Status
Call number
Call number
Publication
Description
Business. Psychology. Nonfiction. Self Help. HTML:Updated for today's readers, Dale Carnegie's timeless bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic that has improved and transformed the professional and personal and lives of millions. One of the best-known motivational guides in history, Dale Carnegie's groundbreaking book has sold tens of millions of copies, been translated into almost every known language, and has helped countless people succeed. Originally published during the depths of the Great Depression�??and equally valuable during booming economies or hard times�??Carnegie's rock-solid, time-tested advice has carried countless people up the ladder of success in their professional and personal lives. How to Win Friends and Influence People teaches you: -How to communicate effectively -How to make people like you -How to increase your ability to get things done -How to get others to see your side -How to become a more effective leader -How to successfully navigate almost any social situation -And so much more! Achieve your maximum potential with this updated version of a classic�??a must-read for the 21st… (more)
User reviews
This book was first published in 1936, and we certainly have not become a more genteel society since then. I wonder what Carnegie would think of the internet and its trolls. For much of the book I could imagine people hearing the advice and thinking, "Yes! This is how other people should treat me!" But of course that's not the point. The point is that if you treat other people this way, you will benefit. Sometimes this will be through convincing people to come around to your way of thinking, but more often just by spreading good will. Had this book been written a few decades later, I'm sure karma would have been mentioned more than once.
Though a couple of the techniques described might come off as passive-aggressive today, by and large it's a good resource - a good reminder for how to deal with other people, to give and receive criticism gracefully, and generally improve your attitude. I hereby recommend it to everyone on the planet. In return, I will attempt to practice its principles in my own life more often. I can't promise I'll always be successful - three decades of acerbity do not disappear overnight, after all - but I can try.
I guess I'm morally bankrupt as well, because I just don't see the problem. Nowhere is this more evident than the fact that, even knowing everything this book says, I would have no problem if someone used these "tricks" on me, because it's not telling you to do bad things, it's telling you to good things. If someone wants something from me, why shouldn't they be nice to me, make me feel important, encourage me to talk about myself, avoid criticizing me outright, let me save face when I mess up, etc? Why shouldn't they do their best to talk about things in terms of what I want and explaining how helping them will help me? It's not like I can't still say no, but let's be honest, I'm definitely more likely to say yes than if they were "sincere" and "themselves" and didn't do a damn thing to make me feel good.
I don't care how fake these things come across, it would still be better than not doing them, because at least it shows an effort and consideration towards me. It's not just, "listen to what I want and give it to me and we're not even going to pretend that I view you as anything more than a means to an end." Sure, that would be more "real" but it's not more pleasant. There's nothing wrong with pretending. We all know most girls don't really like giving blowjobs, but you still want them to pretend that they love it while it's happening, don't you?
Carnegie feels the same way, clearly, because he offers examples where his principles "worked" on him and he doesn't say it like he was hoodwinked. He counts it as a good thing. Someone did him a favor by treating him this way and he gave more consideration to what they wanted in return than he would someone who didn't do these things, because duh.
That's not manipulation, that's mutual benefit. That's saying, "hey, we both know we're only talking to each other right now because I want to make a business transaction with you, but I took the time to learn who you are as a human being and listen to your accomplishments/problems/interests. I took into consideration what you want and tried to align it as best I could with what I want for our mutual gain. I saw things from your point of view. Wouldn't you rather be in business with someone who can see things from your point of view instead of someone who doesn't even try because it's 'incincere'?"
The answer is a resounding yes.
Haters gonna hate.
Also, one wonders how big an
For all that, though, this is a quite amazing book - more amazing when it was written, but groundbreaking for certain.
When I had this insight about my dreams I started reaching out
To give the flavor, Part One has three fundamental techniques of handling people. Chapter One starts with examples of murderers and other criminals who do not accept criticism for these awful acts and try to justify them. His point is that criticism is not accepted even for the most serious offenses, let alone for lesser transgressions. He says "Criticism is futile because it puts a man on the defensive, and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a man's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment." Toward the end of the chapter he says, "Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than cricism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness."
Chapter Two of Part One shows how people desire a feeling of importance, and concludes with the recommendation to "Give honest, sincere appreciation." Chapter Three raises the question "Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want. So the only way on earth to influence the other fellow is to talk about what he wants and show him how to get it."
The interesting anecdotes make the reading easy. The book has six parts and each part has several principles(37 in all) that could be listed to provide a one-page reminder of how to win friends and influence people. Carnegie taught mostly sales representatives and managers, but the principles generally apply. They concentrate on the other person, developing the reader's ability to interact that facilitates contact and bonding and opens up the happiness and joy that results.
This book was first published in 1936. My copy is an 86th printing of the paperback edition published in 1968.
You know, it’s such a peculiar thing--our idea of mankind in general. We all have a sort of vague, glowing picture when we say that, something solemn, big and important. But actually all we know of it is the
And here is its conclusion, put two different ways:
It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.
A man’s career concerns all society. The question of where you could be most useful to your fellow men comes first. It’s not what you can get out of society, it’s what you can give.
Only the middle quotation is actually from the book. The other two are from The Fountainhead. They are spoken by the character Ellsworth Toohey, and represent Ayn Rand's mockery of the belief that men are creatures whose highest function is to serve other men.
Friends cannot be "won", nor people influenced (in anything more than the most shallow ways), by an exploitation of their flaws. Mankind are better than that.
Basically the book is written with a few principles about handling people by avoiding the negative and unpleasant, appreciating the other person, and making the other person eager to accomplish some goal of their own. Mr. Carnegie felt that if you provide positive feedback to the person that person will respond positively to you. His manipulative component is to then help the other person to link what you want to share with them with something they want. Because of this manipulative aspect you can see this is in fact a book on management and sales. This a must read for all who work in sales or management; the original targeted audience.