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Available
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Publication
Palgrave Macmillan (2013), Edition: 0, Hardcover, 256 pages
Description
Few westerners will ever be able to understand Muslim or Afghan society unless they are part of a Muslim family. Twenty years old and in love, Phyllis Chesler, a Jewish-American girl from Brooklyn, embarked on an adventure that has lasted for more than a half-century. In 1961, when she arrived in Kabul with her Afghan bridegroom, authorities took away her American passport. Chesler was now the property of her husband's family and had no rights of citizenship. Back in Afghanistan, her husband, a wealthy, westernized foreign college student with dreams of reforming his country, reverted to traditional and tribal customs. Chesler found herself unexpectedly trapped in a posh polygamous family. She fought against her seclusion and lack of freedom, her Afghan family's attempts to convert her from Judaism to Islam, and her husband's wish to permanently tie her to the country through childbirth. Drawing upon her personal diaries, Chesler recounts her ordeal, the nature of gender apartheid--and her longing to explore this beautiful, ancient, and exotic country and culture.An American Bride in Kabulre-creates a time gone by, a place that is no more, and shares the way in which Chesler turned adversity into a passion for world-wide social, educational, and political reform.… (more)
Media reviews
Imagine marrying the man you adore, only to find yourself locked away in an Afghan harem, where your sweetheart alternately ignores, insults, hits and sexually assaults you.
Then imagine that years later, long after you've contrived your escape to America and won an annulment, he flees his country
Then imagine that years later, long after you've contrived your escape to America and won an annulment, he flees his country
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and becomes one of your closest and dearest friends. This is the bizarre, almost unbelievable story that second-wave feminist leader Phyllis Chesler recounts in her memoir, "An American Bride in Kabul" — a book that is alternately enthralling (when she sticks to her personal experience) and irritating (when she wanders too far afield). Show Less
Awards
National Jewish Book Award (Winner — 2013)
Language
User reviews
LibraryThing member bookcaterpillar
Chesler was a young American who blindly followed love and her new husband to Afghanistan in the early 1960s. Although there wasn't press as there is now about what can happen to Western brides in traditional Muslim families, she writes that she did no research and didn't ask questions that would
For the half of a year that she was in Afghanistan as a 21 year old, she was living in purdah with the other women in the family under constant supervision. Her seemingly progressive husband abandoned her for pressures of family and culture of his native Afghanistan. She was constantly hungry with GI distress, miserable, and was able to leave with an Afghan passport following a potentially fatal illness.
This portion of the book is a great read and I enjoyed Chesler's writing. I like that she included excerpts from other female writers and travelers familiar with life in Afghanistan prior to and post-1960s.
Granted, it's been a long time since 1960 but I think she has unusual lapses in memory. A couple lapses so significant and her time in Afghanistan so short, that I began to question whether she - as an accomplished writer - needed to publish the memoir. Ugh, then I got to the next 2/3 of the book. In summary, she used a very short period of time as a platform to talk about global politics. Don't want to minimize her struggles; her subjugation was not ok. That she turned that short experience into a pro-Jewish, anti-Islam "memoir" is not appreciated by this reader.
This book has a substantial section devoted to 9/11. And Chesler writes a sentence here and there about why her time in 1961 can be tied to 9/11. To me, she doesn't make the case. Her roles as feminist or psychotherapist don't shine, and the amount of commentary on politics that she includes are pretty far-reaching for her disciplines.
I think it's unfortunate that this book received a National Jewish Book award. Chesler included some helpful Jewish history that I appreciated, but 2/3 of the book - in my opinion- pitted Jewish religion against Muslim religion. For example, as an academic she could have been more creative than to use "tribal and backward" to convey her thoughts about patriarchal Afghanistan. Her quote of "now we're all Israelis" following the attacks on 9/11. Well...
She had been alienated and made to feel that her values were alien. So, I wish she'd at the very least made it clear that her "memoir" left that genre after the first third of the book. As a woman, I agree with the author on a great many things that she wrote. I do appreciate some aspects of this book as a feminist work.
