Haldol and hyacinths : a bipolar life

by Melody Moezzi

Paperback, 2013

Status

Available

Publication

New York : Avery, A member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., [2013]

Description

"With candor and humor, a manic-depressive Iranian-American Muslim woman chronicles her experiences with both clinical and cultural bipolarity. Melody Moezzi was born to Persian parents at the height of the Islamic Revolution and raised amid a vibrant, loving, and gossipy Iranian diaspora in the American heartland. When at eighteen, she began battling a severe physical illness, her community stepped up, filling her hospital rooms with roses, lilies, and hyacinths. But when she attempted suicide and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, there were no flowers. Despite several stays in psychiatric hospitals, bombarded with tranquilizers, mood-stabilizers, and antipsychotics, she was encouraged to keep her illness a secret-by both her family and an increasingly callous and indifferent medical establishment. Refusing to be ashamed, Moezzi became an outspoken advocate, determined to fight the stigma surrounding mental illness and reclaim her life along the way. Both an irreverent memoir and a rousing call to action, Haldol and Hyacinths is the moving story of a woman who refused to become torn across cultural and social lines. Moezzi reports from the front lines of the no-man's land between sickness and sanity, and the Midwest and the Middle East. A powerful, funny, and poignant narrative told through a unique and fascinating cultural lens, Haldol and Hyacinths is a tribute to the healing power of hope, humor, and acceptance"-- "Iranian-American activist Melody Moezzi speaks out on behalf of the mentally ill with a bracingly funny and poignant tale of her own suicide attempt, bipolar disorder diagnosis, and reclamation of her life"--… (more)

User reviews

LibraryThing member sringle1202
Melody Moezzi was born into an Iranian family and raised in Dayton, Ohio. At eighteen, she suffered from pancreatitis, which was later treated with surgery. Yet her hardest battle was the one she waged with bipolar disorder. Going un-diagnosed for a decade, she didn't know what was wrong with her,
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and therefore could not treat it properly. Even after a suicide attempt, doctors at the first psychiatric hospital at which she was a patient did not catch on to what she was facing. Neither did she. Neither did her parents who are both doctors. Eventually, though someone did properly diagnose her, and ultimately make it possible for her to be treated with a good combination of medication that would allow her to live her life more "normally".

This is by far the most real biography about the struggles faced by those who suffer with bipolar disorder. I was very excited about this book, because I have a very close family member who has been diagnosed as bipolar. Not being bipolar myself, it is hard for me to understand the cycle that they go through, and the "demons" that infiltrate their mind and body. I have read the clinical books that tell me exactly what bipolar disorder is and how it is diagnose and treated, all from a doctor's perspective, and not exactly in layman's terms. But I wanted something that made more sense, and this book put it all together for me from the patient's point of view, and in a dialog that I could understand clearly. I thank Melody Moezzi for having the courage to put her story out there, and in the process help other patients see that it isn't their fault, and they have nothing to be ashamed of. It is also an eye-opener on how easily it can be misdiagnosed, and how important it is to get the diagnosis correct so that proper treatment can be started. This is the life-saver. This book was well-written, and I flew through it in just a few short sittings. I would recommend this book to anyone who knows someone suffering from bipolar disorder, whether that be themselves or a friend or family member. I would also recommend to people who love a good, honest, real biography that doesn't mince words or sugar coat a serious struggle. Great read!!!
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LibraryThing member psychomamma
I am having a hard time knowing how to rate and review this book. On the one hand, I thought it was a refreshingly honest memoir of one person's experience with bipolar disorder. Melody Moezzi is an accomplished writer, willing to be honest (even when it makes her look bad) and forthcoming about
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her experiences. While her experience is unique, any person with bipolar, or who loves someone who is bipolar, is likely to recognize a lot of aspects of Melody's story. And heaven knows, we need a lot more empathy and understanding of this terrible disease, so in that sense, this book is a wonderful addition to the world of mental illness.

