If I Was Your Girl

I loved this book so much!

Now, admittedly, I've been focusing on true life and history, so it might have just been slipping back into a fictional world after too long in reality, but to me this story was just an emotional roller-coaster. Just... so good.

I feel like it's tough to really talk about

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this without getting too heavily involved in the plot and giving things away, and I definitely don't want to do that. I want you to pick this one up and read it for yourselves. But, here are the basics: a young trans girl, recently transitioned, moves in with her father to start a new life, getting a fresh start where nobody knows about her past.

On top of having a beautiful portrayal of a trans girl trying to be who she is, the book was written by a trans woman; and the girl who modeled for the cover is trans as well! Talk about representation!

That's not why you should read it, though. You should read it because it's a good story well told that just happens to be about a teenage trans girl trying to live her truth. So, pick this one up when you have the chance.

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teen fiction (trans girl at a new school). This was un-put-downable! The grammatically incorrect Was/Were in the title aside, this is a well-written story by a trans author (featuring a gorgeous trans model on the cover) that I hope will promote awareness and understanding (along with what NOT to

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say when someone confides that they are trans), with a great informative note at the end.

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I am beyond glad I picked this book up. I've been dying to read it for a few months now. When it came in the mail, I was so excited. This book is beautifully written. This book is life changing.

I feel like I have a better perspective with the transgender community now. I have never been against

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the LGBT community whatsoever. But this book shed so much light for me.

I know you shouldn't tell someone a book is important for them to read, but this book is important. I think it's important for all high school kids to read this. I think everyone needs this perspective in their mind before they try to judge a person for not being comfortable as the sex they are born with.

Amanda is such a beautiful character. She is so strong. She is gorgeous inside and out. She goes through so much in this book, it breaks my heart. She is so brave. I don't think I would have survived if I went through have the things she did.

All I have to say about this book is thank you. Thank you for teaching me new things. Thank you for teaching me to love everyone no matter their gender/sexual orientation.

Thank you Meredith Russo for writing this book.

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Amanda Hardy is a transgender high school girl who has moved to a new town to live with her father after a tragic assault in her hometown after she began presenting herself as a female.
In the new town, everyone simply sees her as a girl, and her life seems to be going great. She even finds herself

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in the previously unimaginable situation of falling for a handsome boy and him falling for her too. But this brings her to a difficult dilema:
If she doesn't tell him about being transgender, is she being dishonest or unfair to him? And if she does tell him, won't he immediately leave her? The novel deals with many aspects of the difficulties of being transgender, but this one is central.
Apart from the transgender examinations, the book is pretty standard teen fare - dealing with friends, parents, dating, sex, and drinking/drugs. But the sexual identity element makes all of these aspect a little more interesting than those books which are otherwise similar.

The title, "If I Was Your Girl" is brilliant. (Although the persnickety side of me says it should be "If I Were Your Girl.") At first, we simply see it as words spoken in her head by Amanda to her boyfriend Grant. But later we realize these are also words she has spoken in her head to her parents as well, who until recently had a son. And by the end, we can even imagine a hypothetical Amanda saying these words to we, the readers (at least to the cisgender readers). How would WE react if our child came out to us as transgender? Or if a boyfriend or girlfriend made such a revelation? Good food for thought.

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3.00
Unpopular and brutally honest opinion time:

While this book and its subject matter is so very important (Transgender/Depression). The fact that it was written by a Transgender female and even the model on the cover is a transgender is even better. However, while I am so very happy that this book

