Status
Available
Call number
Publication
Penguin Books (2000), Edition: Reissue, 256 pages
Description
Dan Savage's nationally syndicated sex advice column, "Savage Love," enrages and excites more than four million people each week. In The Kid, Savage tells a no-holds-barred, high-energy story of an ordinary American couple who wants to have a baby. Except that in this case the couple happens to be Dan and his boyfriend. That fact, in the face of a society enormously uneasy with gay adoption, makes for an edgy, entertaining, and illuminating read. When Dan and his boyfriend are finally presented with an infant badly in need of parenting, they find themselves caught up in a drama that extends well beyond the confines of their immediate world. A story about confronting homophobia, falling in love, getting older, and getting a little bit smarter, The Kid is a book about the very human desire to have a family.… (more)
User reviews
LibraryThing member fyrefly98
Summary: When Dan Savage decided he was ready to be a father, the process was a bit more complicated then for most people. Because Dan is gay, he and his boyfriend Terry were limited in their options for having children. They had had discussions with lesbian friends about fathering a biological
Review: I've been a fan of Dan Savage's for a long time. Probably since about the time he published this book, in fact. But prior to this year, I'd only read one of his books. So I knew this book was out there, and knew it was something I'd probably enjoy (despite the fact that memoirs are typically not a favorite genre of mine). I also knew, at least in broad outline, the story of how Dan and Terry adopted DJ, their son. Savage is an advice columnist, focused on the lives of the people asking for advice, so he doesn't talk a lot about his family and his personal life on his blog or in his podcasts. But I'd assimilated enough pieces over time to put together at least a vague idea of the story. The book, of course, goes into a lot more detail than I'd heard before. I think that's one of the things that made this such an interesting reading experience: the fact that it was a memoir, that it was personal, that we get to see inside Dan's everyday life, and see Terry as a person rather than a passing mention.
While the subject matter isn't something that would have made me pick this book up if I hadn't been familiar with the author - gay adoption stories, or even adoption stories in general, aren't something that holds a particular interest for me - I thought The Kid was not only an interesting look into the adoption process, but also an interesting read due to its very clear place in time. I was worried that this book would be dated - DJ, who isn't born until near the end of the book, is now a 15-year-old kid. And it was dated, but in such a way that made me surprisingly happy. So much has changed in the arena of gay rights in the past 15 years; among other things, Savage writes in the book about Terry being his boyfriend (he dislikes the word "partner"), and how he doesn't think that he'll see marriage equality in his lifetime. I was hoping that the audiobook production, which was just recorded this year (well after Terry and Dan were married in Washington state), would include a new foreword or afterword in which Savage addresses some of the changes the past 15 years have wrought. It didn't, sadly, but I suppose I know Savage's opinion well enough from having read his column all this time.
Listening to Savage read this book was a great experience. I didn't have the same problems with The Kid as I did with American Savage - perhaps because it's an older book and Savage has a little more distance on it, or perhaps because it's material that was new to me, but I thought his reading sounded natural and lively but still distinct from the off-the-cuff style of his podcasts. Hearing the story not only from his perspective, but also in his voice, really brought the book to life, and I laughed out loud in quite a few places, but I also surprised myself by tearing up several times - especially since I already knew how the story ended. 4 out of 5 stars.
Recommendation: Unlike American Savage, I think The Kid is perfectly accessible to readers who aren't already fans of Savage's, but who are interested in issues of gay rights, adoption, and/or memoirs with a snarky sense of humor.
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child, but in the end, they decided that adoption represented the only practical solution. But in the late '90s, adoption by gay parents was legal in only a handful of states, and even in the liberal and progressive Pacific Northwest, Dan and Terry worried if a birth mom would ever pick a gay couple to raise her child. But as they entered the adoption process, they found that had surprises and challenges and heartbreak and joy in store for them that they never would have anticipated.Review: I've been a fan of Dan Savage's for a long time. Probably since about the time he published this book, in fact. But prior to this year, I'd only read one of his books. So I knew this book was out there, and knew it was something I'd probably enjoy (despite the fact that memoirs are typically not a favorite genre of mine). I also knew, at least in broad outline, the story of how Dan and Terry adopted DJ, their son. Savage is an advice columnist, focused on the lives of the people asking for advice, so he doesn't talk a lot about his family and his personal life on his blog or in his podcasts. But I'd assimilated enough pieces over time to put together at least a vague idea of the story. The book, of course, goes into a lot more detail than I'd heard before. I think that's one of the things that made this such an interesting reading experience: the fact that it was a memoir, that it was personal, that we get to see inside Dan's everyday life, and see Terry as a person rather than a passing mention.
