Publication
Harper (2016), Edition: 2nd Edition, 224 pages
Description
Self-Improvement. Nonfiction. HTML: #1 New York Times Bestseller Over 10 million copies sold In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people. For decades, we've been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let's be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn't sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is�??a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let's-all-feel-good mindset that has infected modern society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up. Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited�??"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek. There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives… (more)
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LibraryThing member Tatoosh
Despite the colorful name, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck” is a standard pseudo-psychological self-help book. Manson’s thesis is:
Our culture today is obsessively focused on unrealistically positive expectations: Be happier. Be healthier. Be … smarter, faster, richer, sexier, more
… conventional life advice—all the positive and happy self-help stuff we hear all the time … lasers in on what you perceive your personal shortcomings and failures to already be, and them emphasizes them for you. You learn about the best ways to make money because you feel you don’t have enough money … [you tell yourself] you’re beautiful because you feel … you’re not beautiful … this fixation on the positive … [reminds] us over and over again of what we are not, of what we lack, of what we should have been but failed to be. … the key to a good life is … giving a f*ck about less, giving a f*ck about only what is true and immediate and important.
I abridged the text on pages 3-5 to reduce it to the essence. Manson tends to run on and on, citing example after example, long past that which is necessary to make his point. He writes in sound bites that masquerade as psychological insights (Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience; Life … is a form of suffering; Happiness is not a solvable equation; Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded; Happiness comes from solving problems). Unfortunately, “The Subtle Art …” is bereft of empirical evidence to support his exhortations. Much like the baptism of the holy spirit, you will have to take Manson’s assertions on faith.
If you are not deterred by these shortcomings, however, I imagine you will find the book to be somewhat interesting. For example, I found the anecdotes Manson uses to buttress his arguments were generally interesting. This is a slim volume — it would not have reached book length without Manson’s penchant for repetition — so it does not require a major investment of time.
Manson advises readers to, “Choose your struggle.” In a nod to Manson I advise readers to choose how you want to spend your time. Just don’t confuse psychobabble with sound, empirically based psychological advice.
Our culture today is obsessively focused on unrealistically positive expectations: Be happier. Be healthier. Be … smarter, faster, richer, sexier, more
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popular, more productive, more envied, and more admired. … conventional life advice—all the positive and happy self-help stuff we hear all the time … lasers in on what you perceive your personal shortcomings and failures to already be, and them emphasizes them for you. You learn about the best ways to make money because you feel you don’t have enough money … [you tell yourself] you’re beautiful because you feel … you’re not beautiful … this fixation on the positive … [reminds] us over and over again of what we are not, of what we lack, of what we should have been but failed to be. … the key to a good life is … giving a f*ck about less, giving a f*ck about only what is true and immediate and important.
I abridged the text on pages 3-5 to reduce it to the essence. Manson tends to run on and on, citing example after example, long past that which is necessary to make his point. He writes in sound bites that masquerade as psychological insights (Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience; Life … is a form of suffering; Happiness is not a solvable equation; Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded; Happiness comes from solving problems). Unfortunately, “The Subtle Art …” is bereft of empirical evidence to support his exhortations. Much like the baptism of the holy spirit, you will have to take Manson’s assertions on faith.
If you are not deterred by these shortcomings, however, I imagine you will find the book to be somewhat interesting. For example, I found the anecdotes Manson uses to buttress his arguments were generally interesting. This is a slim volume — it would not have reached book length without Manson’s penchant for repetition — so it does not require a major investment of time.
Manson advises readers to, “Choose your struggle.” In a nod to Manson I advise readers to choose how you want to spend your time. Just don’t confuse psychobabble with sound, empirically based psychological advice.
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LibraryThing member SarahEBear
I'm not usually one for self-help books as I find that they are pretty much "more of the same". What I enjoyed about "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" was the emphasis on the accepting what you have, not getting your knickers in a bunch about
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all of the things you're not, don't have, and are never likely to achieve. I liked the honest look at life, the celebration of the average, and the idea of doing small things to improve you life rather than dreaming of things that make you feel that your current life/self is inadequate. Having said that, the points could have been made in a single article and the book was little over done and self-indulgent. Show Less
LibraryThing member amcheri
Definitely written by and for straight, white, entitled males. I have no f*cks to give for this book or the author.
LibraryThing member Bricker
It was good. Like Jack/Tyler Durden wrote a self-actualization book. Just enough hard truths to kinda tick you off and make you really look at life, mixed with sound reasoning and "you're ok, buddy." Memento Mori
LibraryThing member Jane-Phillips
Good read! I felt that this "anti self-help" book was more philosophical than anything and definitely influenced by Buddhist thought. Not giving a f*ck is definitely a subtle art as the key to a good life is to choose one's f*cks wisely. For example what would you be willing to sacrifice and suffer
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for or is the sacrifice and suffering worth it for the end goal? Manson used a lot of his own experiences to illustrate his points as well as other people's experiences. Show Less
LibraryThing member Audriana0202
This is the only self help book I have ever read, but I enjoyed it. It said a lot of things I needed to hear at the time.
