Status
Available
Call number
Publication
New York : Twelve, 2009.
Description
Award-winning science journalists Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman demonstrate that many of modern society's strategies for nurturing children are in fact backfiring--because key twists in the science of child development have been overlooked. The authors discuss the inverse power of praise, why insufficient sleep adversely affects kids' capacity to learn, why white parents don't talk about race, why kids lie, why evaluation methods for "giftedness" and accompanying programs don't work, and why siblings really fight.
Media reviews
But to judge from these pages, the authors are a bit too enthralled with their academic sources. Their penchant for describing psychological studies and research projects as if they were chemistry experiments, with phrases like “the test of scientific analysis” and “the science of peer
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relations,” conjure up the image of Thomas Dolby repeatedly exhorting “Science!” ......Bronson has adroitly polished a fairly unoriginal subject into high-gloss pop psychology. Show Less
User reviews
LibraryThing member charlierb3
About: Bronson and Merryman present research showing that many parenting "instincts" are dead wrong. Racism, praise, language, lying, intelligence, rebelling and self-control are all covered.
Some Neat Things I Learned:
* Praising a child for being smart is detrimental, praising them for specific
* Sleep is really important. Not enough sleep can make kids and teens stupid and fat. Thus, high schools should start later.
* Kids lie. A whole lot.
* Kids' brains develop at highly different rates. So if they take intelligence tests before 3rd grade, the results are meaningless. Therefore, elite private schools who test young kids for entrance to their school are not only taking in tons of kids who's brains will grow slowly and fall below their standards, they are missing "slow blooming" smart kids.
* Responding to a child's babbling and vocalizations frequently greatly increases language acquisition.
Pros: Fascinating and amazingly interesting, even for someone without kids or isn't planning on having them. Chapter on language is especially engaging.
Cons: Will probably make you feel like a bad parent. Breaks the high school writing tip of "don't introduce new information in the conclusion." No in-text cites. There's further information on some chapter material in the notes section at the back but they were not mentioned in the beginning of the book, so I missed them. Only selected resources and references provided.
Grade: A-
Some Neat Things I Learned:
* Praising a child for being smart is detrimental, praising them for specific
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actions or working hard is better. * Sleep is really important. Not enough sleep can make kids and teens stupid and fat. Thus, high schools should start later.
* Kids lie. A whole lot.
* Kids' brains develop at highly different rates. So if they take intelligence tests before 3rd grade, the results are meaningless. Therefore, elite private schools who test young kids for entrance to their school are not only taking in tons of kids who's brains will grow slowly and fall below their standards, they are missing "slow blooming" smart kids.
* Responding to a child's babbling and vocalizations frequently greatly increases language acquisition.
Pros: Fascinating and amazingly interesting, even for someone without kids or isn't planning on having them. Chapter on language is especially engaging.
Cons: Will probably make you feel like a bad parent. Breaks the high school writing tip of "don't introduce new information in the conclusion." No in-text cites. There's further information on some chapter material in the notes section at the back but they were not mentioned in the beginning of the book, so I missed them. Only selected resources and references provided.
Grade: A-
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LibraryThing member dolphari
The authors took several "popular wisdom" issues and looked at the research about them. The result is fascinating revelations that will change the way you parent. They take on the American parent's obsession with praising children for everything, and find that it demotivates them. Only praising for
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effort bears good results. They look at what creates mean kids, and find that more often, the mean kids are also the nice kids. Also, educational children's TV makes kids much meaner than violent TV makes kids violent. Nearly every chapter I wanted to read aloud to others! Definitely a book I would like on my shelf to refer to and have some data to challenge assumptions with. Show Less
LibraryThing member RachelJohn
I really loved this book. I won it as a giveaway. I tend to avoid non-fiction because its so hard to get through, but this should be required reading for all parents, teachers and anyone interested in child psychology. Each chapter covers a different study of children which often caused unexpected
The chapters almost always start with an intersting anecdote that seems unrelated to the topic, but explains things perfectly as you read through the chapter. Some of the topics covered are, lying, praise, self-esteem, teen rebellion, sibling relationships, how kids view race and much more.
