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Using the vivid, poignant and personal stories of the members of a website support group she founded (www.depressionfallout.com), Anne Sheffield, the author of two highly acclaimed books on depression, provides an honest record of what happens to a love relationship once depression enters the picture, and offers solid advice on what the non-depressed partner can do to improve his or her own life and the relationship. Of the millions of people who suffer from a depressive illness, few suffer in solitude. They draw the people they love - spouses, parents, children, lovers, friends - into their illness. In her first book, How You Can Survive When They're Depressed, Anne Sheffield coined the phrase 'depression fallout' to describe the emotional toll on the depressive's family and close friends who are unaware of their own stressful reactions and needs. She outlined the five stages of depression fallout (confusion, self-doubt, demoralisation, anger, and the need to escape) and explained that these reactions are a natural result of living with a depressed person.… (more)
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User reviews
This book was not for me- I am the depressed partner, not the one experiencing fallout. It was recommended to me by a counselor as something for my partner & I to read when I mentioned that sometimes my partner says he doesn't understand my sense of sadness & self-loathing. I read it first because it's hard to split a book between two people.
It is a useful book in that the experiences of various anonymous posters show that you're not alone, and that a community can be useful for navigating through the ups and downs of relationships with depressed/manic depressed individuals. It illuminated for me some of the reasons why a previous relationship of mine failed, though again every relationship is different and I am somewhat skeptical about drawing conclusions from a self-selecting forum population.
The reasons I *don't* like the book aren't about content- on the contrary, I find this topic very important. Rather, the writing reminds me of an older person not used to the internet- E-mail, Web site, and Message Board are always capitalized as if they're proper nouns; in the introduction Sheffield expresses surprise and delight that people came together and formed a community online; etc. On one hand, that can be explained as the nature of the internet in 2003 and earlier (myspace came into existence that year), but to a modern reader it seems outdated. I am also skeptical of using anecdotes from a forum as evidence, but if we can have books derived from reddit AMAs, I guess it's valid.