Hold on to Your Kids : Why Parents Matter

by Gordon Neufeld

Other authorsGabor Maté (Author)
Hardcover, 2004



Local notes

EC Child & Brain development


A.A. Knopf Canada (2004), Edition: First Edition, 344 pages


Like many other parents, doctors Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate have had to confront their children becoming secretive and unreachable. Focused more and more on their friends, they recoiled or grew hostile around adults. Why? The problem, Neufeld suggest, lies in attachment; children are increasingly forming stronger attachments to their friends than to the adults in their lives. Dr. Neufeld dubbed this phenomenon peer orientation, referring to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behavior. Peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs and criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado; Tabor, Alberta and Victoria, B.C. An escalating trend that has never been adequately described Hold On to Your Kids, once understood, it becomes self-evident - as do the solutions, none of which are impossible or even costly to undertake.… (more)


Original language


Physical description

344 p.; 6.3 inches


0676974716 / 9780676974713

User reviews

LibraryThing member carterchristian1
This is a very important book. Peers have such strong influence on children in these days of Facebook and cell phones. It is hard for parents to persist. But they must do so and keep doing it if children to survive in this society.
LibraryThing member Cecilturtle
A fairly common sense approach to parenting. I have reservations as to the underlying theme that Mom should stay at home, but the actual premise is sound. With parents more and more delegating their role due to social pressures (especially in North America), I can see how this would be valid. I think European values still hold strong with an emphasis on family, so this thesis may seem a bit extreme. A little dry, but well explained.… (more)
LibraryThing member MarthaL
An excellent books for parents of children of all ages to read. Presents the concepts of collecting your children. Discusses the power of peer pressure and how to counteract it. Well worth reading again and discussing with others.
LibraryThing member Mirkwood
Just started it, no surprise here. For years "professionals" have told us how to parent our kids and kids are not better off for it. Glad I didn't listen.Attachment parenting validated, nice for a change.
LibraryThing member deldevries
Some great ideas in here. Think about relationships and positive attachment through connection as helping an adolescent grow up in a safe environment. Peer pressure might be positive, but why leave it to chance.




(53 ratings; 4)
Page: 0.7486 seconds