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Description
"Even as a reporter, Sheila Hamilton missed the signs as her husband David's mental illness unfolded before her. By the time she had pieced together the puzzle, it was too late. Her once brilliant, intense, and passionate partner was dead within six weeks of a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, leaving his nine-year-old daughter and wife without so much as a note to explain his actions, a plan to help them recover from their profound grief, or a solution for the hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt that they would inherit from him. All the Things We Never Knew takes readers from David and Sheila's romance through the last three months of their life together and into the year after his death. It details their unsettling descent from ordinary life into the world of mental illness, and examines the fragile line between reality and madness. Now, a decade after David's death, Sheila and her daughter, Sophie, have learned the power of choosing life over retreat; let themselves love and trust again; and understand the importance of forgiveness. Their story will resonate with all those who have loved "--… (more)
User reviews
LibraryThing member lauriebrown54
Newswoman Sheila Hamilton didn’t know David Krol all that well when they married- they were married and she was pregnant within a year of meeting- but many couples commit to each other that rapidly. So it’s not like she knew nothing about him when she committed her life to his. And it was
The book follows David and Sheila’s relationship from happy newlyweds to strangers living in the same house, ready to divorce. During that time, David ran up hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, didn’t do necessary business paperwork, didn’t finish jobs which meant the homeowners refused any payment, and was unfaithful. Through it all, though, he remained devoted to their daughter, who was nine when David killed himself. He tried hard- although he failed most of the time- to be a good father to her.
That David was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder and that he committed suicide is no secret; it’s right on the book cover. Despite knowing this, I read the story tensely and breathlessly; I couldn’t avoid hoping for a happy ending even though I knew better. Hamilton’s writing drew me in and made me feel what she felt during this horror story. An amazing book.
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several years into the marriage before she realized David had something wrong with him. She felt he had quirks, but she trusted him. He was running his construction business while she was doing first TV and then radio news and they had a young child; she didn’t have time to dwell on his mental oddness until it got bad. And even when things go bad, she still didn’t think of it in terms of mental illness; she thought he was just being a jackass. His family made no mention of mental illness (even though Sheila was to find out that other family members had issues, too). The book follows David and Sheila’s relationship from happy newlyweds to strangers living in the same house, ready to divorce. During that time, David ran up hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, didn’t do necessary business paperwork, didn’t finish jobs which meant the homeowners refused any payment, and was unfaithful. Through it all, though, he remained devoted to their daughter, who was nine when David killed himself. He tried hard- although he failed most of the time- to be a good father to her.
That David was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder and that he committed suicide is no secret; it’s right on the book cover. Despite knowing this, I read the story tensely and breathlessly; I couldn’t avoid hoping for a happy ending even though I knew better. Hamilton’s writing drew me in and made me feel what she felt during this horror story. An amazing book.
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LibraryThing member startwithgivens
I really wish I could remember how I found this book. I was hooked early on and as the story unfolded closer to David's death and Sheila's grieving I read with more vigor. I personally have not been closely affected by a suicide or mental illness, but I was still able to understand the emotions
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that Sheila descirbed. in truth, I think her story telling ability makes this book relatable. I strongly believe that mental health is important and under-regarded and therefore applaud this natural story teller for sharing her own experience. Show Less
LibraryThing member Whisper1
A successful TV/radio producer, Sheila Hamilton fell in love with an attractive, outdoorsman. When she met his parents, she sensed a mercurial temperament of his father, and a sense of coldness by his particularly attractive mother.
At the wedding, her sister mentioned that she thought her soon to
Soon after their marriage, Sheila became pregnant. Throughout the years, it was their daughter that held them together. While non effusive to his wife, David was very much actively involved in his daughter's life and it was obvious that he very much cared about their child.
Throughout ten years, Sheila watch as her husband exhibited supreme erratic behaviours. One minute depressed, the next flying high. It took years for her to discover a label of bipolar. He tried to kill himself, and before she could get to the hospital, he was released. Later placed in the care of a mental health facility, again he was depressed and then off- the -roof energetic.
Soon after their marriage Sheila discovered David's indiscretions. Keeping the marriage together for the child, as David's behaviors became increasingly frightful, she saw a lawyer about divorce. The news of his wife's plans and his father's death coincided to place David on a path of supreme manic chaos. Knowing David had a gun, one that he stole from his girlfriends house, he lied to mental health professionals and all others regarding that he knew where the gun was hidden.