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exists, the foundation of the story in and of itself does not make for a good story. Content, characters, plot and how the material is handled is what makes a good book. Unfortunately I felt that this book fell a little flat in that department.
** Spoilers**
Content & Plot: I wrestled with how to rate this book because of the fanciful nature of how Amanda’s (main character) world wrapped up so neatly with a nice little bow. Amanda is a transgender female who, while definitely dealing with some major bullying and hate, makes a fresh start living with her father (in the homophobic south, no less) who is still pretty accepting if only slightly wary and disappointed at the loss of his son. Amanda is beautiful, she is popular, her hormone therapy seems to have gone well and (somehow) her family was able to afford the incredibly expensive final surgery (which is not very often the case). It is almost Utopian circumstances. Amanda is even voted homecoming queens because her popularity in this new town has earned her the love and admiration of many of her classmates. In the end Amanda transcends issues by finding confidence that is bolstered by a group of people (family and friends) that are all together (almost unanimously) accepting. This is why I wrestled. I think it is amazing that this book gives a message of love and hope. The author herself recognizes in her authors note that she took liberties with this story to make it work and that it is not a true and authentic picture with the reality she knows. I can fully support this and that is why I choose to allow the almost too perfect conclusion and somewhat ideal circumstances live on, because I like to believe in the fairytale as well.
Characters: Amanda as a character is, dare I say it, a Mary Sue. The characters surrounding her are the archetypal ones you see in any YA contemporary where the main character is somehow struggling with being different. There is the Bully, the love interest, the jealous character, and the cast of friends that think the main character is nothing short of amazing. As a love interest Grant sort of fell flat. He had the potential to be rounded out and given more dimension, but the book never succeeded in making him anything more than Mr. Perfect that falls for the main character and makes her feel hopeful. In the end, after secrets are revealed he still comes off as understanding and loving.
All in all this was a quick and enjoyable read. It wasn’t all roses; there were quite a few thorns in Amanda’s world. This book is, like I said before, also an important one and the type of book I hope to see more of in the future. Because this book lacked some layers, was a little formulaic, and it really had no meat, I gave it an average rating.

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It should be obvious to those who know me that the only reason this curmudgeonly demisexual read a traditionally published romance* of any kind was for the representation of a trans character. I’m happy to say that it was definitely worth it, because Amanda is an amazing, realistic, believable

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character--and that’s a darn good thing, because the romance elements hit a lot of my sour spots.

New girl in town. A lead who “won the genetic lottery”. Insta-friends. Super-hot sports dude. Mutual crush at first sight. A ton of firsts for her, plenty of experience for him. More beaux than a girl knows what to do with.

But here’s the thing: all those bits I just complained about in romance stories? As much as they did make me sigh a bit (exasperation and, honestly, resentment that the real world isn’t this neat and tidy), they take on a very keen poignancy because of what Amanda--and this book--might mean to others who are struggling with their identities.

New girl in town? At least Southern hospitality provides an explanation that Bella Swan from Twilight never had. And man, we do come to understand how it rattles Amanda to have people who actually want to associate with her. Insta-friends and too many beaux? What a contrast to her life stuck as Andrew, when people actively didn’t like her instead of just failing to appreciate her, as in conventional romance novels.

Winning the genetic lottery? Always one of the most alienating parts of a story for me, but this time it’s not just about the lead being stupidly oblivious to their beauty, but about Amanda being so new to having her outside match her inside. Super-hot sports dude? Emphasizes the difference between the sexes that’s Amanda’s finally on the right side of. A ton of firsts for her? There’s an actual reason in this story why a gorgeous, social girl hasn’t had much experience in her body.

So yeah, the grumpy English major didn’t just roll over and forgive those tropes, but I did appreciate the way Russo’s story managed to turn many of them on their head. And I loved Amanda and rooted for her the whole way through. I read Julie Ann Peters’ Luna and never really connected with either the main character or the title character--they felt too heavy-handed, too rash, to obviously “character-y”. Amanda feels real.

So before I get into the technical nitty gritty, I want to say unequivocally that this is an important book and you should read it if you can. Whatever I may say about the plot or the structure, whatever I may whine about the romance tropes, this is book is worth reading. Whether you know someone trans or not, this is a book that actually gets the internal fears and stresses that any teenager with a history of abuse might go through. Unlike so many YA books, the challenges explored are real, consuming, and life-changing. And if you’re experiencing your first trans person through Russo and Amanda, well, it’s 2017--it’s about time.

With that said...ugh, it’s a romance! Amanda and Grant crush hard in an instant for no discernable reason. There’s spontaneous moonlight swimming the first time they hang out together. The romantic “rival” becomes insanely jealous of Amanda and Grant’s relationship before he’s even exchanged a word with her. Amanda talks about wanting to take her romance with Grant slowly but the whole story only takes place over about three or four months--though I guess the fact that they’re teenagers does explain some of that “too like the lightning” nonsense. And maybe that only seems fast to me, I don't know.

