Status
Available
Call number
Genres
Collections
Publication
Simon & Schuster (2006), 207 pages
Description
Shalom Auslander's stories in Beware of God have the mysterious punch of a dream. They are wide ranging and inventive: A young Jewish man's inexplicable transformation into a very large, blond, tattooed goy ends with an argument over whether or not his father can beat his unclean son with a copy of the Talmud. A pious man having a near-death experience discovers that God is actually a chicken, and he's forced to reconsider his life -- and his diet. At God's insistence, Leo Schwartzman searches Home Depot for supplies for an ark. And a young boy mistakes Holocaust Remembrance Day as emergency preparedness training for the future. Auslander draws upon his upbringing in an Orthodox Jewish community in New York State to craft stories that are filled with shame, sex, God, and death, but also manage to be wickedly funny and poignant.… (more)
User reviews
LibraryThing member rivkat
A bunch of short stories about Orthodox Judaism, male angst over sex, male angst over the existence of God, etc., told in absurdist fashion (e.g., two hamsters debate the existence of God, who for them is the guy who puts the apples in their cage and takes out the crap; a devout teen wakes up, a la
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Gregor Samsa, as a goy). I wasn’t impressed, though there was a story that captured really well the experience, which I think is fairly common among preadolescent American Jews, of overdosing on information about the Holocaust: trying to make sense of this thing that happened that is essentially unimaginable and yet real. Trying to make sense of the fact that six million people were killed for being just like you; that the people who killed them would like to have killed you; that people in your family were killed; that most other people in the world who heard about it didn’t much care. Planning for what you’d do if it started to happen here; wondering which of the non-Jews you know would shelter you, or at least not betray you; meanwhile also doing homework and playing soccer and everything else that a preadolescent middle- or upper-class American kid does. It’s a weird mental state; why shouldn’t we be neurotic? Show Less
LibraryThing member wandering_star
A collection of calculatedly outrageous short stories. Almost all of them target religion - often by satirising organised religion, personal faith (characters praying to something which is clearly not a god) or Talmudic debate (about issues which are clearly not religious or Biblical). Others
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imagine what would happen if the God of the Old Testament was literal truth in the twenty-first century ("The angels stood quietly at the back of His office, their eyes locked nervously on the place where their feet would have been" - from possibly the best one of the stories, "Somebody Up There Likes You"). They are pretty deadpan, and I read the first few stories shaking with laughter. But I would recommend against reading the whole book in one go, as I did - there were definitely diminishing returns, not only because of the similarities of style and subject matter, but because as you read on, the book felt increasingly angry and less and less funny. Show Less
LibraryThing member jennyo
This is a short, unusual, and pretty funny collection of short stories by Shalom Auslander, who was raised as an Orthodox Jew. From the titles alone, you can probably see that he's a little conflicted in his belief, titles like: Holocaust Tips for Kids, Startling Revelations from the Lost Book of
There's a story where a woman goes through the spiritual mathematics of purposely causing her husband to sin: "Sin selection became critical: she had to make sure that nothing she was doing to cause him to sin was actually costing her more points than his resultant sin would end up costing him..."
There's one where an ape suddenly receives enlightenment and doesn't quite know what to do with it.
There's one where a man discovers some ancient tablets with the words of the Bible on them; it's just that there's this one paragraph that's missing on all the other ancient tablets...
There's one where a young Jewish man goes to sleep and wakes up as a large, blond, goy (more than a little Kafkaesque).
And several more. I don't know that Auslander is going to be struck down any time soon, but I did have a little trouble with God using the F-word. Still. It was a very interesting book, and reminded me of Chris Moore's Lamb in its questioning of certain expressions and requirements of organized religion.
I'd definitely recommend it for those not easily offended.
Some of my favorite quotes:
"Surely, Bloom reasoned, if God wanted to kill him, God could kill him. Then again, if God wanted him dead, why the Volvo? If death is predetermined, wouldn't automobile purchases be predetermined? Didn't the Volvo--the prudence, the zero percent financing--didn't they all collectively prove that someone up there liked Bloom?"
"The harsh reality was this: God was skewing old. And white. Of course, it was a difficult market. His numbers were through the mosque's roof in the East, but in the West, God was in the toilet. As chart A clearly showed, there had been a short spike in His awareness levels immediately following 9/11, but it had been a nearly continuous freefall ever since--and even back then, His awareness was skewing negative."
"'Yes, yes,' said Rabbi Teitelbaum. 'The Google knows many things.'"
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Stan, Prophet's Dilemma, and It Ain't Easy Bein' Supremey.There's a story where a woman goes through the spiritual mathematics of purposely causing her husband to sin: "Sin selection became critical: she had to make sure that nothing she was doing to cause him to sin was actually costing her more points than his resultant sin would end up costing him..."