I'm not Jewish or Muslim and I was uncomfortable with some of her conclusions about geographic and religious tensions in the Middle East. This is not the kind of balanced and academic work that would lead to constructive cross-cultural conversation, and given her profession I think she owed readers of all faiths this. Her bias is strong, her historical perspective weak, and I think she failed here overall by using this title and noting it as a memoir.
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give her an understanding of what she should expect either. Nor did her new husband volunteer any information to her. She recounts how poorly that decision turned out for her and her marriage.For the half of a year that she was in Afghanistan as a 21 year old, she was living in purdah with the other women in the family under constant supervision. Her seemingly progressive husband abandoned her for pressures of family and culture of his native Afghanistan. She was constantly hungry with GI distress, miserable, and was able to leave with an Afghan passport following a potentially fatal illness.
This portion of the book is a great read and I enjoyed Chesler's writing. I like that she included excerpts from other female writers and travelers familiar with life in Afghanistan prior to and post-1960s.
Granted, it's been a long time since 1960 but I think she has unusual lapses in memory. A couple lapses so significant and her time in Afghanistan so short, that I began to question whether she - as an accomplished writer - needed to publish the memoir. Ugh, then I got to the next 2/3 of the book. In summary, she used a very short period of time as a platform to talk about global politics. Don't want to minimize her struggles; her subjugation was not ok. That she turned that short experience into a pro-Jewish, anti-Islam "memoir" is not appreciated by this reader.
This book has a substantial section devoted to 9/11. And Chesler writes a sentence here and there about why her time in 1961 can be tied to 9/11. To me, she doesn't make the case. Her roles as feminist or psychotherapist don't shine, and the amount of commentary on politics that she includes are pretty far-reaching for her disciplines.
I think it's unfortunate that this book received a National Jewish Book award. Chesler included some helpful Jewish history that I appreciated, but 2/3 of the book - in my opinion- pitted Jewish religion against Muslim religion. For example, as an academic she could have been more creative than to use "tribal and backward" to convey her thoughts about patriarchal Afghanistan. Her quote of "now we're all Israelis" following the attacks on 9/11. Well...
She had been alienated and made to feel that her values were alien. So, I wish she'd at the very least made it clear that her "memoir" left that genre after the first third of the book. As a woman, I agree with the author on a great many things that she wrote. I do appreciate some aspects of this book as a feminist work.
I'm not Jewish or Muslim and I was uncomfortable with some of her conclusions about geographic and religious tensions in the Middle East. This is not the kind of balanced and academic work that would lead to constructive cross-cultural conversation, and given her profession I think she owed readers of all faiths this. Her bias is strong, her historical perspective weak, and I think she failed here overall by using this title and noting it as a memoir.
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LibraryThing member amandacb
I really wanted to enjoy this memoir since it ostensibly presents an interesting perspective, but unfortunately I could not get past the utterly reprehensible writing style. Too many repetitive and choppy sentences obviated the author's message, if any, and unfortunately ruined the entire literary
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experience. Show Less
LibraryThing member IsolaBlue
The title, AN AMERICAN BRIDE IN KABUL, immediately seduces a reader and calls up memories of other books about American women living in an Islamic country (think NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER by Betty Mahmoody.) But those such as Mahmoody who wrote captivating, suspenseful, and at times - horrifying -
The first part of Chesler's book reads quickly. It is easy to be drawn into the romance between Phyllis and Abdul-Kareem and watch their progress from loving college students to honeymooners in Europe. The inevitable arrival in Afghanistan changes everything, of course, and Phyllis finds herself rarely seeing much of her husband, spending time mainly with women members of the large, extended family, and finding out that women do not go out alone - ever. Chesler doesn't do a bad job writing about her experience in Kabul, but considering she was there in 1961 and is writing mostly from old memory, the scenes lack a certain vividness and immediacy that might have accompanied them had she written the memoir sooner. Of course, Afghanistan is "known" now and what market would there have been for such a book in the early 60s?
Once Chesler manages to get herself safely back to the US, she returns to school and never goes back to Afghanistan or to Abdul-Kareem. Her career as a therapist, professor, and active feminist take over the major part of her life. Still, she stays in touch with Abdul-Kareem even after they have been legally parted and both have gone on to have other lives. It is almost as if she never stopped caring for the Westernized version of the man, but just could not abide his Eastern side. Chesler learned a great deal about Islamic culture, women's roles in Islamic society, and about Afghanistan - the country that is constantly in the papers but of which Americans know little.