The authors found that there are two biases that had to be overcome before these studies could be done properly, understood clearly and implemented in the lives of children:
1. Things work in children the same way they work in adults (The Fallacy of Similar Effect)
(It shouldn't be hard to see this is false, and yet the studies get overlooked in favor of what is best for adults - such as when school starts, zero-tolerance policies, discipline and praise, diversity training and the list goes on.)
2. Positive traits in children oppose or ward off negative behavior (The Fallacy of the Good/Bad Dichotomy)
A few examples would be assuming children with good self-esteem are less agressive than kids with bad self-esteem - its the opposite, assuming that children who clearly understand what lies are and why they are bad lie less. (They lie more convincingly and more often.) Cause and effect are tricky things.
It is a really long read (as is this review - I apologize) but is jam packed with so many goodies that I'll be referring back to it for a long time. I'm afraid to lend it out. I wish I had a few more copies!
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results. In many instances, parents, teachers, government or scientists are putting a lot of well-meaning time, money, effort, and emotional deposits into ideas or programs which studies show do not produce the expected results. The authors tell you in detail why this happened, and what studies were done to discover why. The detail on the studies is almost tedious, yet neccessary. They tell you how each study was done, for how long, if there was a similar study done elsewhere, follow up studies, how many children were involved, how cooperative the parents and teachers were, where the study took place, socioeconomic backgrounds, race, etc etc etc.The chapters almost always start with an intersting anecdote that seems unrelated to the topic, but explains things perfectly as you read through the chapter. Some of the topics covered are, lying, praise, self-esteem, teen rebellion, sibling relationships, how kids view race and much more.
The authors found that there are two biases that had to be overcome before these studies could be done properly, understood clearly and implemented in the lives of children:
1. Things work in children the same way they work in adults (The Fallacy of Similar Effect)
(It shouldn't be hard to see this is false, and yet the studies get overlooked in favor of what is best for adults - such as when school starts, zero-tolerance policies, discipline and praise, diversity training and the list goes on.)
2. Positive traits in children oppose or ward off negative behavior (The Fallacy of the Good/Bad Dichotomy)
A few examples would be assuming children with good self-esteem are less agressive than kids with bad self-esteem - its the opposite, assuming that children who clearly understand what lies are and why they are bad lie less. (They lie more convincingly and more often.) Cause and effect are tricky things.
It is a really long read (as is this review - I apologize) but is jam packed with so many goodies that I'll be referring back to it for a long time. I'm afraid to lend it out. I wish I had a few more copies!
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LibraryThing member wealhtheowwylfing
A pair of journalists sum up recent research on childrearing. Some is seemingly obvious:
Praise efforts, not intrinsic qualities.
Make sure children get enough sleep, in a consistent pattern.
Talk about race with children, because they're noticing on their own and they may come to erroneous
Adults are bad at telling when a child is lying, and need to respond when their children lie.
Siblings fight, but this isn't necessarily harmful or the sign of a bad relationship, and they rarely fight over parental love or attention.
Having conversations with babies helps them learn language.
I was surprised by the research into teen arguments with their parents: apparently its often motivated by a desire to connect and find agreement. It's not necessarily a sign that they're trying to destroy the relationship or that they don't respect the parent (if they truly don't respect their parent, they'll ignore them and do what they please).
And I hadn't heard that no early test for intelligence (emotional, physical, or whatever) is particularly good at predicting later intelligence or achievement; kids' intelligence scores aren't reliable until 11 or 12, because neurons, the cerebral cortex, and connections between nerve capsules are still developing, often very rapidly in short periods of time during childhood. Too, children use different clusters of their brain to think. "Smart" kids are the ones who have shifted processing to the same network as adults. The authors make a compelling argument that testing for "gifted" programs should take place later in childhood; testing preschoolers miscategorizes well over half (the authors say 73%) of children.