On the other hand, as a mental health professional, I found myself worried and sometimes personally offended by this book. Melody seems to ride both sides of the fence here. She admits that there is no blood test or otherwise confirmable way to diagnose bipolar disorder, but she positively SHREDS the incompetent mental health professionals that didn't pick up on her disorder. It is well known within the field that bipolar people will deny mania (as Melody herself admits she did), so there is often no way to know that someone is bipolar until they are in the middle of a psychotic break. This isn't because mental health professionals are stupid, it's because the nature of the disease prevents early and positive diagnosis.

Also, it worries me that the book almost advocates not going to therapy or taking lithium. While I obviously agree that lithium is very problematic, and I'm so glad that the author has found a viable alternative, I worry that many people will take this book as permission to NOT take lithium. And for many bipolar individuals, that is the only good alternative. And I admit that I know a lot of therapists that "listen to problems and barely say a thing", but I don't believe it's the norm. Maybe this author has never seen a truly great therapist, but the book gives any mentally ill readers a free pass to give up on talk therapy forever.

A great book - and also unfortunately potentially dangerous for some.
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LibraryThing member kathmuse
At the beginning of this book author Melody Moezzi warns that: "Insomuch as the structure of this book parallels that of my own mind, it boasts about as much order and linearity as a hallucination."

I expected a trip down the rabbit hole, but got so much more. She bring those of us who consider
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ourselves "normal" into her world by sharing thing such as the buildup to, the aftermath of, and especially the stark, harrowing experience of a manic episode. Unflinchingly honest, she works to combat the stigma of mental illness by sharing her darkest and brightest (wonderful sense of humor and perspective on her condition) moments with candor.

Please read this book.
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LibraryThing member BiZMamma
I really wanted to like this book. I was looking forward to reading a story by an Iranian American woman, who, after surviving a life-threatening illness, was plunged into the depths (and highs) of bipolar disorder. I took to heart that this description would be true: "Refusing to be ashamed,
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Moezzi became an outspoken advocate, determined to fight the stigma surrounding mental illness and reclaim her life along the way." That was a mistake.

Melody and I would never be friends in real life. Although I have been close friends with two people who both had similar diagnosis, along with an aunt who has suffered this devastating disease for most of her life, they are not lawyers or doctors or Muslim or of Middle Eastern descent. They are college graduates (but without any "advanced degrees"), respected and talented in their chosen professions, and I had hoped to discover hope for them and people like them in this book. I had hoped to hear that Melody has been campaigning for better treatment, speaking out in support of others who have been diagnosed with mental disorders that many uneducated people still believe are flaws of character or deviance from the basic components of the human condition. Instead, Moezzi sets herself apart from the fray, continuously reinforcing the fact that she holds advanced degrees, that she disagrees nearly every component of American life, that she is from a high-class Persian family -- and is pretty much above everyone else. She has a serious hatred for British colonialism (which most of us do not really believe in anymore), and anyone whose ancestors might have been on the Mayflower (as if they can go back and rewrite history). She also writes about being part of a State Department delegation of young American Muslim "leaders whom the Department expects will help change the country and, in doing so, the world." You might say she is delusional, which would be, of course, apropos, considering the topic of the book.

I have compassion for Melody and those in similar situations, don't get me wrong. But the majority of the book talks about how oppressed she, and other high-class Iranian Muslims, are, and how no one treats her with the respect and devotion she expects (except her husband -- oy).

There was one part of the book that resonated with me, so I will share part of it: "During that fall semester, I started running. To me, running is not a sport. It's something you do when someone is chasing you. Perhaps you know somebody who runs 'for fun.' I'm telling you now, that person is a liar. Nobody runs for fun. People dance for fun. People run because there is a predator nearby. I took up running in an attempt to outrun my mind, to prevent it from completely betraying and devouring me. I had a lot of trouble thinking straight, and I found that when my body was moving, my thoughts slowed down. When I sat still, they raced far too fast for me to connect, let alone tolerate."