In the end, no one could save him. This is a very frank look at mental illness and the fact that resources are spotty at best. Sadly, while friends would normally rally around someone who had a husband with cancer, it was true that the stigma of mental illness was not treated as a disease of the brain, but rather something David's family knew about before Sheila's marriage to him, they turned the other way and did not talk about it.
Sadly, some of the medications given to David, only made him worse. After his suicide, Sheila was very much present for their nine year old child. Sophie was in deep grief regarding the fact that her father never left a note or said goodbye.
Highly recommended, this is an intense report of the terror of watching someone who is loved, spin out of reality of sanity and who listened to the very real words that he felt talked to him to end his life because he was a failure.
After each chapter, the author reports various journal articles regarding mental illness. The percent of mental illness and suicide is high. Perhaps if we change our way of perceiving this tragic illness, more resources and a positive outcome would be available.
At the wedding, her sister mentioned that she thought her soon to
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be husband was very out of it and distant, non interactive on a day when he should have been very happy.Soon after their marriage, Sheila became pregnant. Throughout the years, it was their daughter that held them together. While non effusive to his wife, David was very much actively involved in his daughter's life and it was obvious that he very much cared about their child.
Throughout ten years, Sheila watch as her husband exhibited supreme erratic behaviours. One minute depressed, the next flying high. It took years for her to discover a label of bipolar. He tried to kill himself, and before she could get to the hospital, he was released. Later placed in the care of a mental health facility, again he was depressed and then off- the -roof energetic.
Soon after their marriage Sheila discovered David's indiscretions. Keeping the marriage together for the child, as David's behaviors became increasingly frightful, she saw a lawyer about divorce. The news of his wife's plans and his father's death coincided to place David on a path of supreme manic chaos. Knowing David had a gun, one that he stole from his girlfriends house, he lied to mental health professionals and all others regarding that he knew where the gun was hidden.
In the end, no one could save him. This is a very frank look at mental illness and the fact that resources are spotty at best. Sadly, while friends would normally rally around someone who had a husband with cancer, it was true that the stigma of mental illness was not treated as a disease of the brain, but rather something David's family knew about before Sheila's marriage to him, they turned the other way and did not talk about it.
Sadly, some of the medications given to David, only made him worse. After his suicide, Sheila was very much present for their nine year old child. Sophie was in deep grief regarding the fact that her father never left a note or said goodbye.
Highly recommended, this is an intense report of the terror of watching someone who is loved, spin out of reality of sanity and who listened to the very real words that he felt talked to him to end his life because he was a failure.
After each chapter, the author reports various journal articles regarding mental illness. The percent of mental illness and suicide is high. Perhaps if we change our way of perceiving this tragic illness, more resources and a positive outcome would be available.
Show Less
LibraryThing member kbranfield
All the Things We Never Knew is the absolutely heartbreaking account of author Shelia Hamilton's experience with her first husband's battle with bipolar disorder and his subsequent suicide. This deeply emotional but incredibly powerful story is unflinchingly honest and shines a much needed light on
Right from her very first encounter with her soon to be husband, David Krol, Sheila Hamilton was smitten. Attracted to his enthusiastic zest for life, she fell fast and she fell hard for the successful contractor. Sheila and David soon married and they were both overjoyed when she gave birth to their daughter, Sophie. However, their picture perfect life begins to unravel when Sheila learns of David's infidelity and despite her decision to remain married, their marriage never quite recovers from his betrayal. This discovery was an important red flag and it was just one of many symptoms of David's undiagnosed bipolar disorder that Sheila overlooked in the course of their ten year marriage.
When Sheila married David, she was a highly successful and well respected television newsreporter and it is almost incomprehensible to understand her decision to stay with him. Her choice was not made lightly and while well-intentioned, living with David became unbearable in the face of his increasingly erratic behavior in the years to come. Although it was impossible not to notice his mood swings, irrational outbursts and unusual sensitivity to lights, sounds and smells, she never connected these symptoms to any type of mental illness. Denial, lack of information and little knowledge of his family history made it impossible to put the pieces of the puzzle together until David's condition deteriorated and he was hospitalized when she finally worked up the courage to begin divorce proceedings. It was during this time that Sheila uncovered the shocking state of his company's finances and learned that David was deeply in debt. Before she could get to the bottom of the financial mess, David was released from the hospital, and he committed suicide, leaving Sheila and Sophie reeling with grief and trying to comprehend what drove him to take his own life.