Since a book about her five months in Kabul would not suffice to fill a memoir, Chesler uses the opportunity to address other issues of concern and interest to her. For the most part, these forays into other areas fit in well. For instance, she researches the history of Jews in the Afghan world. When she went to the country as a young woman, this was not something she thought about, but as an older woman she researched extensively and found out that the Afghan family she'd married into had come by a great deal of their wealth when Jews were forced out of commerce in the country.
In another section of the book she writes about honor killings. There is a great deal about the lack of women's rights under Islam, many pages about wearing the burqa and what it does to a woman's health and psyche. Chesler writes about the Russians in Afghanistan and later about the Americans there. Osama bin Laden is featured, because, in a way, how could he not be? And 9/11 is re-visited, a section that seems not to work as well as Chesler writes about it at the same time she is writing about her friendship with her former Afghan husband and his second wife. Personal feelings combine with international commentary, and something gets lost, although it is difficult for the reader to decide what, exactly, is missing.
Perhaps Chesler, an academic, could have written a more serious and studied book on Islamic women or about the country of Afghanistan, but perhaps that would not be as marketable as a memoir. And, as already mentioned, the personal part of the book was not long enough to stand alone. In the end, Chesler did what she had to do to make the book work - she told her personal story and filled it in with a great deal of women's history, Jewish history, Islamic history, and Afghan culture.
Do not expect something as breathtaking as Betty Mahmoody's NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER, but consider reading Chesler's memoir for something else: the remarkable spirit of a young American girl who maried an Afghan and went, naively, to Kabul in 1961. That alone is worth the read. As for the rest of the world history, Judaica, and analysis of women's lives under Islamic rule, well . . . .most Americans need to learn more about those areas anyway, so the book - while not perfect - is still very much worthwhile.
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true stories, wrote them within a few short years after their experiences. Phyllis Chesler writes her memoir decades after her experience as the Jewish American bride of an Islamic Afghan; in addition her entire time in the country was five months or less (although it must have felt like five years to her at the time.)The first part of Chesler's book reads quickly. It is easy to be drawn into the romance between Phyllis and Abdul-Kareem and watch their progress from loving college students to honeymooners in Europe. The inevitable arrival in Afghanistan changes everything, of course, and Phyllis finds herself rarely seeing much of her husband, spending time mainly with women members of the large, extended family, and finding out that women do not go out alone - ever. Chesler doesn't do a bad job writing about her experience in Kabul, but considering she was there in 1961 and is writing mostly from old memory, the scenes lack a certain vividness and immediacy that might have accompanied them had she written the memoir sooner. Of course, Afghanistan is "known" now and what market would there have been for such a book in the early 60s?
Once Chesler manages to get herself safely back to the US, she returns to school and never goes back to Afghanistan or to Abdul-Kareem. Her career as a therapist, professor, and active feminist take over the major part of her life. Still, she stays in touch with Abdul-Kareem even after they have been legally parted and both have gone on to have other lives. It is almost as if she never stopped caring for the Westernized version of the man, but just could not abide his Eastern side. Chesler learned a great deal about Islamic culture, women's roles in Islamic society, and about Afghanistan - the country that is constantly in the papers but of which Americans know little.
Since a book about her five months in Kabul would not suffice to fill a memoir, Chesler uses the opportunity to address other issues of concern and interest to her. For the most part, these forays into other areas fit in well. For instance, she researches the history of Jews in the Afghan world. When she went to the country as a young woman, this was not something she thought about, but as an older woman she researched extensively and found out that the Afghan family she'd married into had come by a great deal of their wealth when Jews were forced out of commerce in the country.
In another section of the book she writes about honor killings. There is a great deal about the lack of women's rights under Islam, many pages about wearing the burqa and what it does to a woman's health and psyche. Chesler writes about the Russians in Afghanistan and later about the Americans there. Osama bin Laden is featured, because, in a way, how could he not be? And 9/11 is re-visited, a section that seems not to work as well as Chesler writes about it at the same time she is writing about her friendship with her former Afghan husband and his second wife. Personal feelings combine with international commentary, and something gets lost, although it is difficult for the reader to decide what, exactly, is missing.
