The Rules of Survival

Sadly, a story that would probably be familiar to too many children. I like the fact that Werlin portrayed the reality faced by children who ask protection from the authorities-- the story suggests that doesn't necessarily work. Sometimes, kids have to find another way out, without directly

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involving the authorities. Some teens who read this might wonder just what is wrong with this mother, Nikki. The fact that she suffers from some kind of mental disorder is alluded to, but not dissected. Personally, I wondered: borderline personality disorder, narcissism, something else? Ultimately, it doesn't matter to the children: she is crazy, unpredictable, sometimes violent, malevolent. Although it was highly recommended to me, I couldn't give it more than three stars because the voice of the narrator, a 19 year old young man, sounds too adultified. If he were telling this story at age 30, I'd buy it, but his voice doesn't sound like the voice of any 19 year old I've ever met.

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Rules of Survival by Nancy Werlin deserves all the high praise it has been getting from young and old alike. I loved it from the first page and couldn’t put it down. How could I resist? This is such a compelling tale of psychological, emotional, and physical child abuse, and it is told so

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earnestly and believably from the eldest child’s point of view. What makes this book is so devastatingly compelling is that the abuser is the children’s mother.

I don’t want to give away the plot, or spoil any part of this wonderful tale by telling you any critical details. It is enough to say that this book is well-written, thrilling, and fast-paced. The characters are extremely believable. Nancy Werlin is a master storyteller.

But I do want to make one matter perfectly clear: yes, their mother is mentally ill, but please don’t be mislead by other reviews to think that she is a bipolar (a modern term for manic-depressive illness) or psychotic. Perfectly normal-acting persons with bipolar illness surround all of us every day. This illness can be treated very successfully by medication. It would be wrong of you to think that Nikki’s actions are those of person suffering from bipolar illness. And psychotic…well, if Nikki were psychotic she’d be a lot worse than what she is here in this novel, and true psychotics are a lot rarer. No, Nikki is one of those unfortunate persons with borderline personality disorder (BPD)…and they are more common. It is a term that sounds innocent enough, but it’s as close to psychotic as you can get and still be seen by most folks as somewhat normal. It is an illness that cannot be cured by medication, and psychiatric talk-therapy has had little success with this biologically hard-wired condition.

Unfortunately, I know two people with borderline personality disorder: one I avoid completely because I can, and the other…well, that person I have to deal with fairly often. Neither is as bad as Nikki, but Nikki’s problems are significantly exacerbated by lack of an unconditionally loving family to support her, major illegal drug abuse, and the stress of raising three small children entirely on her own.

If you love this book and want to know more about borderline personality disorder, check it out on the Internet. While you’re at it, learn more about bipolar illness and psychosis, too.

This was my first Nancy Werlin book. I can hardly wait to read more. I love the fact that she deals with tantalizing topics at the fringe of the human condition…and she does it so well!

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Matthew is a seventeen year old trying to take care of all of the things that most teens take care of. The problem is his mother is out of control. She is mentally and physically abusive. He and hsi sister Callie protect their youngest sister Emmy from their mother's insane tirades. They have

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become good a surviving these abuses. Their father is out of the picture. He knows how their mother is but won't help because he is afraid. Their aunt lives beneath them and turns a blind eye. Those that they thought would help them don't.

When their mother starts dating Murdoch they dare to hope things will be better. Things are better for a while until she becomes jealous of the attention he is showing the kids. Murdoch makes the decision to break it off with her. Things get worse for the kids. Matthew must find the strength to survive and protect his sisters.
I loved this story. Unfortunately we see it all too often. Werlin is not afraid to speak to kids about the tough topics. Her characters are very believable and the situations are very real. I hated Nikki and yet at the same time wondered if her insanity could ever be helped. A part of me pitied her. I would most definately recommend this book to all of my students and fellow teachers. You never know when the book might be placed in the hands sof the person who needs it most

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The Rules of Survival by Nancy Werlin is the story of a teenage boy who is desperately trying to save himself and his younger sisters from his very disturbed and dangerous mother. This is an intense and riveting story that I couldn’t put down, I was in turns horrified and disgusted that this

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mother of three was able to get away with how she treated her children. Her sister reveals at one point that Nikki, the mother, was an extremely difficult child who was always lying and having tantrums which makes me believe she had a lifelong mental problem that was never diagnosed.

