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"Based on her hugely popular Facebook posts and Instagram photos, Feeding My Mother is a frank, funny, inspirational and piercingly honest account of the transformation in Jann Arden's life that has turned her into the primary "parent" to her mom, who is in the grip of Alzheimer's. Jann Arden moved in to a house just across the way from her parents in rural Alberta to be close to them but also so they could be her refuge from the demands of the music business and a performing career. Funny how time works. Since her dad died in 2015, Jann cooks for her mom five or six times a week. Her mom finds comfort in her daughter's kitchen, not just in the delicious food but also just sitting with her as she cooks. And Jann finds some peace in caring for her mom, even as her mom slowly becomes a stranger. "If you told me two years ago that I'd be here," Jann writes, "I wouldn't have believed it. And yet we still fall into so much laughter, feel so much insane gladness and joy. It's such a contrast from one minute to the next and it teaches me constantly: it makes me stronger and more humble and more empathetic and caring and kind." The many people who are dealing with a loved one who is losing it will find inspiration and strength in Jann's wholehearted, loving response and her totally Jann take on the upside-down world of a daughter mothering her mother. Feeding My Mother is one heck of an affirmation that life just keeps on keeping on, and a wonderful example of how you have to roll with it."--… (more)
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Canadian singer/songwriter Jann Arden writes of this turning point in her life, as she unexpectedly became the chief caregiver for her parents. Her father had dementia along with a host of other physical illnesses
Her parents' home is on her property so that they were only across the driveway from her, making it easier for her to be able to provide care at close range, at the beginning. She began to cook for them, a real comfort for all of them, and this book also includes some of her favourite recipes. The book, by the way, is visually beautiful; Jann's photography throughout is quite stunning. The food illustrations that accompany the recipes are also lovely.
Alzheimer's is a terrible disease. Often, though, as Jann says, the patient herself is not sad about it, is often (blessedly?) unaware of the losses. It's a disease that, in fact, affects everyone else around the patient. Jann shares how she ran the gamut of emotions - denial, fear, anger, frustration, strength - and some of her passages are quite revealing. Once, she took her mom on a German river cruise:
"The German river cruise with my mother was a gift, although she thought we were on a train trip. Since we could see the shore blur past us, I guess she assumed we were rolling along on tracks. I corrected her once and then caught myself when she was talking about it again: why do I need to tell her where she is and what she is on? I have to stop being the memory police, stop needing to be right all the time. It's exhausting and completely selfish."
Jann had had a difficult relationship with her dad. When he was dying, in hospital, she wrote:
"The man I used to be afraid of is now a meek and mild, helpless child. I was thinking about how much resentment I have been carrying around and how much I don't want to still be carrying it. I want to let it go. Maybe today I'll start. I dragged it with me because I thought I needed it to protect myself. Silly what our hearts and minds do to us."
Through it all, Jann continued to work, to write:
"...music and how fantastic it is for the soul. Music saves me every day."
She talks about how unpredictable day to day life can be. What will her mom remember (or not remember) today? There are mood swings:
"She looks at me with such hatred that it takes my breath away. And then it passes, and I see her bubble to the surface of herself again and I wonder how my life got to this place...And yet, we fall into so much laughter, feel so much insane gladness and it teaches me constantly. It makes me stronger and humbler and more empathetic and caring and kind. At least, I hope it does. It's just life being life and you've got to embrace it all with your heart pounding away on your sleeve and a smile on your face...and don't forget to cry, because that'll get you through anything."
"I'm trying to focus on what I have, and not what I don't have."