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"Mr. Barry is the funniest man in America and we should encourage him." --The New York Times Book Review THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME--EXCEPT IN A SELLER'S MARKET At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they've never been answered before: What's the best way to determine a realistic price range? Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six. Can you recommend a good mortgage? There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank's secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead. How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner's projects? Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too. Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn? Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.… (more)
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My wife, who usually turns up her nose at my humor books, read it out of desperation
enjoyed many of Dave Barry's other books, and this one did not disappoint.
First words: "The desire to own a home of one's own has been a part of human nature ever since that fateful moment, millions of years ago, when our earliest ancestors climbed down out of their trees and moved into their very first caves. It was a major moment in history, and its glory was dimmed only slightly by the fact that their furniture did not arrive for another 250,000 years."
Sample quote: "If God had wanted us to spend all our time fretting about the problems of homeownership, He would never have created beer."
Illustrated by Jeff MacNelly (creator of "Shoe" and "Skyler"): Drawing of homeowner in the aisle of a hardware store gazing at the labels on parts on sale racks--"Friggins", "Nibben Rims", "Barfits", "Weasel Pins", "Narndle bolts", "Metric Fimble Dampers", and of course, "Crudgins".
I find Dave Barry less side-splittingly funny now than I used to back in the day. Maybe that's just because having read approximately a gazillion of his books, his humor has become a little over-familiar. Still,