LibraryThing member steven.skytower
After having read the book, I honestly don't understand half of the hype that surrounded it's release.
The title draws you in and then Mr. Manson's use of colorful language is meant to shock. The advice given isn't terribly far off from what you might expect from a High school football coach or a
All in all, I don't feel that there is anything to gain from reading the book.
The title draws you in and then Mr. Manson's use of colorful language is meant to shock. The advice given isn't terribly far off from what you might expect from a High school football coach or a
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stern parent. All in all, I don't feel that there is anything to gain from reading the book.
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LibraryThing member jenniebooks
Great voice
LibraryThing member DanielSTJ
Surprisingly good. Although the writing style is a little rough, the lessons to be garnished are flavourful and important.
LibraryThing member Jacsun
What an adventure it was to read this book. The author unveiled his inner thoughts - those he has had for a very long time.
This is not your typical self-help book. First, he clarifies the idea of not "giving a f*ck." For anyone that is not comfortable with the "f" word, this book is not for you as
However, if you are able to get past this, then some of the life stories are interesting. He addresses struggles, emotions and finding happiness. He writes about what happens when things feel like they're falling apart. He defines good and bad values, choosing wisely and deciding how we're going to live our life. He ends it at Chapter 9 (the number which symbolizes the end) with his thoughts about death.
Every reader can relate to some of his points. He opens up with his personal struggles. He notes how complicated life can be and tries to make some sense of it by encouraging the reader to hang in there for the ride.
I can think of all sorts of people that would benefit from this book. Would they read it? Maybe.
This is not your typical self-help book. First, he clarifies the idea of not "giving a f*ck." For anyone that is not comfortable with the "f" word, this book is not for you as
Show More
he has a tendency to use it often in some places. Perhaps he wants to make a shocking impression which would have been just as good without it.However, if you are able to get past this, then some of the life stories are interesting. He addresses struggles, emotions and finding happiness. He writes about what happens when things feel like they're falling apart. He defines good and bad values, choosing wisely and deciding how we're going to live our life. He ends it at Chapter 9 (the number which symbolizes the end) with his thoughts about death.
Every reader can relate to some of his points. He opens up with his personal struggles. He notes how complicated life can be and tries to make some sense of it by encouraging the reader to hang in there for the ride.
I can think of all sorts of people that would benefit from this book. Would they read it? Maybe.
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LibraryThing member Madamxtra
Millions of book readers may be turned off by the (F-bomb) in Mark’s title and they will miss-out on the Awesome Blessing of being reminded that everything is not our fight, nor our concern. I was one of those people who spread myself way too thin, attempting to be all things to everyone. This
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book is a not-so-subtle reminder to prioritize my battles, pick fights I can win, stress less and make the most of each day because one day will be my last...SMILE!!! Show Less
LibraryThing member LDVoorberg
For a self-help book, this one is reasonable. The past few I have read I spent most of the time arguing with them or disagreeing, asking them to either be more specific or to explain why they make the claims/suggestions they do (because they lack solid or applicable evidence). I did not do that for
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this book. It has reasonable points and rationales for its points, and they are realistic and achievable. For the most part, I mean. There are a couple of inconsistent or contradictory points (such as take risks but stability is rewarding) and the latter half of the book is drawn out and filler. You could get away with reading only the first few chapters and still get the main points. Namely: do not care about that over which you have no control, value what is actually worthwhile, and go ahead and try. But it is worth a read and even worth having a copy to re-read. Show Less
LibraryThing member villemezbrown
Mostly, I'm not a fan of self-help books, but I am a sucker for clever or catchy titles. Knowing nothing of the author or his philosophies, I read this simply because of the cover.
The arc of my enjoyment of this book seemed to follow the same arc as the number of uses of the word f*ck per page. So
Early on, a lot of the author's suggestions appealed to me, since they were things I already do. I see life as a series of problems to be solved and take happiness out of getting to the other side, making myself slog on even when I don't want to. But as the book went on, the stories and philosophies espoused just became sort of generic.
I was surprised the author was as young as he turned out to be, based on all his crotchety complaining about these kids today. He seems to have a real problem with the so-called "snowflakes" and people who feel entitled, and the majority of the book seems to be a diatribe against them. This wasn't particularly interesting to me.
p.s. I described the book to my wife, and she quickly concluded the author was a sexist *ssh*l* who had read a little about Buddhism. I don't think she's wrong.
The arc of my enjoyment of this book seemed to follow the same arc as the number of uses of the word f*ck per page. So
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the first chapter was quite good, but the book slowly tapered off from there.Early on, a lot of the author's suggestions appealed to me, since they were things I already do. I see life as a series of problems to be solved and take happiness out of getting to the other side, making myself slog on even when I don't want to. But as the book went on, the stories and philosophies espoused just became sort of generic.
I was surprised the author was as young as he turned out to be, based on all his crotchety complaining about these kids today. He seems to have a real problem with the so-called "snowflakes" and people who feel entitled, and the majority of the book seems to be a diatribe against them. This wasn't particularly interesting to me.
p.s. I described the book to my wife, and she quickly concluded the author was a sexist *ssh*l* who had read a little about Buddhism. I don't think she's wrong.