While the subject matter isn't something that would have made me pick this book up if I hadn't been familiar with the author - gay adoption stories, or even adoption stories in general, aren't something that holds a particular interest for me - I thought The Kid was not only an interesting look into the adoption process, but also an interesting read due to its very clear place in time. I was worried that this book would be dated - DJ, who isn't born until near the end of the book, is now a 15-year-old kid. And it was dated, but in such a way that made me surprisingly happy. So much has changed in the arena of gay rights in the past 15 years; among other things, Savage writes in the book about Terry being his boyfriend (he dislikes the word "partner"), and how he doesn't think that he'll see marriage equality in his lifetime. I was hoping that the audiobook production, which was just recorded this year (well after Terry and Dan were married in Washington state), would include a new foreword or afterword in which Savage addresses some of the changes the past 15 years have wrought. It didn't, sadly, but I suppose I know Savage's opinion well enough from having read his column all this time.
Listening to Savage read this book was a great experience. I didn't have the same problems with The Kid as I did with American Savage - perhaps because it's an older book and Savage has a little more distance on it, or perhaps because it's material that was new to me, but I thought his reading sounded natural and lively but still distinct from the off-the-cuff style of his podcasts. Hearing the story not only from his perspective, but also in his voice, really brought the book to life, and I laughed out loud in quite a few places, but I also surprised myself by tearing up several times - especially since I already knew how the story ended. 4 out of 5 stars.
Recommendation: Unlike American Savage, I think The Kid is perfectly accessible to readers who aren't already fans of Savage's, but who are interested in issues of gay rights, adoption, and/or memoirs with a snarky sense of humor.
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LibraryThing member KristySP
I really enjoyed this book. I picked up at work on Saturday and finished it Sunday afternoon. Dan Savage, though a touch sloppy sometimes with his prose, is very readable and entertaining and I enjoyed his account of the open adoption experience. As he does in his advice column, Savage does not
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hold back on his fears, insecurities and concerns as a gay man embroiled in the very invasive, emotionally taxing process of adoption. I found it refreshing to read such an honest book about the perils and pleasures of starting a family. Show Less
LibraryThing member ASKelmore
From my Cannonball Read V Review...
I reviewed Dan Savages new book American Savage over the summer. When I heard that The Kid was available on audio book read by Mr. Savage himself, I quickly downloaded it. I planned to listen to it on runs but it was so good that after about three 20-minute runs I
The Kid follows Mr. Savage and his boyfriend (now husband) Terry Miller’s adoption of a baby through an open adoption process in Portland, Oregon. The book is broken up into sections that roughly follow the idea of pregnancy – gestation, birth, afterbirth (heh) – and include details of the challenges they faced as well as some fun stories about Mr. Savage and Mr. Miller that are relevant but not just about choosing to have a baby. For example, Mr. Savage became a republican in 1996 because there weren’t any in his neighborhood, which meant he was the precinct captain and got to try to influence the platform. That’s pretty funny.
Many of the stories focus on the uniqueness of two gay men adopting a child, especially the many years ago when Mr. Savage and Mr. Miller made the decision to become parents. In their intro seminar with the agency, it was all couples who were adopting because they weren’t able to conceive. As you can imagine, that meant they were coming at the process from a somewhat different place than other families. They weren’t trying to come to terms with infertility issues – that was kind of the deal from the beginning, being two men and all. Mr. Savage was also clear to point out that gay adoption wasn’t legal in all states at this time, and that “the more gay and lesbian couples raise children, the less easy it will be for the religious right to convince everyone that we’re monsters.”
They chose to adopt through an agency that deals solely in fully open adoptions, and I found it very interesting to learn details of Oregon law. In the past I’ve heard about open adoptions, but really learning about them, and about the laws that help make it easier for all involved was fascinating. And please note – I have no interest in bearing or adopting children, and this was still extremely interesting to me, so don’t be worried you won’t like it just because you aren’t interesting in having kids, or adopting them. As you can imagine (otherwise there wouldn’t be a book), they do eventually get chosen by a birth mother. Her story is interesting too, as is their attempts to navigate the relationship they are building together, premised around this baby she is going to give to them to raise. It’s sweet, but NOT overly sentimental. I loved that.
A couple of recommendations – if you are going to listen to or read the book, as it gets near the end, if you’re a crier, maybe set some alone time. When it comes time for them to take the baby, it’s heartbreaking. The language Mr. Savage uses is lovely, and a real tribute to all parties involved – the birth mother, the agency, and Mr. Savage and Mr. Miller. Adoption is obviously hard but an amazing choice, and the open adoption process seems to be filled with so much compassion and caring for the child and all the parties involved.
