Description
Dr. George K. Simon knows how people push your buttons: your children-especially teens-are experts at it, as is your mate. A coworker may quietly undermine your efforts while professing to be helpful, or your boss may prey on your weaknesses. Manipulative people have two goals: to win and to look good doing it. Too often, those they abuse are only vaguely aware of what is happening to them.In this eye-opening book, you'll discover:-four reasons why victims have a hard time leaving abusive relationships-power tactics manipulative people use to push their own agendas and justify their behavior-ways to redefine the rules of engagement between you and the abuser-how to spot potential weaknesses in your character that can set you up for manipulation-two tools for personal empowerment to help you maintain greater strength in all relationships… (more)
Status
Available
Call number
Publication
Parkhurst Brothers Publishers Inc (2010), Edition: First Edition, 2nd Edition, second edition is exclusive to Parkhurst Brothers pub, 176 pages
User reviews
LibraryThing member Ponies
It's certainly eye-opening to think of people sometimes being purposefully and willfully hurtful. It's a 180 from constantly thinking that people are "just hurting" or whatever. To start thinking about what people want out of a situation can bring a lot more clarity.
LibraryThing member PuddinTame
The chief thing that Simon's book does for the reader is to tell them to go with their gut. And that is not insignificant, for the aiders and abettors of manipulative people are legion. It is, after all, so much simpler to tell the less aggressive person to placate the aggressor than to support
Actually, I got my first insight from Agatha Christie's The Mirror Crack'd in which the solution turns on the distinction between being kind and being considerate. And that was someone who was relatively well-meaning, if self-absorbed. Self-absorbed and not well-meaning is worse.
Simon refers to the manipulative as covert-aggressive people and limns various types. He considers them to be character-disordered for whom winning is all, rather than neurotic; neurotic people mostly cause trouble mostly for themselves. He explains their tactics, and the weaknesses in other people that they exploit. Simon thinks that psychologists often undercut the victim of manipulation by treating the manipulator as a troubled person needing help rather than helping the victim protect themselves. As Simon points out, one can only control one's own behavior: if the manipulator has issues and problems, he/she will have to deal with them.
The book doesn't contain specific strategies for dealing with the manipulator, rather it focusses on telling the victim how to recognize the behavior, how they may be enabling the person, and not allow themselves to be distracted by guilt-tripping, pleas for sympathy, and other tactics.
Show More
them in dealing with the aggressor. I spend much of my childhood and youth being confused as people told me the he/she is nice or means well or can't help being a little rude and I should be more understanding / compromising / patient. Yet I knew in my heart that something was wrong here, and that he/she wasn't really a good person, though it was hard to express.Actually, I got my first insight from Agatha Christie's The Mirror Crack'd in which the solution turns on the distinction between being kind and being considerate. And that was someone who was relatively well-meaning, if self-absorbed. Self-absorbed and not well-meaning is worse.
Simon refers to the manipulative as covert-aggressive people and limns various types. He considers them to be character-disordered for whom winning is all, rather than neurotic; neurotic people mostly cause trouble mostly for themselves. He explains their tactics, and the weaknesses in other people that they exploit. Simon thinks that psychologists often undercut the victim of manipulation by treating the manipulator as a troubled person needing help rather than helping the victim protect themselves. As Simon points out, one can only control one's own behavior: if the manipulator has issues and problems, he/she will have to deal with them.
The book doesn't contain specific strategies for dealing with the manipulator, rather it focusses on telling the victim how to recognize the behavior, how they may be enabling the person, and not allow themselves to be distracted by guilt-tripping, pleas for sympathy, and other tactics.