Take it or leave it, that is how I found Haldol and Hyacinths. Dear Attorney Melody, please don't sue me.
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LibraryThing member bookworminc
I have read several memoirs of people suffering from bipolar as well as books from the doctor's perspective, and this book was a little too blasé about the topic for me to find appealing. I found that the author's attempts at humor come over as painful rather than humorous. As I know several
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people who suffer from this disease, painful humor is not very beneficial and does not make someone else take the topic seriously. While she does an excellent job of explaining the difficulty her culture had accepting mental illness, this is an issue that is still occurring in just about every other culture out there. Each culture, religion and family treats mental illness in a different manner and I felt that this book ignored the bigger picture.
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LibraryThing member TinaV95
First Disclaimer: I received this book for free as a part of Library Thing's Early Reviewer program.
Second Disclaimer: I teach a very basic course for nursing home employees on mental illness and requested this book in hopes of finding less academic examples for my class.

Lawyer-turned-author,
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Melody Moezzi is bipolar in more ways than one. An Iranian-American, she struggles with her cultural and ethnic bipolarity as well as her struggles with mental illness in this honest, funny, and heart-wrenching memoir of her journey.

I learned much about Iranian culture and the Muslim religion that I did not expect from the outset, but I found these details very poignant in Moezzi's personal history.

She is quite a "lucky" person with mental illness, if any MI sufferer can be called "lucky". She has an amazingly supportive group of family and friends and an incredible husband who stand with her through all aspects of her disease... From her attempted suicide IN her psychiatrist's office to her raging manic episodes, I found myself wishing that all people with mental illness had such a wealth of love and support surrounding them.

Without quoting from the book, it is hard to summarize Moezzi's tone, but her voice really resonated with me. She is smart, witty and acerbic at times, and she relates her personal thoughts and mood swings with the reader in a way that I found particularly moving. I underlined and made notes throughout the book to pull out for my classes -- I've NEVER heard manic and hypermanic thoughts described in such a clear and "real" way. She truly allows the masses into her head and it makes "A Bipolar Life" the best memoir I have ever read!

There is still a huge stigma surrounding mental illness. In the US alone, one in four people is diagnosed with some form of mental illness. Chances are, whether you are aware of it or not, someone you love suffers from mental illness -- bipolar disorder and schizophrenia are the "big guys", but depression and anxiety are also real diseases on the MI spectrum. In short, I commend Melody Moezzi for opening her life, her mind, and her entire self in order to share her experiences, demystify mental illness, and attempt to alleviate some of the stigma and prejudice that are all too often realities to individuals with mental illness.

I give this one 5 stars and HIGHLY recommend it for anyone who would like an inside view of what mental illness really is.
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LibraryThing member lahochstetler
I applaud Moezzi for putting a face on bipolar disorder. Well aware that mental illness remains hidden, often a source of shame for those who suffer, Moezzi has publicized her own battle with bipolar disorder. Growing up with a variety of advantages: a loving family, an excellent education, a
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calling to change the world, Moezzi never expected to find herself in a locked psychiatric ward. Years of misdiagnosis made it more difficult to come to terms with her illness.

I really enjoyed Moezzi's writing. She's funny, she's sarcastic, and she has a penchant for bad language (as do I). this is a book that talks about big issues while remaining true to the experiences and spirit of a twenty-something woman. As a Muslim and an Iranian-American, she offers interesting insights on what it means to have multiple identities, to be a sometimes-outsider, and to have to watch the turbulent politics of a meaningful place from the outside. If all of this sounds heavy, the book itself is not. It was an engaging and entertaining read, well worth reading for anyone trying to understand life with bipolar disorder.
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LibraryThing member bobbieharv
I liked this book a lot - it gave a very clear picture of what it feels like, from the inside, to be bipolar. It was fast-paced, and the writing was quite good, except for the few times when I felt she broke the tone, for example addressing the reader all of a sudden with "Don't answer that." I
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also would have preferred a straight chronological approach. But, other than those small quibbles, I found it amazing how well she was able to write about what it was like to be so manic, and then so depressed.
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LibraryThing member lucy_snowe
I have to agree with one of the other reviewers in saying that I am having a difficult time judging this book. As a work of literature, I think it was fantastic. Melody is such a talented writer that I almost find it a shame she pursued law rather than taking up writing as a profession. I couldn't
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put it down.