One point Mr. Savage made repeatedly that is obvious but good to be reminded about is the assumptions people make when they see babies. Living in the Pacific Northwest, I find that I’m surrounded by mostly progressive, or at least liberal, folks. I live in the same neighborhood as Mr. Savage and Mr. Miller and their son; seeing same-sex couples with babies is not something that makes me bat an eye. But people who either have not been exposed to that, or have chosen to ignore that it’s a real thing can make unintentionally hurtful comments. For example, if you see two men with a baby, don’t ask where mommy is. Maybe there is no mommy in the picture. It’s none of our business though – it’s important to not jump to any conclusions.
As you can see, I really enjoyed this book, especially the audio version of it. If you’re in the market for a great story with heart but no saccharine, check this one out.
I reviewed Dan Savages new book American Savage over the summer. When I heard that The Kid was available on audio book read by Mr. Savage himself, I quickly downloaded it. I planned to listen to it on runs but it was so good that after about three 20-minute runs I
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said screw it and listened to it all day until it was done. And it was good.The Kid follows Mr. Savage and his boyfriend (now husband) Terry Miller’s adoption of a baby through an open adoption process in Portland, Oregon. The book is broken up into sections that roughly follow the idea of pregnancy – gestation, birth, afterbirth (heh) – and include details of the challenges they faced as well as some fun stories about Mr. Savage and Mr. Miller that are relevant but not just about choosing to have a baby. For example, Mr. Savage became a republican in 1996 because there weren’t any in his neighborhood, which meant he was the precinct captain and got to try to influence the platform. That’s pretty funny.
Many of the stories focus on the uniqueness of two gay men adopting a child, especially the many years ago when Mr. Savage and Mr. Miller made the decision to become parents. In their intro seminar with the agency, it was all couples who were adopting because they weren’t able to conceive. As you can imagine, that meant they were coming at the process from a somewhat different place than other families. They weren’t trying to come to terms with infertility issues – that was kind of the deal from the beginning, being two men and all. Mr. Savage was also clear to point out that gay adoption wasn’t legal in all states at this time, and that “the more gay and lesbian couples raise children, the less easy it will be for the religious right to convince everyone that we’re monsters.”
They chose to adopt through an agency that deals solely in fully open adoptions, and I found it very interesting to learn details of Oregon law. In the past I’ve heard about open adoptions, but really learning about them, and about the laws that help make it easier for all involved was fascinating. And please note – I have no interest in bearing or adopting children, and this was still extremely interesting to me, so don’t be worried you won’t like it just because you aren’t interesting in having kids, or adopting them. As you can imagine (otherwise there wouldn’t be a book), they do eventually get chosen by a birth mother. Her story is interesting too, as is their attempts to navigate the relationship they are building together, premised around this baby she is going to give to them to raise. It’s sweet, but NOT overly sentimental. I loved that.
A couple of recommendations – if you are going to listen to or read the book, as it gets near the end, if you’re a crier, maybe set some alone time. When it comes time for them to take the baby, it’s heartbreaking. The language Mr. Savage uses is lovely, and a real tribute to all parties involved – the birth mother, the agency, and Mr. Savage and Mr. Miller. Adoption is obviously hard but an amazing choice, and the open adoption process seems to be filled with so much compassion and caring for the child and all the parties involved.
One point Mr. Savage made repeatedly that is obvious but good to be reminded about is the assumptions people make when they see babies. Living in the Pacific Northwest, I find that I’m surrounded by mostly progressive, or at least liberal, folks. I live in the same neighborhood as Mr. Savage and Mr. Miller and their son; seeing same-sex couples with babies is not something that makes me bat an eye. But people who either have not been exposed to that, or have chosen to ignore that it’s a real thing can make unintentionally hurtful comments. For example, if you see two men with a baby, don’t ask where mommy is. Maybe there is no mommy in the picture. It’s none of our business though – it’s important to not jump to any conclusions.
As you can see, I really enjoyed this book, especially the audio version of it. If you’re in the market for a great story with heart but no saccharine, check this one out.
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LibraryThing member CrunchyGranola
this is one of the best books written on adoption--it's a wonderful narrative which illustrates the joys and heartaches of open adoption. And a wonderful book about gay families, one family in particular.
LibraryThing member karieh
I was trying to adopt a child at the time I was reading this - so I was hooked. I just didn't expect to be laughing through about 75% of what was really a touching story. I've read it twice since I bought it - and I'm guessing I'll read it several more times.
LibraryThing member coffeekid1
Dan Savage, an unabashed gay liberal and author of "Savage Love" a syndicated weekly sex/relationship column in US alternative newspapers such as the Village Voice, writes the story of the adoption process in the US for gay couples.
Insightful, funny, informative, energizing and poignant...Savage's
A meaty book that reads like a comedy of errors.