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LibraryThing member CK31
Dnf the audiobook. While I probably have a lower tolerance than most people when it comes to using the word F@#$, I don't generally have a problem when it is being used in movies and books.
However, when the use of the word and in this case actually the phrase "don't give a f@#$" is used that
After just listening for a couple of minutes I just couldn't bear it.
When reading it, you might be able to over see it and actually focus on the content, but as an audiobook this isn't an option.
However, when the use of the word and in this case actually the phrase "don't give a f@#$" is used that
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often, that you actually only counting the number of times it can be said in one minute than actually focusing on the contest, than in my humble opinion it is used once too much.After just listening for a couple of minutes I just couldn't bear it.
When reading it, you might be able to over see it and actually focus on the content, but as an audiobook this isn't an option.
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LibraryThing member brangwinn
I read this book too late in life, I’ve already learned to live my own life and not care one whit about keeping up with the Jones.
LibraryThing member MH_at_home
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson. Mark Manson is a blogger who wrote this book in reaction to the problems he saw in the self-help industry, but he doesn’t have a background in psychology or any sort of related field. This book
In some ways, some of the author’s philosophy is a rebrand of radical acceptance. He discusses the importance of non-superficial values, and while his approach isn’t necessarily my favourite the content is reasonable. He challenges modern society’s focus on materialism and more, more, more. He also disagrees with the focus on the pursuit of positivity, to point of of avoiding the rest of what reality throws at us. He repeatedly returns to the idea of entitlement as being a fundamental underlying problem, but there is a tinge of brattiness to his writing style that takes away from this message.
There were a number of ways in which this book fell short for me. One of the places where he lost me was the idea of “don’t try”. Trying for the sake of personal growth is very different from trying to keep up with the Joneses. Manson argues that “everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience”, and while this may sometimes be the case, I doubt the veracity of this as a broad generalization. There are some valid messages about things like values that get watered down by somewhat cavalier examples.
Entitled people are presented as exuding a “delusional degree of self-confidence” and operating within a “narcissistic bubble”. This made me wonder, though, isn’t this just an extreme example of not giving a f*ck? Manson explains that “The ticket to emotional health, like that to physical health, comes from eating your veggies – that is, accepting the bland and mundane truths of life…. This vegetable course will taste bad at first. Very bad. You will avoid accepting it… [But then] the knowledge and acceptance of your own mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish.” I disagree with simple pleasures being presented as “bland and mundane” and something that is necessarily aversive at first.
The book touches on the idea of “victimhood chic”, with a lack of personal responsibility and the tendency to be easily offended and outraged by any perceived slight. Whether or not this is true, I think it minimizes those that are victims of abuse. I also disagreed with the author’s statement that “in the process of changing your values, you’ll feel like a failure and will experience rejection”, as I think there’s no reason why that should be true as a blanket statement.
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represents his opinion, and the ideas presented in the book aren’t based on any sort of research. In broad terms I tend to take issue with books that present opinions as fact without being based in actual evidence. There’s nothing wrong with an opinion, but I think it needs to be clearly delineated as such.In some ways, some of the author’s philosophy is a rebrand of radical acceptance. He discusses the importance of non-superficial values, and while his approach isn’t necessarily my favourite the content is reasonable. He challenges modern society’s focus on materialism and more, more, more. He also disagrees with the focus on the pursuit of positivity, to point of of avoiding the rest of what reality throws at us. He repeatedly returns to the idea of entitlement as being a fundamental underlying problem, but there is a tinge of brattiness to his writing style that takes away from this message.
There were a number of ways in which this book fell short for me. One of the places where he lost me was the idea of “don’t try”. Trying for the sake of personal growth is very different from trying to keep up with the Joneses. Manson argues that “everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience”, and while this may sometimes be the case, I doubt the veracity of this as a broad generalization. There are some valid messages about things like values that get watered down by somewhat cavalier examples.
Entitled people are presented as exuding a “delusional degree of self-confidence” and operating within a “narcissistic bubble”. This made me wonder, though, isn’t this just an extreme example of not giving a f*ck? Manson explains that “The ticket to emotional health, like that to physical health, comes from eating your veggies – that is, accepting the bland and mundane truths of life…. This vegetable course will taste bad at first. Very bad. You will avoid accepting it… [But then] the knowledge and acceptance of your own mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish.” I disagree with simple pleasures being presented as “bland and mundane” and something that is necessarily aversive at first.
The book touches on the idea of “victimhood chic”, with a lack of personal responsibility and the tendency to be easily offended and outraged by any perceived slight. Whether or not this is true, I think it minimizes those that are victims of abuse. I also disagreed with the author’s statement that “in the process of changing your values, you’ll feel like a failure and will experience rejection”, as I think there’s no reason why that should be true as a blanket statement.