On the other hand, as a mental health professional I found this very difficult to read. Melody is very judgmental throughout the book, always quick to put the blame on her doctors for not curing her more quickly rather than acknowledging her own refusal to seek treatment. Psychiatrists can only diagnose based on what they observe, so when a patient lies about their symptoms (as Melody admits doing) this can cause problems. And while I can sympathize with the isolation she must have felt being admitted to various treatment facilities, she completely overlooks the potential danger that she posed to other patients while in her manic state, and doesn't seem to realize that expecting constant personal attention, while in a hospital setting, is pretty unrealistic. I felt as though Melody was trying to play the activist when there really wasn't anything for her to fight against except her own mind.

Still, I hope she continues to share her insight. I would be interested to read more on this topic in a few years when Melody has had the time to reflect, and I will be on the lookout for her other published writing.
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LibraryThing member phranchk
Very enjoyable book for the most part. There were a few lulls here or there, but overall it was a good read. The author did a great job of portraying what it's like to be suffering from bipolar disorder. Thanks to her husbands meticulous notes, she was even able to give insight to times she didn't
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remember well as she was suffering from boughts of psychosis and mania. Her story and her message are great for helping advance awareness of mental health issues and the lack of care in this country.
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LibraryThing member elya33
I am with the two previous reviewers who had mixed feelings about this book.... I thoroughly enjoyed it as a memoir. Melody Moezzi tells a great story, using dry humor & sarcasm that perfectly fits her unique situation. I was entertained and kept interested, I laughed and frowned as I made my way
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through her story. As a student of psychology, however, her attitude toward her condition and the entire mental health system was a bit troubling. She seems quick to blame almost anything and everything for not recognizing her condition or failing to properly treat it, while admitting that bipolar disorder is difficult to diagnose, and its irrational nature often causes an individual to resist treatment. Overall, I feel that this was an excellent glimpse into the life and mind of an extraordinary young woman with an unfortunate mental disorder, but it should be taken as just that, and not as an accurate depiction of the mental health system or by any means as some sort of advice to those who may be struggling with similar issues.
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LibraryThing member Onionspark
Melody Moezzi interweaves highly descriptive accounts of bipolarity and her experience as an Iranian American, and how the two influenced each other. I was really struck by her descriptions of her psychotic break, and how it gave an outsider like myself with no real experience of mental illness a
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sense of what it might be like to suffer from this condition. One piece that will especially stick with me was paperwork from her intake evaluation at one of her especially manic points--where the medical staff automatically assumed that her claims of being a lawyer and an author were part of her delusions, when in fact they were absolute truth. The utter dismissal on the part of the staff was appalling.
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LibraryThing member dmcco01
Melody Moezzi writes an honest and compelling memoir of her life with bipolar disorder. What could be a heavy and sad story is told with a humor and truthfulness that eschews a saccharine moral, and instead provides hope and promise for those who are struggling with day to day life. A well-written
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page turner! I loved it!
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LibraryThing member LeesyLou
If you feel all disability and especially mental illness need to be swept under the carpet or treated with reverence, this is NOT the book for you. If you want to hear a voice from within the mental illness and disability community, a voice with humor, wisdom, and self-awareness, this is definitely
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worth reading.
All the signs were there in Moezzi's medical history from post-adolescence, but her well-educated, forward-thinking parents were willing to consider anything but mental illness as her problem. Her young husband had simply never encountered psychosis before. Moezzi's doctors even after her initial diagnosis of depression were uninterested in the details of her life that would have given a clearer correct diagnosis in less than the ten plus years it took to get one. Yet Moezzi herself can look back at all of this and accept it as well as accepting herself.
I applaud her and encourage everyone willing to listen to her voice to read the book.
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LibraryThing member containedobsession
I enjoyed this memoir, especially the humor she used to face and cope with a very difficult illness. I can imagine how difficult it must have been to write about yourself and your multiple mental breakdowns, so humor seems entirely appropriate to me. The memoir is not a linear one but is still
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pretty easy to understand. As a child of immigrant parents (but as someone who does not have bipolar disorder), there was plenty to relate to for me. Oddly enough, the writer and I went to the same school for a similar graduate program, and grew up in Ohio, so I enjoyed the unexpected degrees of separation.