This is a heartbreaking story as Matthew relates how their mother’s abusive behavior was overlooked by many as she never beat them or sexually molested them. Instead the children had to deal with her manic behavior, mood swings, and reckless endangerment. This is a portrait of a family in crisis that certainly stirs the emotions.

The Rules For Survival is told in the form of a letter that an older Matthew writes to his youngest sister, Emmy, but it is also a way for him to look back on events that shaped his life and help him to both heal and understand who he is. Although this book is labelled as YA, the story is powerful and haunting as it deals with a very adult subject matter. The author totally pinpoints the impact that an untreated mental illness can have.

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I started hearing about this book much earlier in the year from people who read the ARC. I just couldn't wait to get my hands on it. Some books dont' live up to the high expectations, but this one does. I would rate it one of the best of the year, if not the best.

Matthew has rules to survive

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living with his mother. He pretends to be grateful and loving when she is in a good mood, never crosses her in a bad mood, and protects his two younger siblings from her as best he can. His mother is a violent promiscuous drug user who struggles with her own demons. Matthew is trapped because he can never leave his sisters behind with her. But then Matthew finds a man in a quick mart who stands up to an abusive father and realizes that this man, Murdoch may be able to help them. As Matthew starts to try to find Murdoch, his mother finds out and begins her own relationship with Murdoch that will drag him into the family's drama.

This novel is about abuse, bravery, duty, and strength. It is about living in fear as both a child and an adult. It is about adults who can suddenly choose to be involved and in doing so can save children. It is powerful, amazing, and breathtaking. Werlin's prose is raw, troubled, honest and angry, speaking directly from the gut. Matthew is a complex character as are his younger sisters and each reacts to the abuse by their mother in a different and complicated way. Adding power to the story, Nikki, the mother, is also not stereotypical, but demonstrates how abuse can be more than physical. She is a frightening, horrid character, but readers will glimpse her humanity as well, which is a truly remarkable feat of authorship.

This book calls out to be booktalked and will fly off the shelves. It has a strong cover and can be recommended to all of the teens who enjoy A Child Called It. It has a strong crossover appeal for adults and would make a great book discussion title for teen/parent book discussions. This one is my top choice of the year so far.

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Werlin’s book is another National Book Award finalist. In addition to being a thrilling page-turner, this book presents a picture of abuse often ignored. Nikki O'Grady Walsh has a big name and loud words but physically this mother could be knocked over with one finger. Abuse is not just physical.

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Werlin shows the mental side of abuse as well as it has been done in fiction. The depiction of Murdoch and how he falls into and out of Emmy and Matt's lives shows a very real human reaction. Sometimes when the stakes get high and the problems are big, it is easiest to leave. It is Matt who finally convinces Murdoch that dealing with helping them does not require him to be superman. Both Matt and Murdoch just need to take one step, do one thing that makes life better. Another aspect of the book that the teacher in me loves is the suggestion that we use writing. We use writing not to tell a story or convey information, but as a means to understand ourselves. Highly recommended for high school libraries.

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Swift, interesting read and a fairly successful epistolary novel. Predictable plot of abusive parent, kids trying to find their own way, but likeable characters and a nice examination of what it means to be a hero.

Matt is 18 years old and a high school graduate when, looking back on the last few years, he decides to write a journal to his younger sister Emmie about how their mother mistreated them and their sister Callie. The entire novel is told in this epistilary format, with occassional side comments

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directly to Emmie from Matt about events that occurred several years prior. The story itself begins when Matt and Callie witnessed an adult stranger named Murdock sticking up for a boy he didn't know when the boy's father physically abused him in a market. Matt and Callie had been suffering through their own abuse at the hands of their mother Nicky, who very frequently left her kids home alone to fend for themselves, sometimes for days at a time. Matt sees Murdock as a saviour, someone to save him and his sisters from their wicked, mean-spirited mother. However, he learns that things are never as simple as they seem, and his mother is much more wicked and evil than he ever imagined.
This book disturbed me because I'm not a fan of books with child abuse as a thematic element. Trust me-- I know it happens all too frequently. I've just read so many books on this same topic that it starts to feel like just one more depressing 'Child Called It' wannabe (I didn't like that one, either). However, Werlin gives us a good dose of what life with Nicky is like, but doesn't continually drag us through the muck. Instead, we root for the three kids' survival and watch as they carefully plan their escapes. I don't plan to book talk this much in my library, but I expect it will be rather popular with teenagers based on the success of others of this theme.

