Status
Available
Call number
Collection
Publication
Basic Books (1990), Paperback, 118 pages
Description
This bestselling book examines childhood trauma and the enduring effects it has on an individual's management of repressed anger and pain. Why are many of the most successful people plagued by feelings of emptiness and alienation? This wise and profound book has provided millions of readers with an answer--and has helped them to apply it to their own lives. Far too many of us had to learn as children to hide our own feelings, needs, and memories skillfully in order to meet our parents' expectations and win their "love." Alice Miller writes, "When I used the word 'gifted' in the title, I had in mind neither children who receive high grades in school nor children talented in a special way. I simply meant all of us who have survived an abusive childhood thanks to an ability to adapt even to unspeakable cruelty by becoming numb.... Without this 'gift' offered us by nature, we would not have survived." But merely surviving is not enough. The Drama of the Gifted Child helps us to reclaim our life by discovering our own crucial needs and our own truth.… (more)
User reviews
LibraryThing member rayski
Not a book for new parents as it would scare them to death. Miller says all feelings, psychological make up all happen at the very ages of childhood. That you can trace one’s personality to events at the earliest ages. Furthermore you can’t correct these personality traits until the patient can
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come back to the true root event that defines that trait today. Makes it all seem hopeless. There was lots of good thought provoking material that makes one see how his actions are consistent and define him. Why you are like this and do this, well you need to remember way back to when you were in diapers to truly understand yourself. Show Less
LibraryThing member -Cee-
Alice Miller wrote the original version of this book 30 years ago. This book is updated but the premise is the same. Adults with repressed or unconscious childhood memories are unable to find their “true” selves, feel they are loved only for what they accomplish or how they behave (not for
To heal the emotional pain requires facing the original cause (parents’ needs and behaviors), recognizing childhood feelings and loneliness, and learning to deal with those repressed emotions.
Adults who feel depressed, lonely or out of sorts with their emotional health may find this an interesting theory and want to do a “look back” to their own childhood. And because the future is in our hands, this little book would be a good read for young expectant (or new) parents to ponder.
“For their development, children need the respect and protection of adults who take them seriously, love them, and honestly help them to become oriented in the world. When these vital needs are frustrated and children are, instead, abused for the sake of adults’ needs by being exploited, beaten, punished, taken advantage of, manipulated, neglected or deceived without the intervention of any witness, then their integrity will be lastingly impaired.”
Criminal violence may obviously be traced to childhood abuse – but there is much deep and unrecognized pain which stems from the insidious pressures of our own childhoods. Miller offers us much food for thought about ourselves, our children, and the entire future of the world. Recommended to those interested in child development, parenting and psychotherapy.
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themselves), and suffer lasting emotional impairment and depression. To heal the emotional pain requires facing the original cause (parents’ needs and behaviors), recognizing childhood feelings and loneliness, and learning to deal with those repressed emotions.
Adults who feel depressed, lonely or out of sorts with their emotional health may find this an interesting theory and want to do a “look back” to their own childhood. And because the future is in our hands, this little book would be a good read for young expectant (or new) parents to ponder.
“For their development, children need the respect and protection of adults who take them seriously, love them, and honestly help them to become oriented in the world. When these vital needs are frustrated and children are, instead, abused for the sake of adults’ needs by being exploited, beaten, punished, taken advantage of, manipulated, neglected or deceived without the intervention of any witness, then their integrity will be lastingly impaired.”
Criminal violence may obviously be traced to childhood abuse – but there is much deep and unrecognized pain which stems from the insidious pressures of our own childhoods. Miller offers us much food for thought about ourselves, our children, and the entire future of the world. Recommended to those interested in child development, parenting and psychotherapy.
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LibraryThing member herebedragons
I read this many years ago, and don't really remember much about it. Since it didn't make much of an impression, I'm guessing that I didn't really get a lot out of it.
LibraryThing member Rileysride
Amazing dig into personal history in order to meet people where they are as a therapist as well as how I formulate relationships regularly. Icredibly insightful.