Perhaps Chesler, an academic, could have written a more serious and studied book on Islamic women or about the country of Afghanistan, but perhaps that would not be as marketable as a memoir. And, as already mentioned, the personal part of the book was not long enough to stand alone. In the end, Chesler did what she had to do to make the book work - she told her personal story and filled it in with a great deal of women's history, Jewish history, Islamic history, and Afghan culture.
Do not expect something as breathtaking as Betty Mahmoody's NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER, but consider reading Chesler's memoir for something else: the remarkable spirit of a young American girl who maried an Afghan and went, naively, to Kabul in 1961. That alone is worth the read. As for the rest of the world history, Judaica, and analysis of women's lives under Islamic rule, well . . . .most Americans need to learn more about those areas anyway, so the book - while not perfect - is still very much worthwhile.
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LibraryThing member labfs39
In 1961, twenty-one-year-old Phyllis Chesler went to Kabul with her husband, Abdul-Kareem, to visit his family. She was shocked when, upon arrival, he did not want to leave and expected her to live as his female relatives did. They were wealthy, dressed in the Western fashion, and received guests
In 1961, twenty-one-year-old Phyllis Chesler was deceived by her seemingly Westernized husband, Abdul-Kareem, and tricked into going with him to Afghanistan. Once there, she was imprisoned in a harem and starved. She plotted her escape and finally succeeded against all odds. Since then her life has been an attempt to understand those three months and her near death experience. Because of having married a Muslim man, she has special insight into 9/11, the veiling of women, and the politics of the Middle East.
I am very confused as to which of these accounts the author believes, never mind which might actually be true. The first half of the book is a vague account of her short-lived marriage, based on diary scraps, the details of which she admits to not remembering. The second half of the book is a wandering exposition of her views substantiated by conversations with her ex-husband, now in exile in the US, and by several travelogues written primarily by women prior to her arrival in Afghanistan. Others, however, have loved this book, and it won the The Krauss Family Award in Memory of Simon & Shulamith (Sofi) Goldberg, thus the National Jewish Book Awards Winner sticker on the cover.
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at home. For several months, she experimented with the boundaries of her life in Afghanistan, then she became ill and went home with the help of her father-in-law. For the next fifty years, Phyllis pursued a career in psychotherapy and feminism. Now she is publishing an account of her months in Kabul and reminiscing about her relationship with her ex-husband and sharing her views on all things Islamic. In 1961, twenty-one-year-old Phyllis Chesler was deceived by her seemingly Westernized husband, Abdul-Kareem, and tricked into going with him to Afghanistan. Once there, she was imprisoned in a harem and starved. She plotted her escape and finally succeeded against all odds. Since then her life has been an attempt to understand those three months and her near death experience. Because of having married a Muslim man, she has special insight into 9/11, the veiling of women, and the politics of the Middle East.
I am very confused as to which of these accounts the author believes, never mind which might actually be true. The first half of the book is a vague account of her short-lived marriage, based on diary scraps, the details of which she admits to not remembering. The second half of the book is a wandering exposition of her views substantiated by conversations with her ex-husband, now in exile in the US, and by several travelogues written primarily by women prior to her arrival in Afghanistan. Others, however, have loved this book, and it won the The Krauss Family Award in Memory of Simon & Shulamith (Sofi) Goldberg, thus the National Jewish Book Awards Winner sticker on the cover.
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LibraryThing member Sovranty
The description of this book would lead you to believe (or at least I believed) that it is a chronicle of the unexpected and torturous life of an unprepared American female in a foreign Islamic country after being married to someone she thought she knew. In reality, it was a 10-week ordeal that is
The second half of the book is a mere reiteration of the books that came before and after this one detailing the subordination of females in this culture and how those cultural norms are immigrating with the people to new countries.
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being reiterated from bits of a diary that was kept during that time. However, one wonders of the diaries credibility, as the author admits to not even remembering some of the events that happened (like being beaten). She continues to have a loving and respectful relationship with her ex-husband and his current family. While the unpleasantness of purdah is not to be argued, Chesler may have been made more unhappy by the lack of luxury, food and constant companionship of her husband, which she was accustomed.The second half of the book is a mere reiteration of the books that came before and after this one detailing the subordination of females in this culture and how those cultural norms are immigrating with the people to new countries.