The plot felt rushed, too--the romance wasn’t the only thing that happened so quickly. Entire dinners of awkward or important conversations are over in a page. A long-time loner invites Amanda to her private hideout to exchange big secrets the first day they meet. We don’t quite get to know Amanda’s closest friends enough to let us appreciate her friendship with them as much as we can appreciate their friendships with Amanda just because she’s not used to having friends. And Grant’s association with another high schooler with a secret, now mysteriously absent, goes unexplained, leaving us unsure of what was going on. Friendship? Mentorship? Dare I say, cautious attraction? Whichever it was, it might have had a big impact on how Grant approaches Amanda’s deeply hidden secret, and on a reader’s understanding of his character...but we’ll never know.

Finally, three specific and very spoiler-y complaints.


First, Grant’s jobs. A kid in the south having an after school job is not hard to believe--it’s downright common--so I don’t get why he treats this like some shameful secret. When Amanda sees him, he then says he’s doing something like forty hours of work a week...and I’m sorry, but even with exaggeration, that’s just ridiculous. This is a kid who’s staying in school, even though he’s old enough to drop out and work full-time, and maintaining good enough grades to stay on the football team. There are obvious benefits to staying in school if he can just hang on long enough, but why on earth would someone who needs the money join the football team and hang out at a bunch of parties? And on top of all this he’s finding time to read the same books as Amanda? This point just strained credulity even more than the insta-friends. (By the way, I was super disappointed that we didn’t get to see Amanda read about Wanda in The Sandman. Seems a bit odd to have Amanda connect so strongly to that book in this book and then have her not get to volume 5 (A Game of You)).

Second, Grant’s dramatic burning of Amanda’s letter. I could tell that this was supposed to be a moment of profound acceptance, but honestly, it made me angry. Amanda had worked up the courage to tell Grant about her past, poured her heart into writing the whole thing out, probably agonized over it, and then he just put it up in flames. To me it felt more like a rejection--any person’s past is deeply important to who they are in the present, more so than usual in Amanda’s case, but Grant’s gesture denied her the chance to share a huge part of herself with him. A secret can be a lighter burden shared between two people. With no idea what her secret was, he refused to accept it, to help carry some of the weight. I’m sure he thought it was romantic, but it seemed selfish, and I was surprised that Amanda didn’t describe having mixed feelings.

Finally, where were the adults in this town? And where was the kind of ignorance and intolerance that allowed someone as despicable as Trump to stay in the White House? With the way the US is going, especially in light of today’s events in Charlottesville, I find the minimal reactions of other students and complete absence of vitriol-spewing adults harder to believe than anything else in this book. Yes, we want a happy ending, at least as much as possible. It’s a romance, and the best part of a romance is the happy ending*. But when do we let go of realism?

Part of me is bothered, somewhere around the third rib down, by how quietly and softly everything resolves. Is it fair to readers make the conclusion so easy when there’s little chance it would be in real life? Would it frustrate someone who’s trans to see everything so neatly tied up in a bow compared to the hell they might be going/have gone through, or would it be a happy relief to have someone like you end on a relatively positive note? As a cis person, I am definitely not qualified to make a call on that. I was certainly happy to see Amanda going forward at the end instead of spinning her wheels. I just couldn’t share her happiness because I couldn’t stop thinking of how awfully everything might have turned out for her if she was a real person in real life.


Whatever my feelings about the romance plot or the wrap-up as a whole, that last paragraph was darn near perfect. Read it. After the rest of the book, of course.

Quote Roundup

12) Not going to list it here, but the last line of the very first chapter darn near broke my heart.

35) Too many dads seemed interested in us [Amanda and two girl friends] as we passed, and for just a moment I missed the near-invisibility of life as a boy.
Disgusting. I mean, props to Russo for including this revolting tidbit, but it’s just so pervy. I hate that this is just considered “normal” instead of, you know, basically pedophilia. Also, on the same page, I don’t get why Parker makes Amanda thinks of the jocks who abused Andrew, but Grant doesn’t.

123) Russo’s censorship of Amelie made me chuckle. Also:
I loved my legs--they were the only part of my body that had felt feminine all along.
And I loved having a girl in the media talk about an aspect of her body in a positive way.

226) “Being a girl in this world means being afraid. That fear’ll keep you safe. It’ll keep you alive.”
“Is it really that bad?”
... “When you told me about . . . your condition, I was more sad for you having to deal with being a girl than anything else.”
Russo drops truth bombs like a ton of bricks. I was trying to explain this feeling the other day. I’ve lived such a privileged life with so many unfair advantages, but I still had this message imprinted on me.