LibraryThing member Fernandame
Paperback - I found this book very interesting. I could relate to some of it but some of the ideas are just too out there for me to accept.
LibraryThing member jettstream
Alice Miller nails it. Children who are prevented from developing an authentic self by narcissistic or otherwise harmful and inadequate parenting will find validation, solace, and guidance through the resulting pain, anger, and confusion. I wish the author had used a less misleading title.
LibraryThing member HadriantheBlind
The title here is a bit of a misnomer - 'Gifted Child' in this sense does not necessarily mean a child of academic gifts, but one with an attuned empathetic sense, and thus susceptible to emotional abuse. When this sense is combined with a deficiency or disorder on the part of the parent - anxiety,
This creates two 'selves' - the 'true self' - that is, the child's own 'genuine' personality and needs, and the 'false self', complying, totally obedient, utterly withdrawn, willing to lie in order to present a false happy image. The true self is subsumed to the lie, or the false self. The personal needs are neglected.
Now what's the problem with all this, you ask? If a child is intelligent enough to perform on their own, and emotionally intelligent enough to perceive what their parents want, they may yet be ignored or blindsided in order for the parent to perform their own needs first, and the child's as secondary or auxiliary.
Such a book is extremely uncomfortable to read. Perhaps for many it hits too hard. Although there have been some (many?) superseding advances in developmental environmental psychology as well as the epigenetics of mental disorder and abuse, this is still a fascinating read.
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manic-depressive, etc., the child has to go to extreme lengths.This creates two 'selves' - the 'true self' - that is, the child's own 'genuine' personality and needs, and the 'false self', complying, totally obedient, utterly withdrawn, willing to lie in order to present a false happy image. The true self is subsumed to the lie, or the false self. The personal needs are neglected.
Now what's the problem with all this, you ask? If a child is intelligent enough to perform on their own, and emotionally intelligent enough to perceive what their parents want, they may yet be ignored or blindsided in order for the parent to perform their own needs first, and the child's as secondary or auxiliary.
Such a book is extremely uncomfortable to read. Perhaps for many it hits too hard. Although there have been some (many?) superseding advances in developmental environmental psychology as well as the epigenetics of mental disorder and abuse, this is still a fascinating read.
Show Less
LibraryThing member JennysBookBag.com
I got this as a gift and it turned out to be a great book.
LibraryThing member spoilersahoy
Good book!
LibraryThing member jen.e.moore
I think this goes too far in support of repressed memories and gender stereotypes, but the core insights seem good.
LibraryThing member stephkaye
Alice Miller gives the impression that she believes every child has been abused. Maybe so. I found this book confusing at times, such as when she connects war and child abuse without explanation. It also seems somewhat dated, in that she describes therapists who are unwilling to talk about
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childhood, whereas today that seems one of the most common topics. But the most frustrating part is that she continually refers to a four-step method that she does not explain until the last few pages of the book. Show Less
LibraryThing member daplz
I found this book via a post at MetaFilter. The title is somewhat misleading...I'd have thought it was a parenting book. More usefully, it's about people who don't get what they need from their parents as kids, and how it can affect them as adults.
LibraryThing member RaggedyMe
If you don’t understand how why you do the things you do, don’t write it off as “it’s just how you are.” There is an internal prize of higher value than anything material for those who bravely seek self understanding and acceptance.
I originally rated this 2 stars when I first read it. I
I originally rated this 2 stars when I first read it. I
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found hard to follow. After it was recommended to me again, I gave it a 2nd chance. So glad I did; I would give it 6 or more stars if I could. I wasn’t 'ready' to read it before. I get it now and found it eye opening and fascinating. I’ll probably read it a 3rd time. Show Less
Subjects
Language
Original language
German
Original publication date
1979
Physical description
118 p.; 7 inches
ISBN
9780465016914
Local notes
Das Drama des begabten Kindes
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