That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships

by Deborah Tannen

Paperback, 2011

Status

Available

Call number

73414

Description

You know the feeling: You thought you said exactly what you wanted to, but somehow a different message comes across. You end up feeling misunderstood...and the relationship that you're building -- at home, on the job, on a date, or in an interview -- slips a little further out of your control.Talk is the key to any relationship and conversational style is the key to any conversation. In That's Not What I Meant!, Dr. Tannen helps you recognize your own conversational style and understand the styles of others.Whether you are dealing with a person who's too quiet or someone who's a conversational bulldozer, learning to understand conversational style will help you deal with any situation. Through this understanding, you can prevent small differences from sparking big arguments, really hear what was said -- and what wasn't.That's Not What I Meant! will give you the tools to save any conversation -- or relationship.… (more)

Genres

Series

Modern Scholar (018)

Publication

William Morrow Paperbacks (2011), Edition: Reissue,Reprint, 224 pages

User reviews

LibraryThing member Kanutz

Conversational styles, metamessage, schismogenesis, and Sapir-Whorf hypothesis are just but a few of the newer insights I have learned from this lucid book.

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LibraryThing member sunny

Eye opener. A pleasure to read.

LibraryThing member revslick

It should be retitled "it is a freakin' miracle we can actually communicate with one another." Tannen doesn't go into a lot of tips to solve our miscommunication. What Tannen does do is offer us clarification and awareness into all the various ways we think we are communicating but may not be and

how to better understand all the communication styles we encounter. Excellent primer for understanding and awareness of basic communication styles.

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LibraryThing member RajivC

I read this book through reasonably fast, and the only reason why I could do this, was because the book was written in a manner that is easy to read. The points that she raised are fantastic, and I could really relate to the examples that she gave.

It is a book that is well worth keeping, reading

and absorbing.
There is not too much by way of strategies for improving your communication. Initially, I was a bit disappointed, but then I realized that this is something that each individual has to work out for himself/herself. The danger with many self-help books, is that they promise a lot, and recommend strategies that are often impossible to implement, because they are too generic. So, while she does give some broad recommendations, she wisely avoids making this a universal self-help book that promises the world, and does not deliver on the promise.

The lessons and examples are to be internalised, and practiced, if they are to work. That is the hard work that we, as readers, have to do!

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LibraryThing member lycomayflower

Does what it says on the tin. A somewhat interesting look at how individual ways of speaking can cause and exasperate misunderstandings in conversation. Only somewhat interesting because it reads like old news (it is, having been published almost thirty years ago--I'd guess that a much bigger

section of the population has a passing knowledge of the information in this book today than did then--perhaps because of books like this) and comes off a bit bland and depressing. Despite the inclusion of some suggestions about how to overcome misunderstandings caused by conversational style, it's easy to come away feeling like you might as well not bother talking to anyone (which is not at all how I really feel about failures to communicate). I love linguistics and was hoping this would be a fascinating read, bit it missed the mark.

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