The ideas are interesting, but I was annoyed at the tendentious, breezy way the authors talked about the included studies. They flit from one to the next, proclaiming a single interpretation as the One Truth and then hustling along to the next topic. The lack of critical thought frustrated me and made me doubt their conclusions.
Praise efforts, not intrinsic qualities.
Make sure children get enough sleep, in a consistent pattern.
Talk about race with children, because they're noticing on their own and they may come to erroneous
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conclusions. (I actually really liked part of this section, because it talks about how children watch their parents for how to respond to others--and if white kids see that their white parents only have white friends, or are uncomfortable around people of color, they'll mirror that.) Adults are bad at telling when a child is lying, and need to respond when their children lie.
Siblings fight, but this isn't necessarily harmful or the sign of a bad relationship, and they rarely fight over parental love or attention.
Having conversations with babies helps them learn language.
I was surprised by the research into teen arguments with their parents: apparently its often motivated by a desire to connect and find agreement. It's not necessarily a sign that they're trying to destroy the relationship or that they don't respect the parent (if they truly don't respect their parent, they'll ignore them and do what they please).
And I hadn't heard that no early test for intelligence (emotional, physical, or whatever) is particularly good at predicting later intelligence or achievement; kids' intelligence scores aren't reliable until 11 or 12, because neurons, the cerebral cortex, and connections between nerve capsules are still developing, often very rapidly in short periods of time during childhood. Too, children use different clusters of their brain to think. "Smart" kids are the ones who have shifted processing to the same network as adults. The authors make a compelling argument that testing for "gifted" programs should take place later in childhood; testing preschoolers miscategorizes well over half (the authors say 73%) of children.
The ideas are interesting, but I was annoyed at the tendentious, breezy way the authors talked about the included studies. They flit from one to the next, proclaiming a single interpretation as the One Truth and then hustling along to the next topic. The lack of critical thought frustrated me and made me doubt their conclusions.
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LibraryThing member mcelhra
Nurture Shock’s basic premise is to take traditional parenting techniques and ideas and turn them on their heads. For instance the first chapter, called The In Inverse Power of Praise, is about how over praising children can have the opposite effect of what the parent intended. The child’s
My favorite chapter, that I think every parent should read, is Why White Parents Don’t Talk About Race. I have long railed against the notion of color-blindness being a sincere or realistic perspective and this chapter helps explain why. When parents don’t talk about race, it leaves children confused and often thinking any mention of race must be bad because their parents never talk about it.
This book is more about how children’s brains work and doesn’t have that many specific techniques that a parent could just lift out of the book and put into practice. However, if a parent has a better understand of how her child’s brain works and what her thought processes are, then she will be better able to come up with ways of dealing with her child that works for her family.
I think this is definitely one book every parent should have in his/her arsenal.
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performance may actually decrease. Each chapter cites studies and research the authors have uncovered to support their conclusions. Most of the authors’ assertions make total sense after they explain the research that’s been done on the subject in question, even though it contradicts conventional wisdom.My favorite chapter, that I think every parent should read, is Why White Parents Don’t Talk About Race. I have long railed against the notion of color-blindness being a sincere or realistic perspective and this chapter helps explain why. When parents don’t talk about race, it leaves children confused and often thinking any mention of race must be bad because their parents never talk about it.
This book is more about how children’s brains work and doesn’t have that many specific techniques that a parent could just lift out of the book and put into practice. However, if a parent has a better understand of how her child’s brain works and what her thought processes are, then she will be better able to come up with ways of dealing with her child that works for her family.
I think this is definitely one book every parent should have in his/her arsenal.