Show Less
LibraryThing member schatzi
I think we all have to deal with at least one toxic manipulative person at some point in our lives; it might be a parent, a spouse, a boss, a co-worker, or even a child. In my case, I grew up with a master manipulator for a father. And now I work with someone who, although not nearly in the league
I think the best thing about this book is that it does encourage you to go with your gut. I've been told by everyone that "K" is going through a hard time, that she doesn't MEAN to be so cruel and hateful, etc, etc. But I couldn't shake the feeling in my gut that K, no matter the circumstances, is just a manipulator, and she's using people around us. After reading this book, I definitely feel much more validated in my assessment of her personality, especially since the list of manipulative behaviors fit her to a tee. I could give multiple examples for each one.
I do wish that this book gave you more ideas on how to deal with the manipulators. There is a chapter at the end of the book that lists some coping strategies, but I feel like it's just not enough. Most of them deal with changing your own behavior and reactions, which does make sense, since you'll never be able to "force" a manipulator to change their own ways. I'm planning on utilizing those that I can to see if it makes a difference in my interactions with my coworker.
Show More
of my father, is still a fairly good manipulator.I think the best thing about this book is that it does encourage you to go with your gut. I've been told by everyone that "K" is going through a hard time, that she doesn't MEAN to be so cruel and hateful, etc, etc. But I couldn't shake the feeling in my gut that K, no matter the circumstances, is just a manipulator, and she's using people around us. After reading this book, I definitely feel much more validated in my assessment of her personality, especially since the list of manipulative behaviors fit her to a tee. I could give multiple examples for each one.
I do wish that this book gave you more ideas on how to deal with the manipulators. There is a chapter at the end of the book that lists some coping strategies, but I feel like it's just not enough. Most of them deal with changing your own behavior and reactions, which does make sense, since you'll never be able to "force" a manipulator to change their own ways. I'm planning on utilizing those that I can to see if it makes a difference in my interactions with my coworker.
Show Less
LibraryThing member JudyCroome
I started reading this book as research, but found validation for some hard decisions I've made this year - little did I know but I was dealing with covert aggression tactics. While I did not find the examples particularly interesting, the explanations of the different tactics that emotionally
Show More
manipulative people use was very helpful and interesting. The style was easy to read as well and was not full of indecipherable medical jargon. I would recommend it as a good introduction to dealing with manipulative people. Show Less
LibraryThing member GlennBell
This book covers a gambit of methods that people use to manipulate others. Some specific case studies are included that are instructive. The discussion is largely intellectual although the author becomes philosophical at the end of the book by closing with some unrealistic expectations of social
Show More
evolution. I liked the book, since it makes you think about you own interactions with others. Show Less
LibraryThing member Kathl33n
This was interesting enough information but a very dry listen.
LibraryThing member benkaboo
Summary
The book is an operating manual for folks who might find themselves dealing with a covert aggressive personality type.
Liked
Differentiation of neurotic vs character sufficiency spectrum
Didn't vilify the character difficient beyond pointing out that the may be mal adapted to current societal
Could be improved
The book has a tone that was a little too pleased with homself. It would have been better if there had been more links to further reading and other related areas of research.
Stories were a bit one sided and too smooth. When people then use the stories to justify the conclusions I think the final ideas suffer for that. Perhaps include a more detailed version of case studies in an appendix.
There's a social agenda woven into the book as well. Not sure what I think about that.
Highlight
Don't make the mistake of assuming everyone's basically the same on the inside.
The book is an operating manual for folks who might find themselves dealing with a covert aggressive personality type.
Liked
Differentiation of neurotic vs character sufficiency spectrum
Didn't vilify the character difficient beyond pointing out that the may be mal adapted to current societal
Show More
trends Could be improved
The book has a tone that was a little too pleased with homself. It would have been better if there had been more links to further reading and other related areas of research.
Stories were a bit one sided and too smooth. When people then use the stories to justify the conclusions I think the final ideas suffer for that. Perhaps include a more detailed version of case studies in an appendix.
There's a social agenda woven into the book as well. Not sure what I think about that.
Highlight
Don't make the mistake of assuming everyone's basically the same on the inside.
Show Less
Language
Original language
English
Original publication date
1996
ISBN
1935166301 / 9781935166306