The List of Things That Will Not Change

by Rebecca Stead

Hardcover, 2020

Status

Available

Genres

Collection

Children's Circulating

Publication

Wendy Lamb Books (2020), 224 pages

Description

Juvenile Fiction. Juvenile Literature. LGBTQIA+ (Fiction.) HTML:EIGHT STARRED REVIEWS! The reassuring book kids and families need right now. "An absolute original . . . a story that kids will love." �??R. J. Palacio, bestselling author of Wonder At a time when everything is changing for Bea and her family, the important things will always stay the same. A soon-to-be classic by the Newbery Award-winning author of When You Reach Me. After her parents' divorce, Bea's life became different in many ways. But she can always look back at the list she keeps in her green notebook to remember the things that will stay the same. The first and most important: Mom and Dad will always love Bea, and each other. When Dad tells Bea that he and his boyfriend, Jesse, are getting married, Bea is thrilled. Bea loves Jesse, and when he and Dad get married, she'll finally (finally!) have what she's always wanted�??a sister. Even though she's never met Jesse's daughter, Sonia, Bea is sure that they'll be "just like sisters anywhere." As the wedding day approaches, Bea will learn that making a new family brings questions, surprises, and joy, and readers will discover why the New York Times called Rebecca Stead a "writer of great feeling." "An undeniably beautiful book." �??The New York Times "No author writing today observes young lives with more clarity, tenderness, and grace." �??Newbery Medalist Katherine Applegate, author of The One and Only Ivan "Stead truly understands the inner life of kids." �??Newbery Medalist Erin Entrada Kelly, author of Hello, Universe and Yo… (more)

User reviews

LibraryThing member jmoncton

Bea's life is about to change in a big way. Her Dad is gay and her parents are divorcing, so Bea starts a list of things that won't change in her life. But as they say, change is constant and Bea needs to learn to adjust to a constant set of new realities in life.

This story is heart-warming and

powerful. Loved it!

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13 more

LibraryThing member EdGoldberg

It's a cute book. Bea's parents are divorced because her father is gay. He's getting married to his boyfriend, Jesse. The List of Things That Will Not Change takes Bea through the year culminating in her father's marriage to Jesse. There are flashbacks as well.

Basically the book hits the themes of

homosexuality, feelings, emotions, friendship, family and more. Through Bea's storytelling and her sessions with her psychologist, you get her story, her kindnesses and unkindnesses, her feelings and more. It's an easy to read book with good characters and a good plot.

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LibraryThing member jothebookgirl

Bea is ten years old and is a mature fifth grader.
This is a chronicle of her reflectios of her past and evolving current situation.

In her short past she has some regrets. Well, don’t we all! The birthday party where she played musical chairs and when no chair was a available when the music

stopped, she pushed her best friend off a chair so not to lose. Her friend forgave her, but his mother still holds a grudge over it.

When she was eight, her mother and father called her in for a meeting and she found out they were getting a divorce. Bea also learns that her dad is gay.

Divorce changes Bea's life as it does for everyone. She now alternates her life between two different houses depending on which day it is. She finds out she is getting a sister. She goes to therapy to talk about how it's going.

Bea is actually navigating her life pretty well. Her parents gave her a journal to keep a list of things in her life that will not change.

1. Mom loves you more than anything, always.

2. Dad loves you more than anything, always.

3. Mom and dad love each other, but in a different way.

4. You will always have a home with each of us.

The list goes on and amazingly the parents completely uphold the list. Does that ever really happen in divorces. It is my hope, but not my experience.

This story, while not a thrilling one, is compelling as you experience the ups and downs of Bea's new life with two dads, a reluctant new sister and a hostile uncle.

I found this book to be deeply touching, and warmly reassuring as we all must open our eyes and hearts to the differences in people.

The book poses some some tough questions for our 21st century children and is delicately respectful of the complexity of life and the wonder of the gifts we all are given but don’t always utilise; forgiveness and love.

This is an excellent addition to the LBTQ collection. It might be a controversial edition in some settings.