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LibraryThing member freckles1987
Like some other reviewers, I am somewhat conflicted about An American Bride in Kabul: A Memoir. From the title and blurb I was expecting a memoir about a young woman trapped in Afghanistan due to her own naivete and perhaps some lessons learned. I have read some Phyllis Chesler and have enjoyed her
I'm still not quite sure how I feel about this book, but it was a fairly quick read and certainly directs you to further reading.
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other works, so my expectations may have been too high. Instead there are a few rambling chapters about a ten week stay in Kabul, some ruminations about Islam, terrorism, feminism, the burqa, honor killings, and the dangers of cultural relativism. It was not only unexpected, but rather disappointing and jumbled. I felt very uncomfortable with the many twists and turns Chesler took in this "memoir," even though parts of it were fascinating. I did enjoy her historiography of narratives written by Western women about their own experiences marrying into or traveling in the Middle East. I did feel very uncomfortable when she began pitting Judaism and Islam against one another-she seemed to make a lot of blanket statements, which are hard to make convincingly. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about this book, but it was a fairly quick read and certainly directs you to further reading.
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LibraryThing member magid
This was an engaging read about the author's marriage in 1961 to an Afghan Muslim man, and the disastrous results when they traveled to his home. She incorporates pieces of the journal she kept then, which points up how the path of memory can change over time. The second half of the book looks at
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more global issues of women's roles in Islam these days, and some about how she's still sort-of family with her ex's family. I liked this, but kept running into questions that weren't answered, or wanted just a bit more detail. It's hard to realize just how insular one could be then, with so much less access to information.... Show Less
LibraryThing member DubaiReader
Not what I had expected.
This book started out well, but I lost interest when the author started to use it as a platform for her views on feminism and the American attitude to the Middle East, particularly Afghanistan.
I was immediately drawn into the love affair between Phyllis and her Muslim,
In fact, she was not in Afghanistan for very long and this part of her story takes up only a section of the book. The following extended essay on female rights was a struggle to read. I was waiting to hear what the outcome of the relationship would be, as we know that they stayed in touch, but this information was a long time coming and buried in amongst a lot of rambling and references to books written by other authors.
Overall, this was a disappointing read but it does contain a great bibliography of almost all the memoirs written about life in Afghanistan and the Middle East.
This book started out well, but I lost interest when the author started to use it as a platform for her views on feminism and the American attitude to the Middle East, particularly Afghanistan.
I was immediately drawn into the love affair between Phyllis and her Muslim,
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Afghani boyfriend, Abdul-Kareem. Phyllis is Jewish, living and studying in America, when they meet. The mistake she made was to follow him to his own country, where she suddenly found she had none of the freedom she'd been accustomed to in US. Her passport was confiscated and she became a chattel, just one of the things that Abdul-Kareem owned. She had no rights and no way out.In fact, she was not in Afghanistan for very long and this part of her story takes up only a section of the book. The following extended essay on female rights was a struggle to read. I was waiting to hear what the outcome of the relationship would be, as we know that they stayed in touch, but this information was a long time coming and buried in amongst a lot of rambling and references to books written by other authors.
Overall, this was a disappointing read but it does contain a great bibliography of almost all the memoirs written about life in Afghanistan and the Middle East.