*I specify “traditionally published” because I do, honestly read a lot of stories about love and romance, but they’re fanfiction--from what I’ve gathered while working on traditional romance books at work, the corner of fandom I’m in produces very different kinds of romances from those produced by major publishers. But I’m still a sucker for the happy ending.

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It is absolutely lovely to see a novel about a transgender character, by a transgender author.

We all know that high school sucks. I recently read in one book that the only people who remember high school fondly are the rarefied ones at the top of the high school food chain – your football captains, your mean girl cheerleaders, etc. That leaves the rest of us who try not to think of high

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school at all because it dredges up bad memories. Still, after reading If I Was Your Girl, I know that most of us, for all our complaints, had it easy compared to LGBTQIA teens. Theirs is a journey we, as a society, almost never discuss, even though we absolutely should. Thankfully, there are people like Meredith Russo willing to start the discussion and bring attention to these ignored teens and the potential trauma they face just by attending school each and every day.

If I Was Your Girl is a beautiful and yet heartbreaking story of Amanda as she attempts to adjust to life not only at a new high school in a new town but also as a female. Her flashbacks to past tortures show how traumatized she remains after a childhood filled with the struggle to reconcile the differences between her body and her mind’s gender identification. It also shows how a statement considered innocuous by cisgender people can cut to the quick anyone who does not fit that norm. As such, Amanda’s trauma is deep and lasting. It is a wonder anyone is able to adjust and overcome such hate. Her entire story is a great example of how society gets caught up in body image and gender norms to the detriment of everyone.

As much as If I Was Your Girl makes you hate the ignoramuses who spew ignorant gender biases, it also gives you tremendous admiration for Amanda and for the entire transgender community. That they face such hate and confusion on a daily basis and are able to rise above it to become the beautiful butterflies they are is remarkable. It would be so easy for Amanda to hide herself away for the remainder of her high school years, but she does not. She finds friends, she remains social. More importantly, she puts herself out there in a way that is scary for any person. She is truly a remarkable young woman.

What makes If I Was Your Girl even more poignant is the fact that Ms. Russo herself is a transwoman. Her fiction is very much based in fact, and in many ways Amanda’s experiences are her own. Her story, both her private and her fictionalized versions, provide much-needed hope to an entire community left to flounder in a world where all sides struggle to accept them. She provides a vision in which life gets better and offers her own life experiences as proof. Moreover, she offers support where support is difficult to find and resources for those who need it.

If I Was Your Girl is one of those novels that should be required reading for everyone of any age and gender. It is timely and does more to raise empathy for the transgender community than anything to date because it puts you directly into Amanda’s shoes. If you are a parent, Amanda becomes your daughter. If you are a teen, you resonate with the cruelty of your fellow classmates. If you are a transgender teen, hopefully you recognize yourself in Amanda and realize that you can find happiness. We all can and more importantly, we all deserve it.

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Currently a rarity—that is, a novel with a transgender protagonist that’s actually written by a transgender individual—If I Was Your Girl adds an important voice to the universe of Young Adult literature. And it does so in a way that is entertaining, believable, and poignant. This novel

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contributes a much-needed perspective to contemporary YA lit.

Amanda Hardy, a high school senior, tells her story as she arrives in the small town of Lambertville, Tennessee. As she relates in periodic flashbacks, she’s fleeing her former hometown where she was living with her mother and where she was subjected to transphobic bullying and survived a suicide attempt. A very attractive young lady, Amanda “passes” easily and soon makes many friends at her new high school. She also begins a romantic relationship with a dashingly handsome blue-collar boy named Grant, who is unerringly sweet and almost too good to be true. The narrative proceeds in the somewhat typical manner of a teen romance—albeit with the looming inevitably of Amanda’s trans identity being revealed. Much to Russo’s credit, she does not romanticize Amanda’s predicament nor does she pull any punches on the consequences. And, in a very helpful Author’s Note following the narrative, Russo addresses her cisgender and transgender readers, acknowledging some of the artistic shortcuts she took in telling Amanda’s story but in no way apologizing for the necessity of those shortcuts. This is an author who knows her audience and obviously has a long-range plan for the development of her art. I for one look forward to more of her work.