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LibraryThing member antao
Ah, that reminds me of an old joke: Two guys meet their former colleague at a street corner and one of them says: “ Joe, we have a good laugh every time we talk about the day you told the boss you were fed up of daily project meetings and unmet milestones”
It is an invariable fact of life that
The author has just taken the title of a best-selling book (“The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up”, and chosen an alternative that will stand out in the bookshop and encourage newspapers to run excerpts that look good in bookshops. I think it's an attempt to piggyback on the success of Marie Kondo's book by being "inspired" by the title and hoping people will pay money without looking too hard at the contents of the book.
The author spends much time relating how brilliant he, his career, and his personal life (“f*ck*ng around” I’d say…) was before he "decided" not to care about it, then spends the remainder relating how brilliant his new "not caring" life is. That is the behaviour of a self-promoting egotist not someone "who does not give a f*ck" (as an aside, the choice of language here is also telling - it screams "look at me, I can use naughty words, I'm part of the in crowd", but in truth is reminiscent of a five year old who has learnt the word "bum" and thinks it is big and clever to use it repeatedly.)
It's taken me a lifetime (dammit!) to discover that the only person one should impress is oneself. Everyone time I hear someone at work saying the equivalent in Portuguese of “I don’t give a f*ck” I always think about a particular cartoon doing the rounds when I was working on a important project at in Cape Verde (translated from Portuguese into English here):
“Interviewer: What is your worst quality?
Interviewee: My honesty.
Interviewer: But I think honesty is a good thing.
Interviewee: I don't give a f*ck what you think.”
Indeed, I shall go back to Jack Nicholson's line in “Easy Rider.” What was it? It's hard to be free when you sell yourself in the market place every day. And how are we all supposed to afford and pay my bills in “our-can’t-give-a-f*ck?”
The reason people do things they don't like or want to do is:
a) Looking for validation;
b) Not sure who they are;
b) Fear of criticism.
One thing I never gave one hoot about was what I'm wearing, how I look, or who, if anyone, gives a damn. Me worry about what strangers think? HAH! You're kidding, right? Why do I disregard their opinion? Because I'm so sure I'm a great guy! Handsome, honest, intelligent, successful, (and I don't mean money), and blessed with a great sense of humor. I don't judge these attributes from a baseline, I just can't be bothered with what strangers care about. I believe you must give yourself permission for everything in life, and having a rock solid opinion of your wonderful self is vital. When I'm at a lecture, a movie, a party, and it bores me, I get up and leave. What do the other people think? I could care less. I finally figured out that my happiness is –the-most important thing in this crazy life.
Frankly Mr. Manson, I don't give a f*ck about what you say, because for everybody who does not give a f... there is somebody else that has to pick up their rubbish. That's the nub of it. This nonsense only works if the selfish f*ck*rs are few and far between. If we were all like this society would be horribly uncivilised no nice people to set up clubs and activities for children and adolescents (after all why should you spend your spare time on other people's children?!); No lovely folk who give their time and energy to visiting old people or prisoners or caring for the disabled; or on the end of a phone listening to the woes of the depressed or near suicidal; or earning oceans of dosh to keep charities going etc., etc.
Having said that, I'm starting to find as well I don't care as much as I did for others opinion if me. However, I do think there's a difference between not caring about others opinion of me when I’m doing right, and just not caring full stop. Smacks of narcissism or sociopathic behaviour. At the end of the day, stressed-out, anxious people are the selfish, annoying ones. They're always whining about their self-inflicted 'problems' (which usually aren't problems at all). Their constant stress just builds up until they're in a constant state of generalised anxiety that spills out all over the place, contaminating the people around them. Anybody who gets stressed and anxious about stuff they don't really care about is a life-wasting, selfish fool. Who gives a f*ck about your stupid, self-inflicted 'problems' and bad choices? Stop whining about them and inflicting them on the rest of us - because we don't give a f*ck!
There are only 3 things in this life to get right: (1) Where you live, (2) Who you're with, and (3) what you do. Get any of these wrong and you'll never be happy. And here's the kicker: the best places to live (community, nature, etc.) are usually the cheapest; the best people to be with are usually relaxed; and the best thing to do is usually what genuinely needs to be done (however much it pays). If you're working long hours in a soul-crushing job to pay for a empty urban lifestyle that you share with a self-focused, shallow materialist - then the least you can do is not constantly whine to the rest of us about your bad choices. If you don't like something, then change it. Or not. Just keep your stupid stress to yourself and stop f*ck*ng whining about it. The overriding question going through my head is; why did you create such a life full of rubbish in the first place? Be far better to have avoided it all from the beginning (by thinking about what YOU actually wanted) rather than creating a lifestyle based on what you believe others would admire.
Thats what a lot of 'self-help' manuals are, people who didn't have the forethought in the first place finally getting to the point of exhaustion/sickness and then writing a self-congratulatory book about how they dumped it all in a flash for 'better, saner' lifestyle. Just think, you could have saved yourself 15 years of bullshit. Never mind, it's the journey not the destination that counts, as they say.
The motto of “Not giving a f*ck” has been doing the rounds in the multinationals for years. That's what's led to this mindset. If I could map the degree of unfuckdness on one of those quadrant diagrams (one big square with 4 little ones), I’d get “Smart / stupid on one axis”, and “lazy / hardworking on the other.” I’ve always thought lazy smart people are more in demand because they get to solutions faster, rather than smart hard-workers who like to include unnecessary processes and then burn out. I’m all for laid back composure; it’s really in. I don't like being around stress, messages of failure, etc.