There's one where an ape suddenly receives enlightenment and doesn't quite know what to do with it.
There's one where a man discovers some ancient tablets with the words of the Bible on them; it's just that there's this one paragraph that's missing on all the other ancient tablets...
There's one where a young Jewish man goes to sleep and wakes up as a large, blond, goy (more than a little Kafkaesque).
And several more. I don't know that Auslander is going to be struck down any time soon, but I did have a little trouble with God using the F-word. Still. It was a very interesting book, and reminded me of Chris Moore's Lamb in its questioning of certain expressions and requirements of organized religion.
I'd definitely recommend it for those not easily offended.
Some of my favorite quotes:
"Surely, Bloom reasoned, if God wanted to kill him, God could kill him. Then again, if God wanted him dead, why the Volvo? If death is predetermined, wouldn't automobile purchases be predetermined? Didn't the Volvo--the prudence, the zero percent financing--didn't they all collectively prove that someone up there liked Bloom?"
"The harsh reality was this: God was skewing old. And white. Of course, it was a difficult market. His numbers were through the mosque's roof in the East, but in the West, God was in the toilet. As chart A clearly showed, there had been a short spike in His awareness levels immediately following 9/11, but it had been a nearly continuous freefall ever since--and even back then, His awareness was skewing negative."
"'Yes, yes,' said Rabbi Teitelbaum. 'The Google knows many things.'"
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LibraryThing member gregtmills
It's one thing to believe the message. It's another to worship the creed. Here's a collection of short, stark and funny parables about the futility of trying to find a short cut to the bosom of Abraham.
These are characters trapped in cul de sacs of legalistic fretting, and the god protrayed here in
It's a funny book, a ding on the vanities and motivations of hyperobservant followers everywhere. Not just Orthodox Jews.
These are characters trapped in cul de sacs of legalistic fretting, and the god protrayed here in
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the one that would have to exist to make all this theological manuvering something other than absurd and pointless -- a smug CEO, frustrated with his penny-ante creations and bound by his own legalistic mind.It's a funny book, a ding on the vanities and motivations of hyperobservant followers everywhere. Not just Orthodox Jews.
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LibraryThing member priamel
Extremely funny in places. The hamsters worshipping the mailman and the chicken-as-God recalled Pelevin, but he did it more deadpan (and so better I think).
LibraryThing member suesbooks
Tedious stories by an author very angry at Judaism. His Holocaust story was quite offensive. I prefer his non-fiction writing.
LibraryThing member jorgearanda
Hilarious, biting stories on religious angst and the theologically absurd. Here, God is a hitman, a huge Chicken, or an insecure and attention-seeking bully. Pet hamsters pray for the generosity of their Provider, and the Bible turns out to be ancient beach-reading fiction. Simply fabulous.
LibraryThing member CliffBurns
Very, very funny book but not for fundamentalist types of any persuasion. Auslander knows exactly where to stick the knife in...and twist.
LibraryThing member sdho
Hilarious, insightful, and sometimes just strange, this was a pleasure to read. I've insisted on reading several of the stories aloud, my personal favorite being "Waiting for Joe" (which I first heard read on This American Life). Highly recommend)
LibraryThing member chuewyc
I liked this book and i can't really tell you why. Very short stories mostly from a jewish perspective. Homourous and odd.
LibraryThing member chris.givler
One of the most deeply profane books I have ever read.
LibraryThing member SqueakyChu
These are stories based on the Jewish tradition which are totally profane and blasphemous so read them at your own risk. Some of them are quite funny. I liked three of the stories better than the others. "Bobo the Self Hating Chimp" is the story of how a chimp becomes aware of God, Death, Guilt and
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Shame. In "Somebody Up There Likes You", Bloom does not die in the car accident meant to kill him. "Startling Revelations from the Lost Book of Stan" tells the story of Stan finding the oldest Testaments. Don't say you weren't warned about the impropriety of these stories! Show Less
LibraryThing member dogboi
This is a fun collection of stories. The various versions of God are hilarious, and the final story about the Golems convinced me that they're probably too much of a bother. While nothing is sacred in these stories, everything is funny. Highly recommended to people with a sense of humor. Not
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recommended to those easily offended by "blasphemy". Show Less
LibraryThing member raizel
Heinlein said in Stranger in a Strange Land that humor is based on what hurts. These stories are funny because Auslander's anger and hurt about the sorry state of the world and God's responsibility for it are so serious and real.
Subjects
Original language
English
Physical description
207 p.; 7 inches
ISBN
9780743264570
Local notes
Donated by Julie Martinez