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"How often do you tell yourself to just "let it go" when you want to do anything but? Do you say "it's fine" when, really, it's not at all fine? When people do things that hurt you, do you speak up--or do you worry that saying anything will just make everyone uncomfortable? Do you feel resentful, depleted, or overwhelmed? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to establish some boundaries. Melissa Urban knows firsthand that boundaries-a few carefully selected words, spoken with kindness and from a place of self-care-are all that stand between you and feelings of ease and freedom. Since launching the mega-bestselling wellness program the Whole30, Urban has taught millions of people how to establish healthy habits and how to deal with pushback and peer pressure. Now, in The Book of Boundaries, she shows how establishing boundaries is the key to better mental health and self-confidence, improved productivity, greater energy, and more fulfilling relationships. In her no-holds-barred and still empathetic style, Melissa Urban offers: 130+ scripts with language you can implement today to instantly establish boundaries with supervisors and colleagues, family members and children, friends and lovers-and yourself actionable advice to help you communicate clearly and with compassion ways to read the signals that someone's about to push your boundaries tips to help enforce your limits around food, drink, tech, and more"--… (more)
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I sometimes wonder why parents don't make more of an effort to teach their children to stand up for themselves, recognize rhetorical cliches, set boundaries, and stand up to anger or temper tantrums, then I realized its probably because then they couldn't use those techniques on their children.
Melissa Urban gives a number of scripts for a variety of situations, I read through the ones that seem best suited for me at my age. She starts with an autobiographical section about how she learned the very hard way that boundaries are good and useful, but they should be tell people what you will and will not do, not what they should do. A boundary tells someone, for example, that you don't allow smoking in your house, but doesn't try to tell them that they can't smoke at all. She points out that boundaries aren't mean; in practice, I've found that the people who object to your boundaries often have a lot of their own, and will try to tell you that you are being mean, though, but you are as entitled as anyone else.
I think that this could be particularly helpful to young adults, or to people first learning to set boundaries. It gives the reader samples of things that they can say, and hopefully begin to adapt to a particular situation. She also advises people to start slowly and gently, and escalate protecting boundaries, and to try to phrase them in kind ways.