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LibraryThing member ammie
When I picked this book off, I was immediately turned off by the lack of research and offended by generalizations that didn't resonate with my own experiences. Then I realized that, while the introduction didn't cite sources, the rest of the book did, and included a vast works cited at the end. I
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put the book down for a few months and came back to it with a fresh attitude. I'm so glad I did! For me it was a largely hopeful parenting "manual." I went away inspired to defend and protect my child's needs, but not hung up about parenting in one right way or over-zealously implementing techniques proven to help our children be emotionally and intellectually successful. Overall, this was an informative, interesting, and quick read.- Show Less
LibraryThing member framberg
While sometimes the chatty style of this book made me roll my eyes, the research discussed is important reading for anyone who works with kids. Bronson and Merryman have investigated some of the big questions of parenting - why do children lie? how can I motivate my child to be successful? how do
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kids learn about human differences? - and have uncovered some surprising answers. Although it can be overwhelming to consider all of the "best practices" the authors cover, this book encouraged me to think about how I teach, and I will definitely reread sections when I'm a parent. Show Less
LibraryThing member soylentgreen23
I read this around the time that I first became a parent, and so everything was so eye-opening and thrilling, from the way that children learn their first language, to the way that teenagers' sleep patterns differ from everyone else's. Written in the same New-Yorker style popularised by Gladwell,
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it never gets too bogged down in technical language either. Show Less
LibraryThing member sruszala
On the cover of my edition of this book, there is a quote from Daniel H Pink that reads, "NurtureShock is one of the most important books you will read this year." And I couldn't agree more. It's not often that I buy a full-price book in hardcover (why would I?) but this book was worth every penny.
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I had read Bronson and Merryman's essay on praise when it was originally published and felt it to be an interesting and compelling piece of parenting advice. This book begins with that essay and adds new chapters on sleep, self-control, manipulation and more. Best of all, the summary ties many of the themes together in a way that isn't forced and also acknowledges the mystery of parenting (not just the science). I've already recommended this to a number of friends and will continue to do so. Show Less
LibraryThing member francescadefreitas
Articles highlighting some of the research around child development, including thinking about: praise, sleep, race, lying, intelligence testing, siblings, arguing, self-control, empathy, and language skills. Whew. There's a lot here, but it is written in a light and engaging style. And the
I'd buy this for a parenting collection.
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conclusion is comfortable - there is no exactly right way to parent, and flexibility is important, not just in your parenting, but in your thinking about children.I'd buy this for a parenting collection.
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LibraryThing member amf0001
Fascinating book about new developments in child psychology and brain development. Many of these chapters have been published seperately as magazine articles. Well written and genuinely thought provoking, I would encourage anyone who deals with children (parents, aunts, teachers, judges!, police
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etc) to read it and give it some thought. Even if you don't agree, it helps clarify your own position (though with all the science given, it's hard not to agree) Enjoyed it and have given it as a present. Show Less
LibraryThing member kristenn
This was a compilation of current scientific studies and trends, yet super interesting to read. A lot like a Gladwell book. The theories will probably not all pan out, but that's not on the writers. The variety of eleven different development areas, dealing with a range of ages, kept things from
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bogging down or getting redundant. Of course, the fact that most of these studies supported basic common sense and doing less than current parenting trends call for make it pretty easy to give them a thumbs up. But ask me again once I actually have kids. The emphasis on "here is another area where a child is not just a small adult, due to brain development stages" seemed especially helpful, because it's not intuitive. Show Less
LibraryThing member danivg
I found the subject matter of this book to be very interesting, not only from the perspective of raising my own children but also looking back on my own development. The book is split into ten sections, each detailing several scientific research experiments and their results, on a question of child
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development. Each section is also interspersed with the experiences of the authors or other people they interviewed. For me, these stories made for a very readable book and kept things from being bogged down by the science of it all. You do come away with lots of tips on how to put the research into effect yourself but it’s not a parenting manual with lists of bulleted suggestions or anything. Like any book on parenting you might not want to take the whole thing as gospel but I think anyone who deals with children would find something worthwhile here. Show Less
LibraryThing member sammimag
I listened to the audiobook read by one of the authors, the guy one. Not so bad to listen to. I found it very interesting although I didn't agree with everything. The book talks about the research that has been done recently about how the child's brain works. We have learned that children's brains
Although the authors seemed to say they weren't looking for the answers to make super kids that's what they seemed to come back to again and again. For example, some research shows that the more we connect/touch our kids when they are beginning to learn language the sooner we can have them talking. Why do we need to have kids doing things earlier and earlier? The very first child he talks about in the book who struggles with some things in first grade I thought why does he have to learn it in first grade?