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Matthew, Callie, and Emmy are victims of their mother's cruel anger and abuse. Their attempts to get any adult to listen to their pleas for help will resonate with all students, but especially with those who have been victimized. A terrific pick for a realistic fiction unit.

This is not my review, but this person said it better than I could.

“You looked at Callie and me from over our mother’s shoulder… I hoped you wouldn’t try to wriggle out of the embrace, because in fact our mother seemed to be in a good mood. She was humming. Cocaine? New man? There were a

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few possibilities, and I didn’t care which one it was. Maybe we’d have an okay evening.”
Those are the words of Matthew Walsh as he tells a story of survival to his youngest sister Emmy. Matthew has decided to write down the events as they happened so his sister can read them some day. She was so young at the time, he worries that she might not understand the details of their early life in the hands of an abusive mother.
Nancy Werlin writes a powerful novel, THE RULES OF SURVIVAL, about three children and their struggle to live normal lives surrounded by chaos and abuse. Their crazed mother Nikki, most likely bi-polar or manic-depressive, has created a topsy-turvy environment for her family. One day she’s treating them to a gigantic pancake feast at IHOP, and the next she disappears without a trace for days.
Matthew, Callie, and Emmy soldier on alone until help arrives in the form of a sympathetic boyfriend. He eventually enlists the help of Matthew and Callie’s father and their aunt to rescue the kids from the chaos.

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I recommend this book to every teen looking for A Child Called It. It's a much lighter twist on children living with an abusive mother. This is a great story. Very well written, you can't help but feel like fighting for these children. Every attempt they make to get out of their crumby situation

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gets squashed by their psychotic mother until they are finally saved.

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Matthew, Callie, and Emmy are abused children. Matthew write a letter to Emmy the youngest and tells her how crazy their mother Nikki was. Matthew explained how there mothers ex-boyfriend, sister, and husband helped them escape their mother. I would recomnmend this book because it shows the

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struggles of a family and I think people would relate to it.
A.F.

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Rules of Survival by Nancy Werlin - This book totally blew me away. I read it in a single sitting. This story of three young children caught up in a whirlwind of neglct and abuse from a wacked out mother is told in in the form of a long letter from the oldest boy to the youngest girl in the family.

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I was riveted from the first page and even found myself skipping ahead to see what Nikki (the mother) would do next. The growing relationship between Murdoch (a guy two of the kids first encounter as he defends a child against an abusive parent) and the children was handled evenly throughout, and I thought the revelation of Murdoch having been abused as a child was placed well at the end. I think we all knew there was something in his past, but I didn’t suspect the extent of his abuse or the outcome. Aunt Bobbi, Nikki’s sister, and the father were the weakest characters in the story. Their about-face regarding the care of the children was a little too contrived, although the scene between Nikki and Bobbi over Thanksgiving dinner was written beautifully and showed how Bobbi and the kids were still trying to please Nikki and keep her from blowing up. I especially liked the fact that the story didn’t end with Nikki’s death, but with the children moving on with their lives while she drifted. There was such hope at the end of this story, which isn’t something you always find in YA stories.

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A very tense read; I could not have kept going except that the narrator accounted for in the present everyone I cared about from his harrowing past. Made me want to have babies to protect.

I didn't liked this book. It wouldn't be a book that I could use in my teaching with 3rd graders. I wouldn't read it aloud nor would I recommend my high 3rd graders to read it. I was frustrated that everyone was so afraid of Nikki that they wouldn't stand up for the kids. I was frustrated and

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wanted to report the mom for abuse and neglect. Even thought I didn't personally like the book, it had value for some readers I am sure. It isn't a book I would try banning, yet I could see others thinking it should be banned.