Fiction, ages 8 - 12

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LibraryThing member thewanderingjew

The List of Things That Will Not Change, Rebecca Stead
The book is designed for middle grade students. It introduces sexuality, divorce, same sex marriage, the meaning of love, anger management, and coming of age with all the problems and joys associated with it. Children deal with illness,

bullying, unacceptable behavior, rejection, anger, joy, love and/or its lack, homophobia, friendship, life and death, all types of abuse and the confusion associated with all the issues kids face growing up, some caused by their own behavior and some caused by others. This book deals with it so appropriately, effectively using outside counseling to move the story along, that as an adult, I felt it was almost written as a manual for parents who need to understand the workings of a child’s mind and how to deal with it.
I am not sure how appropriate it is for children who have no interest in same sex issues or those with no connection to the issue of homosexuality, but it seems to me the book crosses sexual borders because of how it deals with the subject of all kinds of relationships and myriad issues adults and children face. While some children may be too young to understand the concepts, and it may confuse them about their own sexuality, with a parent’s input, they should all do fine.
The book is written very well, with tremendous insight into the mind of the middle grade 8-year old when she learns of her parent’s divorce. She is the main character in the book. To reassure her, her parents give her a list of things that will not change because of the divorce, and she adds to it as the book develops. One could substitute any divorcing couple or couple remarrying, and the book would have the same excellent value in helping children deal with the stresses of life caused by those they are involved with and love. The subject is handled authentically and compassionately by the author. Kudos to her.

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LibraryThing member nbmars

The narrator, Bea, is 12 years old and in 5th grade. Bea was eight when her parents divorced. At a family meeting to announce what was happening, her parents presented her with a notebook with a list inside, titled “Things That Will Not Change.” The list began:

1. Mom loves you more than

anything, always.
2. Dad loves you more than anything, always.
3. Mom and Dad love each other, but in a different way.

They also told Bea that Dad was gay, and in response to Bea’s question, told her yes, he would be gay forever. She added that to the list of “Things That Will Not Change.”

Bea has eczema. It gets worse when she has anxiety, which she feels quite often. Bea also has issues dealing with hurt and anger, so she sees a therapist, Miriam.

Following the divorce, Dad got a boyfriend, Jesse, and after two years, Dad announced they would be getting married. Bea loved Jesse, but as she said, she had never thought about her dad being married to Jesse: “Or anyone, except my mom.” But Bea rolled with it, because she never wanted Jesse to leave. Bea spent a part of each week with each parent.

“I thought how my life with Mom and Dad was like a room with two big windows and two different moons.”

Jesse’s sister Sheila babysat Bea, and Bea’s whole family adored Sheila. But most importantly, Jesse had a daughter named Sonia in California, and she was the same age as Bea. Bea couldn’t wait to get a sister when her dad and Jesse married.

Another thread in the story concerns Mission, Sheila’s twin brother. Mission refused to accept that Jesse was gay. Sheila told Bea:

“Some people would probably think it’s wrong for me to be telling you this, Bea. But you might as well know right now that there are people who will try to make you choose between who you are and who they want you to be. You have to watch out for those people.”

Jesse said as much to Bea but in a different way:

"If you think about it, Bea, life is like a trip. A very long one. And what matters most is the people you travel with.”

Miriam tries to work with Bea and her anger. She explained to Bea:

“There are times when it’s right to be angry, Bea. And there are times when we use anger as a kind of protection from feeling hurt. It’s a way of covering up.”

Miriam encouraged Bea to think about the long-term effects of her behavior before she acted. Mostly though she tells Bea (a lot) that she is a wonderful person, and she needs to forgive herself for her things she did in the past when she was hurt and angry. Bea knew her misdeeds were not good, and was surprised that her apologies to people she hurt were accepted. As Miriam noted, “Everyone but you forgives you.”

Evaluation: Bea’s parents (all three - Mom, Dad, and Jesse) are unbelievably perfect. Bea, on the other hand, is given to do very nasty, harmful things when she feels psychic pain. I'm not sure how those two aspects of the story connect. In any event, the characterization of Bea and of her actions and feelings is excellent. This middle grade book would make a great choice for group discussions in school and/or reading and discussing together with parents.

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LibraryThing member Salsabrarian

Narrated by Rachel L. Jacobs. A lot has been going on in Bea's young life. Her parents divorced because her father is gay. She's been living in two households since. Now a couple years later, her father is engaged to marry Jesse, and Bea can't wait to be sisters with Sonia, Jesse's daughter. Bea

suffers from eczema. She sees Miriam regularly (her therapist, but never described as such, just that she enjoys talking to kids and helping them). Miriam has helped Bea deal with her worries and feelings but it turns out Bea has not been entirely forthcoming. In these COVID times of impacted mental health, I appreciated how Miriam helps Bea reframe her thoughts. Jacobs enlivens Bea's personality and her story in an appropriately youthful tone.