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LibraryThing member seongeona
Could have, should have been so much better. Had she written it from the position of her now-adult, in-hindsight self, it would have been a great story about lessons learned. However, it seems she was writing from her old diary at age 19 and so the naive, uninformed, starry-eyed, whiny, teenager
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was what shown thru. I had little sympathy for this person who blindly went far from home without a thought for herself, her safety, her future. Yes, this was before my time, and times were different. Yes, she grew up in a big city and had fended for herself since a young age. But, even so, this marriage (a result of sleeping with a man who she felt she had to marry because she slept with him!) and move to Afghanistan was irresponsible behavior and she seemed to blame everyone but herself for her troubles. The negativity toward Afghanistan is shocking, the hatred palpable at times, yet oddly juxtaposed with apparent praise for the textiles, mountains, gardens, marble floors, etc. The flippant laughter she expressed when sunbathing in a bikini on her rooftop caused trouble for her family reinforced the immature attitude. This woman knew absolutely nothing about anything, it seems. Perhaps this is a lesson indicating that world history/culture is sorely lacking in higher education, then as now. Show Less
LibraryThing member joyfiction
As a whole this book was decent enough and while the descriptions of her time being, in her words, a captive in a foreign country by her husband’s Islamic family and forced to adjust to a world that just seemed like she had no chance of belonging in were a good read? There were moments when she
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went quite a bit off track and had some long sections where she talked almost endlessly about other people and their experiences in Afghanistan. And while mentioning other people writing about their experiences is a good way to encourage further reading? There is a point where it becomes awkward when mixed in with her personal experiences. And what I could never wrap my head around was how she would eventually become close friends with the man who helped keep her hostage, committed what amounted to spousal rape and then refused to let her have a divorce even after she had fled back to her home country. That in and of itself seemed ridiculous and what was most apparent was that when she got married and moved to Afghanistan she knew little to nothing about the culture she was about to be thrust into. And in the end that did little more than put her in a position to be miserable. And while much of what she went though is most definitely terrible and not something that she deserved? She seemed to be a thoughtless, immature girl who married without considering what that meant and got in way over her head. And rather than reflecting on that for more than a brief moment? She seemed to want to blame everyone else for how miserable she had become. Show Less
LibraryThing member lahochstetler
This is an odd book. It had real promise in some areas, but that promise was not fulfilled. In the early 1960's Chesler fell in love with an Afghan man. Both were college students in New York. They decided to marry and travel the world, then settle in Afghanistan. The couple marries and has a brief
This tale of Chesler's time in Afghanistan comprises the first part of the book. It is very hard for a 21st century reader to understand how she could move to an entirely foreign country, in a place that does not have a strong history of women's liberation, without, maybe, realizing it. Or, at least, looking into it. This is definitely an example of an impulsive college student mistake, albeit a big one, and there's only so much sympathy one can give to that. The bigger thing to realize, though, is that Chesler was only in Afghanistan for ten weeks. Her impulsiveness did not cost her years of her life. Knowing how short this "captivity" was, it's hard to take it as seriously as presented.
The second part of the book is more varied and more problematic. This section includes discussion of the history of Afghan Jews, 9/11, pro-Israeli polemic, and discussion of Afghan culture from an second wave feminist perspective. Chesler was one of the leaders of the second wave feminist movement, and many of the critiques that have been waged against second wave feminism (that its perspective is generally white, middle/upper class, and intellectual) can certainly be waged against this book. Some of Chesler's conclusions are undeniably controversial. She argues that Afghanistan is a violent, tribal, medieval, Islamist (as distinct from Muslim) society. She believes that it is unacceptable to view Afghanistan through the lens of cultural relativism. While I found some of her ideas interesting, there was so much going on in the second part of the book that nothing feels fully developed. And honestly, the discussion of 9/11 felt entirely out of place. Chesler was worked extensively with female victims of attempted honor killings, and she has written a book on the topic. I think that if one wants to read Chesler's work, that's probably the book to choose. It seems like many of the ideas she mentions in this book were developed through that work. I would like to read Chesler's work where she uses a full academic apparatus (situates herself in existing literature and provides full notes), as some of her big, broad claims could really use that standard of context and proof.
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European honeymoon. When they arrive in Kabul, Chesler quickly realizes that reality is far different from her expectations. She is trapped in a society built on strict gender and family hierarchies. She is required to subservient to men and other women in the family. Chesler's husband, a progressive intellectual in New York, or so it seemed, embraces local values and changes in his attitudes and treatment towards his now-wife. Upon arrival Chesler was forced to surrender her passport, and she finds herself with no means of escape. This tale of Chesler's time in Afghanistan comprises the first part of the book. It is very hard for a 21st century reader to understand how she could move to an entirely foreign country, in a place that does not have a strong history of women's liberation, without, maybe, realizing it. Or, at least, looking into it. This is definitely an example of an impulsive college student mistake, albeit a big one, and there's only so much sympathy one can give to that. The bigger thing to realize, though, is that Chesler was only in Afghanistan for ten weeks. Her impulsiveness did not cost her years of her life. Knowing how short this "captivity" was, it's hard to take it as seriously as presented.