I highly recommend If I Was Your Girl to anyone interested in YA literature—and to anyone who desires to better understand the transgender community. This well-written novel is an easy read that tackles a difficult subject.

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Andrew became Amanda. Excellent narration of a very believable story. The author, herself a transgender female, says, at the end of the recording, that she made her character as palatable as possible to a heterosexual, "cis-gen" audience so they would accept the character as a transgender female.

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Amanda passes easily as a female and she's had the surgery so it's easy for us to accept her as female. I think that was a good strategy.

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I think this book was well intended, but I don't think it really helps anyone....."If I was your girl" has a nice catchy title, though grammatically incorrect, and the young woman on the cover is attractive and somehow appropriate. It is the story of a young woman, probably around 18, who has moved

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to a new community following a sex change operation, entering the local high school to finish her last year. But throughout the telling, it felt to this reader like a PG version of a very complex, painful and difficult process, most of which we learn very little about. Of course there is the mention of bullying in the early years, kicks, bruises, etc but even those incidents were given short shrift. So this is a bit of a fairy tale, complete with a happy ending of sorts. Some pain of course but my guess is it's a small fraction of what transgender youth in real life must deal with over years and years. I didn't think the book had any major plot revelations nor surprises, nor ahha moments. It's "safe" for a young person to read, no graphic sex, no detailed anatomy lessons. But not much learning either.

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Amanda Hardy makes her way in a new school with a big secret: she was born Andrew Hardy. Russo sets Amanda’s story in a small Southern town, immersing readers in an atmosphere perhaps different from their own. The author’s note explains that Amanda’s fictional story is atypical of other

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experiences (e.g. easily passing, cost of medical intervention) but uses those allowances as a springboard for readers to understand Amanda better, which she does successfully. Amanda is likeable, and supported by a cast of nuanced fully developed characters. Her dad in particular reads as a complicated character, conflicted but generally well meaning if not always understanding. Parts of the story can be predictable but it isn’t so much the plot point that matters but how it happens and how characters react. Russo tackles several difficult topics, including suicide and bigotry, all at an age appropriate level. The title, “If I Was Your Girl” is not the correct form of the past subjunctive; however, the context of the story and its conclusion make this grammatical error not only forgivable but meaningful and correct. Russo’s debut novel is a top shelf choice for a fresh coming of age novel and is recommended for ages fourteen and up.

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I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This did not affect my opinion of the book or my review itself.

Note: Nothing in this review is a spoiler. Anything I discuss in this review is either general, or is stated in the book summary on the inside cover,

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Amazon, etc.

Amanda moved in hopes of finding that typical teenage life. But when she makes friends, and begins to fall in love, she fears the secret she's carrying might tear all that apart-that she used to be Andrew.

This is a book that feels important.

With everything going on in the world today, let alone in the United States, I think this is a book people need to read.

Amanda is a strong, smart, and brave girl, who I feel everyone can relate to, regardless of their own personal circumstances. The supporting characters surrounding her feel real, like people you might have gone to high school with. The book feels immediate, and the story will suck you in.

I completely understand why Russo ended the book where and when she did, but I definitely was left wanting more. I would love to know about the next chapter of Amanda's life.

Russo has created a world and characters that feel so very relevant and important, wrapped up in a gripping story written beautifully. I definitely recommend this book.

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What a wonderfully powerful novel! While my heart broke for what she went through as Andrew, I so admired Amanda and the strong woman she had become.

When Amanda moved in with her father after not seeing him for 6 years, she finally had the chance to be who she was. To maybe have a normal teenage

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life, with friends and parties and maybe a boyfriend; all of which she had been denied. Bullied for her whole life because of who she was, maybe now things could be different.

And it was. While her father initially struggled with her no longer being Andrew, she made friends, became popular and well liked, even got a boyfriend. But she still had a secret. And while she loved her new life, she still sometimes felt like she was living a lie having told only one person she trusted about her past but no one else.

