Status
Available
Call number
Collection
Publication
A Final Project Submitted in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Diploma Program and Master’s Degree in Process Work, Process Work Institute, Portland, OR
Local notes
http://www.processwork.org/files/Finalprojects/Payne_S_2009.pdf
INTRODUCTION
Why do we constantly look in the mirror when we are already familiar with our appearance? What is consciousness? Is it biological, spiritual, psychological - or all of these? Why do we want to know who we are and where we are headed? What is the tendency to seek, to become aware of the path? (Mindell, 2007, p. 11)
I don’t remember exactly when I started looking into the mirror to study my face for signs of my father, but I must have been very young. I could see my mother’s features clearly enough in my reflection – the shape of her face, her dark hair, her brown eyes -but I yearned for the mirror to reveal the ways I resembled my father, Zeb. I would stare into my reflection and wonder, how do I look like my father, but no matter how long or hard I looked, I couldn’t seem to find a trace of him there. This absence left me with the feeling that something important was missing. I loved Zeb, and it confused and saddened me that I could not find his features in my own. Much later, when I was 52-years old, it was first revealed to me that Zeb was not my biological father. This knowledge was both shockingly painful and strangely affirming – affirming because the riddle of the mirror and the lack of resemblance to Zeb finally made sense. The puzzle pieces had finally fallen into place, and for the first time I could clearly see and believe in the intelligence behind the force that drove to me to the mirror to search for what was missing. The new knowledge of my biological parentage impelled me back to the mirror once again, but this time it was to look for the face of my unknown father, the face of a man named, Joseph Crandell, who had died many years before, and who I would never have the chance to see or meet.
INTRODUCTION
Why do we constantly look in the mirror when we are already familiar with our appearance? What is consciousness? Is it biological, spiritual, psychological - or all of these? Why do we want to know who we are and where we are headed? What is the tendency to seek, to become aware of the path? (Mindell, 2007, p. 11)
I don’t remember exactly when I started looking into the mirror to study my face for signs of my father, but I must have been very young. I could see my mother’s features clearly enough in my reflection – the shape of her face, her dark hair, her brown eyes -but I yearned for the mirror to reveal the ways I resembled my father, Zeb. I would stare into my reflection and wonder, how do I look like my father, but no matter how long or hard I looked, I couldn’t seem to find a trace of him there. This absence left me with the feeling that something important was missing. I loved Zeb, and it confused and saddened me that I could not find his features in my own. Much later, when I was 52-years old, it was first revealed to me that Zeb was not my biological father. This knowledge was both shockingly painful and strangely affirming – affirming because the riddle of the mirror and the lack of resemblance to Zeb finally made sense. The puzzle pieces had finally fallen into place, and for the first time I could clearly see and believe in the intelligence behind the force that drove to me to the mirror to search for what was missing. The new knowledge of my biological parentage impelled me back to the mirror once again, but this time it was to look for the face of my unknown father, the face of a man named, Joseph Crandell, who had died many years before, and who I would never have the chance to see or meet.