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This was one of my favorite books i have currently read this year. It was very quick to the point in the beginning and it made me have to think about what one of the main chararcters was going to do next. The story took place in a city where three children were trying to survive with an abusive

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mother named nikki. I loved this book because it was sad but up lifting when matt finally over came his horrible mom.

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This was a great read. It was different from anything else that i've read before but it was still great. The characters' having to learn how to survive from their own mother really got me involved. I definately recommend this book to anyone willing to try something new.

Pretty good read. Matt, through a VERY long letter to his little sister Emmy, recounts their years with their abusive mother. I found it to be very similar to A Child Called It and am sure people who liked that one would also enjoy this. I would have given it more stars, but I just didn't relate to

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the main character very well.

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Matthew must care for his two little sisters, protect them from their abusive mother. This is a page turner, very well-written; I couldn't put it down!

One of the best books of the year. Wrote author to say how grateful I was to have a mother who was just quirky, but eminently sane. She wrote back to say she appreciates her mother much more now as well.

Matthew has always protected his sisters from the manic highs and lows of their beautiful but dangerous mother. The adults in his life provide no help from the protection from her violence. Matthew pins his hopes on Murdoch, a stranger who protected a child in a store, who miraculously starts

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dating Nikki. Murdoch provides Matthew's family with the first stability they have ever known. However, when Nikki's rages prove too much for Murdoch, Matthew is forced to act, and finds unlikely allies.
Nikki won't go without a fight though, and her actions force Matthew to a desperate choice.

Werlin is one of my favorite YA authors, and this book doesn't disappoint. It's to her credit that the structure of this book -- a letter from Matthew to his youngest sister -- doesn't detract from the suspense. While it might be unbeliveable that no one noticed the desperate situation Matthew is in before Murdoch, Werlin does a great job of painting a family in crisis, and putting the reader in the position of a young man in a terrible situation.

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Matthew, Callie and Emmie live with their mother Nikki in South Boston. Their mother is known for her flights of fancy and her sudden rages, the three children grow up tip-toeing around their apartment, always afraid of inuring Nikki's wrath. Matthew and Callie sneak out one night for ice cream and

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meet a man named Murdock who is not afraid to stand up for children who are being mistreated. Matt and Callie form a plan to get Murdock involved in their lives and hope that he can help them, but their plans go awry when Nikki finds out about Murdock and decides to date him. The relationship doesn't go well and Nikki throws the children's lives into turmoil once again.This book was an interesting story but difficult to decide about. I didn't like most of the adult characters because they didn't do anything to stop Nikki from mistreating her children, but in the end they come around and no one seems to wonder why they weren't on Matt's side in the first place. A good story about abuse that doesn't involve any sex or many swear words.

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The Rules of Survival is exhilarating, tense, and powerful as it whips you into the world of Matt, a tortured teenager given the responsibility of taking care of his sisters and protecting them from his abusive, drug-addicted, and overall psychotic mother. Through his many precautions and

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adventures, he finds comfort and solace with Murdoch, a man that dates his mother for a time.

This is an extremely emotional story that keeps you turning the pages and on the edge of your seat as you get nearer and nearer to the conclusion.

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Dear reader, if you are looking for a light and cheerful book then run away from this one. This story is harsh in its portrayal of a family living under the tyranny of a sick and violent mother. Hope and hopelessness alternately fill the heart of Matt who is writing the story of his family. At the

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outset we think he is writing the book for his younger sister Emmy in an attempt to explain the events that led to the unraveling of his already fractured family. But we discover that he is actually writing this story in order to better understand it himself. Nikki, the mother is cruel and hateful to her children, she is manipulative and promiscuous with men, she finds intense pleasure in the pain and discomfort of others, she is completely devoid of any redeeming qualities. Matt and his sister Callie have learned to “handle” her by being incredibly agreeable and docile as they attempt to protect themselves and their baby sister, Emmy. Enter Murdoch, a kind man who brings hope to the children. For a short while Nikki keeps company with Murdoch and life starts to take on some semblance of normalcy. But when Murdoch ultimately ends the relationship, Nikki begins a descent into madness which the children could scarcely have imagined.

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