To some extent I can understand her father’s feelings. Her mother was around during her whole transition. While she grieved the “death” of Andrew, I think she accepted Amanda much sooner being around her all the time when she realized how desperate and unhappy she was as Andrew. As a mother, you never want your child to be sad or bullied and I was so moved reading about how cruel Amanda’s past had been. I tried to imagine myself in the same situation as a mother; if one of my children wanted to transition and I hope that I would be supportive and accepting. As a parent it’s only natural to grieve what will never be and be afraid of the challenges they will face. For Amanda’s father, he appeared to be so gruff and cold but he went from knowing Andrew 6 years ago to having this stranger, Amanda, come back into his life. Some parents can realize this is still their same child, some never will but I think a lot of what Amanda’s father felt was fear for his child.

I read this whole novel in a day, I was so engrossed in it. When it got to be homecoming tho, I braced myself, fearing a “Carrie” moment and almost didn’t want to read anymore in fear of Amanda’s life again being in shambles. There will always be mean and cruel people and people fear what they don’t understand. Some people can realize that they are friends with the person they are or love the person they are without whatever sex they are being an issue; it’s still the same person. I hope that is more the reality and as time goes on I think people are more accepting. Is it a “sin”? Many will think so but many take the bible as literal. I believe In an accepting God who created people as they are and loves who they are.

I think this was a very brave relevant story. The world has changed and peoples’ thinking needs to change too. This book is raw and emotional and really makes you think. I hope that many people read this with an open mind and that it educates people a little to understand the need for people transition to be who they were meant to be and to be more accepting of people who are gay, straight, transgender, whatever.

This is a solid five star for me!

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I wanted to read this novel as it is part of the March Book Madness challenge. I loved the way acceptance of others was offered by some, while others struggled with what they did not understand. Amanda’s character shows bravery throughout and just wants to be understood. Grant’s character is

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understanding and open, which I thought was refreshing, as he tried to understand Amanda never felt like Andrew.

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As soon as I saw this available for purchase, I clicked on that preorder button and waited for the book to arrive in the mail - and it was definitely worth it! I am not trans myself, but I am queer, and I try to read as many books with queer characters as I can.

Amanda Hardy is the new girl in

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school, and although her only goals are to stay off the radar and graduate from high school so she can move far, far away from the south, she soon breaks all of her rules by befriending a few girls and beginning to date Grant. But Amanda is keeping a secret, one that she is sure will destroy her if it gets out - Amanda was born Andrew, and the reason Amanda came to live with her father is because she was apparently assaulted by a classmate's (?) father for using the girls' restroom (geez, if that isn't timely for current events...).

The book is mostly set in the "present day," but flips back to pivotal moments in Amanda's life - her attempted suicide three years prior, which led her to finally getting the help (and hormones) she needed to transition; times when she was bullied and terrorized at school for being perceived as gay or different from other kids; early memories of her family life, before her mother left her father (and her father apparently didn't get in contact with Amanda at all during that time frame, which is horrible); etc.

I loved the character of Amanda, and I felt genuine fear for her as I read the book, terrified that something horrible would happen to her. But it really didn't - her "secret" is revealed by someone she trusted, and I am so freaking disappointed that it was Bee who told everyone, because I really liked Bee and wanted more Bee in the book. And I really wish that Amanda and Bee could have had a sober confrontation, although I totally understand and support Amanda's decision to cut Bee out of her life permanently for that. But, anyway, Amanda is mostly accepted by her peers even after her secret is revealed, which is refreshing. I loved her group of friends, who accepted Amanda right into their fold and always supported her throughout the book except for Bee. :(. And I liked her relationship with Grant, though to be honest I liked Amanda's friendships better than her relationship.

I also liked how Amanda told her dad that she wasn't brave - she was just being true to herself. So often, when queer people come out (including myself), we are told that we are "brave," and I don't see it as being "brave." I know some will disagree with me, but whatever, this is my review and I will say what I want. ;) We are just being honest about who we are. So it was great to see a queer character who agrees with me on that!