Bottom-line: Whether one 'approves' of how the author applied the principle, it doesn't detract away from the core idea: life is too short to waste time on things and people that drain your energy. We may not have all her material advantages but pruning the unnecessary in our lives means having more time and energy for what is needed. That's the closest to freedom one can get. “Not giving a f*uck”: what a horrific philosophy. No thanks: Just get organised get active and get on top of it all.
It is an invariable fact of life that
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the vast majority of people that go around declaring to the world at large that they don't give a fig about others opinions actually care more about them than those that stay quiet on the issue.The author has just taken the title of a best-selling book (“The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up”, and chosen an alternative that will stand out in the bookshop and encourage newspapers to run excerpts that look good in bookshops. I think it's an attempt to piggyback on the success of Marie Kondo's book by being "inspired" by the title and hoping people will pay money without looking too hard at the contents of the book.
The author spends much time relating how brilliant he, his career, and his personal life (“f*ck*ng around” I’d say…) was before he "decided" not to care about it, then spends the remainder relating how brilliant his new "not caring" life is. That is the behaviour of a self-promoting egotist not someone "who does not give a f*ck" (as an aside, the choice of language here is also telling - it screams "look at me, I can use naughty words, I'm part of the in crowd", but in truth is reminiscent of a five year old who has learnt the word "bum" and thinks it is big and clever to use it repeatedly.)
It's taken me a lifetime (dammit!) to discover that the only person one should impress is oneself. Everyone time I hear someone at work saying the equivalent in Portuguese of “I don’t give a f*ck” I always think about a particular cartoon doing the rounds when I was working on a important project at in Cape Verde (translated from Portuguese into English here):
“Interviewer: What is your worst quality?
Interviewee: My honesty.
Interviewer: But I think honesty is a good thing.
Interviewee: I don't give a f*ck what you think.”
Indeed, I shall go back to Jack Nicholson's line in “Easy Rider.” What was it? It's hard to be free when you sell yourself in the market place every day. And how are we all supposed to afford and pay my bills in “our-can’t-give-a-f*ck?”
The reason people do things they don't like or want to do is:
a) Looking for validation;
b) Not sure who they are;
b) Fear of criticism.
One thing I never gave one hoot about was what I'm wearing, how I look, or who, if anyone, gives a damn. Me worry about what strangers think? HAH! You're kidding, right? Why do I disregard their opinion? Because I'm so sure I'm a great guy! Handsome, honest, intelligent, successful, (and I don't mean money), and blessed with a great sense of humor. I don't judge these attributes from a baseline, I just can't be bothered with what strangers care about. I believe you must give yourself permission for everything in life, and having a rock solid opinion of your wonderful self is vital. When I'm at a lecture, a movie, a party, and it bores me, I get up and leave. What do the other people think? I could care less. I finally figured out that my happiness is –the-most important thing in this crazy life.
Frankly Mr. Manson, I don't give a f*ck about what you say, because for everybody who does not give a f... there is somebody else that has to pick up their rubbish. That's the nub of it. This nonsense only works if the selfish f*ck*rs are few and far between. If we were all like this society would be horribly uncivilised no nice people to set up clubs and activities for children and adolescents (after all why should you spend your spare time on other people's children?!); No lovely folk who give their time and energy to visiting old people or prisoners or caring for the disabled; or on the end of a phone listening to the woes of the depressed or near suicidal; or earning oceans of dosh to keep charities going etc., etc.
Having said that, I'm starting to find as well I don't care as much as I did for others opinion if me. However, I do think there's a difference between not caring about others opinion of me when I’m doing right, and just not caring full stop. Smacks of narcissism or sociopathic behaviour. At the end of the day, stressed-out, anxious people are the selfish, annoying ones. They're always whining about their self-inflicted 'problems' (which usually aren't problems at all). Their constant stress just builds up until they're in a constant state of generalised anxiety that spills out all over the place, contaminating the people around them. Anybody who gets stressed and anxious about stuff they don't really care about is a life-wasting, selfish fool. Who gives a f*ck about your stupid, self-inflicted 'problems' and bad choices? Stop whining about them and inflicting them on the rest of us - because we don't give a f*ck!
There are only 3 things in this life to get right: (1) Where you live, (2) Who you're with, and (3) what you do. Get any of these wrong and you'll never be happy. And here's the kicker: the best places to live (community, nature, etc.) are usually the cheapest; the best people to be with are usually relaxed; and the best thing to do is usually what genuinely needs to be done (however much it pays). If you're working long hours in a soul-crushing job to pay for a empty urban lifestyle that you share with a self-focused, shallow materialist - then the least you can do is not constantly whine to the rest of us about your bad choices. If you don't like something, then change it. Or not. Just keep your stupid stress to yourself and stop f*ck*ng whining about it. The overriding question going through my head is; why did you create such a life full of rubbish in the first place? Be far better to have avoided it all from the beginning (by thinking about what YOU actually wanted) rather than creating a lifestyle based on what you believe others would admire.