The chapters alternate between the events of Sheila's and David's ten year marriage and valuable insight and staggering statistics about mental illness and treatment options. This information is often provided in the context of Sheila's experiences with David but these resources would also be helpful to anyone whose life is affected by mental illness. The narrative also offers a thought-provoking and compelling argument about the role genetics play in inheriting such illnesses. It is also provides an eye-opening discussion on how personal experiences and family history can affect the way someone deals with a loved one or acquaintance who suffers from a mental illness.
All the Things We Never Knew is an unforgettable and poignant story about Shelia Hamilton's marriage to a man with an undiagnosed mental disorder. Although sometimes difficult to read, this heartrending memoir is as educational as it is heartbreaking and it is a book I highly recommend.
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mental illness and how easy it is to overlook, excuse or explain away loved ones' symptoms and behavior. A courageous and heart wrenching story that will help raise awareness and hopefully destigmatize mental illness and suicide, I HIGHLY recommend this extraordinary memoir to all readers.Right from her very first encounter with her soon to be husband, David Krol, Sheila Hamilton was smitten. Attracted to his enthusiastic zest for life, she fell fast and she fell hard for the successful contractor. Sheila and David soon married and they were both overjoyed when she gave birth to their daughter, Sophie. However, their picture perfect life begins to unravel when Sheila learns of David's infidelity and despite her decision to remain married, their marriage never quite recovers from his betrayal. This discovery was an important red flag and it was just one of many symptoms of David's undiagnosed bipolar disorder that Sheila overlooked in the course of their ten year marriage.
When Sheila married David, she was a highly successful and well respected television newsreporter and it is almost incomprehensible to understand her decision to stay with him. Her choice was not made lightly and while well-intentioned, living with David became unbearable in the face of his increasingly erratic behavior in the years to come. Although it was impossible not to notice his mood swings, irrational outbursts and unusual sensitivity to lights, sounds and smells, she never connected these symptoms to any type of mental illness. Denial, lack of information and little knowledge of his family history made it impossible to put the pieces of the puzzle together until David's condition deteriorated and he was hospitalized when she finally worked up the courage to begin divorce proceedings. It was during this time that Sheila uncovered the shocking state of his company's finances and learned that David was deeply in debt. Before she could get to the bottom of the financial mess, David was released from the hospital, and he committed suicide, leaving Sheila and Sophie reeling with grief and trying to comprehend what drove him to take his own life.
The chapters alternate between the events of Sheila's and David's ten year marriage and valuable insight and staggering statistics about mental illness and treatment options. This information is often provided in the context of Sheila's experiences with David but these resources would also be helpful to anyone whose life is affected by mental illness. The narrative also offers a thought-provoking and compelling argument about the role genetics play in inheriting such illnesses. It is also provides an eye-opening discussion on how personal experiences and family history can affect the way someone deals with a loved one or acquaintance who suffers from a mental illness.
All the Things We Never Knew is an unforgettable and poignant story about Shelia Hamilton's marriage to a man with an undiagnosed mental disorder. Although sometimes difficult to read, this heartrending memoir is as educational as it is heartbreaking and it is a book I highly recommend.
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LibraryThing member Castlelass
The author has written her memories of her husband as he descended into mental illness. He was eventually diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and committed suicide. It is the author's goal to educate and help others spot the indicators of bi-polar disorder and to assist in getting help before it is
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too late. The chapters of her memories are followed by a short description of mental health issues and where to find assistance. It must have been painful to write such a book and I applaud the author for attempting to de-stigmatize mental illness, and help people get the assistance they need. The only quibble I had was one of statistics, as I had trouble verifying a few. I found the book's scenario to be extremely common, as it takes about 10 years (according to sources I researched) for someone with bi-polar to be diagnosed. Recommended to readers who are living with someone with bi-polar disorder (or suspect it), and to those interested in brain science or mental health issues. Contains triggers for suicide and infidelity. Show Less
Awards
Independent Publisher Book Awards (Gold — 2016)
ISBN
9781580055857