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LibraryThing member megbmore

Another stunner from Rebecca Stead. To me, her books are perfection.

LibraryThing member JulieStielstra

I'm an admirer of Rebecca Stead's writing, and this one is an acceptable addition to her work. The voice of the main character, Bea, is strong, convincing, and lovable. The List feels true and touching, and reflects the things divorcing families worry about, always holding out hope and reassurance

in the face of difficult change and anxiety. However, the other characters in the book never quite seemed to come to life: Bea's "best friend" Angus drops in and out of the story with little impact. Dad and Jesse, both warm-hearted, loving, kind men are almost indistinguishable. The dog and cat are almost afterthoughts. The homophobic brother is handled rather clumsily, with an over-dramatic wedding-day incident - but the day is saved with love and song. There's nothing really "wrong" with this book, and there's charm, honesty, and emotion enough to keep you reading. Just somehow lacks the energy and character of her earlier books.

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LibraryThing member bibliovermis

A sweet story about a struggling kid in a changing family structure. Her family's support for her, and each other, is heartening. There are some scenes that are a little melodramatic, and a small mystery/secret that's not very hard to figure out, but the novel should engage younger readers'

interest.

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LibraryThing member reader1009

children's middlegrade fiction (audiobook read by Rachel L. Jacobs). Dealing with anxiety, controlling emotions, regretting bad choices, dealing with divorce of parents remarriage of gay dad, and complicated family dynamics.

Not my favorite Rebecca Stead, but this was ok. I think I probably prefer

to read her books in print, vs. audio, but there wasn't anything wrong with the audio performance.

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LibraryThing member ewyatt

Bea is two years out from her parents' divorce. Her dad is about to get married to his live in partner. Stead weaves a story where Bea flashes back to two years ago to current time to explain her life. Her parents are amazing and Bea has gotten a lot of coping mechanisms and insights from her time

in therapy. There are times when her voice doesn't match her years.
She is super excited to have a new half sister, even if it doesn't always play out as she hopes.

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LibraryThing member foggidawn

Bea's parents are divorced, and her dad just got engaged to his partner Jesse. Jesse also has a daughter from his previous marriage, Sonia, and Bea is thrilled to finally have a sister, even if she lives in California and only comes to visit occasionally. But what if Sonia doesn't feel the same

way?

I thought this was a very interesting handling of a kid with anxiety and impulse control issues. Stead has managed to really get into Bea's perspective beautifully. This is for a younger middle-grade audience, and deals with lots of interesting situations regarding school, the dads' marriage, and various friendship and family situations. I'm not sure that the ending ties everything together the way the author intended, but it's a gentle read that I'd recommend to those who enjoy realistic juvenile fiction.

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LibraryThing member jennybeast

Bea is processing her parent's divorce, her anxiety and occasional lashing out, her Dad's marriage to another man, an exciting new sibling, old guilts -- a lot! And she's charming and surrounded by an interesting and loving crew of folks. It's a good book, and does a great job dealing with

homophobia -- there are several different instances of it in the book, the characters talk about it, deal with it, and while there are a couple of really emotional scenes, nothing extremely traumatic happens. I also like that Stead is really good about presenting a scene and letting kids work out what they think about what just happened. She leaves space for readers to think about who they would want to be in that moment.

It feels like free therapy for the reader when Bea goes to her therapist -- which is either extremely appealing or kinda preachy, depending on your pov, but I loved her therapist's kindness and her coping suggestions. I found the book pretty firmly white and privileged in the race column, although I can't quite remember if Jesse's family is mixed race, so I might be selling it short. I think a lot of kids, especially young girls dealing with family transitions, will really enjoy this book and get a lot out of it.

Advanced Reader's Audio provided by Libro.fm

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LibraryThing member managedbybooks

After her parents' divorce, Bea's life became different in many ways. But she can always look back at the list she keeps in her green notebook to remember the things that will stay the same. The first and most important: Mom and Dad will always love Bea, and each other.

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