The second part of the book is more varied and more problematic. This section includes discussion of the history of Afghan Jews, 9/11, pro-Israeli polemic, and discussion of Afghan culture from an second wave feminist perspective. Chesler was one of the leaders of the second wave feminist movement, and many of the critiques that have been waged against second wave feminism (that its perspective is generally white, middle/upper class, and intellectual) can certainly be waged against this book. Some of Chesler's conclusions are undeniably controversial. She argues that Afghanistan is a violent, tribal, medieval, Islamist (as distinct from Muslim) society. She believes that it is unacceptable to view Afghanistan through the lens of cultural relativism. While I found some of her ideas interesting, there was so much going on in the second part of the book that nothing feels fully developed. And honestly, the discussion of 9/11 felt entirely out of place. Chesler was worked extensively with female victims of attempted honor killings, and she has written a book on the topic. I think that if one wants to read Chesler's work, that's probably the book to choose. It seems like many of the ideas she mentions in this book were developed through that work. I would like to read Chesler's work where she uses a full academic apparatus (situates herself in existing literature and provides full notes), as some of her big, broad claims could really use that standard of context and proof.
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LibraryThing member linda.a.
As an eighteen-year-old undergraduate, Jewish-American Phyllis Chesler met fellow student Abdul-Kareem, a handsome and charismatic man from Afghanistan. Their relationship very quickly blossomed as they spent hours together, falling passionately in love whilst sharing their love of literature,
Although there were times when I felt the balance of this book was rather skewed, I found it a fascinating and thought-provoking account of the author’s experiences – a combination of memoir and a detailed exploration of the complex history and the numerous religious, political and social influences which have shaped Afghanistan over the centuries. Whilst some of her own experiences were truly horrific and brutal, it became clear that her passionate feminism, and especially her decades-long determination to give silenced Muslim women a voice, were all forged from those experiences, as too was her need to gain insight into what had motivated her to take such risks. Not only is her writing rather surprisingly full of compassion for her ex-husband and his family (she retains contact with them) but it is also scholarly in its examination of the influences which have led to escalating Islamism and the acts of terrorism which are directed not only at the West, but also at more moderate Muslims.
Now that I’ve finished the book I feel I have gained a far greater insight into the reality of the lives of women living in such oppressive circumstances, as well as the fears and physical danger they face on a daily basis. However, I’m left wondering just what can be done to make life better for all of them, not just the relatively few who manage to escape and who are helped to find their own voices. Phyllis Chesler’s voice is strong on their behalf, but a seismic shift in attitude is needed before such oppressed women can be in a position to experience the true freedom of self-determination. However, when any criticism of another country’s cultural mores is all too often deemed racist, people in the West are increasingly reluctant to voice these concerns and to demand change ... but we all need to ask ourselves why where women are born should determine what freedoms they should be entitled to?
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music, foreign films and immersing themselves in American culture ... although one thing they didn’t discuss was religion! They married when Phyllis was twenty and she was looking forward to sharing an exciting and exotic lifestyle with him when, following a brief visit to Europe, they moved to Kabul in 1961 to live with her husband’s extended family. However, once there, he is barely recognisable as the Westernised man she married because he quickly slipped back into his misogynistic culture, a world in which women have absolutely no rights, no opportunities for independence, and must obey their husband at all times. Little wonder that modern, independent-minded Phyllis very quickly became deeply unhappy and was desperate to escape. However, as her American passport had been confiscated as soon as she landed in the country, and the American Embassy officials refused to help when she eventually turned to them for help, this was something which proved very hard for her to achieve and only became possible following a serious illness which left her close to death. With the surprising aid of her father-in-law, she was finally granted a six-month visa to return to America to recuperate … she never went back.Although there were times when I felt the balance of this book was rather skewed, I found it a fascinating and thought-provoking account of the author’s experiences – a combination of memoir and a detailed exploration of the complex history and the numerous religious, political and social influences which have shaped Afghanistan over the centuries. Whilst some of her own experiences were truly horrific and brutal, it became clear that her passionate feminism, and especially her decades-long determination to give silenced Muslim women a voice, were all forged from those experiences, as too was her need to gain insight into what had motivated her to take such risks. Not only is her writing rather surprisingly full of compassion for her ex-husband and his family (she retains contact with them) but it is also scholarly in its examination of the influences which have led to escalating Islamism and the acts of terrorism which are directed not only at the West, but also at more moderate Muslims.