Insightful, funny, informative, energizing and poignant...Savage's
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usual baudy raw humor comes through loud & clear. A meaty book that reads like a comedy of errors.
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LibraryThing member coolmama
How could you NOT love Dan Savage.
A "no holes barred" rollicking tale of his experiences with an open adoption with his boyfriend. As two gay men in a fairly all white/Christian/rigid system their tale was an eye-opener.
A little TMI about the joys of "gay sex" and what he likes, but, that aside, I
A "no holes barred" rollicking tale of his experiences with an open adoption with his boyfriend. As two gay men in a fairly all white/Christian/rigid system their tale was an eye-opener.
A little TMI about the joys of "gay sex" and what he likes, but, that aside, I
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look forward to more of this proud liberal! Show Less
LibraryThing member tmannix
A nice mix of humor, cultural criticism, and, yes, heart-warming drama. When Dan and his boyfriend decide they want to have a baby they decide to go the adoption route (rather than the lesbian mother insemination route). Here's the story of their journey through an open adoption process involving a
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street kid mom and a possibly fetal alcohol syndrome baby. So it's unconventional on the surface. Really, they go through all the same worries, fears, indecisions and joys that I imagine any adoptive couple faces. It's a sweet story. And it's funny. And he's a bit defensive about his homosexuality--probably rightly so. Show Less
LibraryThing member bookwormteri
First of all, I adore Dan Savage. I would love to hang out with him, but I am afraid that I am not snarky or cool enough. He is a bit grumpy, but so lovable.
This is the story of how he and his boyfriend adopted their son. Moving, honest, funny, and intelligent. Loved it!
This is the story of how he and his boyfriend adopted their son. Moving, honest, funny, and intelligent. Loved it!
LibraryThing member cransell
Dan Savage offers a humorous and touching look at his and partner Dan's open adoption.
LibraryThing member aBohemian1
Amazing - funny, sentimental, and honest. I loved reading it!
LibraryThing member Marlene-NL
Finished this book this morning. I had only 20 pages left and wanted to read so it was the first thing i did. Yes it was a very interesting book. One thing that surprised me was his language. i liked it! Did not expect that from an American writer. lol. It was interesting to see how the open
Now I am going to read book 2. so glad Joanna offered this as a 2 offer in the swap I won this.
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adoption go's and also to read about the gay men's view.Now I am going to read book 2. so glad Joanna offered this as a 2 offer in the swap I won this.
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LibraryThing member ErikaWasTaken
I read these books in opposite order, so I'm used to thinking about DJ as an eight year old. It was touching to read the story about how they became a family. As always Dan's writing is initmate, with just the perfect touch of snark --the guy at the cocktail party that you are so glad you ended up
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next to at the beer tub because his observations about other guests are dead on. Show Less
LibraryThing member MiaCulpa
I'm embarrassed to admit that I thought there was an error in the title "The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant" when I first saw it, thinking that it must mean Dan's girlfriend. In my defence not only was I young and particularly daft but a the time Australia
Dan Savage records the story of he and his boyfriend adopting a child, including interactions with the young, homeless mother, and the reactions of his and his boyfriend's parents. Like in all of Savage's writing There is a lot of humour to be found within the pages of "The Kid", and much pointed social comment as well. Sometimes though you wonder what their son JD will think of the book, especially around Savage's regular comments about using JD as a tax break.
This was written nearly two decades ago so I hope Savage, his now husband and their son are still happy together.
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was a long way from legalising adoption by same sex partners. Dan Savage records the story of he and his boyfriend adopting a child, including interactions with the young, homeless mother, and the reactions of his and his boyfriend's parents. Like in all of Savage's writing There is a lot of humour to be found within the pages of "The Kid", and much pointed social comment as well. Sometimes though you wonder what their son JD will think of the book, especially around Savage's regular comments about using JD as a tax break.
This was written nearly two decades ago so I hope Savage, his now husband and their son are still happy together.
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LibraryThing member jennifergeran
Dan Savage has a way of speaking the unspoken, often uncharitable reaction a lot of us would have in a situation. I think he calls it Tourettes. I especially enjoyed two gestures he made/planned. An example of his good nature: he gives the most appropriate gift you could think of to the birth
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mother who is a gutter punk...a man's ID bracelet with the birth name of the child on it. The vengeful Dan, however, plans to slip the birth announcement returned by an estranged great grandmother into her casket (when she eventually dies) to be with her for all eternity. Show Less
Awards
PEN Center USA Literary Award (Winner — Creative Nonfiction — 2000)
Language
Original language
English
Original publication date
1999-09-01
Physical description
256 p.; 5.34 inches
ISBN
0452281768 / 9780452281769