Thats what a lot of 'self-help' manuals are, people who didn't have the forethought in the first place finally getting to the point of exhaustion/sickness and then writing a self-congratulatory book about how they dumped it all in a flash for 'better, saner' lifestyle. Just think, you could have saved yourself 15 years of bullshit. Never mind, it's the journey not the destination that counts, as they say.
The motto of “Not giving a f*ck” has been doing the rounds in the multinationals for years. That's what's led to this mindset. If I could map the degree of unfuckdness on one of those quadrant diagrams (one big square with 4 little ones), I’d get “Smart / stupid on one axis”, and “lazy / hardworking on the other.” I’ve always thought lazy smart people are more in demand because they get to solutions faster, rather than smart hard-workers who like to include unnecessary processes and then burn out. I’m all for laid back composure; it’s really in. I don't like being around stress, messages of failure, etc.
Bottom-line: Whether one 'approves' of how the author applied the principle, it doesn't detract away from the core idea: life is too short to waste time on things and people that drain your energy. We may not have all her material advantages but pruning the unnecessary in our lives means having more time and energy for what is needed. That's the closest to freedom one can get. “Not giving a f*uck”: what a horrific philosophy. No thanks: Just get organised get active and get on top of it all.
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LibraryThing member madepercy
As the end of the year approaches and I am on track to achieve my reading goals, I have been reading some pop psychology books. I do like Mark Manson's work, even though its crassness makes it somewhat less scholarly than most of the books I have read thus far.
Manson writes how I sometimes speak,
But I have some concerns about what I call "literary entrepreneurship", and whether my time would be better spent on the classics.
I have recently been thinking about the idea of "endlessness". During my long service leave last year, I experienced a sense of endlessness where there were no deadlines (at least until the next semester of teaching began) and I could do whatever I wanted each day. I chose to journal, read, and blog, and this enabled me to establish a daily routine which I maintain to this day. I started with Homer, and I have been slowly working through the great books and works by the likes of Camus, Calvino, and Nietzsche. I often get nervous about wasting time on contemporary books when I have so much to learn from the past.
Because of my own reading program, Manson's examples from literature were all familiar, including Bukowski, Buddha, Tina Gilbertson's idea of "constructive wallowing", the Milgram experiment, and so on. But I wonder whether these pop psychology books (for want of a better term) have sufficient depth?
Many of the self-improvement books I have read refer to historical and personal examples, and there is much to learn from how others think about the same problems I face. For example, Manson's approach to determining one's values fits well with what I gained from my reading of Paul Colaianni and Tina Gilbertson.
But I also see how these books are commercial products with a particular aim in mind. I often get the feeling that the authors are reading as a form of "mining" for information, much like the approach I might take when writing an academic paper (sans the referencing).
From my own experience, a complete, cover-to-cover, slow reading of each work brings to light much which is lost through simply mining the content. So I wonder how much value I gain from reading Manson, compared to, say, reading Benjamin Franklin? (Of course, Franklin had his own financial reasons for lecturing and writing.) But when I read Franklin, for example, there was much that escaped me in the detail, and further reading revealed much of what I could not gain from the original text.
When I reflect on my reading of the likes of Manson, I often wonder how much I can gain from such literary entrepreneurs. Not that I don't like the book, but I wonder if I gain as much from this book as I might if I had prioritised my reading of Plato's The Laws, for example.
So when I sum up the lessons learnt from Manson, much of these are in the reiteration of things I already know: if in doubt, act (p. 157); achieving meaning in one's life requires the rejection of alternatives (p. 165); excess is not good for me (p. 165); but establishing boundaries is good for me (p. 174).
One part I enjoyed is where Manson discusses the idea of endless values (p. 151) and mentions the "honest expression" of Pablo Picasso. The idea of honest expression is to provide a metric (p. 74), or a way to measure the implementation of one's values, in a way that does not "end'. For example, if one wanted to achieve "freedom" through work, once a job that provided such "freedom" had been achieved, then there is a sense that the value is "accomplished" and there is no sense of motivation. An "endless" value such as honest expression is something that can be achieved repeatedly - it never ends.
However, as I know for a fact that I don't know everything, I did learn some key lessons about defining personal values and better ways to measure (metrics) these values; the paradox of choice (and how this promises the good life, but leads to inconsistency and confusion); and a better relationship with the idea of death (Quoting Mark Twain, p. 202):The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
I also have a better understanding of "unconscious resistance", which often gets in the way of me doing things I believe I actually want to do.
My "struggle" (see "suffering" p. 208) with my reading is best summed up by Harold Bloom (How to Read and Why, p. 21):
It matters, if individuals are to retain any capacity to form their own judgments and opinions, that they continue to read for themselves. How they read, well or badly, and what they read, cannot depend wholly upon themselves, but why they read must be for and in their own interest... but eventually you will read against the clock... One of the uses of reading is to prepare ourselves for change, and the final change is universal.
