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In 1855, when Jose da Fonseca and Pedro Carolino wrote an English phrasebook for Portuguese students, they faced just one problem: they didn't know any English. Even worse, they didn't own an English-to-Portuguese dictionary. What they did have, though, was a Portuguese-to-French dictionary, and a French-to-English dictionary. The linguistic train wreck that ensued is a classic of unintentional humor, now revived in the first newly selected edition in a century. Armed with Fonseca and Carolino's guide, a Portuguese traveler can insult a barber ("What news tell me? All hairs dresser are newsmonger"), complain about the orchestra ("It is a noise which to cleve the head"), go hunting ("let aim it! let make fire him"), and consult a handy selection of truly mystifying "Idiotisms and Proverbs."… (more)
User reviews
"Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect."
A couple of typical phrases, from the section on fishing:
"Silence! there is a superb perch! Give me quick the rod, Ah! there is, it is a lamprey."
"That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes. Let us amuse rather to the fishing."
"Try it! I desire that you may be more happy and more skilful who acertain fisher, what have fished all day without to can take nothing."
English As She Is Spoke is a great read for a rainy day, and an ideal gift to lift someone's spirits.
"These apricots and these peaches make me and to come water in mouth."
"The pantaloons is to narrow."
"Is it complete this parlour furniture in damask crimson?"
"Don't you fear the privateers?"
"I shall you neat also your mouth, and you could care entertain it clean, for to preserve the mamel of the teeth; i could give you a opiate for to strengthen the gums."
I'm about 85% percent sure this book is what it claims to be. But I can't completely believe it because it was published by McSweeney's.
After reading this, you will surely want to craunch the marmoset and burn the politeness.
It is very reminiscent of the Monty Python sketch The Hungarian Phrasebook, in which bizarre and often lascivious translations of simple day-to-day phrases cause the publisher to appear in a British court. After several of the more inappropriate phrases are read into the record, he pleads incompetence. My money's on this book as the inspiration.
That this was ever accepted by a publisher speaks reams about the book business. That it survives today is a tribute to a sense of humor and a sense of the absurd. This book will never be obsolete or out of date. It's a minor treasure.