Some - or maybe more than some - will argue that Amanda has it "too easy" in the book, and she really does. She can be "stealth" (not telling anyone that she was born biologically male) without anyone suspecting. She had ready access to hormones (which is often not the case), and she had total surgical reassignment (which is horribly expensive and usually not covered by insurance, and is often not performed on younger people). She is completely heterosexual - Amanda apparently never went through a phase where she identified as gay, or bi, or pan, or any other orientation. She has always liked boys and has always been a girl (some trans people are only aware of their true gender later in life - I have a dear friend who identified as a gay male for most of her life - she is in her mid-30s now - and only over the past few years has she realized that she is a heterosexual female). So yes, this is unrealistic in many regards - but the author explains why in the end (I would encourage people to read the author's note at the end). The author tried to appeal to a broad audience by doing so, which I understand. Also, why can't some trans characters have a relatively easy road? I have posed this question a couple of times in my reviews of lesbian books - particularly "No One Needs to Know" by Amanda Grace. Can't LGBTQ characters have some fluffier books instead of every book being super heavy and depressing? Well hell yeah, I say, we sure can! ;)

The ending isn't a clear cut one, but I don't think that it needed to be. A lot is in the air - whether Grant and she will continue seeing one another or not, where Amanda will go to college, etc - but the major theme is that Amanda, finally, has discovered that she is not only allowed to be loved, but deserves to be loved. And I think a lot of people can relate to that sentiment, especially teenagers - lord knows that I went through a self-hating phase for years as a queer woman, and to this day I still have some Issues due to events that I will not relate here. So to see Amanda come to the realization MUCH earlier than I did - well, it was both humbling and inspiring!

I also enjoyed the fact that nearly EVERY character in the book had a "big secret" that they were keeping, which 1) I think a lot of people can identify with no matter their gender/sexual orientation/etc and 2) shows that Amanda isn't so different after all.

Finally, major kudos to Flatiron Publishing for this book. Not only is it written by a transwoman about a transgirl, but the girl on the cover is also a trans model (and she is gorgeous - I can totally see her as Amanda)!

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I really enjoyed this. I had put it off simply out of fear of it not living up to the hype, plus the fact this story has to deal with a lot of trauma that comes with being trans. Being nonbinary, I've had to deal with my own traumas and wasn't sure how ready I was for this book. The difference was

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this book handled it well. It talked about said trauma, talked about the process of getting through it with therapy. It handled a difficult subject and did it well. I do recommend it, though with some self-care for readers who might get triggered by it. The story itself is rich, the characters realistic. Though it's a little predictable, it had a way of keeping you engrossed.

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Sweet but slightly issue-y.

How do I describe this one? I liked it, and I liked the main character, but as someone who has grown up in the South I just felt like the people are bigots aspect was exaggerated. I do appreciate that the author admits they fudged some details, like the main character being able to surgically

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transition earlier than the US usually allows, but knowing how slow, expensive, and red taped that process is in real life currently did bring me out of the story a bit too. I liked the story, but I felt like the exaggerations made it less honest and less appealing to me as a story set in a real world scenario. So the book was okay, but I guess I'm really tired of people agonizing over the closet and when characters prove them right to have done so.

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Books about secrets are hard for me to read. I spend so much time waiting for the big reveal that it is hard for me to enjoy the plot. When the tension starts right at the beginning and does't let up, I tend to spend more time worrying about what will happen then getting the nuances of the

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characters. That said, this was an interesting book. I've read memoirs before, but this is the first factionalized account I've read from a transgender person's point of view. I was pleased to have the author's note, because I did have some issues with how streamlined Amanda's transition seemed to go. Ms. Russo's explanation helped with that.

I've put this in the romance section of my library because of the cover, and love story between Amanda and Grant.

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This was SO GOOD. Sweet and beautiful. I loved it and highly recommend it.

Maybe 3.5 stars. I think it was too cliche at times and the main character was far too forgiving of those around her. I found myself getting mad that she was giving people second chances that didn't deserve it, but I also think that's a testament to how deeply I cared about her as a character.

I put off finishing this book for a ridiculously long time, because I was afraid something really horrible was going to happen to Amanda. Which would, you know, be the logical storytelling arc. I'm glad I finally got over my sad self and finished it. It's sooo good.

Others have spoken about the

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author's note at the end, and I have to agree that that was a huge thing, and really important for people to read.

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Amanda Hardy is a new student in a new school, facing the usual social hurdles. But Amanda has a secret. Amanda used to be Andrew. When Amanda becomes involved with Grant she is stand-offish and secretive. When, if ever, can she reveal her past? A thoughtful look at the power of secrets and the

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costs of denying one's true self... not as effective as a guide to the actual transgendering process; there are only a few details. This reader struggled with the notion that the newly-formed Amanda could be so popular and so beautiful. Further, the dramatic coming-out/reveal scene at the end was a bit too convenient. Nonetheless, this book will speak to many searching students.

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