Now that I’ve finished the book I feel I have gained a far greater insight into the reality of the lives of women living in such oppressive circumstances, as well as the fears and physical danger they face on a daily basis. However, I’m left wondering just what can be done to make life better for all of them, not just the relatively few who manage to escape and who are helped to find their own voices. Phyllis Chesler’s voice is strong on their behalf, but a seismic shift in attitude is needed before such oppressed women can be in a position to experience the true freedom of self-determination. However, when any criticism of another country’s cultural mores is all too often deemed racist, people in the West are increasingly reluctant to voice these concerns and to demand change ... but we all need to ask ourselves why where women are born should determine what freedoms they should be entitled to?
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LibraryThing member WellReadSoutherner
For me, I thought it needed to be fleshed out more. I wanted more detail. More history of why things are this way. Where does it stem from? I’m sure that is a longer book though.
She was only there 10 weeks so I don’t feel like that is long enough to warrant an in-depth analysis of life there.
She alludes to the fact that it is different now and I think we know that from the media. They are going backward in time and not progressing. Do they want to progress? Maybe a little bit as a culture they do but they can’t because of current leadership under the Taliban. I just don’t know. It’s a very interesting topic to me that I’ve always been fascinated with. I can’t even sometimes wrap my head around what these men are so afraid of in women that they want them to wear burqas and be uneducated and pregnant.
Another reviewer on Amazon had this to say and I agree:
The second part of the book speaks to more varied topics and discusses Afghan Jews, 9/11, pro-Israeli thought, and discussion of Afghan culture from a feminist perspective. She argues that Afghanistan is a violent, tribal, medieval, Islamist (as distinct from Muslim) society. She believes that it is unacceptable to view Afghanistan through the lens of cultural relativism. Chesler was worked extensively with female victims of attempted honor killings, and she has written a book on the topic. I think that if one wants to read Chesler’s work, that’s probably the book to choose. It seems like many of the ideas she mentions in this book were developed through that work. I would like to read Chesler’s work where she uses a full academic apparatus (situates herself in existing literature and provides full notes), as some of her big, broad claims could really use that standard of context and proof.
She was only there 10 weeks so I don’t feel like that is long enough to warrant an in-depth analysis of life there.
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That’s not to say that her experience isn’t interesting but I want to know more details. She does stray from her time there and write about a little bit about what has happened since to her since, the ex-husband, etc. So, I guess it tells a little about what life there was like but not a lot because she wasn’t there a long time.She alludes to the fact that it is different now and I think we know that from the media. They are going backward in time and not progressing. Do they want to progress? Maybe a little bit as a culture they do but they can’t because of current leadership under the Taliban. I just don’t know. It’s a very interesting topic to me that I’ve always been fascinated with. I can’t even sometimes wrap my head around what these men are so afraid of in women that they want them to wear burqas and be uneducated and pregnant.
Another reviewer on Amazon had this to say and I agree:
The second part of the book speaks to more varied topics and discusses Afghan Jews, 9/11, pro-Israeli thought, and discussion of Afghan culture from a feminist perspective. She argues that Afghanistan is a violent, tribal, medieval, Islamist (as distinct from Muslim) society. She believes that it is unacceptable to view Afghanistan through the lens of cultural relativism. Chesler was worked extensively with female victims of attempted honor killings, and she has written a book on the topic. I think that if one wants to read Chesler’s work, that’s probably the book to choose. It seems like many of the ideas she mentions in this book were developed through that work. I would like to read Chesler’s work where she uses a full academic apparatus (situates herself in existing literature and provides full notes), as some of her big, broad claims could really use that standard of context and proof.
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ISBN
0230342213 / 9780230342217