even had a good grasp of what sex was. While she's a relatively young performer, her story was fascinating.
Most of the essayists were involved in feminist porn, lots of gay/queer/trans stuff, a couple of women whose deal was being hairy, and lots of bondage. I learned that there are a lot of people out there who really, really, really want to make porn, that is their calling and not something they are doing for lack of options. Also, several essayists mentioned that their parents were upset about their chosen profession, but their grandma thought it was awesome. That was a surprise.
My main complaint is that a lot of the essays were really similar and some were kinda dull, plus the essays weren't well ordered. They were in alphabetical order by first name (can you believe that 90% of the contributors have first names in the first half of the alphabet?) rather than by type of worker, type of story, type of person, or any way that makes it easy to find the stories you're most interested in.
Jiz Lee’s own story is one of past hurts and future fears, but with a compassionate core of understanding and support. Genderqueer and poly, Jiz talks about how coming out is a process that never really ends. As friends and family become more aware of your work, they also become more aware of your sexual practices and fetishes – it is one thing to know your child is a porn star, but it’s another to know they’re into hardcore BDSM.
Bella Vendetta has a fascinating tale to share, being a classically trained professional lifestyle Dominatrix. She talks about the difference between coming out to parents, your kids, your doctor, your boyfriend, and your banker – and how it changes the way people treat you. No matter how much of your extended family you might lose, however, she praises the adult industry for being “filled with open, loving folks who also want a chosen family.”
Chelsea Poe is a writer, director, porn performer, and trans activist who has led the charge against the term “shemale” in trans porn. She actually came out to her mom before ever setting foot on set, shifting the worry from acceptance to stereotypes. Performing allowed her to express her gender in a positive way, to live out her fantasies, and be proud about being queer. Her relationship with her mom isn’t perfect, but it’s full of love for who Chelsea is, and respect for what she does.
Cyd Nova works at a peer run clinic for sex workers when he’s not directing gay FTM porn for Bonus Hole Boys. He talks about being rejected for being transgender, and about covering his tracks regarding sex work long before that initial coming out. Sex work made him feel powerful and independent, and his body was his tool. Like Bella, he also talks about sex workers being a family, but counters that with sorrow for a society that considers it acceptable for families to “take away their love for their child because of a choice that they make.”
Drew Deveaux is a trans woman who has had to come out as queer, as disabled, and as a porn star. There’s so much about her identity that she’s had to choose to disclose, “coming out as a porn star isn’t as big a deal as you might think.” She talks of disclosure as it relates to her career on and off she screen, and of coming out as an ongoing process. For her, porn is about “activism through the creation of imagery” with that imagery being her body.
Emma Claire is a transsexual sex worker who is currently producing and directing TransLesbians.com, which is dedicated to hardcore trans lesbian sex. Her coming out experience is layered by the years, the experiences, and the traumas behind it. As she puts it, “coming out has never been so much as an end goal as much of a continuous process - a kind of evolution/devolution of my body and self.” Ultimately, coming out as a sex worker is superseded by celebrating herself as a trans woman and a dyke, with her career a fine line pushing boundaries while protecting herself.
Tobi Hill-Meyer is a multiracial trans woman, adult performer, and experienced consultant for feminist and LGBTQ organizations. Growing up in a feminist household, her exposure to porn began (as mine did) with a floppy disc of “grainy downloaded photos” and a “printout of sci-fi BDSM stories.” Her coming out to the wider family was entirely accidental, and actually quite comical, but also supportive. Tobi’s focus has always been on making porn better, culminating in her erotic trans woman documentary series Doing It Online (Patreon.com/DoingItOnline)
There are far more performers who’ve chosen to share their stories in the book – I’ve simply selected some of those that are most relevant and identifiable for me (and, I suspect, for reads of Transformation). It’s a wonderful collection, with enough diversity to keep it from getting at all repetitive. As you’re reading through it, though, take a few moments to pay attention to the biographies of each star. They, more than anything, reveal what a wonderfully diverse word we live in. They may all be sex workers on screen, but off screen they’re gamers, rock climbers, novelists, nurses, and more, with degrees from universities across North America.
Not only that, but many of them are parents themselves, and learning how they’ve raised their children to embrace the openness they may not have always experienced is what’s truly inspirational.
Originally reviewed for Transformation Magazine