So although I found the book interesting. I am concerned what do we do with this information? If we use this info to "help" kids learn faster is this a good thing? If I answered this question the answer is no. So what do we do with this information? Thankfully this is not a parenting book. So hurray for that. I am so done with parenting books. So you can decide what you want to do with the information.
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work differently than adult brains. (How many of you would like to say if they would have just asked the mom's we could have told world that a long time ago ?;)Although the authors seemed to say they weren't looking for the answers to make super kids that's what they seemed to come back to again and again. For example, some research shows that the more we connect/touch our kids when they are beginning to learn language the sooner we can have them talking. Why do we need to have kids doing things earlier and earlier? The very first child he talks about in the book who struggles with some things in first grade I thought why does he have to learn it in first grade?
So although I found the book interesting. I am concerned what do we do with this information? If we use this info to "help" kids learn faster is this a good thing? If I answered this question the answer is no. So what do we do with this information? Thankfully this is not a parenting book. So hurray for that. I am so done with parenting books. So you can decide what you want to do with the information.
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LibraryThing member montano
This book is a bombshell that every parent, caretaker and person who interacts with children should read. It explodes the conventional wisdom on why and how children lie, self-control, intelligence, the value of praise and the importance of sleep. In a easy to read style the authors present their
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case for reexamining what we THINK we know about children. Show Less
LibraryThing member GShuk
It is a thought provoking book challenging some long held beliefs on child rearing. Some of the topics it covers are sleep, why kids lie, why siblings fight, negative effects of praise, how to talk to kids about race. One of my takeaways was the degree to which lack of sleep negatively affects
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weight, school marks and may even be a major cause of moodiness in teenagers. I would recommend this for any parent with babies all the way up to high school. Show Less
LibraryThing member sabs83
Analyses popular practices in parenting and shows the research to either explain or debunk the practice.
LibraryThing member SystemicPlural
Great review of modern research into childhood development.
My only complaints are that it doesn't ask deeply enough what is a healthy adult, and thus what we should be doing to bring children to that. Also, often doesn't ask if some of the results might turn out differently over longer term
My only complaints are that it doesn't ask deeply enough what is a healthy adult, and thus what we should be doing to bring children to that. Also, often doesn't ask if some of the results might turn out differently over longer term
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studies. For example, Europe generally achieves a higher literacy rate and yet has a later starting age for learning to read. Show Less
LibraryThing member lindap69
A bit depressing about all the ways I may have failed my children while following the current trends when they were young. Luckily they raised themselves enough to be some great adults. Hopefully by the time their kids arrive society will have incorporated some of these ideas (later start for high
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school) and be a better place. Show Less
LibraryThing member verbafacio
There should be many more books like this book. Po Bronson does something so logical but so rarely done -- he presents parenting advice based on sound social science (and other sciences) research! This book is a must-have for a new parent, or a parent of a teen. Studies have found many fascinating
As the parent of a 6 month old, I found the chapter on speech particularly illuminating. We noticed a difference in our daughter's vocalizations as soon as we started responding to her more in the way Bronson suggests.
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but counterintuitive facts of parenting.As the parent of a 6 month old, I found the chapter on speech particularly illuminating. We noticed a difference in our daughter's vocalizations as soon as we started responding to her more in the way Bronson suggests.