When I read the work of the present generation of literary entrepreneurs, I really feel that clock ticking. But after reading Manson, and despite my "unconscious resistance", I think there is some value in reading about how others think about philosophy, and then applying that approach to my own thinking. Even if it is an exercise in thinking, rather than a definite plan for action.
Manson writes how I sometimes speak,
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so I am not taking the moral high ground here, but it does mean that I tend to take his content less seriously. As I approach 50 I can reflect on my own experiences from my twenties and early thirties, and I must say I am impressed by the depth of reading of the likes of Mark Manson, Ryan Holiday, and Paul Colaianni and their ability to explain how they think about values, virtues, and finding the logic to guide their daily practice and actions.But I have some concerns about what I call "literary entrepreneurship", and whether my time would be better spent on the classics.
I have recently been thinking about the idea of "endlessness". During my long service leave last year, I experienced a sense of endlessness where there were no deadlines (at least until the next semester of teaching began) and I could do whatever I wanted each day. I chose to journal, read, and blog, and this enabled me to establish a daily routine which I maintain to this day. I started with Homer, and I have been slowly working through the great books and works by the likes of Camus, Calvino, and Nietzsche. I often get nervous about wasting time on contemporary books when I have so much to learn from the past.
Because of my own reading program, Manson's examples from literature were all familiar, including Bukowski, Buddha, Tina Gilbertson's idea of "constructive wallowing", the Milgram experiment, and so on. But I wonder whether these pop psychology books (for want of a better term) have sufficient depth?
Many of the self-improvement books I have read refer to historical and personal examples, and there is much to learn from how others think about the same problems I face. For example, Manson's approach to determining one's values fits well with what I gained from my reading of Paul Colaianni and Tina Gilbertson.
But I also see how these books are commercial products with a particular aim in mind. I often get the feeling that the authors are reading as a form of "mining" for information, much like the approach I might take when writing an academic paper (sans the referencing).
From my own experience, a complete, cover-to-cover, slow reading of each work brings to light much which is lost through simply mining the content. So I wonder how much value I gain from reading Manson, compared to, say, reading Benjamin Franklin? (Of course, Franklin had his own financial reasons for lecturing and writing.) But when I read Franklin, for example, there was much that escaped me in the detail, and further reading revealed much of what I could not gain from the original text.
When I reflect on my reading of the likes of Manson, I often wonder how much I can gain from such literary entrepreneurs. Not that I don't like the book, but I wonder if I gain as much from this book as I might if I had prioritised my reading of Plato's The Laws, for example.
So when I sum up the lessons learnt from Manson, much of these are in the reiteration of things I already know: if in doubt, act (p. 157); achieving meaning in one's life requires the rejection of alternatives (p. 165); excess is not good for me (p. 165); but establishing boundaries is good for me (p. 174).
One part I enjoyed is where Manson discusses the idea of endless values (p. 151) and mentions the "honest expression" of Pablo Picasso. The idea of honest expression is to provide a metric (p. 74), or a way to measure the implementation of one's values, in a way that does not "end'. For example, if one wanted to achieve "freedom" through work, once a job that provided such "freedom" had been achieved, then there is a sense that the value is "accomplished" and there is no sense of motivation. An "endless" value such as honest expression is something that can be achieved repeatedly - it never ends.
However, as I know for a fact that I don't know everything, I did learn some key lessons about defining personal values and better ways to measure (metrics) these values; the paradox of choice (and how this promises the good life, but leads to inconsistency and confusion); and a better relationship with the idea of death (Quoting Mark Twain, p. 202):The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
I also have a better understanding of "unconscious resistance", which often gets in the way of me doing things I believe I actually want to do.
My "struggle" (see "suffering" p. 208) with my reading is best summed up by Harold Bloom (How to Read and Why, p. 21):
It matters, if individuals are to retain any capacity to form their own judgments and opinions, that they continue to read for themselves. How they read, well or badly, and what they read, cannot depend wholly upon themselves, but why they read must be for and in their own interest... but eventually you will read against the clock... One of the uses of reading is to prepare ourselves for change, and the final change is universal.
When I read the work of the present generation of literary entrepreneurs, I really feel that clock ticking. But after reading Manson, and despite my "unconscious resistance", I think there is some value in reading about how others think about philosophy, and then applying that approach to my own thinking. Even if it is an exercise in thinking, rather than a definite plan for action.
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LibraryThing member Auntie-Nanuuq
Really? Well let me tell you that after the first 10 pages or less, he had me: I just didn't give a f*ck.....
Redundancy after redundancy... over & over.... over analyzed, over done, over use of f*ck.... It kept getting worse. It was as if he "discovered" something new & amazing to behold. He
The best advice from the first page was : "Don't Try"
My advice is about the same: "All you can do, Is all you can do; Let Go" "Don't Bother"
The trick is "to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run...." --Kenny Rogers
As for this thoughts on using affirmations, I disagree completely: They do not highlight what we do not have what we are not.... It is a form of retraining our thought patterns, moving to another belief pattern...
Very similar to the redundancy of the book: "On Bullshit".... Just so very much one can digest before screaming aloud & chucking the book across the room!
