You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation

by Deborah Tannen

Hardcover, 2006

Status

Available

Genres

Publication

Random House (2006), Edition: 1st, 272 pages

Description

Mothers and daughters do not speak different languages--but still often misunderstand each other, as they struggle to find the balance between closeness and independence. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of who she should be. Each overestimates the other's power and underestimates her own. Tannen explains why a remark that would be harmless coming from anyone else can cause an explosion when it comes from your mother or your daughter. She examines every aspect of this complex dynamic, from the dark side that can shadow a woman throughout her life, to the new technologies that are transforming mother-daughter communication. Most important, she helps mothers and daughters understand each other, the key to improving their relationship.--From publisher description.… (more)

User reviews

LibraryThing member clamairy

You're Wearing That? should have been a long article instead of a book. The premise that humans, especially female humans, often say one thing while meaning another, does not require hundreds pages of case studies to prove. I found myself groaning, and even skimming at times.
There were a few belly

laughs that make it worth the slog, though.

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LibraryThing member Meggo

Replete with examples, the author helps to identify common patterns in communication between mothers and daughters, the patterns that cause oh so much friction in daily communication. Those hot button topics? They're in here - weight, hair, clothes. Those conversations that start off bad and

escalate - predictably - into an argument? They're in here too. It's difficult to read this book without seeing it through the veil of my own interactions with my mother, however the book also makes me appreciate my mother even more. It also gives me tools to defuse those hot button conversations, should I be so rational as to use them. Well worth reading if you're a daughter or a mother, or even if you're simply caught in the crossfire.

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LibraryThing member kaelirenee

Is there any relationship as volitile, emotionally charged, and important as the mother/daughter relationship? Tannen explores how the interactions between mother and daughter is different than other female interactions (or male female interactions, which she has covered previously).
My mother and I

(thankfully) are not as bad as most of the examples in this book, but it still helps me understand how what I say can be interpreted incorrectly, even by the woman who knows me best.
This would also be a good book for fathers to read, to help them understand the strange relationship his wife and daughter have.

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LibraryThing member BookAngel_a

This book was interesting, even fascinating.
I love reading about why people think and act the way they do, and Tannen has made some amazing discoveries about why mothers and daughters interact the way they do. She also has some helpful suggestions. I enjoyed this book and I learned some things as

well.

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LibraryThing member bakersfieldbarbara

I found this book enlightening as to what goes on between my own daughter and myself and how misunderstandings arise in conversations. We all tend to listen and speak according to our own realities, and this book, written by the linguist Deborah Tannen offers understanding as to our behaviors. Man

examples are given, from hundreds of interviews done by Ms.Tannen in the course of her teaching students about conversations and from many people that she encountered in various ways. Ms. Tanner also tells of her reactions to her mother and her interpretation of conversations, and explains how females tend to lean toward the father, at times shutting out the mother without knowing about it or meaning to do so. This book would be an excellent to give to any family member, mother, daughter or friend, as it opens up ways to communicate and understand each other in a more loving way. None of us wake up each morning to hurt a mother or a daughter, but along the way, a spoken word can be taken the wrong way, and without information found in this book, a relationship can become estranged rather than closer as the individuals age. What one individual says in a comment can be taken the wrong way by the other, and only the mother-daughter relationship comes with such powerful ammunition to blast the relationship wide open. Good reading, and a great gift for any female that you care about.

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