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LibraryThing member Yllom
Enjoyed this, as it reinforced some of the things that I already believed (kids need more sleep!). Wish there had been footnotes, and I would have liked to follow up on a few threads. There are extensive endnotes, but not connected directly to the text.
LibraryThing member wendallyn
Wow! Challenge all your thoughts about raising your kids. A must read for all parents bringing up children today. Some statements you initially think are off base until you read the rationale and it all makes sense! Very highly recommend this book.
LibraryThing member dandi
Having no children, and thus no parenting experience, but lots of niece and nephews, and thus lots of judging of other people's parenting, this was an absolutely fascinating read. I did learn some things to apply to my own interactions with my nieces and nephews. Most significant in my eyes,
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however, is how things that "everyone knows" to be true are actually quite false. If we cannot trust the newspaper reporting - or even the actual researchers' reporting - of a scientific study to be telling us a reliable truth, how much else of what we read and hear as discovered by science is also untrue? I am going to be reading such reports a lot more critically from now on. Show Less
LibraryThing member janw
The inverse praise section was interesting. Since it went along with something I've always believed I liked it. For me the section on talking to children about race was the most enlightening. Like many other parents I thought you just throw the kids together and they will figure it out. This
Another interesting bit was the contention that there is no teen "identity-crisis". Again the teen chapter played to my prejudice that parents who are tyrants and lay down strict rules with no exceptions will not be successful at nurturing kids, especially in the teen years. They likely will have a full blown rebellion on their hands. Although as we learned in the book for teens the easy route is just to lie.
One thing the book left me wondering about is whether talking & reacting to your baby at the right moment to increase their vocabulary, Using the Tools curriculum with young children, essentially doing everything right really makes any difference when the young person reaches say age 18 or 22. Are these young adults happier, smarter and more productive people in the long run? I hope so.
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apparently does not work. Kids need to actually be assigned to work together for them to actually develop friendships. Again it's common sense but it goes along way towards explaining why the more integrated the school, the more kids sort themselves out by race in the cafeteria and school events. You have to have those opportunities to make friends. In a less integrated setting I'm sure minorities are integrated if they are to have friends at all. Another interesting bit was the contention that there is no teen "identity-crisis". Again the teen chapter played to my prejudice that parents who are tyrants and lay down strict rules with no exceptions will not be successful at nurturing kids, especially in the teen years. They likely will have a full blown rebellion on their hands. Although as we learned in the book for teens the easy route is just to lie.
One thing the book left me wondering about is whether talking & reacting to your baby at the right moment to increase their vocabulary, Using the Tools curriculum with young children, essentially doing everything right really makes any difference when the young person reaches say age 18 or 22. Are these young adults happier, smarter and more productive people in the long run? I hope so.
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LibraryThing member delphica
I mostly liked this, because I am a big fan of building evidence-based skill sets. Each chapter focuses on relatively recent research in child development, and I think the authors did a fine job with presenting the both the process and the findings. I was sometimes a little put off by an underlying
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tone that the results are SHOCKING (well, maybe it's not THAT underlying if it's in the title) and they seemed to delight in the possibility that some people would be affronted by such a challenge to their own parenting strategies. The studies presented were definitely interesting, but I also think a lot of them relate to things many parents will recognize in their already-existing parenting styles. They speak a lot about how the results go against "common knowledge" but I felt they had an awfully narrow definition of "common knowledge" (I suspect they like to think all parents are hyper over-achievers.) I should point out that was a relatively minor aspect of the book, it's pretty easy to mentally edit that out and stick with the actual information. Show Less
Awards
Audie Award (Finalist — 2010)
Books for a Better Life Award (Winner — 2009)
Language
Original publication date
2009-09
Physical description
xi, 336 p.; 24 cm
ISBN
9780446504126