Redundancy after redundancy... over & over.... over analyzed, over done, over use of f*ck.... It kept getting worse. It was as if he "discovered" something new & amazing to behold. He
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didn't, just the same thing therapists have been saying for years. The only differences are the vocabulary & the age of the person saying it and the age group of those fawning over the book. But I guess millennials need their gurus as well as the rest of us.... The best advice from the first page was : "Don't Try"
My advice is about the same: "All you can do, Is all you can do; Let Go" "Don't Bother"
The trick is "to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run...." --Kenny Rogers
As for this thoughts on using affirmations, I disagree completely: They do not highlight what we do not have what we are not.... It is a form of retraining our thought patterns, moving to another belief pattern...
Very similar to the redundancy of the book: "On Bullshit".... Just so very much one can digest before screaming aloud & chucking the book across the room!
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LibraryThing member kittyjay
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson, despite its irreverent title, surprisingly has some deep things to say. I was skeptical at first - sure, the title was intriguing, but it also could have so easily devolved into an immature, railing at these "entitled millennials" types rant. The
There is nothing new in this book; these ideas have been around for centuries, and will probably be espoused and re-wrapped and given to others for centuries more. But that's okay, because Manson never says he's telling you something new - he's just telling it to you in a new way. For what seems like such a cynical book, Manson's tone is optimistic and cheerful. He talks about taking responsibility for your own life (his discussion of "fault" versus "responsibility" is particularly percipient, something that I once struggled to put into my words to a friend. Here he does is with much more success.
He also points out that "not giving a f*ck" doesn't mean caring about nothing - it means choosing what to care about, which is a point that most people don't stop to think about. And refreshingly, he calls out the recent spate of "Just travel more and you'll be happy! Just travel and you'll stop being tormented by your own neuroses!" that has cropped up recently. He has traveled, and while he does not say it isn't worthwhile, he does point out that it's not the one and true answer. That comes from shifting your priorities. If your values are to be constantly learning about other cultures, then it's a great one; if your values are to find a mate and work on your relationship, then maybe it's not right for you to be constantly on the move.
There's a lot here to find, given in an easy-to-understand, uplifting format.
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first thirty or so pages didn't give me hope - his "not giving a f*ck" is basically Buddhist philosophy wrapped in modern philosophic blogger vernacular, but about half-way through, his tone changed, and Manson consistently hit on points that resonated.There is nothing new in this book; these ideas have been around for centuries, and will probably be espoused and re-wrapped and given to others for centuries more. But that's okay, because Manson never says he's telling you something new - he's just telling it to you in a new way. For what seems like such a cynical book, Manson's tone is optimistic and cheerful. He talks about taking responsibility for your own life (his discussion of "fault" versus "responsibility" is particularly percipient, something that I once struggled to put into my words to a friend. Here he does is with much more success.
He also points out that "not giving a f*ck" doesn't mean caring about nothing - it means choosing what to care about, which is a point that most people don't stop to think about. And refreshingly, he calls out the recent spate of "Just travel more and you'll be happy! Just travel and you'll stop being tormented by your own neuroses!" that has cropped up recently. He has traveled, and while he does not say it isn't worthwhile, he does point out that it's not the one and true answer. That comes from shifting your priorities. If your values are to be constantly learning about other cultures, then it's a great one; if your values are to find a mate and work on your relationship, then maybe it's not right for you to be constantly on the move.
There's a lot here to find, given in an easy-to-understand, uplifting format.
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LibraryThing member Iira
Kind of funny at first, but the joke was worn out pretty fast. This is the person who thinks they know everything abut everything and love to explain it to you. I'd almost raher listen to actual self-help, if I didn't think that was sh*t too :D
LibraryThing member Paul-the-well-read
Once you’ve read the title, you’re pretty much finished.
LibraryThing member CarrieWuj
While the title is provocative and the f-word is used liberally throughout the book, the author actually has some pretty sound advice. His perspective is that you need to decide what you really give a f--- about and pursue that as your core value which in turn will lead to happiness. Caveat: that
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cannot be some metric of comparison outside yourself, but must be something that is "true, immediate and important."(8) and can be achieved internally like creativity, honesty, integrity and is process-oriented, rather than outcome-based. "This book will not teach you how to gain or achieve, but rather how to lose and let go." (20) A little counter-intuitive, the advice here promotes not trying, realizing you are not "special," facing and embracing suffering (rather than avoiding) and allowing yourself to be wrong or to fail. Not your average recipe for success, but his logic in explaining it is on the mark. If these ideas weren't so constantly crassly expressed, I'd give this book to my teenage sons for some perspective. Maybe when they head to college.... Show Less
LibraryThing member Tim.Roberson
A rather humorous look at life albeit not with any profound thoughts or life-altering substance. Basically, this book tells how to deal with problems by really not caring a great deal. While in some areas, such as things that are out of my control, this is probably good advice, it falls short as
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"self-help". There were a few good moments in there that made me think a bit, thus earning it an extra star, but overall, a seemingly comical take on the storms of life by just dropping the F-bomb a lot. Show Less
LibraryThing member Poprockz
This book helped me adjust my attitude for the better.
ISBN
0062457713 / 9780062457714