I read this memoir at a very interesting time in my family's life. A friend (who does not have bipolar disorder) is coping with a partner who does and who is having a hard time accepting her diagnosis. Because of her denial, her recovery process is patchy at best. The ramifications of the disorder are not minimized in the book and it has helped me understand what my friend is going through. This book shows that there is hope out there and with support and acceptance, recovery is possible.
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LibraryThing member sbabella
I loved this book. It's easy to label people with disorders but to really know what they go through is something else. Melody does a great job of describing what she has gone through. I could not put this book down. The more I read the better it got. Thank you Melody for sharing such awesome life
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experiences with the world:)
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LibraryThing member kphillip9
I really enjoyed Melody's writing style, as she interjects quite a bit of wit into her narrative. This book was good and I appreciated that she did not have the "poor me" attitude. I have ready a few books lately in which it was obvious that the author had a wealthy upbringing. Moezzi also had
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this, but it was not very evident in her book. She tries her best to deal with what seems to be a horrible disorder, while also dealing with her old world parents. Moezzi did a good job of giving the readers an overview of what had brought her to the points described in her book, as well as how other members of her family dealt with her illness.
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LibraryThing member BookWallah
Witty first person account of living a fast paced active life and then discovering she has bipolar disorder. Attempts to shed light onto a mental illness that most would rather keep secret. Enjoyed the humor and the account of growing up Muslim in America. Recommended for anyone who wants to
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understand what it is like to be diagnosed with mental illness.
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LibraryThing member Debra_Armbruster
I am whole-heartedly in agreement with several other reviewers; I wanted to like this book. I was excited for this book, and for the opportunity to review it.

Instead, I found myself in a terrible predicament. I had moments where I saw pieces of Moezzi in friends and students living with Bipolar
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and thought, "Wow! She really nailed it!" But, more often than not, I saw a woman on a soapbox, bellowing her agenda. Too often this book was a vehicle for Moezzi to rail at those who she perceived to have been against her, treated her in an inhumane manner, or were merely too stupid to "get her". While yes, grandiosity is a hallmark of manic episodes, Moezzi's entire book read like a manic episode. Her disdain for the professionals trying to help her (you can only work with what you are told and can observe) was sad. It cheapened my opinion of her and her words.
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LibraryThing member ARexroth
Interesting and easy to engage, but I agree with other reviewers. As a mental health professional, the depiction or perspective of the mental health system was disheartening. Overall a good read.
LibraryThing member Megi53
Melody Moezzi's wickedly scintillating wit, reminiscent of George Carlin, shines in Haldol and Hyacinths. The narrative is well-balanced around family stories; Iranian culture; education, history, civil rights and politics; and the intense episodes of her physical and mental illnesses.

The summary
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on the back of the book seemed misleading, since the absence of flowers while in psychiatric hospitals wasn't because family or friends kept their distance, but was due to rigid policies restricting not only flowers but books in the patients' rooms. Conversely, doctors who treated her for pancreatitis appeared to have the same negative qualities as her mental health providers.

There were so many delightful positive accounts, though; like prayers in the beautiful Montana landscape, the poetry channel on Iranian television, The Autobiography of Malcolm X, living with pet cats, setting up a sofreh-eh-haft-seen for Nowruz, ELLIE the elephant, and designing a romantic tattoo (well, maybe the last two on my list had their negative aspects!).

Moezzie's husband, Matthew, took notes about her sickness so she was able to reconstruct memories of her manic activities; for example, the night she kept him awake lecturing for hours, even calling for flowcharts, about the American judicial system.

The ending was marvelously well-paced and hopeful. It inspired me to go shopping for gold paint and spools of ribbon.

An advanced reader's copy was provided to me via LibraryThing Early Reviewers.
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LibraryThing member mel927
Melody Moezzi is a bipolar Iranian-American with a wicked sense of humor. She tells of her journey through the years discovering and dealing with her mental illness. Her descriptions of her mania phases were brillant and had me hyperventalating with all the images/thoughts going through her mind at
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one time. The book would not have worked without her sense of humor. The only issue I had was the language, a little too much for my sensibilities, but not overflowing with it.
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LibraryThing member Martha_Thayer
A good choice if you're interested in personal accounts about mental illness. Ms. Moezzi has a delightful, dry sense of humor.

Physical description

xiv, 288 p.; 22 cm

ISBN

9781583334683
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